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#qq on IRC

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!GD3wBpep0Y - Sun, 13 Aug 2017 12:14:49 EST d5kHsYag No.518069
File: 1502640889138.jpg -(66697B / 65.13KB, 500x383) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. #qq on IRC
Hi folks,

If you're looking to talk to someone immediately about any problems you have in your life and have nobody close to you, come and speak to us!

Join us on IRC on #qq. Most of us have different time zones but if you stay there, one of us will be there.

Don't be afraid to speak up.
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>>
Basil Clayway - Mon, 03 Aug 2020 21:38:40 EST VAcauGzm No.535572 Reply
>>535571
No I don't really jack off at all.

We watched Evangelion TOGETHER, though.
>>
Rebecca Girringwut - Thu, 06 Aug 2020 20:09:04 EST mZfblupA No.535630 Reply
1596758944945.jpg -(234380B / 228.89KB, 750x731) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
I wrote her a letter. It's really enthusiastic and feels stupid but it's honest and straight from my heart. Feels terrifying to just lay myself out completely like this even though I more or less Know that I won't be rejected.

She has it, but it's in the back of a book so I don't know when she'll read it. It could be next week, it could be next year. Could be never. I'll have to see how things turn out.

Sober, bored, isolated and depressed.

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- Sat, 08 Aug 2020 14:22:16 EST 5B0QYsus No.535651
File: 1596910936676.jpg -(58891B / 57.51KB, 1100x762) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Sober, bored, isolated and depressed.
Hey /qq/, I haven't been on here in a while. Well, I'm currently going through dextroamphetamine withdrawal, smoked all of my weed about 5 days ago, have no friends whatsoever (I'm an extreme introvert.), have nowhere to go, and am feeling severely depressed.

I suppose I just would like to have somebody to talk to. I'm feeling so morbid from the amphetamine withdrawal that I've been considering suicide. I don't want to devastate my family however. They are only aware of my substance use to a certain degree and believe I am perfectly happy.

Just drinking coffee now and chain-smoking cigarettes. So, I don't know, how are you doing?
>>
Sophie Gummlekin - Sun, 09 Aug 2020 00:02:51 EST dGLjnarN No.535653 Reply
1596945771345.jpg -(95987B / 93.74KB, 678x517) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
Hey OP I hope your day was good. I went to the lake yesterday and drank a bottle of vodka .... Hmmmmm my day was good jacked off and played some cod, probably going too bed...
>>
Reuben Follyfutch - Sun, 09 Aug 2020 02:46:31 EST T6ZCFIGt No.535654 Reply
>>535651
I am there with you brother
All day I've done naught but sleep try to play an mmorpg that once brought me joy but no longer does. The boredom is the worst. I just don't feel like doing anything at all. Havent even been able to make a coffee or go out for half and half. It's lonely yet at the same time it's not like I even really want someone to be with as nothing feels authentic anymore. I just feel like I'm working to survive and die.

How do I do this (and preferably live through it?)

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- Tue, 28 Jul 2020 03:03:58 EST /p7iBRUF No.535476
File: 1595919838648.gif -(2945276B / 2.81MB, 220x209) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. How do I do this (and preferably live through it?)
I do not know what to do.

I am sick. I have never had a strong body, but about 8 years ago things went downhill quickly - my face literally melted off. I failed out of college because, during midterms, I was completely blinded by the immense quantity of discharge pouring through my eyes. I spent two long years seeking medical assistance, only to be rejected as things grew worse. Every joint in my body became agony, to the point I could stand up and walk maybe one or two days a week. Still I was refused any serious examination. The worst time I remember was when I had been referred to a hospital immunology clinic, where I was accused of having picked up syphilis; I thought this unlikely, but asked to be tested if that was possible. I was refused testing and kicked out of the clinic, with multiple curses about my 'lying' and about how "there is a boy in the next room allergic to dogs waiting for his allergy shots, stop wasting our time". I was never even prescribed NSAIDs for my pain.

I don't know if anyone here knows what pain delirium is, but it is a hell that makes you no longer a living, thinking human. When my pain was bad, the signalling would blind and deafen me - I must imagine the signalling was overloading my brain. I couldn't track time, or remember the day, or where I was, or even what my body looked like or that I was human. All that existed was pain. I would come to, unsure of the day, my throat slick from blood from screaming for hours.

After two long years of this, I determined that I would find a way out of this pain, or I would kill myself - I could not live with the pain any longer. In the time I was conscious and could focus through the pain, I compiled a long list of potential drugs that might help me. I ordered them in order of risk factor - first I tried OTC meds, then cannabis, and so on and so forth. By the time I neared the end of the list, nothing had worked to diminish my pain by more than 1 or 2%, and I had lost hope.

Heroin saved my life. Unlike oxycodone or other weaker agents, it actually diminished my pain. No amount would make it go away, but suddenly I could walk 6 days a week. I found a minimum wage job with my new abilities, leveraging family connections where I knew there was a sympathetic GM. My body deteriorated further with the work, but it was better than the alternative.

