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#qq on IRC

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!GD3wBpep0Y - Sun, 13 Aug 2017 12:14:49 EST d5kHsYag No.518069
File: 1502640889138.jpg -(66697B / 65.13KB, 500x383) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. #qq on IRC
Hi folks,

If you're looking to talk to someone immediately about any problems you have in your life and have nobody close to you, come and speak to us!

Join us on IRC on #qq. Most of us have different time zones but if you stay there, one of us will be there.

Don't be afraid to speak up.
599 posts and 127 images omitted. Click View Thread to read.
>>
Nigel Girringstig - Tue, 14 Jun 2022 02:58:47 EST DMPOlzSV No.542958 Reply
1655189927106.jpg -(197893B / 193.25KB, 1096x451) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
Then again,
>"You're still yapping, aren't you? That tells me you're fine."
User is currently banned from all boards
>>
James Sabbledet - Tue, 21 Jun 2022 20:48:24 EST DMPOlzSV No.543002 Reply
1655858904424.png -(149785B / 146.27KB, 853x291) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
>>542919
>Ubi cáritas et amor, Deus ibi est.
>"Where charity and love are, there God is."
I have been incrediby selfish. Not even mecenary; I'm too lazy for that.

How do I git gud and be better
User is currently banned from all boards
>>
Martha Penningfick - Tue, 21 Jun 2022 23:36:07 EST MfB/JhQ8 No.543008 Reply
Out of curiosity, I quickly took a look back in this thread to see what the atmosphere was like pre and post 2020. It's fascinating to see this abrupt change take place and what people's problems were like before and after. Interestingly, the first search result for covid is exactly half way into the thread, yet out of nearly 600 posts it is only mentioned 6 times by name. You can definitely tell what is happening in people's lives even if they don't mention it though.

Parent Drama

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- Mon, 16 May 2022 21:07:29 EST g0L7pTWH No.542825
File: 1652749649469.png -(288807B / 282.04KB, 889x592) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Parent Drama
It's not like I don't get along with my parents, it's just they literally have this totally false idea of who I really am. Being around them depresses me so much, and I feel like whenever they're in my life, it always puts a huge strain financially, emotionally, and who I am as a person. I care, and I hate that I care about them. I then forget that I hate being around them, and try to reconnect, and the same pain happens.

Bla bla bla, IDK, not looking for consolation, I just need better relationships. Thanks for listening. Not to mention my room-mates are kind of living human garbage, but maybe it's me, maybe I'm the living human garbage.
6 posts omitted. Click View Thread to read.
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James Shittingfoot - Thu, 23 Jun 2022 13:58:32 EST zKmfI809 No.543044 Reply
>>542967
Is this bait?
User is currently banned from all boards
>>
Edwin Podgemeck - Sat, 02 Jul 2022 14:30:28 EST Nw5FQLpa No.543139 Reply
how much time do you spend with them when you try to reconnect? Is it possible that you could get on really well with your parents in small doses? E.g. have a meal with them once a month and then go home, or phone them for 5 minutes a day instead of an hour all together once a month? Something like that?

Gf is BPD, already leaved her and came back but want to leave again

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- Fri, 01 Jul 2022 10:00:10 EST IQSUWGTh No.543134
File: 1656684010402.png -(303319B / 296.21KB, 1280x891) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Gf is BPD, already leaved her and came back but want to leave again
As tittle says, ive been 4 years with my current gf, shes bpd, either the sweetest and happiest person in the world or the cruelest, after 4 years and lot of teraphy and medication i couldnt bear it anymore and leaved her.

I missed her so much + she was finally given discharge off medication and supposedly was "better"
so i came back, around 3 months ago
she is a little better, but had her alterations which i cant bear, and i already told her that i do love her but if it keeps happening ill leave bcs i cant and wont bear it.

So yesterday my mom came to visit (i see her maybe 3 or 4 times per year) and we were together speaking and everything was okay.

until my gf raised her voice and yelled at me for some pen that didnt work, i ws surprised and angry, and she totally ruined the only day im gonna see my mom.

I dont talk to her since yesterday, today i was talking to my mom and she noticed.

