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Asking out my (freelance) tutor

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- Fri, 15 May 2020 03:31:57 EST +Tb+nQ+M No.534588
File: 1589527917128.png -(572951B / 559.52KB, 799x441) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Asking out my (freelance) tutor
I recently started taking language lessons with a tutor. (Not at a university, I found her via an expat chat where a few tutors advertise their services)

She's cute, my age, has a few interests in common with me, and has complimented that I'm cute and have a dynamic personality and am fun to teach. She also says I'm her most charming and funniest student. We've been working over Zoom but suggested getting together face-to-face (although that very well may be just her suggesting a better setting for our lessons).

If I she was a tutor at a university I was attending (I'm no longer in school, I'm just learning the language because I've moved overseas and I need to learn the native language), I'd definitely not go for her. But she's not tied to any workplace or campus.

Should I go for it (when the time is right)? Or would that be shitting where I eat/dipping my pen in the tutorship ink? Thoughts?

Pic possibly related
23 posts omitted. Click View Thread to read.
Betsy Wallerdick - Mon, 18 May 2020 18:36:57 EST D3SeTK3p No.534657 Reply
The problem with IDs is that sometimes they change. Some people get a new IP every 15 nanoseconds, some last years. Some browse on two devices. You're right though. Maybe it's a troll and maybe it's OP. We don't know. IDs only postiively identify if it's the same person, they don't prove it's not.

Assuming it's OP my advice stands. If not then Lydia is on to something.
Sophie Grimdale - Tue, 19 May 2020 02:39:48 EST +Tb+nQ+M No.534661 Reply
OP here
I'm using a VPN cuz I'm behind the Great Firewall, that's probably why my ID changes.

But last night went quite well on our actual date-date, ended up getting back to my place in the wee hours of the morning, so I think I can wrap up the thread. Thanks for the advice though guys.

Shitting Backlelock - Tue, 19 May 2020 04:55:50 EST d4fOgvZr No.534664 Reply
Nobody's going to give you a gold medal for not hitting on people.


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- Mon, 18 May 2020 18:38:47 EST Kt5TMNI+ No.534658
File: 1589841527964.jpg -(5946B / 5.81KB, 230x219) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Rejection
>found a cute cockroach roaming around my room
>pick it up in my hand
>it's a female
>bring it close to my face so I can give it a kiss
>it bolts away to somewhere I can't even see it

Why does everything I show affection to reject me
Shitting Backlelock - Tue, 19 May 2020 04:49:12 EST d4fOgvZr No.534662 Reply
If you become an exterminator you will:

  1. Get some cash
  2. Solve your roach infestation and in turn
  3. Get affection from de grills


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- Sun, 17 May 2020 20:33:34 EST QTdU+QUh No.534642
File: 1589762014472.png -(5489951B / 5.24MB, 1125x2436) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Help
My brother was always kind of a pussy but something happened, he started texting me daily making wild accusations. Accusing me of being a white supremacist and a neo nazi over really trivial shit, he’s basically an antifa supporter far authoritarian left. He calls me a filthy breeder type because I say I want to have children, he also says that they should teach transgenderism to kids as young as 4. The thing is I could give a shit about his beliefs, but he texts me daily pressing me on my beliefs and than when I disagree with him he goes ape shit. He called me racist for saying I love black women today, than went on a rant about people who get married are basically slave owners. I’ve told him many times that I just want a simple life...have a few kids, get married and settle down. He takes huge issue with this. I deleted my signal app today because that’s how I talk to him and told him to stop texting me, he started texting me more on sms, saying that anyone whose associated with me is a loser. I blocked his number.

I go to my parents house, I fall asleep on the couch. It’s always some drama. I just came to visit because it’s Sunday. My father starts screaming for my sister to come down and show him how to use the tv at the top of his lungs. I ask him politely to be quiet because I am taking a nap. He starts yelling at me to go fuck myself. It’s shit like this all the time

I feel like absolute garbage and completely low. Growing up everything seemed so normal. But here I am, 28, and I don’t care to hear from my family anymore. They won’t let me go but I’m done with them. I’m going to change my number and cut them off, I’ll reach out to them at some point, but I don’t want to be in regular contact. I want to start my own family and my own life, I’m so lost
Augustus Gossleson - Mon, 18 May 2020 08:30:24 EST 5CmzjCid No.534647 Reply
It sounds like you don't have a great relationship with your family.