When I had the chance, once I had been using long enough to gain entry to the program, I entered a methadone program and completely quit heroin overnight. Methadone was a superior analgesic for my purposes, and its duration didn't hurt either. I enjoyed the lesser cognitive impact of the new medication.

Unfortunately, the sympathetic GM at work left, and was replaced with a person who hated my need to make time for a methadone clinic - clinics here can only legally operate in the morning, and they really wanted my working a 6 AM shift. This brought abuse, and when a neo-nazi manager hired a kid she was friends with, this kid greeted my by punching me before he'd said a word to me, and destroying my car. This same manager was in charge of investigating her friend, and found no fault. I walked. I was unemployed, but at least medicaid was covering my basic treatment. I have been unable to work since - nobody wants to hire someone who will randomly be unable to walk, or so pained they cannot even use a phone or keyboard (I have many long days and nights alone).

I should mention that I live with my parents. They have some wealth, but are barbaric. I have been raped and nearly murdered on various occasions over the years. Once I lost so much blood I faded in and out of consciousness for a week. When I fell into pain, I would be punished for screaming from the pain. I suspect my child abuse had something to do with stressing my body and activating autoimmune problems - there are strong links shown between the two. In any event, I am now completely at their mercy, no car, in the middle of nowhere, no friends around, stuck with them.

I want very badly to leave, but I don't know how. My county is extremely conservative and has basically zero real social services, no shelter, etc. I want to receive disability, but have not yet applied (need a doctor to write things up properly). It doesn't help that my healthcare is micromanaged - I was all but forced to select a doctor chosen by my large extensive family.

Furthermore, I do not trust that I will be all…
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Molly Cluzzlepedge - Sat, 01 Aug 2020 11:01:26 EST TtXni/Rr No.535541 Reply
There is more low-cost counselling available than ever thanks to the pandemic, OP. Lots of therapists have been forced online and so you can access low-cost services all over the country (or world, though that's trickier to find because of legal stuff that therapists have to worry about but you don't have to).

Find a good trauma therapist, the most important trait of a trauma therapist is that they don't rush you. If you find yourself disassociating or having panic attacks or unable to function during or after sessions then it's going too fast and if the therapist lets that happen repeatedly they are a hack. Trauma therapy takes a long time, it might be a long time before you have the skills to even safely talk about it and work with it without retraumatising. Avoid therapists who don't believe in retraumitization, they are behind the times

EMDR is faster if you want to try that, it's sort of like a hypnotism, there's evidence it works for a lot of people but no one knows why, which is annoying.

You are definitely right about the auto-immune / trauma link. Loads of evidence for that

Reach out to other trauma victims, social support is really important, and PTSD isn't the only form trauma takes
>>
Molly Cluzzlepedge - Sat, 01 Aug 2020 11:04:51 EST TtXni/Rr No.535542 Reply
>>535541
Domestic abuse shelters will take you in, male or female, easier if you are female (demand creating supply) call them and see which ones have spaces
>>
William Sogglebedge - Sat, 08 Aug 2020 22:11:45 EST Sp0vdWcZ No.535652 Reply
1596939105879.jpg -(97462B / 95.18KB, 625x661) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
>>535476

I relate to this a lot, I have physical problems that have torn me down over the years and that term pain delirium is rarely relatable. It really effects your personality, I'm sort of in a blessed situation. I know If I turn to hard painkillers it will take me even farther away than I have gone from myself. I wish you best of luck, it's deeply frustrating and painful to be unheard. Goodluck cowboy

Does the feeling of wanting to fuck other girls go away?

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- Mon, 27 Jul 2020 10:58:05 EST sxluUyk0 No.535452
File: 1595861885353.png -(217557B / 212.46KB, 455x290) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Does the feeling of wanting to fuck other girls go away?
>25 years old
>First real relationship, 2 years now
>Wonderful girlfriend, love her dearly
>Great person to be around
>Chill
>Sex is good
>Everything is great in the relationship

And I still constantly just think about fucking other women. To add to the backstory - I wasn't a virgin before I met her but she is my first relationship. Before this I just wasnt very interested in a relationship, but we just got along so well and she's so great that it developed into one - which I was fine with.

However, I just want to fuck other women and think about it all the time. Its not that I want to BE with other women, and its not that the sex I have with my girlfriend is bad or unfulfilling - im not looking for anything I dont already have - I just want to fuck other women for the variety and for the novelty.

I dont think I'll ever cheat on my girlfriend because I love her totally and I never want to upset her, she'll be totally heartbroken if I ever did, obviously - but there's no getting over that I think about it quite a bit.

Just wish I could have the occasional no strings attached fuck that means nothing, just get it out of my system every now and then.