And im thinking of leaving, because this deeply hurt me.

what should i do?
>>
Cyril Widgepid - Fri, 01 Jul 2022 11:57:30 EST QHfk+rFt No.543135 Reply
If you left her for those reasons and she hasn't changed then don't be around it.
>>
Edward Memmerkotch - Fri, 01 Jul 2022 13:54:47 EST kPQnvM3Z No.543136 Reply
If she hurts you and you can safely get out, it's ok to get out. You can like someone a lot most of the time and it still just doesn't work.
>>
Edwin Podgemeck - Sat, 02 Jul 2022 13:35:16 EST Nw5FQLpa No.543137 Reply
>>543134
try not to give someone with BPD an ultimatum if you can avoid it because most of their stuff comes out of a fear of abandonment so if you say "if you don't ____ I will have to leave" all they hear is "I will abandon you" and then they get worse

I don't know what you should do, OP. If she never changes, if you are 80 years old and she is still screaming at you, could you bear that? would it be worth it?

What to say

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- Thu, 30 Jun 2022 23:01:38 EST w46n542H No.543131
File: 1656644498264.jpg -(28851B / 28.17KB, 1023x606) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. What to say
How do you tell some ones parents you are very sorry you accidentally killed their daughter, and you will forever be stricken with guilt?
>>
Angus Bruzzlefatch - Fri, 01 Jul 2022 00:56:13 EST MfB/JhQ8 No.543132 Reply
>>543131
What do they stand to benefit from you telling them this? If the answer is nothing, then try to realize that there is also nothing to gain from selfishly burdening a pair of grieving parents with your own guilt. I guarantee that they will be unable to alleviate it. However, since they are parents, they too will see you as a child just like their own, and that destroyed, guilty look on your face as you admit whatever crime it is that you're guilty of will cause them to reflect on all the times their child gave them the same look, and this will force them to experience twice the suffering they deserve. Knowing this, you would have to be a sociopath to go through with it. If you're cruel enough to do this to them, then you don't deserve to be forgiven.
>>
Cyril Widgepid - Fri, 01 Jul 2022 06:01:00 EST QHfk+rFt No.543133 Reply
>>543131
Ask your lawyer about communicating through her lawyer and they'll help you decide what to say.
>>
Edwin Podgemeck - Sat, 02 Jul 2022 13:37:40 EST Nw5FQLpa No.543138 Reply
>>543131

well of course you'll be stricken with guilt forever, why wouldn't you be? if they want something from you, an apology or something, they'll let you know. I think asking a lawyer is a great idea

Acceptance

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- Thu, 23 Jun 2022 16:17:42 EST wUgXS9Gs No.543047
File: 1656015462087.jpg -(67670B / 66.08KB, 1170x1081) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Acceptance
30 years old. Have basically had a sisyphean life. Have tried and even succeeded at many different job/careers, relationships, friendships and every time it always ends up eventually blowing up in my face or falling apart. I don't feel suicidal at all. In fact i'm still terrified of suicide from my strict Catholic upbringing (i'm agnostic now). But i'm at a point where i wonder if the best course of action is to stop forcing myself into things that will just inevitably fail and try a completely different approach to life. When i describe it to one of my very few friends they sound concerned because it comes off to them as "giving up". But i really just want to find a way to live alone and independent and stop worrying about not ever "making it" in life. I guess that sounds really sad when i type it out but to me it seems like the only realistic option where i can be somewhat happy occasionally. If i just throw myself back into the corporate shark world and the hyper competitive dating scene i know by now what misery and horridness awaits. But letting go of all that and maybe just traveling sometimes and living for myself, that could be the best option. Sorry for the rambling just needed to get some outside advice since as i mentioned i barley talk to anyone these days.
18 posts and 1 images omitted. Click View Thread to read.
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Sophie Pingershit - Thu, 30 Jun 2022 07:55:24 EST Nw5FQLpa No.543126 Reply
>>543124

> If you're looking to make friends wihh neurotypical people you're going to get whatever flavor of "society" is popular.

... well yeah if you're hanging out with people between the ages of 8 and maybe 23 because they're all trying out different things that they are presented with in order to figure out who they are and what they like, if you make friends with actual adults that doesn't apply at all
>>
Emma Wonkinfore - Thu, 30 Jun 2022 12:19:24 EST QHfk+rFt No.543127 Reply
>>543126
>if you make friends with actual adults that doesn't apply at all
Haha
>>
Edward Wackledit - Thu, 30 Jun 2022 20:30:29 EST SUWwWcG6 No.543130 Reply
>>543124
Yeah man, I'm definitely there, learning to accept people, but I mean I do have an agenda. I like being a change agent, not gonna lie. Like being a physical person, yet I'm all theory and no praxis.

