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Discord Now Fully Linked With 420chan IRC

#qq on IRC

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!GD3wBpep0Y - Sun, 13 Aug 2017 12:14:49 EST d5kHsYag No.518069
File: 1502640889138.jpg -(66697B / 65.13KB, 500x383) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. #qq on IRC
Hi folks,

If you're looking to talk to someone immediately about any problems you have in your life and have nobody close to you, come and speak to us!

Join us on IRC on #qq. Most of us have different time zones but if you stay there, one of us will be there.

Don't be afraid to speak up.
313 posts and 50 images omitted. Click View Thread to read.
Martin Crirringkurk - Wed, 11 Dec 2019 13:14:30 EST Lny7/LNo No.532733 Reply
1576088070860.png -(368347B / 359.71KB, 327x716) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
In other, less disturbing news I think I got ghosted by a clown girl. Don't ask, it's less funny than it sounds.
Priscilla Pittfield - Sun, 15 Dec 2019 18:47:39 EST JWWudQ3H No.532811 Reply
Lying on my bed alone in the dead of the night
Torturing myself with thoughts of her
Like a silent breeze of poisonous air, the sorrow comes

All those memories of better times fill my mind
How little I understood back in those days
Now, when all is gone, I see the value of everything that I have lost

Still, her eyes are haunting me when I try to sleep
In the silence of the night, I hear her voice
I know the day won't that I am done with this longing

A night like this, I wish I could find my way out of this world
No matter how hard I try to forget and clear my mind
Comment too long. Click here to view the full text.

I have the worst life in the world and am targeted and prosecuted and cursed by god

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- Mon, 16 Dec 2019 00:02:08 EST M+haGyn5 No.532816
File: 1576472528168.jpg -(175185B / 171.08KB, 688x1000) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. I have the worst life in the world and am targeted and prosecuted and cursed by god

I have the worst life fucking life in the world. No fucking question. Fucking NONE. NO QUESTION.

>born in a rural area
>see ANY fucking person online
>better life
>more money
>flying on planes
>happy family
>social life
>an instagram full of memories
>even talk to people from fucking third world country
>they all live in nicer houses than my shit parents
>they all have more money
>theyre all going to college
>they all have the newest iphone
>they all go on trips
>live in the tropics
>visit the ocean and beach
>have friends
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Cyril Bebbleworth - Mon, 16 Dec 2019 00:15:29 EST 1VcUBcZx No.532817 Reply
Why do black people like Naruto and Dragonball so much ruralfag?
Augustus Nugglemare - Mon, 16 Dec 2019 01:12:59 EST 7SxJRLAZ No.532818 Reply
they want to appear as weebs without actually being weebs? Idk


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- Thu, 12 Dec 2019 18:02:01 EST gyFW2X+x No.532773
File: 1576191721166.jpg -(17360B / 16.95KB, 229x185) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Cymbalta?
My doctor prescribed me Cymbalta almost a week ago and I've been dealing with a ton of nasty side effects. Anyone used Cymbalta before? Anyone know how long if these side effects disappear over time? I'm sleeping like 10-12 hrs a day because of this shit.

Pic unrelated
3 posts omitted. Click View Thread to read.
Basil Creblingfield - Fri, 13 Dec 2019 03:05:54 EST UuASd/Tk No.532780 Reply
I don't know dude. Feeling tired and stuff is expected and should go away after a week or two of being on the medication. I literally was only on it two days and had the eye bulging thing and called my doctor about it and he said to cease taking it immediately lol
John Blozzlehood - Fri, 13 Dec 2019 13:06:04 EST p6ACbc96 No.532789 Reply
That was me on effexor. It's not the right drug, man... It will get less but it won't go back to normal.
Polly Canderson - Sun, 15 Dec 2019 23:21:59 EST rmAGLofl No.532815 Reply
I'd been posting over there on benz but I'm sum up my experiences so far.

I went in to the doctors and shit and basically just said I was depressed and had been for about 12 years. So the doc says major depressive disorder, bipolar and social anxiety so here is some zoloft to fix you, side effects will make it tough but don't stop the medicine just stick with it and come back in a few weeks.

Basically it just gave me diarrhea and made me marginally more hungry, also made yawning feel really weird for a few weeks.

So I say it doesn't work, and I get welbutrin and abilify.

