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#qq on IRC

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!GD3wBpep0Y - Sun, 13 Aug 2017 12:14:49 EST d5kHsYag No.518069
File: 1502640889138.jpg -(66697B / 65.13KB, 500x383) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. #qq on IRC
Hi folks,

If you're looking to talk to someone immediately about any problems you have in your life and have nobody close to you, come and speak to us!

Join us on IRC on #qq. Most of us have different time zones but if you stay there, one of us will be there.

Don't be afraid to speak up.
404 posts and 69 images omitted. Click View Thread to read.
Betsy Clesslesire - Fri, 14 Aug 2020 20:30:42 EST ei5PHyUc No.535736 Reply
I think he wrote an anonymous love letter and put it in a random library book. She’ll see it eventually man

Feel like the marriage/settling down train has left the station

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- Thu, 13 Aug 2020 23:35:00 EST 0oEnimUC No.535725
File: 1597376100063.jpg -(22109B / 21.59KB, 612x459) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Feel like the marriage/settling down train has left the station
I'm 34 years old. I spent my 20's being a manwhore who fucked anything that moved and only had 2 serious girlfriends, and neither relationship last that long (only about a year each one). My body count is relatively high. I spent the ripest years of my life either awash in drugs and the company of loose women, in the mosh pit at punk or metal shows, or in the university library scouring over books for research.

I've also spent a lot of time traveling the world and moving around a good bit for grad school and teaching. Currently I'm in East Asia after a stint of living in NYC. I'm a ramblin' man, to quote Hank Williams (or the Allman Brothers). So while I've seen and experienced a lot of amazing things I never really established any "roots" anywhere.

Now I'm at the age where I kinda wanna settle down and get married but I feel like that train's already left the station. 90% of my friends back home in America are married or at least in permanent cohabitation with their partners, and I currently live in a culture where marrying young is a big deal. I feel like living my life as a free spirit finally came back to bite me in the ass and I'm gonna be lonely for the rest of my life as the dating pool progressively dries up.
9 posts omitted. Click View Thread to read.
Doris Missleworth - Sat, 15 Aug 2020 02:20:18 EST MZ0lFLVU No.535741 Reply
I guess my point is, if you dont find someone you actually want to spend the rest of your life with, but just desperately looking for someone because you feel like you're running out of time, you're more likely to make a wrong decision.
My brother married at the age of 38 and had two healthy babies. You should keep an open mind but dont feel rushed into anything.
Cedric Febberserk - Sat, 15 Aug 2020 04:23:17 EST 0oEnimUC No.535742 Reply

Yeah, deep down inside I think I know that's what I really want out of life, i.e. to take my time until I meet the person who will actually make me happy.

It gets really annoying at family gatherings though cuz you can't say to your grandma or aunts n' uncles "I've been too busy on my hoe shit" when they ask why you haven't settled down yet. At least with my friends it's okay that they know I'm a manwhore.
Doris Missleworth - Sat, 15 Aug 2020 05:14:48 EST MZ0lFLVU No.535743 Reply
Tell me about it. I slept around a lot during my teen, and used to brag about it to all my friends. Fifteen years later and my friends still think of me as the slut in our group even though I calmed down a lot. You can't escape it but I hope it isn't an issue in wherever society you hail from.

I'm in the same position as you. Family gathering are increasingly becoming more akward as the years pass us by, and it doesnt help the fact that literally everyone in my family is married with kids or expecting some soon. My grandmother passed away during the pandemic and she never got to see me married. I considered her feelings a lot when she was alive, but now that she has passed on, whatever she wanted out of my life mean very little to how much I miss her. People want whats best for you, and its good that people care about you to that extent. What they think is best for you doesnt matter all that much in the end.

You cant get married because someone else wants you to. All the challenges and the hurdles that you will have to overcome is entirely on you two alone.

Was staying a virgin a mistake?