Does this feeling ever go away?
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Ebenezer Fuckleketch - Sat, 08 Aug 2020 07:38:42 EST Wv0LJm+H No.535648 Reply
>>535626
>Monogamy is an outdated and over rated construct.
Until you get to your 50s and start wishing you'd spent time making a single meaningful relationship instead of many frivolous ones.
>>
Doris Blablinglock - Sat, 08 Aug 2020 07:43:20 EST /q+yn+S5 No.535649 Reply
>>535648
Haha I'm pretty sure if you get to your fifties and are in a stable non monogamous relationship with someone you've got a way more meaningful and resilient relationship than a regular married couple.
>>
Betsy Brookfoot - Sat, 08 Aug 2020 07:58:41 EST 5UWRQibO No.535650 Reply
>>535649
I can't hear you from all the way over there, man, you have to bring those goal posts back and stop running around with them.

I tricked myself into thinking I'm an artist

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- Thu, 06 Aug 2020 23:05:43 EST XXR+yDXG No.535631
File: 1596769543651.jpg -(43727B / 42.70KB, 450x600) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. I tricked myself into thinking I'm an artist
I realized I don't really have anything to say. All my songs are just about some pleasure I've had in the past or one I'm having in the moment, or my desire for one. I thought all I wanted to live for was to create and express and help other people struggling with similar struggles as me but I don't have ANYTHING worthwhile to say, do I? I just wanted the ego satisfaction of thinking I'm so great because I would eventually get some degree of fame or notoriety or appreciation. I just want pleasure. I'm just living for pleasure. I can't give a damn about anything else really. I hardly even care about my loved ones in a real and practical way. I say I love them, and that I'm there for them, but I don't go out of my way to help them. I don't check on them. I've even resented them and hated them at times. I'm not really looking for advice. I just wanted to say it somewhere. I wish I had the balls to kill myself. Because I'm a fucking waste. I'm sorry I failed.
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Cyril Dangersodge - Fri, 07 Aug 2020 22:05:52 EST dqut4KWs No.535643 Reply
1596852352224.png -(1363347B / 1.30MB, 1000x1000) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
>>535631

I had the same problem to a light extent, that We all live for pleasure because we all want to be happy in the end, no? Everyone would love being famous, that's just human nature. It's not healthy to believe you're some secret egoist, it will get you nowhere especially if you want to improve you're music. Perhaps take some time out of music to focus on yourself? You seem to be putting a lot of your self worth in one place, and that's a recipe for disaster man.
>>
Edwin Worthingfield - Fri, 07 Aug 2020 22:55:40 EST 4hBEIt21 No.535644 Reply
>>535643
I just don't know what to do. I'm like a raw electric signal with no wire, no route. If I don't attach myself to something in an intense way I feel too lost. I start to think I'm a ghost. It's like, why do I get up in the morning? Why can't I find a purpose and stick to it and make forward momentum? I don't like the feeling of existing for no reason. I don't like existing in pointlessness. I need meaning.
>>
Ebenezer Fuckleketch - Sat, 08 Aug 2020 07:37:15 EST Wv0LJm+H No.535647 Reply
>>535631
>All my songs are just about some pleasure I've had in the past or one I'm having in the moment, or my desire for one.
Rid yourself of desire and let go of attachments. You could be the coomer Ben Folds.

I just feel suicidal - "Covid" fucked my entire life up

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- Wed, 05 Aug 2020 15:48:40 EST TNkQD65p No.535593
File: 1596656920499.jpg -(628152B / 613.43KB, 1920x961) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. I just feel suicidal - "Covid" fucked my entire life up
Some people talk about Covid like it's been nothing "hasnt effected them any" for me it's taken almost everything worth living in this world away.
I'd finally gotten my weight to a fit status after so long through indoor rock climbing and swimming training for almost a year. Visited some family out of state came back into town where I was prior after realizing it was a bust to go out there and try to "help" them and took a month to find a job.
I was working at the best job of my entire life, after spending years doing bullshit linecook work doing hard labor I was finally in a bakery where things made sense. I loved my coworkers, they weren't yelling at me - I had found a place for a decent price that allowed myself and my enthusiastic partner who can't work, a place to stay. When you're fem they always look at you weird when you're the provider and never think there's a reason why - just the judgement that theyre "using you" as if they don't have anything better than money to provide in life...
I finally saved enough to get back into climbing again and it happened.

I expected only to be out of work for maybe a week before I realized how srsbusiness the sheeple took this bullshit. I was out of work. No one in town had any work available for my education... I applied for unemployment but even a month later my stimulus and my unemployment hadn't come through and neither had a job.
I told my roomates what was up when the bills came due and told them I was looking for work and would pay them all back in full but they were resentful.
They started harrassing us, throwing eggs under the doors, making us feel like we needed to get out despite the rent pauses going on in the city.
I found a shit slave job owned by some N Koreans attempting to do some line cook work but being treated like shit the entire time. No breaks, not kindness, no food, serving trash food.

I finally got my check in, luckily, but not so much. They helped until I could find my current job at least.. There was no place for us to go. We had to find something out of state ironically it was cheaper in CA now than in OR because of the migration.... completely opposite in terms of natural beauty of where we were staying prior to be closer to his family. Middle of the desert nothingness suburbia shithole. I'm grateful that I could get a work from home job so I could at least find some way to make money but it is so hollow and empty in meaning - I don't do anything but blow smoke up peoples asses trying to pretend I can get them benefits for helping their bill prices when I know really by first hand experience that if you rent /and/ pay your own electric you're already making way over the income limit.
I've started gaining all of my old weight back. I don't want to walk around at 104 degree weather I don't feel safe leaving at night to go try to exercise "at the park" when I do have the time.