Welbutrin constipated the fuck out of me and made my vision all fucky and blurred in and out of focus. I stopped taking it because of the constipation. I also gained a good bit of weight.

Abilify made me work like I was coked out but kept me from sleeping for days on end. Also would give me a headache here and there. I stopped taking it because of how bad it was making my sleep. Again, none of these drugs helped the underlying symptom of depression.

Then I had a genetic test ran to see how my body metabolizes anti-depressants and anti-psychotics and shit. Well the doc says that basically, they've never seen someone with such a low metabolic compatibility and basically drugs are probably going to not work. So the doc gives me temazepam for the sleep, a couple newer drugs and all that jazz. Basically, the temazepam is a no go because I'll get addicted to that shit. The other two anti-depressants don't work but at least didn't have many side effects.

So fast forward to recently, I went in, talked to the doc a lot longer, was truthful about my past and got diagnosed with schizo-affective disorder, bipolar, and major depression. The doc suggests counseling, and puts me on zyprexa. So far zyprexa has done again nothing for depression or anything like that and just makes me sleep a ton and feel basically nothing. Counseling has done fuck all but it is really too early to draw a conclusion.

The doctor suggested that I go to inpatient treatment which I refused and then went on to suggest out patient which I waffled on by saying I'd have to check insurance. I'm pretty suicidal but I never say I am because I don't want to be baker acted. Every specialist or doctor or whatever that I see always harps on the same thing like getting friends and a social circle, going out and doing social shit, and getting a gf.

Overall getting pretty down on the whole pharmacology shit, even the doc said they are surprised that I've kept coming to treatment and that most patients give up if shit doesn't work with the first couple drugs. Doc mentioned a bit about disability but fuck, I'll probably off myself for real if my future is 600 dollars a month for eternity and sitting and rotting away at home all day everyday.

I forgot to mention, all these drugs make your dick broke as fuck, absolutely murders libido and fucks up your memory pretty bad. I often forget to masturbate which ends up with me feeling really lonely and longing for intimacy. I've never had oneitis before but I find myself susceptible to it if I don't rub one out for 4-5 days. It doesn't help that most of this shit fucks with your dreams and a dream where you feel at peace with someone you love can fuck with your head for a couple days. Along with the suicidal dreams and shit like that.

>Good luck OP, you're going to need it.

I had sex with my cousin and now she wants to fucking tell everyone

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- Wed, 13 Nov 2019 21:34:31 EST KDZsipM+ No.532371
File: 1573698871781.jpg -(39939B / 39.00KB, 750x500) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. I had sex with my cousin and now she wants to fucking tell everyone
Why can’t people keep secrets!? What the fuck is so hard about it? Especially when it’s mutually assured destruction, ESPECIALLY when it doesn’t even involve anyone else.

I’ve known her my entire life but we were never really very close. Like, of course I would have said I loved her like family, because of course she was, you know she would sleepover all the time with her brothers and we were very comfortable like you would expect family to be. But just never a one on one relationship as kids.

But so I wanted to move to London for this job I was stoked on getting and she lived there already (studying) and said I should move in with her since her roommate was leaving. It was just a normal arrangement and it sounded like a great idea, she’s only 2 years younger than me so I knew we’d get along and I knew she already had a lot of friends so I thought it was the perfect place to meet new people as well. Which, it all went incredibly well, just how we planned. I’ve lived here for like 8 months now and it’s been so much fun, and as it happens we have just been having a lot of fun together as well, and just naturally we’ve had the opportunity to talk a lot, we smoke a lot of weed together, watch Netflix pretty late, just generally vibing with each other and really getting along, sharing secrets and shit.

So it really just happened, I mean I was obviously aware of the fact that I wanted to fuck her from almost the first week. Like, the first weekend we got along really well and she looked really hot and I was basically like “for sure I’d fuck her”, but I just NEVER thought it would happen. But one night we got very drunk (it was supposed to be a pre-drinks for a big night that just fizzled) and it was just us, music was playing, we were on the verandah and just like sharing secrets and stuff and SHE said to me: “probably my biggest secret is that I’ve wanted to have sex with you for months now”… and from there (for the first time in my life by the way) I just took charge and went for it and it was pretty fucking amazing.