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- Fri, 14 Aug 2020 22:50:32 EST FP8cdoJJ No.535737
File: 1597459832767.jpg -(998240B / 974.84KB, 834x1334) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Was staying a virgin a mistake?
So i am 21 never had sex or even kissed
I always rejected guys and i only attracted men way older then me or perverts no boy my age
the only boy i really liked was one of my best friends and had his girlfriend giving me stares so it would have been weird anyway..
i started this LDR with this guy, i never loved like that i am really in love with him
he said he was happy i was a virgin and guess i was happy too
we plan to live together in a few months and we're like in a trad relationship?
i like the idea of staying at home doing what i enjoy because studies and work stress me alot and it made me physically sick before and since i never had a father and the idea of him taking care of me, i like that a lot ...
but i always has this feeling that he doesn't respect me that much, he's busy with work and we live in different countries so we can barely talk now
and when i get angry because we didn't talk for a day or so he call me crazy or a bitch he always apologize and say he was just tired from work that he didn't mean that but still..
also he made me feel like a whore more then once because apparently i can't find any other guy attractive ever..

what bother me is that i feel like girls who had experience or instagram models are seen as goddess by some guys
these guys are everywhere on imageboards and forums, they say how much they want a caring virgin wife and that modern girls are sluts but then they worship these same sluts give them money and fight for them
it's just gotten stronger as a feeling, that maybe staying a virgin made me weak emotionally because i can't handle a breakup and i am always the one trying to get his attention and also because i have no one but him
it really feels like i did a mistake by staying "pure" that i am just worth less as a woman, i am dependent on one man while these girls got an army to choose from
Phyllis Hommerbury - Fri, 14 Aug 2020 23:52:39 EST Kcmn7NrE No.535738 Reply
Yeah you seem to have internalized some toxic ideas from society. Happens to everybody. Dont compare yourselves to others. Live your life the way you want to and fuck the people who dont like the way you choose to live.

So yeah you've got a few things there. Dad issues. Some pretty severe anxiety. A bad relationship. You've got some weird shit with being a slut or pure that doesn't really exist.

You might need to find a trustworthy therapist to talk to. You're main priority probably needs to be on positive self talk and beating your anxiety back.

Sex is just sex. You seem to be lacking basic human intimacy. Friendship, companionship, trust, acceptance etc. The basic stuff that builds a person up. Go for that. If it feels right then have sex safely. Otherwise dont. Forget about what other people have to say about it. You need to live your life now. If you want to fuck, it can be great. It doesn't make you some base creature. Hatred does that.
Fanny Gipperhit - Sat, 15 Aug 2020 01:59:19 EST pg79HujC No.535740 Reply
>these guys are everywhere on imageboards and forums
"These guys" are nothing like the guys you will encounter in real life. Most reasonable men in the real world would be just fine with you not being a virgin, if you weren't one, and/or they'd be fine if you were. You just are whatever you are. Don't listen to men on the chans, many of them are disenfranchised misogynist NEETS who don't represent men in general.

Your worth isn't dependent on who you do and do not fuck. It will take time for you to practice measuring your worth based on your own standards, instead of standards of other people.

You're in a triad relationship? Are you moving in with both of them? Are you prepared to deal with the fact that he has another partner... and see that in person? If you are already feeling jealous now, it may not be such a great idea. Is he going to expect you to have sex with this other person too?

Based on what you've said it sounds like your first partner might need to be somebody who can be monogamous with you, since you need a lot of security right now, and there isn't anything wrong with that.

I would also very strongly highly advise that you do not let him provide everything for you. What happens when you break up? You will have no skills and no money. Yeah work and school sucks, but with the society we live in we don't really have a choice other than to work. It stresses you out, yes, but things will get better as you get older, and as you get more practice with working.

Avoiding work and school will actually just reinforce your anxiety about it in the end. The more you avoid the more anxious you become, because you will never give yourself an opportunity to do it and be successful at it. You never give yourself the opportunity to learn what you're capable of.

A partner should also not be calling you a "bitch" under any circumstances, even if they're upset. Love is respect. That's not respectful. I have been with my partner for 12 years and he has never once ever called me a bitch, ever.