>I went to my parents' house for a Sunday visit and told them all to be quiet so I could sleep

So, what you need to work on is being less selfish, being less focused on what is making you individually uncomfortable and upset in life. It sounds like you might also be displaying some behavior that's indicative of a certain minority segment of right wing views. As you're experiencing, it's not the views that people have a problem with, it's the arrogant, selfish, boorish behavior that comes with them, behavior that you have demonstrated. This, combined with your total lack of ability to connect with other humans means that you just don't belong around people.
Phineas Debblebanks - Tue, 19 May 2020 19:10:41 EST OZEY0BK7 No.534666 Reply
Yeah your brother is clearly in the wrong but you're in the wrong with your dad. It's his home. He can be as loud as he wants. Help him out with his TV next time.

How to find an asian girl in America?

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- Sat, 16 May 2020 06:58:18 EST UZC9gHak No.534613
File: 1589626698192.png -(104257B / 101.81KB, 549x413) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. How to find an asian girl in America?
How do I find a good asian girl? Yes I know there’s tons of slutty girls in asia too.

Asia is the one place ive talked to decent girls where they aren’t sexually impulsive don’t post half naked selfies and slut out and stuff. Yes I know a lot of them there do it it’s not perfect but still it’s the only place ive met a handful.

The problem is the only asian country I would be interested in would be japan and I could never move there cause when I was younger I came from a really shitty area and got arrested for dumb shit like weed and pills.

Plus I have random moments where I see everyone else having fun and I just say fuck it I wanna just smoke weed make a ton of money and fuck sluts and maybe it a good one comes along sure but whatever.

Whenever I see my heroes and celebrities and shit living all my dreams having fun I just like fall under a spell and turn evil again.

I’ve met a handful of girls there that are the only non sexually impulsive girls I’ve met before and I like it better
7 posts omitted. Click View Thread to read.
Henry Buzzwill - Sun, 17 May 2020 07:40:12 EST +eu7fILs No.534636 Reply
So? What if I am? You people are just as bad as fucking god
Polly Drattingshit - Sun, 17 May 2020 11:00:22 EST xbwHm37A No.534639 Reply
You fucking got me.

If you are him or you aren't him, you got me.
Albert Cindlekad - Wed, 20 May 2020 20:40:46 EST ehhnNOgT No.534668 Reply
look for the ones with squinty eyes, how do you not know this by now ffs.

What do

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- Sat, 16 May 2020 07:39:14 EST +eu7fILs No.534616
File: 1589629154026.jpg -(34000B / 33.20KB, 633x758) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. What do
The only way I can fall asleep at night is if im totally sleep deprived like eyes burning all day getting no sleep

Any time I feel well rested I still feel tired all day and then I just stay up all night and I hate the feeling

Plus sometimes I have these moments clarity at like 7 am where I actually feel relaxed and good and in a good mood and calm and I don’t wanna ruin it by sleeping. Every day when I wake up I feel totally miserable and dead inside and depressed and tired and in pain all day.
Frederick Fingershit - Sat, 16 May 2020 08:44:36 EST L2FV8Wg5 No.534619 Reply
Melatonin is optional, and go to bed with lights and devices off at the same time every night and wake up at the same time every morning and actually get out of bed immediately when you wake up. Do this for 30 consecutive days or don't complain about not being able to sleep.
Augustus Drunkinson - Sat, 16 May 2020 10:56:44 EST t6SQpQCg No.534627 Reply
How much physical activity do you get? Your body evolved to slay wooly mammoths and climb mountains.

If you've been sitting on your ass for a few years staring at a computer indoors, go out and exhaust yourself. I mean really be physical to total failure. You'll sleep pretty fuckin good after a few days of that and it will help with your other problems.