Anger

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- Sat, 18 Jun 2022 18:46:27 EST 5rqO9Skc No.542975
File: 1655592387600.jpg -(62187B / 60.73KB, 500x502) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Anger
I feel lost. I'm not happy with myself after a recent outburst.

I allowed myself to just lash out basically. I ran my mouth. Made a scene. My best attempts to understand it don't really make much sense. I musta just blurred into a rage over fuck all really. Made a fool of myself. My aggression is a bit overkill though. Think nerd rage. Something embarassing. Then make it dangerous by tossing in a background of long term bodybuilding and teenage years filled with domestic abuse, alcoholic parents, bullying at several schools blablabla. I'm scared. The consequences of my behaviour made my girlfriend cry and feel insecure about stuff that she should feel safe about. Her trust in me is kinda screwed.

People have said my anger can be quite difficult. I had my first big rage at 17 when I tossed tables, bottles and attacked people. By 18 I would start shouting and simply not stop. By 19 I was told to calm down at hardcore shows and stuff cause I was getting into fights and not realising it. Then I had my first psychosis and calmed the fucked down. What's fucked is that 99% of the time I was a fairly chilled out guy.

Over the years I didn't have many incidents but the ones that did happen were pretty sharp, fast and heated. Popping over fairly small things that even symbolically didn't mean much. It was really just the overall direction of my emotions at the time.

I don't really know what to do. I'm 29. My family home and school experiences really predisposed me to aggressive and hostile responses. My mental health isn't great either as a Bipolar.

I want to show that I'll be at least trying to do something about this. For n ow I've just been staying stoned am2pm in the hope it kinda soothes that angry dog in me. But long term I can't really think of much beyond a therapist.

However I'd love to hear anything remotely relevant. There must be people here who have done whatever "The Work" is and can at least point me in the right direction to do my own.
45 posts and 1 images omitted. Click View Thread to read.
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OP - Tue, 28 Jun 2022 14:40:54 EST 5rqO9Skc No.543117 Reply
1656441654744.jpg -(471402B / 460.35KB, 1600x900) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
this thread went a bit crazy

my only update is i have booked an appointment with a therapist online for a consultation

thanks
>>
Sidney Winningwill - Wed, 29 Jun 2022 17:19:49 EST AlNuAaWO No.543125 Reply
Try constructive anger.

Incredibly low self worth

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- Sat, 14 May 2022 13:45:58 EST zHLfKhAl No.542803
File: 1652550358688.png -(343643B / 335.59KB, 1000x1000) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Incredibly low self worth
I have very little to no self worth and have been like this for a very very long time now. Over the past week I seemed to have an epiphany though as to why I am just as fucked up as I am though so let me explain.

I am a 27 year old trans woman who through a mixture of childhood sexual trauma and having a feminist mother who repeatedly told me that would never happen to a little boy has left me a little bit fucked in the head about my sexuality. For awhile now I have had the habit of sleeping around with guys for no real reason other than I feel my only worth is as a sex object.

This escalated recently when one of my hookups went sour and was raped which really sucks. Now I can't sleep around anymore because I am too damaged to have sex with anybody currently. I explained what happened to me to the cis women in my life hoping they would empathize with me and was met with very little support. It was either "I have been raped more than you" or "You can't get pregnant anyway". That's where it actually hit me. I can't get pregnant so there is no actual reason for anyone to empathize with me because me being raped doesn't do any harm to society at large.

Now atleast the women I am friends with online are more supportive and they have been a huge help but it feels like my self worth has been irreparably damaged at this point. In my head I believe that since I cannot get pregnant then my only use to someone is as a sex object. There is no reason for a guy to actually love me because of this, it would be a waste of their time. Not even going to go into how many guys I have dated who have actually dumped or ghosted me to replace me with a cis woman either.

Is there any way out of this hole of self loathing? I feel like I have dug myself a really big hole that I cannot escape from.
13 posts and 3 images omitted. Click View Thread to read.
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Fuck Bredgenere - Tue, 28 Jun 2022 14:38:48 EST 5rqO9Skc No.543115 Reply
>>543114

It's not the body I'm concerned about amigo - it's the mind.

Not everyone is built for the Alan Watts esq experiences.