In the end I know you have strong feelings for this guy, and you're an adult who can make their own decision. But I would be very wary and proceed with caution. If you do proceed, definitely do not put all your eggs into one basket. Continue to work or go to school or whatever it is you need to do in able to support yourself once this relationship is over.

The more dependent you are on him the more power and control he has over you if he does turn out to be... not so good.

Could you do a trial stay there? Go visit for a while? Not sure how you are going to move that far away in the middle of a pandemic

anyway good luck and godspeed

a mistake

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- Wed, 05 Aug 2020 19:08:44 EST fFX5osX4 No.535605
File: 1596668924322.jpg -(290879B / 284.06KB, 929x1100) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. a mistake
I had to do it though

"oh he can't keep his pills arranged"
"love means whatever I say it means"
"he's going to do X"
"why are you such trash"
"you're weak no matter how strong you actually are"
"are you okay"


but I'm addicted to abuse
I'm addicted to the resulting rage

I love this place but it's not severe enough
I need something far, far more than this

I meant it when I said I don't want to self-destruct over this, but it's not this is it?
3 posts omitted. Click View Thread to read.
Molly Dummlestone - Mon, 10 Aug 2020 22:33:50 EST 6bxvRJh/ No.535691 Reply
The struggle inside my mind rages on, but I know when it's finally over the clarity will be total. No self doubt. No hesistation. No more painstaking appraisals.
It's not entirely clear what happens after that.
Phyllis Blatherstock - Thu, 13 Aug 2020 10:36:55 EST kyiNvxgr No.535717 Reply
1597329415358.png -(1045285B / 1020.79KB, 910x569) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
Dragon wins
Oliver Hoffingville - Fri, 14 Aug 2020 04:08:05 EST oTjku6wN No.535729 Reply
"Out of the depths we feel the mission why we are here"
Rethermalization was the correct choice; I merely needed to be reminded.
Thank you all so much, what would I do without a world full of enemies?

I'm going to tear you the fuck apart

Wet the bed during a weird dream. Can only sleep alone now.

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- Thu, 13 Aug 2020 02:40:26 EST yeRg/Cf/ No.535709
File: 1597300826720.png -(83825B / 81.86KB, 492x300) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Wet the bed during a weird dream. Can only sleep alone now.
I am male 26.
Dreamt about wearing one of the plastic-bags you put fruits into.
peed my bed and woke up. Thats the second time this year.
First time happened with a woman in my bed. SInce then I sleep alone most of the time.

need I be to be worried?
Am I a bedwetter now?

What now?

Do I need to be worried about my health?
I eat healthy and do sports on a regular basis already.
I would consider myself a healthy and fit person.

So why is this happening?
9 posts and 1 images omitted. Click View Thread to read.
Walter Brocklepot - Thu, 13 Aug 2020 18:05:31 EST yeRg/Cf/ No.535720 Reply
nothing special.
It was one of these usual nonsensical dreams. I was in a desert walking towards a forest and then jumping into a car where I drove to some kind of shallow lake that was located at the foot of a mountain. Somewhere on my way up to the top (where my grandparents appearantly lived) I felt I must visit some ex-friends of mine and I dressed up into something my dream told me to wear as normal clothing.
I slipped into a fruit-bag that had holes cut into for the legs and then the peeing started.
Shit Nubblenark - Thu, 13 Aug 2020 20:45:19 EST uuDvUFDZ No.535722 Reply
The lake is your pee, the mountain is you. The fruit clothes are your incompatibility with your grand parent’s hopes for your future.
Betsy Millerkore - Thu, 13 Aug 2020 22:22:38 EST m8gMi16v No.535724 Reply
What ex friends are these, like whats your relationship with them?

Whats your relationship with your grandparents? Are your grandparents special in some way, do you admire them? Hate them?