Doesn't have to be a gym or trail or anything. Fill a bucket with water and carry it around if you have nothing else. If you're not willing to make an effort to wear yourself out, then at least acknowledge your responsibility for your low state.

How Do I Accept I Am Unlovable

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- Sun, 10 May 2020 23:13:44 EST vvDr0STC No.534521
File: 1589166824313.jpg -(138283B / 135.04KB, 828x1792) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. How Do I Accept I Am Unlovable
I have too many psych problems, too many physical problems, and I’m not physically attractive enough for them to be over looked. I try to use rejection as a tool to grow and be better next time. But all it has taught me is that I am 100% unlovable and unlikable. How do I not kill myself? How can I be happy knowing I will, for a fact, die alone?

It’s nobodies fault but my own, I don’t blame anyone. I just have to accept that this is how evolution works. The weak don’t get to be included or valid. They simply don’t, no matter what selfish assholes will say just to look like a good person.

I just have to accept it. Murderers and violent criminals are more worthy of love and family than me, it’s been proven over and over again.
So why should I stick around? I’m literally less worthy than the people that society says are the bottom of the barrel. How do I not sling a bullet through the roof of my mouth knowing that? What’s even the point? I don’t enjoy things or have fun anymore. Everything including eating is just a chore. Good food doesn’t taste good anymore... Why should I care about being alive? How do I not kill myself tonight?
6 posts and 1 images omitted. Click View Thread to read.
George Serrylot - Fri, 15 May 2020 16:04:41 EST VVER+Pn7 No.534601 Reply
1589573081266.jpg -(106972B / 104.46KB, 736x1105) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
Whenever I feel like this I try to remind myself that being "lovable" and "likable" are not necessarily good qualities. You allude to what I'm about to say when you say "Murderers and violent criminals are more worthy of love than me". What I was about to say is looks at Ted Bundy. Dude had women lining up to send him love letters and wedding fucking proposals. BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU'RE LESS DESERVING OF LOVE. If anything, all it rreally means is that people are fucked up with how and who they choose to love. e.g. - THEY'RE the fucked up ones not you. I like to tell myself that in reality I'm evolutionarily superior to not everyone else but most everyone else. So much so that I'm unlikable because I experience reality in a far more colorful and exhilirating way than other people do. And that makes me feel good. Some may say that I just have an inflated ego but for right now I need and want that inflated ego to make me feel good. If I need to deflate my ego I can do so at a later time. Anyways, that's how I try to deal with the feelings you have talked about and that's what helps me.
Frederick Hazzledock - Fri, 15 May 2020 16:14:38 EST 49/hf0JB No.534602 Reply
Love yourself.

Boyfriends BFF is a sociopath.

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- Thu, 07 May 2020 22:18:14 EST DolwC/Df No.534492
File: 1588904294902.jpg -(27008B / 26.38KB, 599x569) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Boyfriends BFF is a sociopath.
I started dating a guy a few months ago and we are madly in love. We are like made for eachother in every way possible and we are very happy together. We have yet to move in together, but we have spent two months together non-stop everyday so we are sure about moving forward with this.

Currently we live 300 km away from eachother, and due to work and the logistics of merging our lifes, we have decided that it will be 6-12 months before we move in together more permanently and that's fine. He is the one and he feels likewise towards me.

Now the problem is his roomate who had also been his best friend for 10 years. She is a total sociopath, always surrounded by tons of drama, is an toxic alcoholic, etc. A friend of ours recently killed himself, I think partly because she fucked him over while fucking several of his friends at the same time (classic sociopath behaviour). She requiers attention and needs to be in the center of everything. 99 % of everything she says is more or less about her, which in itself is pretty impressive tbh. She is so caught up in her own bullshit that I honestly feel sorry for her, but I don't get why anyone would like to spend time with her (apart from her looks).

Anyway, I've always been nice and polite towards her, not because I like her but because she is his friend and I do not wish to be on bad terms with her. However, I can't really say that I want her anywhere near me. Or him for that matter, but I do not believe it is my place to dictate who he is friends with, just as I would not like him to dictate who my friends are.

