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420chan is Getting Overhauled - Changelog/Bug Report/Request Thread (Updated March 22)
help by Matilda Punninghood - Sat, 11 Aug 2018 04:25:53 EST ID:OWx1ClP7 No.526064 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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I like this girl that I met through a friends' girlfriend, but im afraid if I try to get with her people will try to ruin it for me. I also think she has a boyfriend but I dont think its serious and am not concerned about that as much.

I saw her over their earlier and we talked but not as more than friends, I try to flirt given the opportunity but im not around her enough and idk if it would be weird if I hit her up to chill alone and I dont need anymore rumors about me. Dont need her asking people about me and hearing about my history some borderline alt-right/anti-feminist beliefs ive expressed while drunk.

Shes 20 and im 26, she also knows my younger brother and is friends with his old roommate who does not have a very high opinion of me.

But slowly have seen a few people in the friend group start relationships over the years and it seems like a good fit.

What should I do?
Matilda Punninghood - Sat, 11 Aug 2018 04:29:05 EST ID:OWx1ClP7 No.526065 Ignore Report Quick Reply
should mention that the light flirting ive tried seemed well received and im mainly worried about her hearing about my history with other women, times ive gotten in trouble with the law and sketchy situations etc, ive had a few run ins with the law and a history of bad women
Eugene Diffingson - Sat, 11 Aug 2018 05:33:39 EST ID:chlF7WbL No.526066 Ignore Report Quick Reply

FUCK. HER. During sex start screeching alt-right paroles and snapchat that shit to all your friends. Report back to thread with the aftermath of your endeavour.

Oops by John Murdstone - Tue, 07 Aug 2018 03:50:07 EST ID:K3Qj7mcA No.525975 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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>fucked a girl two weeks ago
>really fucking good sex, ate her out and all that shit
>few days later got sores on the inside of my lips, and itchy red spots around my pubic area and shingles outbreak around my body
>got fucking herpes

Feel really depressed and mentally sick. Guess you never think it will happen to you until it does
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Charlotte Brookfield - Wed, 08 Aug 2018 08:45:08 EST ID:MWjCNRJw No.526008 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Hannah Perrychadge - Wed, 08 Aug 2018 14:26:10 EST ID:ka63e54W No.526013 Ignore Report Quick Reply
That's fucked. I've literally spent hours looking at any given thing on my dick and thought it was the herp or super aids. I got chlamydia, that spooked me real good. Now, when I'm being smart, I abstain from casual sex. I'm sorry dude, but I bet you'll get used to it.
My hearing is damaged and my teeth are fucked. I alienate most people, I've got a substance abuse problem. I've got no real professional skills, I'm 26 and the only thing that seems to hold any meaning for me is something probably impossible.
Anyway, and I'm realizing the same thing, is that you're gonna die some day. I don't think that grief is gonna stay with you for as long as you think.
Polly Besslestock - Wed, 08 Aug 2018 21:32:42 EST ID:gM9kH+Yw No.526018 Ignore Report Quick Reply

im at a loss by Eugene Nunninghood - Mon, 06 Aug 2018 17:07:32 EST ID:9QXVx2Nf No.525956 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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here's a backstory so you can get some context to my situation as its very important in order to understand the issue. but feel free to skip to the end to get the gist of it.

ive been friends with this girl since i was a kid, 13 years old or so. we've been best friends ever since then and never had any romantic things going on besides a bit of sexual tension at the end of highschool. once we graduated that stopped and we started dating and i took her virginity. we dated for about 3 years and then fell out after she got bored and wanted to start dating other people. she did it in the worst way possible and waited until the last minute to admit it and put me through a lot of emotional trauma instead of speaking up. this happened at least two more times after our first falling out.

now, I was a shitty boyfriend at that too. cocky, didn't treat her as well as I should, didn't make her feel loved like she should. I took her for granted honestly. so after our last falling out, she didnt want to move up to another city with me as she's scared of change (after telling me for months we were going to move away, planned it and everything but she got cold feet at the last minute after I had comitted to a job up there). so it ended quite badly and we didn't talk for 3 years...

I reached out to her a couple of months ago via email and poured my heart out while on a massive dose of 3-HO-PCP. she reciprocated it way better than I thought and she felt the same way as I... we couldn't get over each other dispite having zero contact and other people in between. we really do love each other, granted I'm not sure if its romantic anymore and thats where my issue starts.

we hooked up on the first day we saw each other. her move, I told her from the start it might not be a good idea to see each other so soon and to consider going slower but to no avail the tension was just waaay too high. we started seeing each other once every week or two, but I had to be hidden away as she's technically still dating somebody. she's dating this girl because of a living situation and can only afford to stay there even though they don't act as a couple anymore idk how true that is though. everything else seems to be going well, we treat each other super well and actually talk about our futures together. I genuinely want the best for her and her happiness even if I dont fit into the picture. this girl is my fucking life, 3 years of no contact and I love her even more if anything despite her hurting me in the past.