I tricked myself into thinking I'm an artist

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- Thu, 06 Aug 2020 23:05:43 EST XXR+yDXG No.535631
File: 1596769543651.jpg -(43727B / 42.70KB, 450x600) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. I tricked myself into thinking I'm an artist
I realized I don't really have anything to say. All my songs are just about some pleasure I've had in the past or one I'm having in the moment, or my desire for one. I thought all I wanted to live for was to create and express and help other people struggling with similar struggles as me but I don't have ANYTHING worthwhile to say, do I? I just wanted the ego satisfaction of thinking I'm so great because I would eventually get some degree of fame or notoriety or appreciation. I just want pleasure. I'm just living for pleasure. I can't give a damn about anything else really. I hardly even care about my loved ones in a real and practical way. I say I love them, and that I'm there for them, but I don't go out of my way to help them. I don't check on them. I've even resented them and hated them at times. I'm not really looking for advice. I just wanted to say it somewhere. I wish I had the balls to kill myself. Because I'm a fucking waste. I'm sorry I failed.
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Lillian Wazzlefock - Wed, 12 Aug 2020 09:12:27 EST VAcauGzm No.535703 Reply
1597237947830.jpg -(8849B / 8.64KB, 241x209) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
I was gonna roast you in that other thread for being dumb but you're alright.
Priscilla Brumbletud - Wed, 12 Aug 2020 16:19:00 EST XXR+yDXG No.535706 Reply
yeah i'm definitely brainwashed. i'm trying to untie my self-worth from the results of my actions, and just enjoy the actions i wanna do for the sake of enjoying them, artistic or not. it's hard though. easy to forget sometimes.

also i just wish more people were into it :/ bahhh see? sucked in again
Uzd2that - Thu, 13 Aug 2020 19:10:42 EST itytveJA No.535721 Reply

Hey OP, this is something that artists go through. You'll bounce back.

GF is controlling?

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- Sun, 09 Aug 2020 20:32:47 EST suOUJIIv No.535666
File: 1597019567157.jpg -(556854B / 543.80KB, 1522x1921) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. GF is controlling?
Last night I told my GF that I wanted to start smoking weed again, and she basically told me I couldn't. I love her more than weed but I don't want to have to pick, and I worry a bit that she's taking too much control of my life.

Backstory is that I had been doing weed for years when we got together but knew she didn't like it. When we moved out after a year or so together I quit completely, but before that I had been struggling with mental health problems (frequently panic attacks and depression) and was using weed as a crutch. Since then I've got a job and moved out with her, my mental health has much improved, though I still live with some anxiety and depression.

The conversation where I said I was thinking about doing weed again was really tense. She seemed really uncomfortable about it and said she didn't want to hang out with me high (I said we didn't have to hang out, she "but I want to hang out"). She asked me why I wanted to start again several times, I just said I liked it and wanted to. It was clear that she really didn't want me to but was struggling to come up with a reason why, or had problems expressing why. Eventually it was clear to me that she would be so upset every time I did do weed that it'd kinda ruin it for me, so I said I wouldn't and to forget about it. I'll be too anxious about her while high to enjoy anything.

Some additional context: we hang out ALL the time with each other and neither of us really know anyone else not online. She's weirdly controlling about certain things. Examples:
-she has asked me to text her during lunch every day,
  • gets very upset with me whenever I work late even though my job requires it frequently,
  • asks me to text a certain way so she doesn't think I'm upset,
  • can be critical when I talk about spending lots of money on stuff (I have plenty of money from my job and as such we don't have to worry about budgeting, she just doesn't trust that it's a good decision generally. It's for stuff on the scale of less than $1k))
  • can be really demanding about food and cleaning even though I'm the only one who cooks and cleans
None of these are too bad though-- I have to work late, sometimes can't text, and usually I'll just buy stuff anyway and she's cool with it as long as I don't mention the price when it comes. Occasionally she'll demand I do/don't do other stuff that makes me a little more uncomfortable, but it's fine. Most of the time I'll just do what she says.