Today she got drunk (which is often) and decided to invade our privacy and simply jump into his bed where we were halfnaked. It was fine I guess, we talked for a bit (she went on about her issues, more or less ignoring any insight I had to offer and mainly talking to him) and then she started crying and he told her she could sleep with us instead of her own bed. (I believe I should have atleast been consulted prior to presenting that offer to her, I do understand that he was just being a considerate friend tho.) And she said yes.

I have issues with sleeping with people I am not closed to. But I guess that slipped his mind, we had a long day and we were both tired and I decided to give it a shot anyway and not say anything. After all, his friend is important to him. I felt anxious tho and realised that I would not be able to sleep so I simply went up and left. After a 10 minutes walk I went over to a good friend of mine where I will be sleeping tonight.

I sent him a text and told him not to worry, mentioned where I was and told him to take care of his friend in a neutral tone. He replied and thanked me for being so understanding.

Now the thing is, I really dislike her and believe she is a shitty influence. I do however like the fact that he has his own free will, but idk how I feel about him inviting an attentionseeking and drunk sociopath to sleep with us. I am wrong to feel wierd about it?

I am not mad at him, since I do believe his intentions were pure. There is also the fact that she tried to have sex with him just when we started seeing eachother (an offer he politely declined). They had threesome sometime last year tho. She has also been upset about the fact that we have been loosely planning the future moving in together part, like the fact that he will be moving to my town (which is bigger and better even careerwise) because she is so afraid of losing him.

Truthfully, I want that bitch as far away from him as possible because she is legit crazy and it just feels like sooner or later that crazy might cause drama for me. Obviously I won't make him choose between his love and his best friend, but how the fuck should act in all this?

I am not the jealous type, nor I am insecure. I know my own value and won't tolerate shit once it starts pouring down on me, but it would suck if someones elses shitty life begins to affect my relationship and potentially fuck shig up for me.

Any advice is welcome.
8 posts omitted. Click View Thread to read.
Molly Heffingketch - Wed, 13 May 2020 07:29:32 EST ngHTuAx8 No.534556 Reply
Yeah no offense but you're rushing in a bit early. You dont know how you'll think about him after the sparkle wears off.

You also seem to be putting all the blame on her where to be honest his behavior is much more shitty. Shes not in a relationship with anyone. He is. He crossed a line and invited a woman that was drunk and had sexual experience with him, into your bed. It's not a behavior that should be allowed in my experience. Sleeping together for several hours with no one around and pure physical lust. Its prime cheating opportunity. It kinda is cheating but maybe you've jumped the gun on what your relationship means to him right now. Dunno
Jack Summleville - Thu, 14 May 2020 19:47:04 EST h82wmrnd No.534585 Reply
Or they could just become polygamous and with OP being first wife, gets to use second wife as sex slave. All problems solved.
Beatrice Sondlebury - Thu, 14 May 2020 20:53:21 EST 3xVrj3us No.534587 Reply
Imo don't poke the bear. avoid her as much as possible while being neutral verging on warm, and non-threatening. with these types of people, it's the best to be boring as shit. they'll just lose interest in you. Sterile responses. Not much reaction. She'll get bored and leave you alone at least, although not your boyfriend. Just be nice BUT don't give too much and just be fucking boring. I cannot repeat this enough. Be boring as fuck.

in terms of moving out, don't talk about it with her. just be like, yeah, one day probably, idk. she will definitely be a nightmare when he moves because it will light all of her abandonment issues on fire, but that's not gonna be for a while anyway, so in the meantime just focus on being incredibly boring when she's around.

on time

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- Tue, 12 May 2020 16:37:23 EST khf5ypXt No.534547
File: 1589315843033.jpg -(52721B / 51.49KB, 640x359) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. on time
What is the deal with people who cannot be anywhere on time? Or people who cannot get ready in an ample amount of time? And is it just me or is this a feminine quality, and is it a quality of all females?

When I get a text saying "I'll be there in 20 minutes", why in the fuck does it take the person 45 minutes to arrive.. And why the FUCK does this happen over, and over, and over again?

The only reasoning I have is that the person has such a piss poor concept of time and they have never been challenged at all to fix themselves.