I had a very bad stint in my depression and stopped texting her as often, I told her this even, and she was supportive. Even if I never texted her back she'd send things like hang in there<3 I love you etc etc. now, in the past few days, she completely flip flopped and we're talking like brother and sister? it went from sweet, cute texts to just friendly bs... I sent her a picture of me looking sharp as fuck in my new blazer and she said I look "really good" :| and she takes HOURS to text me back ever since I did the same during my depression stint (I have chronic depression but had a recent very dark period). I told her I downloaded Tinder and that I'm kind of losing hope, as we had a similar convo last week but it was settled when I found out she's been super stressed at work and depressed about her living situation, understandable.

but nothing changes? I tell her she can vent to me and tell me her problems, I can't fix them but I can give advice and at the very least listen to her... but she wont do it. this girl was begging me to continue talking to her a few weeks back after I felt similar and was about to cut her loose and save my mental health but she convinced me she was serious. its like a fucking emotional tug-of-war where she doesn't seem to even think of me until I'm on my way out the door.
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Nicholas Hozzlehadge - Tue, 07 Aug 2018 20:52:08 EST ID:yDKihQN5 No.525996 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Honestly dude, confidence with women is one of those ones. You gotta find your way of reconnecting with your spirit, so to speak. I highly doubt that size matters for everyone, but confidence and execution does. Carry yourself like a stronger man, overcome some of your inner demons and just let honesty and personal reflection do the rest for you. Don’t drift, follow your compass true north to a better horizon.

Sorry to hear about the camera mate that sucks. If I were you, I’d consider a change of strategy on tinder. Take some time out, get your shit together and then do your launch properly on that app. Get over this chick, make some headway on finding your confidence and begin to find some hobbies that you get a kick out of. You need a bit more going on in your life right now, otherwise whichever girl you meet is gonna just fuck your head up.... again. You ain’t ready dude, it’s just nice to feel like you had options - I get it. But now you do, it’s how do you execute those options?

Finding a social life is tough. People ain’t chasing the past when they are living in the present. Best to meet new people. I can’t offer suggestions other than that, if you look for like minded individuals in places you can find them, you’ll probably find your place without even trying. I definitely assimilated into some crowds naturally, just by being where I was, by being me. Alternatively learn some extroverted skills and organise things with your people you still at least know.

She did some cold moves. It was definitely some form of emotional manipulation when she tells you she loves you while having a bunch of long term boyfriends in high school. It’s definitey not cool to tell me we will go on a date and then not wait the 6 weeks till I finish my exams, I return to find she’s got a new bf. I lost my virginity to her, first love blabla. But it was just swingy, hot n cold, emotionally absent shit. Total chaos in terms of my heart.
Hedda Billingspear - Tue, 07 Aug 2018 21:43:30 EST ID:jhxT8BUJ No.525999 Ignore Report Quick Reply
telling him to move on is considered asshole behavior now?
i'm not the one dropping buzzwords cus they're pissed, have fun being angry online tho
Nicholas Hozzlehadge - Wed, 08 Aug 2018 09:05:21 EST ID:yDKihQN5 No.526010 Ignore Report Quick Reply

I relate to your experience of high school, a lot. There will be a lot of l details will be different, but the themes are all consistent. Up until the point where at around 17/18 I blossomed, having figured out how the game works and getting at least a mild grip on social skills. But I ended up losing the ability to say I was no lifer within a few years because I got lucky and basically chased a few rabbits down some holes. Still had the drug issues, psychosises, burnt out friendships etc but things did pick up, I changed to the point of being undetectable without really knowing me. Thing is, no matter how far you go, you never really forget an experience like being the bullied loner school hopping with extreme panic/anxiety/paranoia/reclusive/social issues for years.

You've got a good assessment of your situation. You've got your head about you. You see things clearly, contextualized properly and you understand the approach that will help you fix the problems you've identified. You've got the potential in you to do this mate, I hope you don't give up. Making new friends in real life is difficult after you pass the standard catalysts in your coming of age - school, university, any tribes you could have picked up along the way. But don't give up. Sometimes you just have to kind of stick your fucking head out there and see what happens. Small goals build to large achievements.

>"i'd just kill for what you had over those high school years instead of what i put up with during school/home "
This hit me in the feels. I felt this way for a long time and a part of me always will. It pisses me off that my life was subjected to the tyrannies of bad men and pathetic children. They ended up defining me more than myself, for a long time. Long term psychological, logical, emotional discrepancies caused by living in hostile environments and completely missing a lot of experiences which are generally "core" to growing up healthy and stable.