I'll think frequently about breaking up because I want to live my life without worrying about this stuff, but I do love her and really want to make it work. We both struggle with anxiety and depression, and frankly if I were to break up with her I'd worry about her ability to take care of herself, keep her job, find a place she could rent where she wouldn't be miserable, and I'm scared she'd kill herself-- I'd really rather stay together and not do weed. Can I make her more comfortable with weed or is it a lost cause? I don't know how I would even start talking about it again, I can tell she doesn't want to talk about it
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Walter Heckleridge - Fri, 14 Aug 2020 14:42:11 EST L0ssE/BG No.535734 Reply
1597430531882.jpg -(491776B / 480.25KB, 2048x1536) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
Does this look like a dame that'd force their partner to never toke up?

Sober, bored, isolated and depressed.

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- Sat, 08 Aug 2020 14:22:16 EST 5B0QYsus No.535651
File: 1596910936676.jpg -(58891B / 57.51KB, 1100x762) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Sober, bored, isolated and depressed.
Hey /qq/, I haven't been on here in a while. Well, I'm currently going through dextroamphetamine withdrawal, smoked all of my weed about 5 days ago, have no friends whatsoever (I'm an extreme introvert.), have nowhere to go, and am feeling severely depressed.

I suppose I just would like to have somebody to talk to. I'm feeling so morbid from the amphetamine withdrawal that I've been considering suicide. I don't want to devastate my family however. They are only aware of my substance use to a certain degree and believe I am perfectly happy.

Just drinking coffee now and chain-smoking cigarettes. So, I don't know, how are you doing?
4 posts and 2 images omitted. Click View Thread to read.
Walter Clondlelag - Mon, 10 Aug 2020 18:26:51 EST xJBqNGwy No.535686 Reply
Class bad. It hot. Me get job? (Hell, I'd be happy with an internship)
Doris Fadgedodging - Wed, 12 Aug 2020 13:27:19 EST 5B0QYsus No.535704 Reply

OP here. Yay! I found a 30 mg Adderall tablet and am feeling mild relief, also have a small amount of Cannabis now which too is helping.

I haven't had a Benzo script since 2016, thanks to abuse and withdrawal. So that's not an option for me, although they certainly would help.

Tomorrow I'll be withdrawaling again though, and this 30mg dosage isn't much. I normally take 100 mg of Adderall, sometimes 120-140mg because of tolerance. So yeah.

Glad I found some relief!
Doris Fadgedodging - Wed, 12 Aug 2020 13:41:14 EST 5B0QYsus No.535705 Reply
OP here, listening to the album Twisted by Hallucinogen. It's a psychedelic trance/Goa trance album. Psytrance is all I listen to while high.

Especially good on psychedelic hallucinogens.


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- Sun, 09 Aug 2020 23:36:19 EST chJdEY/L No.535669
File: 1597030579489.jpg -(88697B / 86.62KB, 448x478) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. PTSD?
It’s been awhile since I’ve been here, but idk where to ask this. So here goes nothing.

Has anybody here been diagnosed with PTSD without feeling they have been through what they feel to be a major traumatic incident?

Idk I’ve been speaking with an online therapist due to the pandemic and she feels quite strongly that I may have PTSD, but like the most trauma I’ve been through is probably having the shit beat out of me and getting kicked out of the house as a kid without clothes for a good 15 mins, or losing all my online friends at age 12?

Kinda asking because while I’m thinking of possibly getting checked out irl, aside from the above, all I’ve got the usual toxic mum and absent father, the whole depressed/anxious formula. I’d like to know if there’s something more that can possibly be helped with, otherwise, if it’s the same shit all over and just more going through shitty therapists, I’d rather just keep going my own way
2 posts and 1 images omitted. Click View Thread to read.
Betsy Blashshaw - Mon, 10 Aug 2020 07:39:01 EST OgJtgsGx No.535676 Reply
Yeah man. When parents use force that's what they teach as a coping skill. No matter how wrong you are, you can use force to get through any situation, and if the situation is such where you can't use force, you must seethe. PTSD is your outward expression of the normalization of that attitude, grinded out over years, multiplied by a million other factors that are all in conflict.
Jarvis Blatherville - Tue, 11 Aug 2020 09:41:16 EST TtXni/Rr No.535695 Reply
You can get PTSD symptoms from lots of different types of trauma, "big" traumas and "small" traumas, your logical mind might know the difference but your body and emotions don't always know the difference and won't always listen to logic