There's nothing open to do - still don't have a vehicle even after trying to "save up" for one by scrounging poverty for 10 years. If you don't have a helping hand up you're just going to be stuck carrying around 3 cases of luggage on a greyhound to try to find a place to live every 5 months when you can't pay your rent because bills and food took priority over rent and when you have all three of those you're spending money on and still only making 10 an hour after working your trade for 8 years you certainly can't "save" to get a vehicle.


I'm just over it
everything

I'm glad I have a job ... so they should tell me I should feel. But I'm tired of playing their game. The capitalist system is broken. I am just trying to hold on to what emotionally valuable possessions I have left but I'm close to just forgetting all about it.
I'm not sure where to go or what to do I just understand that this is not where I saw myself when I was 17. I didn't spend my teenage years locked up in my home because my parents were neglectful assholes to finally escape that, only to be told by daddy government that I can't do anything I've ever wanted to do my entire life because everything is "Shut Down"
I think about all of the elderly and premature deaths this year who will die without being able to do what they wanted in the last moments of their life.
I think about ho…
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Nathaniel Grandfoot - Fri, 07 Aug 2020 17:55:32 EST TNkQD65p No.535642 Reply
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I just thought about all of those who have cancer and don't even know it yet, or maybe they do, and maybe they only have 5 months left to live and they're being told to "stay safe" while having to work in doors to still survive until their inevitable death because they are impoverished in america, can't get health care because they "make too much", their insurance doesn't pay for anything, can't spend time with family or friends because they're just trying to "get by" and survive until they die and all they can think of is how they are selling the last hours of their life for money they will never use and selling their time to businesses that aren't even their life, and will never ever get to do anything that was written on their bucket list because they "never had the money for it" and all they really wanted to do was go swimming one last time but the pools were closed.
That could easily be anyone's life right now.
>>
Wesley Dartham - Sat, 08 Aug 2020 05:31:35 EST 6hKQAnke No.535645 Reply
>>535642
Why not try and think about positive things instead?
Like how you still have your health, or the fact that you have someone who loves you and cares for you. There are a lot of things you could use to help you elevate your mood, instead of filling your mind with negativity.
>>
Ebenezer Fuckleketch - Sat, 08 Aug 2020 07:35:53 EST Wv0LJm+H No.535646 Reply
>>535632
>a half mill is literally as much as pneumonia or flu or Heart disease or car crashes
There are those who are upset that their country has 3x modifier on the death rate...they have a valid complaint, don't they? I think the situation is a little more nuanced at this point than people dying of an illness.
But you know πŸ˜‰ 🀭

prison

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- Wed, 05 Aug 2020 22:43:25 EST HTfxVBqg No.535614
File: 1596681805117.jpg -(1176853B / 1.12MB, 2500x3017) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. prison
I am on probation and left the county without asking for permission from my probation officer, I couldn't get ahold of her and I didn't think it would be a problem because in the past she always said yes to anywhere I wanted to go and would give me travel passes. I was visiting my mom who was in the state because her foster parent died and her stepmother had surgery to remove brain tumors. We were staying with my mom's best friend's daughter who is a heroin and crack addict and is the craziest, most physically ugly, disgusting person I've ever met, the most most undeserving of drawing breath too. I washed all her dishes and cleaned her kitchen and cleaned her turtles 30 or 50 gallon aquarium and babysat him all day for like 2 days. I gave her 20$ for crack, I bought her coffee and bought everyone breakfast and fixed her front door and hammered in some nails and did other simple tasks around the house. I went on a trip to get a chair, I loaded it into a van, brought it into the girl's apartment. I did so much for her. In the morning on my second day there I was told that I was not allowed out in the living room right now and that they're having girl time (my mother and this crackhead). She said come back in 30 minutes, so I reached into my pocket to check the time and she said "dont look at the clock. we're not on a time limit, just come back at 10 [10 o clock was like an hour and 10 minutes away]" so I come back and I pull the curtain open and ask my mom if she can come spend time with me. the girl freaks out again and says dont touch my shit motherfucker get out of my house leave her alone she needs a few hours she doesnt want to spend time with you. my mom was smoking crack with her and said to give her a few more hours. so i went and sat on the back porch babysitting her pet turtle who I took out of the tiny tank he was in trying to escape from all day. I was with this a desert storm veteran pilot who was also not allowed in the living room because he was a man. so i was babysitting her turtle and her company.. we were listening to jimi hendrix and shit. at one point I was crying because I talked to my dead dad's wife and I was just thinking about how I never got to meet my dad. my mom came into the room with the girl to talk to me. asked why I was crying, I told them why. the crackhead freaked out on me told me I had no right to bring up my dad to my mom and I shouldnt talk about him and etc etc. She called a guy over to beat me up but he didn't. Eventually I got thrown out of the apartment by this psycho bitch who I took shit from all day. She threatened to stab me in the neck with a knife and kill me and said she had killed people before. I met strangers on the street who took me into their home and fed me and we hung out, I went back in the evening to get my mom and the crackhead walked up on the sidewalk and started cursing me out and threatening me again. This time I was drunk so I told her to go fuck herself, to make herself useful and suck my dick, and that if she touches me Ill beat the shit out of her. She called the police and said she feared for her life and that I was there threatening to kill her and that I smashed her window with a rock and was terrorizing them. I just left.. so I might have a warrant out. My mom didnt stand up for me (I talked to her) she just walked away as this girl told all these lies to the cops and the police report was filed.