But there came a point where my suffering became my strength. I can relate to a lot of people. I can carry a confidence of a man who's seen warfare and extremes of rejection. My experiences served as motivati…
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What could a therapist even do for me? by Nicholas Settingbanks - Mon, 06 Aug 2018 21:09:55 EST ID:P6QQe4LA No.525961 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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My entire family is dead. I don't have any friends. I've been homeless before. I don't care about anything.

I exercise. I eat healthy. I have hobbies. I still hate everyone around me, and myself sometimes.

What could a therapist realistically do for me? I don't see any of my thoughts as toxic, they're realistic. My own family members have tried to steal from me. My friends never cared about me or my problems. Society doesn't give a shit about you.

I'm depressed because the world is a depressing place.

You can't trust anyone. Nobody cares about you. If you get crippled or raped or lose all your money people will just laugh at you. I don't feel happy about anything, and whenever I see someone getting childishly excited over whatever fucking random bullshit it is they've got, I see them as naive and idiotic. They're just too stupid to be concerned with anything.
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Jenny Turveyson - Tue, 07 Aug 2018 23:41:38 EST ID:dwxJXzd4 No.526001 Ignore Report Quick Reply
that's not me dumbass
Edwin Gucklemork - Wed, 08 Aug 2018 01:04:49 EST ID:lBwVUAhn No.526002 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Yeah, wonton rejection of opposing thought sure is a trait of the worthless boomers who destroyed this country despite being handed prosperity on a silver platter.

Go protest a nuclear site
Augustus Dassletick - Sat, 11 Aug 2018 13:50:45 EST ID:XF5YxyN/ No.526073 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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Hey! I answer to Wonton, if there's one thing holding this place in a hand basket it's you, me, and God Almighty rubbing elbow grease into every cranny so it runs as easy as a bird putting on her slip. You hear me, Dag?

i think i might kill myself by Molly Pallerfield - Wed, 01 Aug 2018 00:35:04 EST ID:+eu7fILs No.525868 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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idk wtf happened after like 2014-2015 my life just straight up fucking ended.

I used to have cute girlfriends and I had a few girls I talked to and stuff. I remember I had a really nice girl online I talked to a long time. I used to have friends I did things I was more full of life and everything

all of a sudden it just all went away. no girl will talk to me I literally haven't had a girl talk to me in years I had like one girlfriend the whole time for like a few weeks and all we did was hang out and have sex. I gained a bunch of weight because I had nothing to do and i've been doing EVERYTHING and it wont go away I quit drinking started eating better only drinking water I exercise literally every day and nothings working

im so defeated I literally just have a miserable look on my face every second every day and im just always tired and just waiting for life to end. I only talk to girls online on kik and they just ghost me in like 3 days and its been progressively getting worse now they just straight up dont answer period. im always fucking miserable and sad.

I dont enjoy anything in life except smoking pot and doing drugs but whenever I remember how miserable and lonely my life it just sends me into a spiral of depression and every drug just gives me a bad trip now. in the past year ive had like one girl talk to me on facebook and we were supposed to meet up and hang out and she ghosted me and then I found out she was like a huge slut after

I have nothing to live for im just slowly slipping away into misery. I have 0 friends and there's no one that lives near me and I lost my license I cant get a job or even go out to do stuff. my social life is just so dead im almost thinking about shutting off my phone and thats really bad because my phone is literally the only thing I live for but it doesn't even ring unless someone dials the wrong number and I get no texts and now I dont even talk to girls online

every day I just wake up and im miserable as can fucking can be. no girl will talk to me or like me everyone around me is crazy. I just wake up so god damn tired I cant even do anything and I just lay in bed telling myself im gonna nap and I never do. for social interaction I made a fake profile of a girl on kik and used it to talk to girls because they wont talk to me and it just feels pathetic

I get 0 likes and 0 notifications on facebook and Instagram. I get like 9 views on snapchat and its just people who dont even like me. the last time someone tried to talk to me is when I posted on facebook that im giving all my shit out and killing myself and I had 2 people message me cause they feel bad.
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Nicholas Goblinghure - Sun, 05 Aug 2018 17:31:34 EST ID:OHunqcYL No.525938 Ignore Report Quick Reply

Step one to being able to feel happy is to stop giving a fuck. Clearly women are a huge part of your unhappiness. Imagine purposefully avoiding sex for the rest of your life, as in, stop seeing women as sexual/emotional objects. You're allowing your happiness to depend on external sources. Happiness that's rooted in external sources is empty happiness anyways. It's not true happiness. True happiness is accepting that you don't care about societal and social values.
Oliver Sellyfield - Tue, 07 Aug 2018 15:29:20 EST ID:9QXVx2Nf No.525989 Ignore Report Quick Reply
OP I dont have much advice for you but just wanted to let you know I am in the exact same predicament down to a T. Used to be quite popular, had a social circle of like 30-40 people and 100s that I'd see or just knew around town. Would date cute girls all the time, never had problems. Its like after I turned 21 or so life just went downhill. All my friends turned on me or just stopped talking because they settled down and found a serious relationship. The ones that didn't fucked me over by trying to get with my girlfriend or started some childish drama that I didn't want no part of.