PTSD is very curable nowadays, there are loads of treatments that have been proven to be effective, people go from hiding and crying every time a car backfires or their partner says "hello" when they aren't expecting it, to... you know.. not having any startle reaction at all! Or they go from feeling numb to feeling all the emotions, good and bad, and none too strongly

If you read old books they will tell you there's no help for you, and so many people are into psychoanalysis from 100 years ago as a hobby that this idea gets passed around a lot, but thankfully it's not true any more

Take your time, go easy on yourself, and get help, you deserve to feel better, living with PTSD or non-PTSD trauma symptoms is awful and it's completely unnecessary

If at any point the therapy makes you feel much worse tell the therapist they are going too fast, but a good trauma therapist won't go too fast
John Dacklehall - Tue, 11 Aug 2020 17:06:21 EST Y82hsDyK No.535698 Reply
do you have any friends that have gone through serious trauma? Second hand trauma is a thing.

How do I do this (and preferably live through it?)

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- Tue, 28 Jul 2020 03:03:58 EST /p7iBRUF No.535476
File: 1595919838648.gif -(2945276B / 2.81MB, 220x209) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. How do I do this (and preferably live through it?)
I do not know what to do.

I am sick. I have never had a strong body, but about 8 years ago things went downhill quickly - my face literally melted off. I failed out of college because, during midterms, I was completely blinded by the immense quantity of discharge pouring through my eyes. I spent two long years seeking medical assistance, only to be rejected as things grew worse. Every joint in my body became agony, to the point I could stand up and walk maybe one or two days a week. Still I was refused any serious examination. The worst time I remember was when I had been referred to a hospital immunology clinic, where I was accused of having picked up syphilis; I thought this unlikely, but asked to be tested if that was possible. I was refused testing and kicked out of the clinic, with multiple curses about my 'lying' and about how "there is a boy in the next room allergic to dogs waiting for his allergy shots, stop wasting our time". I was never even prescribed NSAIDs for my pain.

I don't know if anyone here knows what pain delirium is, but it is a hell that makes you no longer a living, thinking human. When my pain was bad, the signalling would blind and deafen me - I must imagine the signalling was overloading my brain. I couldn't track time, or remember the day, or where I was, or even what my body looked like or that I was human. All that existed was pain. I would come to, unsure of the day, my throat slick from blood from screaming for hours.

After two long years of this, I determined that I would find a way out of this pain, or I would kill myself - I could not live with the pain any longer. In the time I was conscious and could focus through the pain, I compiled a long list of potential drugs that might help me. I ordered them in order of risk factor - first I tried OTC meds, then cannabis, and so on and so forth. By the time I neared the end of the list, nothing had worked to diminish my pain by more than 1 or 2%, and I had lost hope.

Heroin saved my life. Unlike oxycodone or other weaker agents, it actually diminished my pain. No amount would make it go away, but suddenly I could walk 6 days a week. I found a minimum wage job with my new abilities, leveraging family connections where I knew there was a sympathetic GM. My body deteriorated further with the work, but it was better than the alternative.

When I had the chance, once I had been using long enough to gain entry to the program, I entered a methadone program and completely quit heroin overnight. Methadone was a superior analgesic for my purposes, and its duration didn't hurt either. I enjoyed the lesser cognitive impact of the new medication.

Unfortunately, the sympathetic GM at work left, and was replaced with a person who hated my need to make time for a methadone clinic - clinics here can only legally operate in the morning, and they really wanted my working a 6 AM shift. This brought abuse, and when a neo-nazi manager hired a kid she was friends with, this kid greeted my by punching me before he'd said a word to me, and destroying my car. This same manager was in charge of investigating her friend, and found no fault. I walked. I was unemployed, but at least medicaid was covering my basic treatment. I have been unable to work since - nobody wants to hire someone who will randomly be unable to walk, or so pained they cannot even use a phone or keyboard (I have many long days and nights alone).