I had to call my p.o. and report the police contact (even though I didnt have physical contact with them a police report was made about me) and she was actually upset that I left without telling her. Now I don't know if I'll be going to jail when I get back home. When I go back to court a month and a half from now I have to explain to the judge what happened. He said if I get one more bad report from probation that I'll be doing state prison time. The first bad report was because people made false claims that I was using drugs, as a result I was put in rehab, took 100 drug tests LC/ms and dipstick, never failed one, I'm in counselling, I started doing volunteer work at a soup kitchen, I'm in college, I'm about to get a job.

I'm not sure now if I'm going to prison or if my felony is going to get reduced anymore, which it was supposed to be before this happened. So my mom fucked my life up. I grew up without my parents, I was given away at age 13 (lived with my singl…
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Shitting Wurringfield - Thu, 06 Aug 2020 07:46:30 EST j4hxtyVz No.535623 Reply
>>535614
You aren't in trouble because you went to see your mom. You're in trouble because you broke the terms of your probation to leave the county and go associate with known drug users and criminals (breaking your probation no doubt), getting drunk (breaking your probation), and getting violent to the point where you had police contact (breaking your probation).

You made an agreement with the court and you wiped your ass with it twice. Go sit in jail.
>>
Walter Gacklebury - Thu, 06 Aug 2020 10:48:16 EST 1SSFeKJF No.535627 Reply
>>535623
This is harsh but true.

But also OP is in trouble because he went to see his mum. He went out the way to do what he could and she basically just smoked crack and let someone abuse him in her stead.

Whether you go to prison or not reflect on how much of a fuck your mum gives about you before you stick your neck out, make any effort or even answer her calls.

You're a good person, sure, but you're also stupid. Not only did you break your probation in a whole bunch of ways knowingly. But you did it for trash people who didn't appreciate it at all. Were the first people who made the false report were people you could have avoided but spent time around out of duty for someone who didn't appreciate it?

If someone shows you no regard and repeatedly hurts you you then cut them out. You don't attract bad mojo, it's just others will walk away from those people and situations or they don't engage but you let the bad ones in.

Whatever happens you have an opportunity to think about who really appreciates your kindness and who doesn't and how you can see that quicker going forward. You always have to take a bit of a risk with people if you want to find someone good. But it's "you look like a bit of a fool and waste some time on someone" risk, not the sort where you go out knowing full well someone is fucking awful and get threatened by a knife. When you're in jail if therapy is an option take it. You obviously have self esteem issues hence why you're such a doormat and your risk/reward is fucked up because you did some really stupid risky stuff.
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Martin Shakeham - Thu, 06 Aug 2020 11:02:34 EST t38kA1NK No.535628 Reply
1596726154015.jpg -(309053B / 301.81KB, 600x399) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
>>535627
>When you're in jail if therapy is an option take it. You obviously have self esteem issues hence why you're such a doormat and your risk/reward is fucked up because you did some really stupid risky stuff.
Fuck yes this was me at 17.

a mistake

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- Wed, 05 Aug 2020 19:08:44 EST fFX5osX4 No.535605
File: 1596668924322.jpg -(290879B / 284.06KB, 929x1100) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. a mistake
I had to do it though

"oh he can't keep his pills arranged"
"love means whatever I say it means"
"he's going to do X"
"why are you such trash"
"you're weak no matter how strong you actually are"
"are you okay"

etc.


but I'm addicted to abuse
I'm addicted to the resulting rage

I love this place but it's not severe enough
I need something far, far more than this

I meant it when I said I don't want to self-destruct over this, but it's not this is it?
>>
Nigel Sabbleway - Wed, 05 Aug 2020 19:23:39 EST fFX5osX4 No.535606 Reply
and it's not so much pain is pleasure...
as much as pleasure is pain

<3
>>
Emma Fandlemure - Thu, 06 Aug 2020 05:41:42 EST dBf5Zy3G No.535620 Reply
Are you okay though? Don't fob this question off. It is usually a genuine expression of concern and a sign of someone giving enough of a shit to ask. It's ok to admit that you're not and that you need someone to ask it.