I’m not going to go into detail because this is actually a real problem and not a wankfic but, essentially, we fucked non-stop for like 2 weeks after this. I will admit completely it was a combination of the taboo element, the “new relationship” feeling, the fact that we’re both on holidays atm and living together so we have nothing else to do really, and I guess to be honest that element of being family really makes you comfortable with someone… but all that together and it’s been pretty obscene.. like really hot and I will wank to this for the rest of my life but also we have both decided that Yeah it’s just time to quit this cause it’s getting out of hand, and even agreed that I would move out to return us both to normal.

BUT NOW SHE WANTS TO TELL HER PARENTS. She said she’s feeling “crushing guilt” and has to get it off her chest. LIKE FUCKING WHY?? what’s to feel guilty about? Obviously we shouldn’t be doing it anymore but fuck what happened happened and it’s in the past and she feels like she needs to tell our family, like everyone is going to fucking find out. WHY DOES ANYONE NEED TO KNOW. we can just move on with our lives, lock it away, never speak of it ever again and in 6 months it’ll be vapour, it’ll be gone. Why the fuck do people have so much trouble just letting go of this shit?
47 posts and 2 images omitted. Click View Thread to read.
Shitting Guvingville - Sat, 14 Dec 2019 20:31:42 EST MHw4zt7g No.532802 Reply
name one (1) thing wrong with non-reproductive, consensual, casual of-age incest.
Simon Feddlemot - Sun, 15 Dec 2019 22:51:53 EST SaWKafFy No.532814 Reply
why do people get like this with their cousins I don't get it. I have a female cousin and she is objectively attractive to certain standards.. but she is a family member, she resembles my brother to some degree.. she looks like my fucking mom. It's just wrong in my mind, I would of course have enjoyable sex with any decently attractive person in existence.. but really don't think it could ever happen with a family member.

How to deal with moms cat?

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- Sun, 15 Dec 2019 15:01:21 EST UZC9gHak No.532810
File: 1576440081730.jpg -(35046B / 34.22KB, 385x385) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. How to deal with moms cat?
My mom has this moron dip shit cat. It does nothing. Fucking nothing. Except piss me off. Every fucking day it pukes and shits all over everything it can. Every corner of the house smells like cat piss because this moron runs around pissing on everything.

Fucking literally EVERY day it fucking shits all over the floor. Literally 2 inches from the litter box or just random spots.

I’m not saying tell me how to kill it but....
Ernest Punningfin - Sun, 15 Dec 2019 19:59:16 EST usOLm3en No.532813 Reply
Let’s be honest here, you’re not gonna do shit ruralfag.

Family trouble 2

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- Sun, 15 Dec 2019 14:53:31 EST mnYJEFyx No.532809
File: 1576439611540.jpg -(539334B / 526.69KB, 1080x1702) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Family trouble 2
So i posted this shit a number of months back. <<<

my mom was acting really wierd and mean and was aggressive and paranoid, i didnt know what the fuck was going on only she used to be depressed and was on anti depresants (SSRI's)

Since then its been a whole fucking saga
ill keep it short but it could fill a fucking novel

>inpatient mental ward in a foreign country
>held in a police holding cell and restrained
>warrant to stay away from home
>basically 3-4 months of hell for everyone in my close family

now i know much more and it is obvious that this was a severe manic episode
it included paranoia and blame towards close family relative, especially my father

now shes back home, much calmer - this was slow to change
weve stopped trying to talk to her about getting help because it was obviously not helping
infact we stopped talking about the whole thing....
she doesnt bring it up
so we dont
but now its fucking depressing in the house
she is escaping into her phone - she used to do this while depressed
obviously coming off the mania, but still not quite there - still very hateful towards my father sometimes and just not really 'there' it seems
although conversations are much better and she is nice when shes not buried in the phone

i dont know what to do, how to approach it
she needs to be able to get help but first she must admit theres a problem
very "anti - medication" in general so i dont see how anyone can convince her to start treating it,
this was her first manic episode ever (of this severity at least)
Comment too long. Click here to view the full text.

accepting human stupidity

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- Fri, 13 Dec 2019 15:33:17 EST MHw4zt7g No.532790
File: 1576269197231.jpg -(121224B / 118.38KB, 636x627) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. accepting human stupidity
every day i find myself getting incredibly annoyed/frustrated/pissed off about how stupid both myself and other humans are. whether it be our collective inability to deal with any sort of serious problem in an efficient way, or an individuals inability to grasp a basic concept, this shit seriously gets on my fucking nerves to the point where i want to start shouting at nothing.