I should mention that I live with my parents. They have some wealth, but are barbaric. I have been raped and nearly murdered on various occasions over the years. Once I lost so much blood I faded in and out of consciousness for a week. When I fell into pain, I would be punished for screaming from the pain. I suspect my child abuse had something to do with stressing my body and activating autoimmune problems - there are strong links shown between the two. In any event, I am now completely at their mercy, no car, in the middle of nowhere, no friends around, stuck with them.

I want very badly to leave, but I don't know how. My county is extremely conservative and has basically zero real social services, no shelter, etc. I want to receive disability, but have not yet applied (need a doctor to write things up properly). It doesn't help that my healthcare is micromanaged - I was all but forced to select a doctor chosen by my large extensive family.

Furthermore, I do not trust that I will be all…
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Molly Cluzzlepedge - Sat, 01 Aug 2020 11:04:51 EST TtXni/Rr No.535542 Reply
Domestic abuse shelters will take you in, male or female, easier if you are female (demand creating supply) call them and see which ones have spaces
William Sogglebedge - Sat, 08 Aug 2020 22:11:45 EST Sp0vdWcZ No.535652 Reply
1596939105879.jpg -(97462B / 95.18KB, 625x661) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

I relate to this a lot, I have physical problems that have torn me down over the years and that term pain delirium is rarely relatable. It really effects your personality, I'm sort of in a blessed situation. I know If I turn to hard painkillers it will take me even farther away than I have gone from myself. I wish you best of luck, it's deeply frustrating and painful to be unheard. Goodluck cowboy
Edward Supperville - Mon, 10 Aug 2020 13:47:53 EST 5QoCYNA0 No.535683 Reply
Go out with a bang man, there will be a next life.
If you're being honest, and only if this is the unbiased truth, burn them and you alive.
In almost all cases I'd advocate life over death.
But with so much pain, the voices of monsters screaming in terror would be the most soothing ending to a deeply depressing symphony.

I just feel suicidal - "Covid" fucked my entire life up

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- Wed, 05 Aug 2020 15:48:40 EST TNkQD65p No.535593
File: 1596656920499.jpg -(628152B / 613.43KB, 1920x961) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. I just feel suicidal - "Covid" fucked my entire life up
Some people talk about Covid like it's been nothing "hasnt effected them any" for me it's taken almost everything worth living in this world away.
I'd finally gotten my weight to a fit status after so long through indoor rock climbing and swimming training for almost a year. Visited some family out of state came back into town where I was prior after realizing it was a bust to go out there and try to "help" them and took a month to find a job.
I was working at the best job of my entire life, after spending years doing bullshit linecook work doing hard labor I was finally in a bakery where things made sense. I loved my coworkers, they weren't yelling at me - I had found a place for a decent price that allowed myself and my enthusiastic partner who can't work, a place to stay. When you're fem they always look at you weird when you're the provider and never think there's a reason why - just the judgement that theyre "using you" as if they don't have anything better than money to provide in life...
I finally saved enough to get back into climbing again and it happened.

I expected only to be out of work for maybe a week before I realized how srsbusiness the sheeple took this bullshit. I was out of work. No one in town had any work available for my education... I applied for unemployment but even a month later my stimulus and my unemployment hadn't come through and neither had a job.
I told my roomates what was up when the bills came due and told them I was looking for work and would pay them all back in full but they were resentful.
They started harrassing us, throwing eggs under the doors, making us feel like we needed to get out despite the rent pauses going on in the city.
I found a shit slave job owned by some N Koreans attempting to do some line cook work but being treated like shit the entire time. No breaks, not kindness, no food, serving trash food.