I'm bipolar, your advice would lead me to psychosis. Cynics would say that just means I've got some inferior psyche/spirit or whatever but I'm telling you i'm not that fucking stupid or fucked up.

Some people's brains are rigged to go mad. I have to stay away from closed eye meditation for this reason too.

getting out of the rat race

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- Sat, 18 Jun 2022 03:00:28 EST vv8riE2J No.542972
File: 1655535628799.jpg -(46577B / 45.49KB, 978x1417) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. getting out of the rat race
im a retard but i was thinking, i live in cali, and everything here is retardedly expensive, so i should just get as high of a paying job i can here, and then save up as much as i can (since i live with my parents, it should be easy), then just move to a state with a very low-cost of living where i can get a house for like 200k or maybe less, then i can just kinda coast through the rest of my miserable existence
does that sound like a good 5 year plan?
6 posts omitted. Click View Thread to read.
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Eliza Webblewill - Sat, 25 Jun 2022 07:34:42 EST zKmfI809 No.543077 Reply
>>543076
I can't stand machines of any kind, and have no interest in website design, but programming my own foot porn scrapping, girl stalking and other whacky bots has been a blast. And I had no interest in programming before a year ago.
Put in a few hours of your own time making your own things, and if you see potential in it being entertaining then you can start getting somewhere. And whatever you do avoid textbooks and their candy ass exercises.
Willpower is for retards.
User is currently banned from all boards

should i stay or should i go

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- Thu, 23 Jun 2022 15:06:17 EST L3FBDn4b No.543046
File: 1656011177754.png -(5833B / 5.70KB, 572x217) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. should i stay or should i go
tldr; stay with gf of 1.5 years and probably get married and have kids, or explore sexual urges to be with other genders/people (gay/bi) and possibly alienate most anyone close to me in my life (eg, sort of start life anew).

Thought about putting this in sexuality discussion but wasn't sure.
I'm posting this because i need to get it off my chest. Sorry for the shitty writing style. I'm a male, mid 30s, have a GF of 2 years. She loves me a lot. We will likely eventually marry and have kids. There aren't too many things about her that i dislike. If anything i just wish she had more self esteem and confidence. She's very codependent. We're together like all the time, it can be a lot.

1st part - sex. The actual sex is good. she lacks confidence though which can make things awkward. also just seems awkward uncomfortable about sex in general. Overall things aren't bad but they could be better, more open or relaxed. we usually only have sex maybe once a week. I still watch a lot of porn on my phone. She is attractive but i find myself checking out other girls in public still.

2nd part - I like things in my butt. I started experimenting at a very young age. By my early 20's i wasn't sure if i was gay or straight or what. and I'm still not sure, why im here. I miss the butt stuff. used to have toys but have thrown them all out.

I had one previous gf who i experimented with toys with, using them on each other. eventually that relationship faded away. then another girl more recent where we almost started to try pegging and other stuff, but i started seeing current gf instead. kinda wish i had gotten to try it.

As i mentioned above i watch porn, different kinds. Despite me trying to quit watching it, i always end up back on it. I'm not sure where i fall sexually. I don't find myself attracted to the large majority of men, but i love dicks. i like femboys, trans girls, anything feminine, and, rarely, guys who are extremely fit and have low amounts of body hair. i guess if I'm watching gay and trans porn, it's a safe bet i'm at least bisexual. But, I've never done anything romantic or sexual with a man. i have no experience there. and most of the time after having masturbated to these types of porn i have a strong sense of regret. a strong feeling of 'post nut clarity'. i still watch straight porn occasionally but usually gravitate towards the other stuff. But, I still feel like i need to truly experience life fully, and at least try these things to see if i like them (sex with men, pegging, etc). maybe i dont 'need' to but i feel like it would be pleasurable. hedonistic maybe. BUT i can't do that if i continue with gf. And if I do try to pursue these things, I don't think many of my friends would stick around. I dont think i have many friends who would stay if they found out i was openly gay or bi. maybe 1 or 2.

I very often have these daydream sexual fantasies where i drop everything in my life and move across the country and just do what i want and start experimenting. I think that maybe by having these experiences it will break down the walls in my mind and i might find more pleasure/happiness than before. Or i'll learn that its truly not for me. Im not sure. i dont have an overwhelmingly strong desire towards men. and I definitely still find women very attractive.