Borderline girlfriend pic unrelated

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- Tue, 04 Aug 2020 00:13:04 EST ef9V5kqL No.535575
File: 1596514384665.jpg -(89007B / 86.92KB, 470x560) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Borderline girlfriend pic unrelated
So my ex?-girlfriend has borderline personality disorder. Basically when things are going well they feel dysphoric and lash out against the people they love, sometimes viciously. I know that sounds vauge but I've been stabbed, punched, had large glass jars thrown at my head, my bedroom door she punched through to get to me, she stole the family car, sliced my moms arm and the list goes on. I always protect her and do damage control because I don't think she knows the extent of the consiquences for this kind of shit. I also know she banks on me doing this. We were in recovery. I'm doing well and what I need to and she just wants to sit around all day and if I do anything at all that is not ashley-centric she can't stand it. Typing this shit you'd think there's no good at all but I love this chick, and she loves me. I see past all of this but I am starting to feel like I shouldn't be as much as I have and I don't know what to do. I also can't bring myself to trust her at all and I have a suspicion she's fucked around on me, although I guess it's not really that even though we agreed that we wouldn't do that if we spit up. I can't keep doing this, and I don't know how to shut off my feelings for her, she's been gone a month and want's to see me like badly and I keep flip flopping because it's cyclic, this pattern has got to stop and I don't know what to do, just the sex is fire enough to make me say fuck it. Right now I'm basically giving her an ultimatum to get help or I'm done. I need some help too, I don't know what to do. I have panic attacks getting on fb because I dread even seeing her texts half the time. Today she told me she was getting some dope to OD and kill herself because she can't keep doing this and can't stand being away from me. Everyone else that lives here decided she can't come around for fucks sake. What do /qq/?
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Sophie Fubbernet - Thu, 06 Aug 2020 00:52:29 EST m8gMi16v No.535619 Reply
>>535618
Thanks friendo. also have a friend irl in the same situation. They get so close to leaving and then bail last minute, it sucks to see. Their partner keeps escalating shit every time they come close to leaving too and it just gets worse.
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Shitting Wurringfield - Thu, 06 Aug 2020 07:42:25 EST j4hxtyVz No.535622 Reply
>>535610
>I think you might be giving him false hope. She stabs people. She has a knife.
Qft
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Charlotte Gabbleford - Fri, 07 Aug 2020 12:31:46 EST TtXni/Rr No.535640 Reply
dude is there any way to get her treatment? A weekly DBT skills group plus any personal therapist, regardless of modality, so long as she likes them (at least to begin with) will fix all this shit eventually, loads of evidence.

You are right not to trust her, she is very very unwell, she needs help, not a boyfriend .


Also never give anyone an ultimatum, especially someone with BPD, most relationship problems come from insecurity, fear, lack of trust, but with BPD it's that times 1000... what could make someone less trustful and more insecure than an ultimatum? If you want to break up break up, if you want to stay together (do not stay together) stay together, but don't ultimatum people. Whether you decide to break up or stay together tell her she needs to get help or she is going to die. 10% of borderlines attempt suicide, 1 in 10, that is huge. The whole population has a 1 in 10,000 chance of dying by suicide and she has a ONE IN TEN chance. She. Needs. Help.

Stayed in the sun too long

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- Wed, 05 Aug 2020 04:45:44 EST +Ye82DwW No.535581
File: 1596617144538.gif -(605459B / 591.27KB, 260x146) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Stayed in the sun too long
I enjoyed the outdoors too long. I went from the threshold of white strangers calling me "bud" and "bro" to "homeboy" and all the variations ("homes, homie, etc.) which I don't fucking say by the way, or "gangsta" which is a fun one.

I'm mixed and aware of how I present myself and how people perceive me. I try to dress really bright and non-urban, like if tommy vercetti fucked a chinese tourist and they mixed up clothes on the way out. In the places where my family still lives dressing like a gang member can get you beat up or killed, and that's just the shit the police will do to you, so I avoid it. I'm like jackie chan, I don't want trouble.

I just started a new job in retail and most of my bosses are hipster white girls 10 years younger than me. I go and am positive, put on my white voice and try to be as nice as possible and I still get little remarks like this. I'm not even angry anymore. I just want to lay down and die. It's never going to get better.

I lost my teen years due to bad parenting, bad surroundings and bad choices and had to play catch up. So many of the people around me did. The schools didn't prepare us for college and the handful of us that did get there were woefully underappreciated and had to play more catch up, this time not just with work but with 10s of thousands of dollars of our own money. My hands are bleeding from pulling on these fucking bootstraps and I'm trying to do it with a smile and their perception of me doesn't fucking change. I'm a 31 year old man and I have been bawling since I got out of work.

thank you for letting me vent my depressing miserable life here all these years.
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Basil Grimfoot - Wed, 05 Aug 2020 22:18:32 EST mttQWkrO No.535613 Reply
Lmao as a white person I can't even put myself into the head space of calling a black person "homeboy" let alone "gangsta", at all, but especially someone that clearly isn't about it just because they're black, That's awful and I'm sorry you have to go through it, but I'm sorry that is also so fucking funny. I bet they're the kind of people who swear they can't be racist because they have a single black friend and have a BLM avi on twitter. That truly sucks though.