Also what is wrong with these people who take 2 and a half hours to get ready? "Hey, we need to leave in 25 minutes is that cool?" "Yea of course I'll "get ready" "....... 1 hour later ........

I'm not the smartest person in the world and I certainly don't have all the answers, so can someone please enlighten me?
4 posts omitted. Click View Thread to read.
Jack Brishson - Wed, 13 May 2020 04:53:01 EST En0OhpUp No.534555 Reply
Here in Germany, the old custom is that letting someone wait for more tha 15 min is rude, and you're free to do anything else if the person you want to meet with is later than that and does not tell you about it.
But then again, it's still a personal preference as well. When I know someone who is notoriously late, I usually invite them earlier so he's still on time for me.

>when my friends arrange a meet up they'll say 8pm but really it's like 8:40pm
They obviously don't care about something so fundamental as your time then, and I'd consider that the line between "friend" and "acquaintance".
Oliver Shittingwater - Wed, 13 May 2020 07:52:57 EST DNby09mt No.534557 Reply
Perhaps you should get more comfortable with waiting on others. People aren't going to magically become more considerate based on how angry you get, how long your diatribes are.
Ebenezer Clellylock - Wed, 13 May 2020 11:34:27 EST 3ScQQ4dj No.534564 Reply
>They obviously don't care about something so fundamental as your time then, and I'd consider that the line between "friend" and "acquaintance
or i obviously don't care enough about time to end friendships, where did i say it's fundamental?

Why does struggling feel so good

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- Mon, 11 May 2020 15:17:00 EST iBY0TkQf No.534528
File: 1589224620961.jpg -(112552B / 109.91KB, 720x900) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Why does struggling feel so good
the state of this world is terrible to put it into a single word
1 posts omitted. Click View Thread to read.
Anonymous - Mon, 11 May 2020 23:31:12 EST iBY0TkQf No.534534 Reply
Sorry Jimin was making me think I was retarded yet again but it's just her being nervous around me sorry

Why do simple memes like this destroy me

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- Sat, 02 May 2020 22:06:43 EST oIwDzmmc No.534462
File: 1588471603122.jpg -(82822B / 80.88KB, 421x960) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Why do simple memes like this destroy me
Im just crying nonstop, over a meme. Like, It sucks. No idea why this happens to me, not even specifically just this one, theres a lot of them that just tear me open. Why am i so 'triggered' by these? They make me so incredibly sad
6 posts omitted. Click View Thread to read.
Hugh Blallerhot - Tue, 12 May 2020 11:31:51 EST 3ScQQ4dj No.534543 Reply
that has to be the saddest episode in animated television
Hugh Blallerhot - Tue, 12 May 2020 11:49:01 EST 3ScQQ4dj No.534544 Reply
that has to be the saddest episode in animated television

Roomate Drama because of COVID

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- Sat, 09 May 2020 17:10:02 EST 76QM/3Le No.534507
File: 1589058602536.jpg -(277255B / 270.76KB, 1920x1080) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Roomate Drama because of COVID
We have three cats in our apartment. I share a bedroom with my gf. Roommate has other room.

Yesterday she spazzed out and said that we were dirty and dangerous because we're not taking proper precaution because of the covid. Like she just started screaming this from the kitchen. Our bedroom is next to the kitchen so she was just outside the door.

I will admit my and my girl (me especially) are bad with cleaning the knobs when we come from the outside. But other than that, we've started wearing mask. Before we were just inside stores. For a time we didn't wear them but that was like 3 weeks ago.

Maybe I'm an asshole because of this. But we are quarantined. Working from home. Occasionally we go to the store.

We don't communicate this with our roommate and she thinks we're going partying and gangbangs. We're not that open with her but we do give her the impression that we are taking precautions and practicing social distancing. But she just wants constant tab on us.

So we have three cats. They're hers but they come inside our room and hang out. One in particular sleeps with us and sometimes spends days with us.

This cat is adorable. She just flops on her back on our bed while the two of us work (me and my girl both work out of our room). We're always petting and playing with her. She allows me to cradle her. Not a lot but sometimes she'll just melt in my arms and purr.