Lastly, there's a fear in me that i will end up being a shit parent like mine were, if i stay with gf and have kids. I feel like this is very likely because i find myself often acting out and seeing my parent's bad habits in myself. So maybe it's best if i just don't ever have kids.
theres no feasible way to break up with gf or go on a break and experiment, and then go back to her. It would never work. If i were to end things with her, it would be over for here. She would be done and too hurt to ever want to get back together.
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Fuck Bredgenere - Tue, 28 Jun 2022 09:19:07 EST 5rqO9Skc No.543112 Reply
1656422347623.jpg -(43805B / 42.78KB, 414x896) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
I feel vaguely able to resonate with your experiences, enough so to comment broadly.

First off friend, the grass is not always greener. The grass can be a totally fabricated, romanticized lie where maybe for those 10 idyllic seconds of the gucci advert, you "get to be that" but then reality sets in and you've thrown away something more valuable in the process of getting to that moment.

The one thing I feel pretty certain about is that you definitely cannot ignore this. You gotta communicate with that human being who has had the love, grace and beauty to put up with your cannon-fodder ass for 1.5 years. Even if it's not gonna have a future bro, you gotta go pay some love and respect to her and keep her feelings in mind throughout all of this. That means no sneaky getaways, no behind her backs, everything should be upfront and on the table with her. Show her your post or something man.

I think on a spectrum of outcomes the 2 extremes are too much. You should work on a middle road.

I went through a phase of thinking I might be trans, probably because of the trans board. Anyways, I started putting on nail polish and within a few weeks the "high" of my "new ways" had worn off and I was just feeling a little bit like.... nyeh, maybe this wasn't my size afterall. Same for when I sat and thought through the practical realities of going poly. Sounds fun at first, bet the highlight reel for the adverts will be cool - but then it just got downright complicated and i dropped out before the action kicked off.

My point being : look for a simpler, easier way to try and experiment with these feelings and talk to ya gf about buttstuff.
>>
Fuck Bredgenere - Tue, 28 Jun 2022 09:46:32 EST 5rqO9Skc No.543113 Reply
One other thing to mention is - insecurity.

Just remember how omnipresent that shit can be in your perspective. Insecurity isn't always healthy for the soul, it can burden. We are also overwhelmed with options and our phones can be like a pass to "freedom" or whatever given how apps could literally sort you out with a home and a girl in a day.
>>
Jenny Duckhall - Tue, 28 Jun 2022 17:22:25 EST Nw5FQLpa No.543120 Reply
are you asking

"Should I change my entire life because of sex or should I talk to my girlfriend about sex?"

...

.... the second one?


Unless you actually want to break up and sex is an excuse?

im fucking depressed yall

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- Sun, 03 Apr 2022 23:16:22 EST HKAAmqVh No.542543
File: 1649042182317.jpg -(278372B / 271.85KB, 1200x900) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. im fucking depressed yall
fuck
i think about killing myself like, most days
im working out regularly, being as social as i can, trying to get back into hobbies. but nothing fills the void.
everything seems either impossible or meaningless. i dunno why im like this.
User is currently banned from all boards 39 posts and 2 images omitted. Click View Thread to read.
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Molly Nuddlewell - Fri, 10 Jun 2022 20:24:18 EST h04rbCG4 No.542942 Reply
OP here, I’m doing much much better now. I went back on antidepressants and it helped a lot, doing all the other good mental health lifestyle things. I still occasionally think about killing myself but it’s like, once a month now instead of every day.
>>
John Medgewater - Sat, 11 Jun 2022 06:00:14 EST xHmZXVjV No.542943 Reply
>>542942
We get good at what we practice, and the more you stay on this path, the less you'll think about going off it.
>>
Phoebe Clullerfield - Sun, 26 Jun 2022 15:59:00 EST dT9flf4/ No.543101 Reply
1656273540037.jpg -(3052598B / 2.91MB, 4032x3024) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
>>542942

That’s good to hear anon. It’s okay to take anti depressants if things are that bad. Some of us are born with shitty brains. My mom takes anti depressants and she’s the best human being I’ve ever met. Hope you stay well and don’t put off seeking help in the future if you need it.