anyone have any tips on learning to accept our retardation? thanks.

picture vaguely related.
Basil Gasslemot - Sun, 15 Dec 2019 10:27:10 EST Gb0+uHdz No.532807 Reply
>individuals inability to grasp a basic concept
>any tips on learning to accept our retardation?
the sheer irony lmao
Emma Pennerdadge - Sun, 15 Dec 2019 13:09:28 EST NmYXrgWM No.532808 Reply
1576433368787.jpg -(12978B / 12.67KB, 311x162) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

Just will not stop

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- Sat, 14 Dec 2019 06:47:23 EST XHgC+rDf No.532795
File: 1576324043924.png -(75490B / 73.72KB, 500x671) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Just will not stop
I broke up with my partner of 5 years about 3 months ago. Since then, I've been sent a huge pile of mail--cards, letters, packages, all treating the breakup as something I'll likely get over, using diminutives, and extremely affectionate. Multiple phone calls and messages, lots of messages on other media as well. Most recently was a drunken text daring me in a jovial tone to stay out of contact and stating that I'd be waited out. I set up blocks on pretty much everything I could and have not sent anything back.

Is this stalking? It's depressing me that every time I go to get the mail (something I actually enjoy) I have another one of these envelopes waiting.
3 posts omitted. Click View Thread to read.
Hannah Chuvinglene - Sat, 14 Dec 2019 08:03:03 EST 1SSFeKJF No.532799 Reply
Whatever it is it's over the line of acceptable. This shit should make it clear how little respect they have for you or your decision and boundaries. You should at least feel very comfortable in your decision to leave them.

>this whole thing makes me feel like I have no control over my own mental or physical space
That's the goal of your ex. Break you down, make you feel powerless and surrender and come back.

You cannot control how your ex behaves but our mental space is your own. Eventually they will get bored or find someone else and you'll be free. Keep blocking mail and numbers. It takes them more effort to work around it. Make sure any friends understand what is happening. If they aren't completely on board with you then at least for the short term cut them out too because they'll help your ex get in touch even if unintentionally. If you know what the envelopes are maybe have a bonfire or something with them. They'll burn in moments so you could use them to encourage anything of else left by your ex that you want to burn. It's childish but at least it might be fun.
Alice Breddlepidge - Sat, 14 Dec 2019 14:23:14 EST VMzmKgcf No.532800 Reply
dude that's weird. this person is unhealthy. you need to get him or her to stop. he or she is feeding off of your attention. it's like symbiosis except sick and weird.
Phoebe Gezzleham - Sun, 15 Dec 2019 06:46:32 EST 1ub4L/0W No.532806 Reply
Yes the constant contact is a manipulative attempt to stay in your life and it seems to be working. Don't let it.

Biggest mistake of my life

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- Sun, 08 Dec 2019 23:14:38 EST OoW3LPRe No.532696
File: 1575864878011.jpg -(238448B / 232.86KB, 945x2048) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Biggest mistake of my life
The two year anniversary of when I made the biggest fuck up of my life upon me.

the story ends with
>we showed up at her house and it suddenly started snowing when the sky was clear moments ago
>she then goes into the bathroom for a few minutes and comes back a little sluggish
>she offers me cider, then she spills her coffee and says it's fine
>she then starts nodding off and begins snoring, her lips turn black for a a second then she wakes up
>I told her what happened and then she says this is the time of day she falls asleep
>she then escorts me out and tells me not to worry about it
>I converse with her later in the night and all is well
>I don't hear from her and a couple of days she is found dead in her room

shit is really bothering me today.

Her friend tried to get me to her pregnant and give her money, after she died, but I basically told her to fuck off and I moved across the country. She got another square to impregnate her, and shit,
11 posts omitted. Click View Thread to read.
Archie Soffinghidging - Fri, 13 Dec 2019 01:30:40 EST ywX6lE4k No.532778 Reply
She didn't make those bad decisions alone. You made them with her.

It's possible you happen to live in the most boring place in the world. But isn't it also possible, that maybe, after fucking up this bad, you've become a little too afraid to take risks?
Rebecca Fevingstit - Sat, 14 Dec 2019 20:34:07 EST oJ/8Z3Lh No.532803 Reply
you know its not true so move to another place... or do hobbies and shit that require you to meet people who also do things
Jarvis Duckford - Sun, 15 Dec 2019 00:23:32 EST n3M4YBVD No.532805 Reply
You want an interesting life? Go outside and start picking up trash, and keep going until a crowd has formed around you.