So yesterday the roommate starts screaming and insulting us. And she asks us to close the door because we're not allowed to interact with the cats or touch them because they can catch COVID

I told her no, the door wasn't going to be closed.. I swear to god I tried to keep a level head and tone through this whole breakdown. While she was yelling, I was trying to address the issues in a polite inside voice. I maintained my cool until the last part.

She asked me why I wasn't going to close the door and I said "To get inside your head. So everything you see it, you get paranoid and crazy. The cats are your responsibility."

For a time we were splitting the cost of two cats and something happened where she felt more comfortable taking 100% ownership of the cats. Because two of the cats were found outside and taken in by her so we were fostering them together. Either way I threw it at her that we weren't closing the door.

Now she's locked in her room with the three cats. It happened yesterday.

One other short story. is that for a time she was working in the living room all the time when the quarantine thing happened. My girl started to want to work out there occasionally because she wanted out of our room for a little bit. A change of scene. This lady flipped the fucked out. She was basically saying that we were ganging up on her. She said I was on my girl's side because we were fucking even though me and my girl also pay 2/3 the rent+utilities.

We said that it was just a day or two a week for a couple hours. She start mentioning other issues she had with us and insulting us. We stopped the conversation and said forget it. Ever since then, she's worked exclusively out of her bedroom.

It's so hard to find peace. And I miss the cats.
4 posts and 1 images omitted. Click View Thread to read.
Cedric Ferryford - Sun, 10 May 2020 00:36:52 EST fqJnozmR No.534516 Reply

Ok you'll be out soon so u just gotta survive. At this point since the friendship with her doesn't matter, and you said u don't want confrontation, I'd say take best care of your own mental health as possible. Don't let her weirdness bring ya down too much.

Embrace the situation any way you can and stay hydrated. I'd go absolutely insane trapped in a bedroom with someone all day, so don't allow her to bully you into your room. I say she sounds like the one wanting total isolation, so living room is all yours. Hell, sleep on the couch if you want. She can fuck off to her room as long as she wants.
George Ponkinmutch - Sun, 10 May 2020 09:34:46 EST 76QM/3Le No.534519 Reply

That's pretty much the plan. Mainly wanted other perspectives, maybe some validation or sympathy. Appreciate it
William Grandson - Sun, 10 May 2020 09:48:09 EST TvHsihYW No.534520 Reply
1589118489212.gif -(1664348B / 1.59MB, 494x565) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
Then you're on the right path, I feel ya and your feelings are valid. Good luck!

My mental health is deteriorating and I'm slipping into alcoholism

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- Sat, 09 May 2020 18:52:38 EST E+vNS3eR No.534510
File: 1589064758559.jpg -(119086B / 116.29KB, 1360x1360) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. My mental health is deteriorating and I'm slipping into alcoholism
Edward Shakeshaw - Sat, 09 May 2020 18:53:08 EST E+vNS3eR No.534511 Reply
How do I erase it? Posted by mistake
Simon Bammerkock - Sun, 10 May 2020 04:33:18 EST oAx2PF9R No.534517 Reply
Report the thread saying that you're the OP and you want the thread deleted.

keeping up journaling for the long-term?

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- Tue, 21 Apr 2020 09:34:20 EST mttQWkrO No.534375
File: 1587476060843.jpg -(5064B / 4.95KB, 275x183) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. keeping up journaling for the long-term?
Anyone else do this or have experiences with something similar? I've gotten a lot out of it over the years and now I'm really starting to realize how important to me it's become. It's a hard thing to recommend per say, since I ended up doing it completely on accident and it's kind of annoying to tell someone to start a personal development project and then wait years for it to start bearing fruit. But honestly, with journaling as a mindfulness project you can really start to get a lot out of it quick, even if you rip up the pages or delete it every time, because a huge part of the immediate therapeutic value is in sorting out your thoughts in the first place.