PTSD fucking up my dreams

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- Wed, 15 Jun 2022 11:42:28 EST kPQnvM3Z No.542960
File: 1655307748815.jpg -(244203B / 238.48KB, 1013x620) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. PTSD fucking up my dreams
I cannot sleep. Or more accurately, I can only sleep about every couple of days, and it's messing with my mental health and my life. I keep having really fucked up nightmares because of a semi recent traumatic event and many less recent traumatic events. I see horrible shit and wake up screaming and then lie around depressed and/or anxious about it, every day. I try to just suck it up, but sucking it up is impossible while I actually sleep and the thing is happening, so every night is trying to walk myself off the exact same cliff and into a tailormade Silent Hill and most nights I can't fucking do it.

My doctor gave me various sleep meds but the problem isn't exactly falling asleep, it's me preventing myself from falling asleep, so the same issue applies to using the sleep meds as trying to sleep. I'm too anxious to knock myself out. He also gave me prazosin, which I believe is supposed to prevent PTSD nightmares, but it's not really doing anything. I'm trying to sleep in different locations, which helped when I was fresh out of a DV/rape situation and I couldn't deal with lying down in a bed, but that also appears to be not working. I guess this is a different kind of trauma, or maybe it's just worse. Right now the "solution" is to stay awake for a few days in a row, too afraid to sleep, until I pass out and have the inevitable nightmares, then wake up messed up about the thing I'm having nightmares about, rinse repeat.

Does anyone have any idea how to stop this cycle or change it for the better? I feel genuinely stuck. Maybe the only thing I can do at this point is accept that my brain's pretty broken right now and I don't know when it will heal.
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George Dartwell - Sun, 26 Jun 2022 08:42:16 EST zKmfI809 No.543087 Reply
>>543086
But he didn't
The cunt just said "go to therapy lol and fuck you".
User is currently banned from all boards
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Nigel Chenningworth - Mon, 27 Jun 2022 04:23:56 EST kPQnvM3Z No.543102 Reply
>>543019
Thank you. This made me feel better. Yes, I've had to do EMDR before and we tried it again. For a number of months we couldn't do it but I can stay focused long enough now. before I would think about it for too long and that would be the end of session gone. things are moving, it's just incredibly slow.

>>543034
I have a grief therapist and a regular therapist. They're working with me and also encouraged me to gather up as many possible solutions as I could in addition because we're just throwing spaghetti at this point. so asking here, asking the people I can talk to in my real life, asking my doctor, etc, is part of that.

Girl problem

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- Mon, 20 Jun 2022 01:43:05 EST E2WHZzsp No.542981
File: 3.jpg -(80085B / 78.21KB, 666x69) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Girl problem
>TL;DR - Through a combination of needing to move 2hrs away for 1.5 years and gaining some weight my gf essentially broke up with me but we still talk almost daily and hang out a lot. We don’t have sex or spend the night at each other’s houses leaving me sexually frustrated. Her mum does not like me because she blames me for the girl having a bad relationship with her when in reality that’s not the case. I’m worried we’re wasting our time because her expectations of me are very hard to maintain, possibly impossible, though getting very fit would cut me a lot of slack.

In 2016 I was 22 and had a opiate addiction ( started in 2014 due to self medication because I couldn’t hold down a job due to crippling anxiety) I was fired for failing a drug test but honestly I needed help. I stayed clean apart from prescribed Valium but soon enough the rose tinted glasses wore off and I was depressed and more anxious than ever (I couldn’t sit in a waiting room or go to a shopping centre without severe anxiety to where I’d often go back ando sit in the car while mum did the family shopping herself). So I started using heroin again but had leaned a little trick that asking as I bought 8mg of suboxone as well I wouldn’t withdraw. So this goes on, I’m now on the dole getting decent money since I had no bills essentially plus I got a tax return of a couple grand so I had plenty of money to support my habit. I started using tinder out of boredom when I felt social enough, I had no intention of hooking up but I had fun chatting to cute chicks and got close to a couple but was too pussy to ask them out. So here I was living this hedonistic, nihilistic life but at least I got lucky with my level of physical attraction so I had a decent chance to find a gf, if I really wanted to. Eventually I found a 19yo match on tinder that I got along well with even if her profile pics made her look as if she was trying to hide a fat body with camera angles. Anyway we went on a date and it went well, she seemed wild though in a female on the spectrum way. We kept dating and had sex on the 3rd date. I told her about my struggles with addiction but never told her that I was using around her. It helped a lot in the bedroom though especially when I did a speedballl and I opened up about the 2 kinks I have which she totally embraced once she let me try things and they felt good to her (just playing with her butt and feet, nothing out there these days). Anyway it took a very long time for me to take our relationship seriously, we WAS legitimately mentally ill in a bad way where she’s say that she heard a voice called ‘Jack’ who was mean, she’d go into weird waking dreams where she’d see spiders or believed a demon was somewhere in the house. She was also violent at times and arguments escalated easily and quickly. She’s 95% better now from what I can tell, she still gets angry very easily if something I would consider minor happens eg. I ask her about something she’s already told me or we have a difference of opinion or [insert topic here.] sometimes enough for her to want to go home.