The melancholy comfort of the stoned depressive cycle

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- Sun, 08 Dec 2019 14:55:29 EST iMBU6kIs No.532693
File: 1575834929607.jpg -(828046B / 808.64KB, 750x916) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. The melancholy comfort of the stoned depressive cycle
Who knows this feeling all to well? For a good while until say... april i was taking decent care of myself. Was tripping on that major SELF IMPROVEMENT. Had the gym thing going, staying sober throughout the day, jordan peterson lectures, healthy food, etc. This all felt really good for me, combined with a single unnoticeable medication (lamotrigine is dope) my bipolar was very pacified. Then a couple shitty jobs, traumatic moments, a life or death conflict, and over all developing laziness has pushed me back into the comfort of depression.
Though my depressive habits hurt me and i can tell I’m boring my girlfriend and friends with my laziness, there is something peaceful about where lonely 17 year old me was. Video games, drugs, good music, porn, etc. a boring life held together by the magic of dxm, weed, acid, research chems, and media. Recently i bought a charger for my old worn out laptop and booted it up just to find my steam library full of nostalgia and my fucking amazing porn collection hidden in some random folder called setup inside of a folder named a bumch of random letters.
..anyway i know if i fall back into dxm, constant weed consumption, video games, porn, etc i could loose my girl, job, and faint hope eventually. It’s nowhere near that point yet but it’s a future i could see unfolding. Is there a way to avoid the temptations of depression? Is there a way to compromise between these things and moving away from my old teenage life? (Im 20 now) All the self improvement videos and routines i have stored away just seem lame and pointless now :/
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Archie Soffinghidging - Fri, 13 Dec 2019 01:44:52 EST ywX6lE4k No.532779 Reply
You know, the event that made me an adult wasn't when I screwed up and it messed up my life. It was when I screwed up and it messed up other people's lives. That hits you differently.

>All the self improvement videos and routines i have stored away just seem lame and pointless now :/

You're 20. Self-improvement is an appropriate task for a teenager. The reason it feels empty right now is that, ultimately, your self-improvement is supposed to be preparing you to improve something other than yourself.

The usual fear is about being controlled. Be generous to your girlfriend and she might take advantage. Work harder at your job and it's just your boss's money. Volunteer at a soup kitchen and nobody ever knows your name and the patrons will die of overdoses anyway. The way to solve these problems is to realize that there is no solution.

Just do something, for some reason. Build something. Help someone. Leave a fucking mark, and you'll find it was worth the effort after all.
Rebecca Fevingstit - Sat, 14 Dec 2019 20:31:09 EST oJ/8Z3Lh No.532801 Reply
you probably started eating vegatables again, fucking retard

No one to talk to about my problems IRL

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- Wed, 11 Dec 2019 10:57:24 EST U22IkmCz No.532731
File: 1576079844216.jpg -(184521B / 180.20KB, 500x726) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. No one to talk to about my problems IRL
I cant talk to anyone about the shit thats troubles me. I pretty much isolated myself from everyone who wasnt my girlfriend who happens to be extremely emotionally abusive towards me as of late. Im losing my fucking sanity fast, it's completely destroyed my confidence and self esteem I'm thinking about suicide every day and I've even taken to self harm and not eating again. I haven't been this mentally fucked up ever about anything and I really dont know what to do. I know I've got some really bad problems but lately they've been exasperated by the abuse super hard. I just try to smoke away all the feelings but it never helps. I try talking to her and she always has an excuse for herself to not be responsible for what shes been doing to me. If I break down she threatens to leave me and its killing me literally because I always beg for her to stay despite the fact that I know she's extremely bad for my mental health. I just needed to write some of this out because I really cant tell anyone, I'm not going to tell my coworkers or friends back home because it just makes me feel crazy. I can't tell any of my family because I want to hide the fact that I'm in this bad of a place from them. I can tell my girlfriend but she is the source of all of these problems and she just uses me bringing it up as a way to make me feel worse or make it about her.
Sorry for the long vent but I'm really concerned for myself because I feel like Im really losing a grip on reality and death seems like not so bad of a choice
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Thomas Posslepare - Thu, 12 Dec 2019 08:48:24 EST ewOsQFys No.532762 Reply
She is just as if not more clingy and attached to me, I dont think she loves me I think she just needs me. Trying to pull me back in and I feel like I'm slipping idk promises are always made and I'm trying not to put myself in these positions but I do feel weak, I'm a lot younger than her and I let her into my life at a difficult time and I know that I probably allowed her to take advantage of my kindness and my love. I still love her a lot, more than myself and Im having a really hard time letting go. Yesterday we got in such a loud fight the police came to check on us... Even though she has threatened breaking up with me every single fight we get in if I make any mention of how unhealthy this is for both of us she starts breaking down, flipping out and crying while throwing her clothes all over the place acting like shes packing. This stresses me out so hard I have to try calming her down rinse and repeat
I have such little confidence in myself after all this is said and done, I want to break up but I also want her to move back home and not stay in the same small town we moved to together. I know I'm fucked regardless of what I do, I know I'm a pussy too scared to let go of the demons in my life, I know I'm weak in that sense, if I could be a better person for myself I would but I'm having such a hard time doing it in this relationship.
Im not asking for any more advice, I know I should break up with her. I just want to write this out in the downtime I have to let someone hear whats in my head because I keep really quiet about everything kept up there.
Barnaby Cellykidging - Thu, 12 Dec 2019 15:36:50 EST mqpN1yO5 No.532769 Reply
She's controlling you. She sounds very unstable. Do something. Make her trip on something and hopefully realize she's acting crazy.