>In the places where my family still lives dressing like a gang member can get you beat up or killed

It might have to do with that though. It must be a thoroughly white bread area lls. I think in the city I live in that'd be more likely to happen to a white person who called a random black dude "gangsta". It's not really an excuse, but if there really hasn't been an opportunity for them to interact with black people they're probably ignorant in the true sense of the word and don't understand how much of a faux pas that is.
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Phyllis Hittingchedge - Wed, 05 Aug 2020 23:48:04 EST h9TTa2SX No.535616 Reply
Sorry you have to deal with that shit OP, it sounds incredibly annoying. I don't know what their intent is because I wasn't there. They're either trying extra super hard to be chummy with you and really fucking it up in the process, or it's a microaggression, or maybe both. Either way I can appreciate how it feels like shit to be "othered" all the time by everyone around you, and it sucks ass.

Are you usually white passing when you don't go into the sun? Do you have black friends that you can hang out with or biracial friends who might understand some of this shit and commiserate with you? When I'm tired of people making comments and not understanding my experience, I surround myself with other people who are like me and understand what I'm going through, which I find helps. You go from being "othered" to being together and being included/accepted/understood.
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Shitting Wurringfield - Thu, 06 Aug 2020 07:22:54 EST j4hxtyVz No.535621 Reply
>>535613
I want to pile onto this so bad.

If you're a white person and you're using black vernacular because you don't know any better, that's ignorance. If you're doing it on purpose it's bullheaded obvious racism.

how to feel less empathy towards people i know feel none towards me

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- Mon, 27 Jul 2020 10:08:39 EST mttQWkrO No.535451
File: 1595858919084.jpg -(65147B / 63.62KB, 929x525) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. how to feel less empathy towards people i know feel none towards me
i'm part of a visible minority in the US and recently for some reason... it's started to hit me pretty hard that a good 10-30% of the people i see on a daily basis have nothing but hate in their hearts for me and at the very least wish i didn't exist and at the worst actively fantasize about killing me. instead of feeling the righteous anger i should feel towards them, i end up feeling bad for them. i start to think about what a small, terrifying world they must live in and what it must be like to have your mind so preoccupied with such a pointless thing, i start to think about the opportunities to learn and grow that they never had, how insecure they must be knowing deep down, sometimes really deep down, that there are things they just don't get, they just aren't bright people and that fundamentally isn't their fault, but i know the feeling isn't mutual

i know this seems so holier-than-thou and there's no way i can make it not come off like that, but it is legitimately something that really bothers me. how do i stuff these feelings down and conjure up the hate towards these people that they deserve? i want to mercilessly ridicule them and maybe even worse without feeling a shred of remorse, i want to feel hatred that will drive action instead of empathy that fuels inaction, these people take advantage of the fact that the vast majority of us aren't such bigoted pieces of shit. i've turned the other cheek seventy times seven times and now i'm done.
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Jenny Mopperbury - Tue, 04 Aug 2020 02:50:19 EST mttQWkrO No.535576 Reply
>>535558
Damn that's all it takes? I agree with everyone here I dunno why I made this thread
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Polly Boshwill - Tue, 04 Aug 2020 16:18:43 EST 1SSFeKJF No.535580 Reply
>>535576
It sounded like you needed to blow of steam and regain your perspective.

Pretty sure the quote is also lampooning the behavior rather than lauding it.
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Jarvis Gockleson - Wed, 05 Aug 2020 17:18:26 EST mttQWkrO No.535600 Reply
>>535580
Nah I know that I was getting at something else lol, but you're right I did just need to get some perspective

Stimulants making life miserable. Desperate for advice.

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- Wed, 29 Jul 2020 03:22:24 EST 9eSe6dOP No.535497
File: 1596007344090.jpg -(30199B / 29.49KB, 400x400) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Stimulants making life miserable. Desperate for advice.
Has anyone tried taking non stimulant medications for ADHD like strattera. I have tried multiple stimulant's and I find they make me irritable, isolated and suicidally melancholic. I am depressed and wish I could be normal. My own family says these drugs changed me prior to their suicide and I feel as though I can't stop now and I am in too deep.
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Frederick Brubblekat - Mon, 03 Aug 2020 00:16:14 EST q4fLZGUt No.535563 Reply
>>535561
>exercise, hydration, sleep and a good diet

Don’t forget getting high and jacking off, NgE, and a 10 day fast
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Martin Blubbermick - Wed, 05 Aug 2020 16:11:28 EST TNkQD65p No.535596 Reply
1596658288499.gif -(166621B / 162.72KB, 620x412) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
>>535497
Straterra made me feel suicidal and like I was going to faint every time I took it. Made me feel zombified and didn't give me any kind of focus. I had to try it before they would give me adderal.... Adderal works wonders for me.
Everything is to the individual person is what I've realized about drugs.
I just wish I had the confidence to ask for 10mg doses instead of 5mg but for some reason even though I've been using 5mg fine and just want to see how 10 mg would make me feel I always get hyper conscious about it if I don't "Need" that dose increase and think they'll think I'm just trying to get high because a part of me thinks maybe I'm just trying to get a little more "high".

