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420chan is Getting Overhauled - Changelog/Bug Report/Request Thread (Updated April 10)
Defeating a Dragon: An unexpectedly powerful trip Ignore Report Reply
Jarvis Bizzlestock - Mon, 08 Apr 2019 13:27:19 EST ID:teh2MaSV No.894726
File: 1554744439543.jpg -(79946B / 78.07KB, 400x284) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. 79946
On Thursday night I was under the mistaken belief that my buddy and I were going to take LSD together at a mutual friends house. That was my misunderstanding, as he had an early day the following morning and could not partake that night because of it. We all chilled til about 1 watching The Two Towers, then we all went home.

A little backstory: The last time I did LSD (minus a couple micro doses) was a very bad time. Was egged on by a bad friend to take way more than I was comfortable with, in an environment that was uncomfortable, with no trip sitter, in a house full of people who were not supposed to know. That trip properly fucked me up, I felt nothing for two months and it took better than two years for me to feel any degree of right again. This event augmented the depression and anxiety I have always dealt with to life crippling levels. I’d get panic attacks when sufficiently reminded of that trip.


With that context understood, let me continue.


I get home around two and decide to take half the tab. Thirty minutes later I decide to take the whole tab. Thirty minutes after that I find myself sitting on the floor, realizing that this acid was very strong and I would soon likely experience ego death. Not having a trip sitter I decided it would be best for me to just go to bed and lay down for the duration of the trip. I end up in the bathroom for awhile, which was rather unpleasant as it was super dirty and gross. I had a vision of skin cells, hair, dirt, piss and grim collected around a radiator in some form of creeping lifeform.

I believe shortly after this I did finally make my way into bed just before I started peaking. I closed my eyes, willed my body to be completely still, and just let it ride. The experience that followed is hard for me to describe in words....


I opened my eyes time to time to see a painting I had made while tripping on shrooms, illuminated by the bathroom light. That image burned into my mind, but inverted: The white canvas turned into a kaleidoscope of color whereas the colored bits turned into void. I perceived that void to be the edge of time, the burning edge of creation upon which every second of time is forged. There was nothing beyond it.

Turning this phase of the trip I had strange secondary hallucinations, visual and audio. Key among them was in meme format oddly enough, pointing out the pointlessness of trying to understand what was going on and encouraging a sort of nihilistic acceptance of it. I think that’s an actual meme that I have seen before, which made it pretty comforting in a way.

I also directly heard the phrase: There is Nothing in the paper.

That was accompanied by thoughts that LSD isn’t a drug, but a truth so profound and powerful that merely looking upon created these visions and hallucinations. I felt an urge, outside of myself, to sell LSD...followed by the notion that nothing matters and no one is truly good or honest...that we are all just animals trying to survive in selfish comfort. The nothing I was experiencing at the time was frightening, it was howling silence.


But I rejected that mindset.

Upon rejection of that mindset I felt myself transported to another time and place. I perceived myself as a child’s stick figure drawling on a grey sheet of paper. I lost all sense of self here, I knew not myself nor any other in this place...But I felt something, many somethings. I felt the presence of something terribly powerful, which I still perceived to be that howling silence of the void...yet this time it was not alone, nor-unchallenged. Something else was there, powerful in its own right...and it silenced that howl of the void while it was there.

It took me ages to figure out what it was, but when I did it was no surprise...

The howl of silence could only be truly silenced by one thing

Love.


The love of others, the love you give to others, the love you give to yourself.



The peaked ended shortly after that, but I was still tripping for a long awhile after that. I felt every second passing with terrible slowness, and I felt raw from the totality of the experience. When I eventually started to come down I couldn’t let myself relax. I became disgusted with how and who I have been since that terrible trip years ago, who I let myself become as depression and anxiety are away at me. I couldn’t just relax, I had to work. I cleaned the house, I cleaned the restroom, did my room mates laundry, and a lot of other things I had been putting off.


I had been in a tiff with my parents recently over some life issues, but those suddenly felt overwhelming pointless in the face of my experience that night. I texted them both my love...thinking somethings was probably up my mother called me (fortunately when I was sober enough to hold a conversation) . It was not a long conversation, we talked about our plans for the night and a few things going on with the family. It was so good to hear my mothers voice after that kind of experience, but more than that I noted a real change in my depression and anxiety...


When she said she loved me, for the first time in years since the depression had gotten so bad, I actually truly felt that love. I wept uncontrollably for a bit after that, both in happiness and shame in how I’ve been the last few years. I feel happy, actually happy, for the first time in years. My anxiety is still there, but it’s become much more manageable.



I feel like I defeated a dragon. I feel exalted and powerful in a way I have never felt.



Pic relevant: It kept me going a few hard parts
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Fucking Drecklefield - Mon, 08 Apr 2019 14:23:52 EST ID:jl4B8s9v No.894729 Ignore Report Reply
jolly african-american no one is going to read all this shit especially with the format nb
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Tripping sacks - Mon, 08 Apr 2019 22:05:23 EST ID:rx95ofNp No.894739 Ignore Report Reply
>>894729
Im tripping and feel the same way thanks for the laugh.
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Matilda Fanhall - Mon, 08 Apr 2019 22:17:52 EST ID:cvBizpdI No.894741 Ignore Report Reply
Jive journaling, Jarvis

The light is carcinogenic. see you in the void
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Polly Dudgefield - Tue, 09 Apr 2019 01:30:13 EST ID:TvlnI1IK No.894746 Ignore Report Reply
>>894729
I did
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