I don't think you'll break up with her. I think you're comfortable in a way and you see it being very uncomfortable to be alone again. Good luck dude. Maybe somehow the two of you will come to your senses and have a healthy relationship. It's possible..
Clara Noddlefuck - Sat, 14 Dec 2019 01:10:58 EST ewOsQFys No.532794 Reply
1576303858880.jpg -(126273B / 123.31KB, 839x1024) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
We broke up. Talked for a bit and had sex but we are not going to stay together. It was a crazy fucking run and all these things only revealed themselves at the end.

Physically Abusive Relationship of my friend

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- Sat, 05 Oct 2019 23:16:59 EST Y81HE+lD No.531987
File: 1570331819964.jpg -(36091B / 35.25KB, 640x446) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Physically Abusive Relationship of my friend
my boy is a scumbag, what do?
> cheats on girlfriend
> girlfriend throws fit
> tells her be quiet because She is being toxic
> says thanks for ruining another good night
> constant sounds of her literally choking on her words because he’s grabbing her throat
> sounds of them hitting each other
> her saying Ow and crying
I mean, pretty sure I should kick his ass? He’s giving me a place to crash tonite but this is the second time they have done this.

She has valid emotional responses and when she frightens him he claims it’s her being a crazy toxic bitch, despite her only being mad that he cheats and treats her like shit. He’d tell her “sssshh” while she cries and try silencing any of her outburst, or blame her for even coming around him when she already knows he’s a shithead.

I had parents in an abusive relationship so like, this is kind of tough for me.
But I cannot just sit in another room ignoring this when she is clearly being abused mentally and physically.
15 posts and 1 images omitted. Click View Thread to read.

I've tried to kill myself 4 times in a year and I don't when it's going to happen again.

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- Mon, 15 Jul 2019 17:39:46 EST wg/43xhN No.530435
File: 1563226786813.jpg -(9739B / 9.51KB, 217x320) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. I've tried to kill myself 4 times in a year and I don't when it's going to happen again.
I keep trying to kill myself when I'm drunk by taking huge doses of benzos or trying to hang myself but being too drunk to do it. When I'm sober I think about suicide sometimes but never want to act on it. I've tried to quit drinking and I cut down from 30 UK units a day (a bottle of vodka) to a drink every couple of weeks or so. But every time I drink something really bad happens. Generally I sleep well and eat well and have a goal and future so I don't know what's going on. I've had a very rough time of it during my adolescent years however, problems with family, heroin use, violence, and I think all of it is starting to take it's toll.

I know the obvious solution is to just never drink but i'ts not quite that simple as I'm sure a lot of you know. I just want to know what the hell is going on in my psyche to make me try and top myself every time I lose inhibition and gain the confidence to do it when I'm drunk. The hospital wont help any more they've had enough of me and they are completely fucking useless. I have been taking valium for 4 years and I am dependent on it, but don't get high on them, I mentioned this and the dumb bitch told me addiction and dependency are exactly the same thing and it only takes 4 hours for valium to leave the system with little withdrawal. I called her up on this and she just stormed off like a child leaving me to just discharge myself. I cannot believe people so uninformed can be classed as experts, just because they've been peddling the same shit to drug addicts for 20 years probably with a very minimal recovery rate.