Also straterra takes like 4 months to build up in the system and takes 4 months to clear out. I have no good longterm memory of what I did when I was taking straterra now that I think about it.... And it took some time to get out of my head.
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Martin Blubbermick - Wed, 05 Aug 2020 16:12:34 EST TNkQD65p No.535597 Reply
>>535497
Also I HAVE noticed that if I take Adderall I have to drink a gallon of water a day or else I WON'T get that focus and I /will/ be pissy.

am I being followed or paranoid?

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- Wed, 05 Aug 2020 11:43:11 EST 7xGdC/hr No.535584
File: 1596642191515.jpg -(22529B / 22.00KB, 600x498) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. am I being followed or paranoid?
So the other night about 2am I smoked a joint out my window. When I opened it I thought I saw a light down the street from a car or something so I quickly went away and came back. When I started smoking it a black private hire taxi pulls directly opposite my house, sits a minute, grabs a bag and leaves. Ok bit unsettling but whatever just going home, car is there until sometime next day.

Fast forward this morning go for walk at 4am. I live in what I'd describe as a very small city in a student area. When I'm walking down a road adjacent to mine, I hear a car behind going past really slowly. Could have just been because it's dark and slightly narrow road, but it was proper slow. I don't know if it was the same one, but sure enough when I looked round it said 'Private Hire' on the side. A van trailed shortly behind and blocked its view of me, I ttried to stay hidden behind it. After it gets further down the road it just pulls up to the side and stays there with its lights on dim and engine running. Sketchy but ok could just have needed to stop, not very discreet if stalking me.


I leave that road and I walk past a roundabout with a gas station. Hear another car behind me at the traffic lights, small white car, and when lights go green, I have a funny feeling it will pull into the gas station. And it does, but not to the pumps, it parks right at the front as it he were going to buy something, but doesn't get out. When I look in his car to see what he's doing it's just a middle aged white dude conveniently looking the other way.

Now I'm starting to freak out a bit and change my route to go home. Saw a couple of cars/vans on my way home but it was too dark to rationally evaluate whether they could be the same ones I saw before.

What do you think? Is this very concerning or am I being paranoid? Cars do need to stop after all. I've read about professionals following people and I didn't hear anything about them just pulling up in front of you, seems a bit obvious don't you think? On the other hand, it was very suspicious and unsettling. I don't know what to believe and I'm concerned there's a small chance there are people abroad may want to hurt me. Please advise.
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Emma Blummleten - Wed, 05 Aug 2020 12:38:36 EST VAcauGzm No.535589 Reply
>>535586
Look into gangstalking. It's not real. You are almost certainly just being nuts and falling into a relatively common psychological trap. It's very very easy to see patterns like this and relate them to yourself.
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Eliza Forringspear - Wed, 05 Aug 2020 12:41:59 EST ZILHHPC6 No.535590 Reply
>>535589
πŸ‘† πŸ‘† πŸ‘†
(better listen to this guy)
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Fucking Feddlegold - Fri, 07 Aug 2020 00:16:16 EST /q+yn+S5 No.535633 Reply
Nah that's paranoia dude. Trust me. I'm paranoid as fuck. What you saw was a bunch of random shit happening. But why was a bunch of random shit happening around you all of a sudden? It always happens, you just arent normally paying attention to it.

Someone pulls into a gas station and fucks around in the front seat maybe looking for their wallet or something. Someone is lost and slowly driving or maybe they are texting on their phone. Some dude is delivering newspapers. Its not about you dude and even if it was youd be crazy to believe it.

Terrorism

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- Sat, 01 Aug 2020 22:47:38 EST 9DmUMIXr No.535546
File: 1596336458354.jpg -(98269B / 95.97KB, 620x413) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Terrorism
I personally am misunderstood. The enite government thinks I'm a mentally ill, mentally gay, wahabist, transexual.

None of that makes sense on the surface. Islam and transexualism are incompatible. Homosexuality and Islam are incomatible. Wahabism is definitely against transexualism and homsexuality.

It doesn't make sense to me. I'm not crazy because I don't understand how one would believe hold those beliefs simulataneously.

I could be a Wahabist or I could be trans faggot but not both at the same time.

>Allah does not permit both, as nature does not allow it. I've never met a devout Muslim faggot. I've never met a faggot that became a muslim.

Can anyone explain the Islamic Transexual Faggot Delusion to me?
How does that play out?
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Reuben Fiblingfoot - Sun, 02 Aug 2020 15:17:30 EST mNRa2otm No.535559 Reply
>>535555
Maybe the problem is my lack of violence maybe I should go out there and be violent. Since youre projecting those thoughts onto me. Like you know go out there and rape some bitches and kill some fools.
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Graham Nappergold - Sun, 02 Aug 2020 16:30:28 EST ZLNL16wy No.535560 Reply
Allah is the way to socialism brother
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Charles Pickwater - Mon, 03 Aug 2020 23:41:00 EST mNRa2otm No.535574 Reply
>>535560
Who needs Allah when I can trust Biden and Kamila Harris to save me from my own stupidity.

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