Back in 2012, when I was a junior in high school getting super into programming and electronics, I started doing a journal to document projects I was working on, but it quickly turned into your typical angsty teenage shit about how I was doing in general. Over time, it kind of morphed from a journal I'd write in once or twice a week to a series of these sort of "letters to myself" of much more infrequent, (generally) much longer entries. I lost the first two and a half years of entries or so in a system crash years ago because I hadn't backed it up all the way, but that was honestly around the time I consciously shifted from the journal idea to its present form so it worked out.

The really neat thing though is that at this point as a work it's almost taken on a life of its own. I can see these common patterns and trends in my thinking that I never in a million years would've observed without all this material. I can see myself radically change and develop as a person too. It's really surreal to see something YOU wrote and have it read like a total stranger wrote it, both in terms of content and prose. Some of it is kind of scary, there are entries I have no recollection of making about events I have no recollection of. Basically, all of the darkest and happiest moments of my life were for the most part recorded as they happened.

What does this do then? Well, the first thing that struck me years ago was the entries have a tendency to be very cyclical. I have these high points where I seem to have figured out all the secrets of the world, I love myself and everyone around me, everything's great and I finally "made it" and then I burn out, get jaded, start to doubt everything I had just figured out. I think being cognizant of this pattern helped me catch early on when I started to develop bipolar disorder a couple years ago and made me much quicker to accept my diagnosis.

Another interesting and I think reaffirming thing is reading about how you felt during terrible times in your life and being so far removed the experience you can't conjure up what those feelings even were. I have entries from days before suicide attempts and overdoses and every day I'm able to comprehend that state of mind less and less.

It does make me wonder though: where am I in all this? Sometimes I'll be reading older entries and really vehemently doubt something I wrote actually happened to me, and a lot of times I'll have gotten the chronology of events wrong in my head, and even though I know it's objectively much more likely I was right then and wrong now, it's still a tough pill to swallow that one's memory could be so faulty. Not only that, but when going over and rereading it, I can't help but fix tiny grammatical errors and add these little asides and clarifications. Thing is though, these are clarifications as I remember them sometimes years after the fact, and one of the biggest lessons this whole thing taught me is how faulty memory can be. I think the real question is does it matter? Usually I make a note if it's a significant edit but even then, do these changes have an effect on my character in the narrative and subsequently who I "actually" am, if I'm using this specifically as a tool to get in touch with whoever that is?
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Caroline Hashford - Wed, 29 Apr 2020 21:45:42 EST bnCms6Vn No.534437 Reply
This is a descent into madness. I assume you know how to ride this shit out if you've had bipolar for a while but that second one is a little concerning. You can view it as a positive if it helps you shake off old negative thought patterns, but the same exact thing could also be seen as the first warning signs of psychosis. As someone whose also been through it, the way I see it this could just as easily be a serious, lasting breakthrough or you're dissociated AND manic, like your brain's giving you your own fix of PCP. If you're doing good, you're doing good and I'm not here to take that away from you, you seem very introspective so I'm just offering an alternative view point, just saying maybe be conscious of what's really going on here.
Phineas Blizzlestone - Sun, 03 May 2020 15:20:55 EST mttQWkrO No.534475 Reply
yeah no i was definitely just manic, I feel like dog shit now, i have to remember it's like any other drug and that it would've been way better to cut it off than ride it out and end up like i am now, i'm not even suicidal, that doesn't even feel like an option, i'm just stuck here forever

and i'm legitimately very upset that i deleted it, but like anything else it wouldn't have done me any good to jerk myself off about how i'm experiencing a great becoming when in reality i'm just psychotic

it's really easy to say you love the highs AND the lows when youre in a high, every time i'm up it's a gift, every time i'm down i wish i could just be normal
[name redacted] !h55/E7mIo6 - Thu, 07 May 2020 17:07:27 EST e4/rpFrB No.534490 Reply
I've been journaling on and off since 2015. I originally started just as a way of recording my dreams, just because they would be so impactful on me, that I'd think it would be a waste to forget them. Then about a month alter, I wanted to see how my sleep and diet could affect my dreams, so I started noting down those with them. Afterwards, I thought the more detailed I could be (what I watched on TV, interactions with people, thoughts I had), the more I could analyse what could cause me to dream about certain things.