Anyway so we were going pretty steady and spending all our time together for 2 years, she started doing drugs with me but never had the mental addiction apart from weed until she embarrassed herself by getting lost on a hike she insisted we go on even though the sun was setting but I feel like she was pretending because we walked that path many times before and we’re like 2mins from the car which I was blasting the horn in. Then her mum wanted to sell her house and I helped a bunch to get it ready but her mum was at work those days and so my gf and her mum rekindled thier relationship getting the house ready for sale and because I wasn’t there those days her mum probably thought I was the problem (even though that was definitely not the case, the gf was just finally forced to talk to her mum and found out that they actually got along, her mum also found drug paraphernalia because the gf is bad at cleaning up after her self in her room and I’m sure it got pinned on me even though gf said it was her ex bfs and it was just buried in between a bunch of other stuff.

I also wanna mention I treated her like a princess in that I cooked/cleaned/drove and bought her what little I could do it what was left after buying the drugs I shared with her.

Read the TLDR for some details ^ ^

So anyway I’ve cleaned up my act, got onto methadone, have a full time job that I love, have an apartment 15mins from her, have started exercising every day even if it’s just a 1 hour brisk walk, matured out of being nihilistic, trying to eat better (though I hate cooking for myself). I’m just doing a lot better in general but she won’t move in even though she said she would last year, I still treat her like a gf though she has a job now so pays for things too. She fluctuates in weight a lot but never looks unattractive to me. I buy her gifts, clean her room the odd time I can come over since her mums away, am trying to get her set up for some streaming she wants to try out. But in the end it doesn’t matter because I’m a bit overweight, I mean I’ve noticed I don’t get the same amount of attention I did 6 years ago but I’m not hideous… idk if I’m wasting my time and even if I self improve I’ll just be out of her league and feel like breaking up with her if she is still psycho but hiding it well.
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James Shittingfoot - Thu, 23 Jun 2022 09:29:59 EST zKmfI809 No.543039 Reply
>>543038
>the only thing in your life you can control is yourself
You can only control your immediate environment, not how it affects your shell.
User is currently banned from all boards
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Nathaniel Dezzlepune - Thu, 23 Jun 2022 09:55:30 EST JPOU1DLM No.543040 Reply
>>543039
Thinking that the causes of all your problems are external is what's keeping you behind everyone else.
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James Shittingfoot - Thu, 23 Jun 2022 10:09:55 EST zKmfI809 No.543041 Reply
>>543040
If your theory is true then stop eating and drinking for the next 30 days.
Post results.
User is currently banned from all boards

I have no life and I can't make myself do anything

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- Thu, 09 Jun 2022 11:30:25 EST LQ4VvGPH No.542938
File: 1654788625198.jpg -(145258B / 141.85KB, 884x873) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. I have no life and I can't make myself do anything
All I do all day is look at stuff on the computer. I want to live a normal fulfilling lifestyle, but no amount of setting goals gets me any closer to achieving them because I am unable to make myself do anything. I will literally sit there thinking about doing something I know I should be doing trying to get myself to do it, but then I don't. I don't know what to do. How do you even fix a complete lack of self control? Any advice I get over the years has been "do x thing" but then I can't make myself do the thing. Am I just gonna be like this forever?
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Nigel Chimmlewater - Wed, 15 Jun 2022 20:40:13 EST lretTaTP No.542962 Reply
You ever try smoking pot and jacking off?
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Barnaby Pockfield - Sat, 18 Jun 2022 09:38:37 EST SZqLjvMV No.542974 Reply
Sounds like depression. Used to be where you were and the medication helped me get over it.
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Hamilton Gunnerkin - Mon, 20 Jun 2022 21:45:55 EST E2WHZzsp No.542993 Reply
This is what I did. I selected a podcast I like or a YouTube video I can listen to (download brave browser on your phone for that) and started just going for walks. Start with 20mins, like a walk to a store and buy yourself a snack. Keep doing this daily or as close to daily as you can and start building up the walk time. Download Nike Run Club at this point to track your walks and give you stats to look back on and feel proud of.
Just doing that will just endorphins flowing and make it easier to do more things.