I'm thinking that the combination of diazepam and alcohol is what's really enabling these suicide attempts, being dependent on diazepam for four years has really took it's toll I think. I'm hoping to start a proper taper plan with supervised liquid doses soon, fingers crossed I don't try and end it all again and actually succeed. I don't think a valium overdose is going to do it since last time I took about 500mg with an insane amount of vodka and just had a low blood pressure all night.
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Beatrice Peshson - Wed, 04 Dec 2019 08:29:43 EST mHw0X0gH No.532639 Reply
Ultimately we are all toast as human beings. The truth about the human condition is that everything falls apart. There is nothing that you are doing, buying, or studying that will last. This means that anything that is not maintained, refreshed, or renovated will eventually succumb to time, including your thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes. You can not prevent this. Your only escape is to learn to identify those things that serve you and maintain them, and stop maintaining things that don't serve you. Therapy can identify those things.
Samuel Bellermid - Fri, 13 Dec 2019 11:04:09 EST tm2lsBr3 No.532786 Reply
The booze is likely making any problems you already have worse. I went through a period of getting piss drunk multiple times a week and I've tried offing during said periods of drunkenness. I wasn't even suicidal at the time when i wasn't drunk but alcohol seemed to trigger that shit. I'm fine now though and don't drink anymore. Booze is a disgusting dirty drug and you'd be better off finding a substitute that doesn't trigger these tendencies or better yet go sober. I seriously do not understand how booze is the only legal drug besides ciggerets in my country (UK) it's absolutely absurd. The best thing would be to quit drugs and seek professional help.

Welp, introspection time, with a dash of dawning terror and confusion.

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- Fri, 13 Dec 2019 03:21:47 EST tdtBkwto No.532781
File: 1576225307695.gif -(180332B / 176.11KB, 220x224) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Welp, introspection time, with a dash of dawning terror and confusion.
Was playing a game with my significant other, rapid-fire questions about things you answer spontaneously, no time to think, while distracted and doing another task. We do it a lot, it's fun. Except this time. One of the questions, 'five people we both know that you'd make out with if everyone was down' with it'

Four out of the five were sane, female choices and then out of my fucking mouth, my boss' name. Who is another man, and certainly not gay nor am I, but I guess bi-curious fits me well enough.

My fucking boss. I don't know where the hell that came from and the thought that it popped out is making me very, very uncomfortable. I.. yeah. This is problematic.

Other half thought it was hilarious, I'm like.. well, keep laughing, I'm quitting my job now because there's no fucking way I can ever meet his eyes again. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.
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Wesley Gammlestone - Fri, 13 Dec 2019 04:43:06 EST eGS6zz6/ No.532784 Reply
Yeah, you'll either end up quiting your job or trying to blow him under his desk. All you have to do is just acknowledge that you're attracted and then that's the end of it. It is possible to acknowledge a desire and choose not to act on it. But if you don't know yourself, you're not in control.
Augustus Fanlock - Fri, 13 Dec 2019 10:23:10 EST oaTsjcKn No.532785 Reply

Honestly, I'm being a bit dramatic. I'm not quitting my job, it's just.. I was not ready for my subconscious to hit me with that. And I'm trying to figure out why that thought manifested in that particular way, and why now. Maybe I'll never know.

He's definitely more than a little conventionally attractive, and I do respect and trust him a lot. One of the best people I've ever worked for.

Am I gonna try and have some bizarre affair or try to kiss him? LOL fuck no. IDGAF if I'm bisexual, either. It was just a very jarring thought to pop up out of the blue, and I certainly have a lot of thoughts about it.

Kinda more looking for input on why it happened, maybe some esoteric explanation, something philosophical or if anyone else has been blindsided by their subconscious and how they handled it.
Oliver Bamblewell - Fri, 13 Dec 2019 12:32:39 EST Lny7/LNo No.532787 Reply
>things you answer spontaneously, no time to think, while distracted and doing another task
>Oh no I said my boss' name, no way it can be because I happened to be thinking about work or something related to it, no I'm definitely hardcore gay for my boss now
OP is a retarded faggot in denial.

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