I finally got my check in, luckily, but not so much. They helped until I could find my current job at least.. There was no place for us to go. We had to find something out of state ironically it was cheaper in CA now than in OR because of the migration.... completely opposite in terms of natural beauty of where we were staying prior to be closer to his family. Middle of the desert nothingness suburbia shithole. I'm grateful that I could get a work from home job so I could at least find some way to make money but it is so hollow and empty in meaning - I don't do anything but blow smoke up peoples asses trying to pretend I can get them benefits for helping their bill prices when I know really by first hand experience that if you rent /and/ pay your own electric you're already making way over the income limit.
I've started gaining all of my old weight back. I don't want to walk around at 104 degree weather I don't feel safe leaving at night to go try to exercise "at the park" when I do have the time.

There's nothing open to do - still don't have a vehicle even after trying to "save up" for one by scrounging poverty for 10 years. If you don't have a helping hand up you're just going to be stuck carrying around 3 cases of luggage on a greyhound to try to find a place to live every 5 months when you can't pay your rent because bills and food took priority over rent and when you have all three of those you're spending money on and still only making 10 an hour after working your trade for 8 years you certainly can't "save" to get a vehicle.

I'm just over it

I'm glad I have a job ... so they should tell me I should feel. But I'm tired of playing their game. The capitalist system is broken. I am just trying to hold on to what emotionally valuable possessions I have left but I'm close to just forgetting all about it.
I'm not sure where to go or what to do I just understand that this is not where I saw myself when I was 17. I didn't spend my teenage years locked up in my home because my parents were neglectful assholes to finally escape that, only to be told by daddy government that I can't do anything I've ever wanted to do my entire life because everything is "Shut Down"
I think about all of the elderly and premature deaths this year who will die without being able to do what they wanted in the last moments of their life.
I think about ho…
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Wesley Dartham - Sat, 08 Aug 2020 05:31:35 EST 6hKQAnke No.535645 Reply
Why not try and think about positive things instead?
Like how you still have your health, or the fact that you have someone who loves you and cares for you. There are a lot of things you could use to help you elevate your mood, instead of filling your mind with negativity.
Ebenezer Fuckleketch - Sat, 08 Aug 2020 07:35:53 EST Wv0LJm+H No.535646 Reply
>a half mill is literally as much as pneumonia or flu or Heart disease or car crashes
There are those who are upset that their country has 3x modifier on the death rate...they have a valid complaint, don't they? I think the situation is a little more nuanced at this point than people dying of an illness.
But you know 😉 🤭
Shitting Tootdock - Mon, 10 Aug 2020 10:55:55 EST 3ScQQ4dj No.535682 Reply
sometimes life just forces you to slow down and eat shit, you'll be alright

New relationship and they like being Friends with their ex

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- Sun, 09 Aug 2020 14:48:36 EST 1+Zi0vj4 No.535659
File: 1596998916453.jpg -(121331B / 118.49KB, 1200x900) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. New relationship and they like being Friends with their ex
If you just entered into a new relationship with someone and they are friends with their ex, do you see that as a red flag?
I mentioned that I dislike it and my new partner said "there is no attraction there i always stay friends with them, you have nothing to worry about etc" and sort of acted like I was being unreasonable.
I'm about ready to pack this one in and call it wraps. What do you guys think?
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Nathaniel Goodford - Sun, 09 Aug 2020 20:51:02 EST suOUJIIv No.535667 Reply
Whenever people worry about platonic relationships that their partner has usually the problem is between you and your partner. If you worry about your partner hanging out with someone who they say there's nothing going on with, you have trust problems. This isn't necessarily your fault though, it could mean that there's just not enough love and openness in your relationship. Maybe try talking with them about it? Good luck.
Phineas Buzzwill - Sun, 09 Aug 2020 22:35:31 EST iA5UXn8f No.535668 Reply
If it makes you uncomfortable then leave. NEITHER of you should be forced to compromise on something like that.

You can always get high and jack off
Nell Clapperworth - Mon, 10 Aug 2020 08:46:28 EST UCVl/O8b No.535678 Reply
>I always stay friends with them
Because that way she can say she's never had a breakup that was her fault.

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