|>> || >>903396 |
idk man, acid usually makes me more... confused, for lack of a better word, than it makes me aware of reality. like, it might make me more aware of an aspect of reality, but usually it causes colors and lights to be so bright and oversaturated that it triggers seeing infinitely repeating fractal geometric patterns in my mind's eye spontaneously, and the mind's eye visuals tend to override my actual vision for a few seconds (or longer if I focus on it). So, essentially, I keep going through loops of seeing like, serpentine flowing fractal geometry receding infinitely in a sea of serpentine fractal geometry (that makes other indescribable and complex/impossible shapes comprised of chunks or "waves" that make up the entire sea of patterned geometry), which also seems to coincide with random cycling loops of thought that make it almost impossible to actually track what's happening in my reality. This doesn't really lessen at all until about 2 or 3 hours after the peak.
Dissociatives tend to give me what I'd call supreme awareness of reality much more than psychedelics do. If I take a large dose of a dis with a psy (whether moderate or strong dose of psychedelic), I also experience this effect. It's worth noting that I've got a very large permatolerance to dissociatives in general, so I don't ever experience the more psychedelic and magical effects that dissociatives tend to cause (which includes the confusion and inability to comprehend things that are going on). Especially when combined with a psychedelic, dissociatives give me enough dissociation to aid in ego loss (ego death as well, but in this particular instance I'm not talking about a full loss of ego). I get it to just the right degree to dissociate from my perception of myself as a human being or as anything other than a conscious observer of reality. Even when I am not capable of actually thinking using language because of how hard I might be tripping, I am still hyper aware as a mere observer of my reality.
I suppose the best way of putting it, actually, is that it makes me supremely lucid in the sense that I silently and passively observe what is happening to me... even if I am also engaged in doing or thinking about something. It's as though I am capable of choosing whether I am the one present and controlling my body, thoughts, and actions, or I let some other "me" move, say, think, and do things while I am simply present watching it happen. I'm already aware that the me that "feels" and perceives things is different than the me that reacts to those things by acting and by changing what emotions I choose to feel in response to it, but it's I separate for a third time and simply watch the other two... and watch me, the watcher, myself. I can do this all anyway, for the most part, but it's much more profound on dissociatives. If I've taken a psychedelic in combination with a dis, then the psychedelic allows me to experience being all 3 "me's" simultaneously as a sort of superconscious/hyperconscious entity.