I’d suggest seeing a therapist or councillor for CBT training and also to practice talking to people.

I’m at this point.

My plan now is to hit the gym and try to find a nerdy hobby club that desperately needs members so I’m not intimidated to go and they will be so glad to see a new face. Maybe like a lab video game club or a card game, RC planes are kinda cool, hiking can be fun but make sure you’re fit first, or something like fishing or target shooting at a gun club.

I hate my job

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- Mon, 22 Nov 2021 18:18:58 EST WmWcDpYP No.541238
File: 1637623138559.jpg -(8367B / 8.17KB, 318x159) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. I hate my job
Posted about it before but I'm so fucking sick of this shit

Like on the surface level I just have a shitty environment where I don't feel valued or appreciated at all. This time last year my boss was going to give me more senior responsibilities and a pay raise to go with them because he liked the results I was putting up and what I was getting done. Then in January he got ousted and replaced with this useless fat bitch who is our CEO's toady, and she just sees me as another peon who needs to shut up and do what they're told. I've gotten a ton of flak for going out of my lane to get shit done because apparently I made a senior manager and partner look completely incompetent. Also my current boss seems to completely blow me off and ignore anything I send her unless I literally go into her office to ask her about it, because she's doing things an underling could be doing but our cheapass CEO doesn't want to hire additional people to do. But even shit like "fix my time card" gets ignored so I wind up working late to make up for the 20 fucking minutes it takes for me to clock in.

Deeper than that I hate what my company does. We're a collections firm, I work in the legal compliance department. I fucking hate our clients and there's a lot of doctors I would gladly strangle if given the chance for giving birthng women fentanyl and charging them over a grand for the process (realistically I just hate everyone in the medicine business and would go full pol pot on that money-grubbing industry if given the chance) and sending people bills for shitty heart monitors that don't produce satisfactory results and unpaid gas bills and a million other debts I wish I could just make all disappear.

But even deeper than that I just fucking hate working. I hate having a manager looking over my shoulder, I hate logging my time to meet productivity quotas, I hate this stupid fucking employee monitoring software that tracks my every keystroke and makes the company laptop chug like a fucking fat girl in a swimming pool when I boot it up, I hate the fact that my job feels like a fucking prison. The one thing I tacitly enjoy about the job is how easy it is to fleece the company for what has to be at least four figures after two years just through simple time theft and multiple 15 minute piss breaks (up to seven a day). I admit I have a shit work ethic because I hate working for other people who I don't think pay me enough. The company exists in my mind as a fat bundle of cash for me to loot and I don't give a single solitary fuck about anything else because I don't feel motivated to do so. And this leads to the problems in my home life as I keep butting heads with my parents and my boyfriend over this work ethic and my "fuck everyone else" mentality but quite frankly this company hasn't done shit for me to justify me doing shit for them.

I have no idea where I'm going with this because I just got home and I've had two and a half fingers of whiskey but I honestly hate my fucking job so goddamn much and I hate the fact that there's nowhere I can go as an alternative or anything that would actually make me feel happy or satisfied with my life while still being able to pay rent and maintain my living standard. I hate the fact that I have no power over my own life and I will continue to keep doing shit I hate forever until I either die or lose my shit and do something that lands me in actual prison forever because that is life under capitalism. And I hate the fact that I'm surrounded by people who tell me that this is my fault, that I have a bad mindset and I should just accept the shit that is being forced down my throat all the time as if there's no viable alternative (which there may not be in which case fuck it maybe I should punch my own ticket already) but whatever

I just miss lockdown because ironically enough I felt freer by virtue of not working and having some savings/family support to cover my rent. I was healthier, happier, and more personally fulfilled than I am now. This is not freedom, living in this stupid fucking box that is existence with the only alternative being a body without organs or oblivion

fuck
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Albert Wedgedock - Wed, 25 May 2022 19:44:55 EST C9FC9LLq No.542870 Reply
>>542855

And get back to work or I'll tell your boss you're shitposting on the internet again kiddo. Already got strikes against you

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