I wouldn't say the effects take years to kick in though, and journalling is not something I hide from people, and when people ask I'll tell them of the benefits I get from it, but I don't go around actively recommending it for fear of being preachy. I had one funny story where a friend of mine was going to get kicked out of the uni residence for having a girl over past a certain time, with him saying that the day they were claiming she didn't even come over, though it was about two weeks after the event. He told me about it, and I was curious and went back through my journal, and found that we had spent pretty much that entire afternoon/night in the university library because it was the only place with heaters nearby, so they could check the camera there and realise they had wrong information, since they were basing it on one of the security guard's recollection.

In more serious ways though, I have a habit of overhyping bad things and worrying a lot. Usually when I recognise I'm getting like this, I'll go back in my journal and read from say a month or two earlier, and it would usually calm me down. I'd see a month ago I'd be freaking out about what I thought was the end of the world, and I would have forgotten all about by now. Helps me realise that what I'm freaking out over now, could possibly mean nothing to me in a week, so it's not too much to worry over. It's also good for noting progress too. I've moved my life forwards in certain ways, and it's nice to look back at days where I"d play LoL all day and eat plain pasta because it was all I could afford, which makes me feel thankful for having a job and the option to choose what I want to eat now.

I really like the second point that >>534398 brings up as well, you do have to learn from this to benefit from it. I usually read over what I've written at the end of the night, and try to see what I did well and what I didn't, to prevent it in the future. Could be something as simple as "I was feeling tired today at work, so my mind wasn't working as fast as it should. That's likely because I was up until 2am watching movies or something, so I should remember not to do that in the future or I'll keep feeling like this."

That being said, it doesn't always work, as I'm typing this instead of doing an essay that's due in about 3 hours, despite me having 5 years of daily notes about how shit I promise I'll start early next time so I don't have to rush it and feel like shit.

addicted to intoxication

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- Sun, 03 May 2020 03:13:40 EST 1WukA8xH No.534464
File: 1588490020065.png -(110729B / 108.13KB, 800x600) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. addicted to intoxication
>abused the hella out of weed for a year to the point that I knew I was gonna get fucked up mentally every time I smoked
>almost became an alcoholic but my parents stopped me
I just love the feeling of being in a state of not having to think. It makes me feel free plus everything seems funnier and better.

What is this? Depression?
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Walter Druzzlefield - Sun, 03 May 2020 16:14:02 EST 1WukA8xH No.534477 Reply
I have a past with mental illness and anxiety, yes.

>I would guess you can't stand your sober existence. You retreat into drugs because that's easier than making it not suck.
Sounds reasonable.
I am currently getting hold of my life and doing things that for a long wanted to but didn't but I guess that drugs are still so much easier.
Phineas Bobblemen - Sun, 03 May 2020 16:25:33 EST 1SSFeKJF No.534479 Reply
Addiction and addictive behaviour is usually a symptom of other issues.

In the long run making the effort is easier. You put short term effort in but as your life improves day to day existing becomes less of a burden and eventually even a pleasure. Which is a lot less effort. It saves you far more energy than you need to put in. But you have to slog a bit to get there.
Henry Sinkinstedge - Wed, 06 May 2020 21:23:49 EST dUVcksLs No.534489 Reply
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I feel this so much.
I spent my early 20s smoking and drinking my face off, even if my friends were sober I'd be lit, I'd be stumbling through public and stuff. From childhood until this point I was insanely depressed and thought about suicide every day.

Then I had an experience with psychedelics and since then had never any thoughts of suicide or the hopelessness of the worst depression that had been by lifetime normal. I thought everything was 'fixed' and had an opportunity to go to college in my late 20s so I took it and have been doing fine there, sober (conservative dry school) and just enjoying being a student.

But since quarantine I've been hitting everything really hard. And I would defend myself saying it's not to self-medicate from depression because I'm not depressed anymore, and it can't be a purely chemical addiction because I've been clean for about 2 years so my body wouldn't still be dependent on it.

So then what. Having a good time is one thing but I'm in a state of constantly regretting going overboard, then doing it again. Like OP I just can't resist getting out of reality, even though reality hasn't been bad for a while.

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