Lately I've been feeling a little better despite my actual situation being worse which says something... but basically I quit ALL drugs (including nicotine and caffeine) and "detoxed" myself for a few weeks. I was an opioid addict (poly-drug addict technically) so it wasn't easy, just did it one step at a time. I removed myself from my toxic situation at home (living with my dad who's abusing testosterone and dating someone younger than me thats a total cunt). I started working out but not doing a stupid routine, I switch it up and do things that dont even feel like excercise like swimming and boxing. I make sure I eat 3 FULL meals a day. I went from 110 lbs living at my dads (badly malnourished, started developing hypertension and circulation issues from eating ramen + PB&J everyday as my dad was extorting me for all my money) to 125-130 lbs now. Now... don't get me wrong, this didnt cure anything at all, in fact im still quite depressed. But I feel soooo much better on a day to day basis and I rather still have lingering depression than having the depression stacked with health issues, fatigue, and being surrounded by toxicity. I even enrolled for school again and found a Ph.D program I want to go to.

Also treat yourself man. I went out and bought myself a dope ass blazer from Zara ($50 on clearance!!) and I look like a million fuckin dollars. I found a pair of my grandpa's old Fred's aviator sunglasses ($1200, look like cartier), a pair of ostritch loafers (also gramps, $600 shoes), and a decent looking watch (Invicta hand-me-down) and I feel so confident when I go out. …
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' God !!Bwteoy2D - Tue, 07 Aug 2018 17:54:07 EST ID:B/1t3ZFg No.525994 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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Welcome to the world of toxemia. Been there done that. Most folks die before they get any better. It's a pretty hilarious predicament. Good for low lows and extreme letting goes.

i don't know by Beatrice Druttingkork - Sat, 10 Feb 2018 23:43:38 EST ID:Ytvfly7k No.522093 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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i used to be happy, i used to didn't care about anything except having fun

now i'm 24 and a miserable sack of shit with a perfectly fine live that wants to kill himself regardless

what went wrong
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Cornelius Cammlekadge - Wed, 09 May 2018 12:45:20 EST ID:3A/9rSkO No.523992 Ignore Report Quick Reply
People are idiots, therefore let's give one of those idiots all the power and hope nothing goes wrong.

W-wait we have advisers!!! and like, there's inheritance laws too!!! wait come back!!! NOT THE CONSTITUTION, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Hiffwe !udstr89wEY - Tue, 07 Aug 2018 16:26:27 EST ID:JuLFxMX7 No.525991 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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Get pissed off, do something about it. Fuck everyone. "Anon you've changed, wheres the sensitive cunt we fingered for attention?" RIGHT HERE BITCH LETS GO, LIGHT A BLUNT
Matilda Crommerlid - Tue, 07 Aug 2018 17:17:11 EST ID:Pwq0Fy/H No.525992 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Thanks for bumping this shit up OP and letting me read some useful shit people were applying this YOU'RE situation. You decided to post this and then shit on everyone that actually cares and gives you a response.

Anxiety loop by Nicholas Cummlechuck - Tue, 07 Aug 2018 13:23:23 EST ID:dRqDCU+f No.525986 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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How do I break this loop? I'm afraid I'll be hitting the extremes of life too often and joining the 27 club by I'm 27.

>Life is difficult
Better overachieve then
>Overachievement leads to success
Better enjoy myself then
>Enjoying myself makes me a narcissist punk
Better enjoy myself too much then
>Hedonism makes life difficult
Nathaniel Clellyditch - Tue, 07 Aug 2018 21:02:48 EST ID:sAjW//8p No.525997 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Ground your ass then. Meditation, yoga, exercise, gardening. Shit like that. Sit down motherfucker and quiet your mind.

Want to go into the water / to the beach / literally NO "friend" is interested by Serontic Glubblertoes - Sun, 29 Jul 2018 09:21:49 EST ID:biF+w/or No.525797 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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>went scuba-diving with a buddy (more like I met him because I knew a guy who recommended me this guy if I want to try out diving)
>we went to scuba-school together
>met him for 2 dives after that
>I could borrow the gear from him
>he moved away 3 years ago
>never returned calls, meeting impossible
>lost many friends (due to them turning into boring breeders or becoming assholes that wanted to fuck my wife)
>only 2 friends left
>they don't have much time, we can only meet every 2nd weekend

>I started to safe up money to buy myself scubagear
>could only afford used but high-quality snorkeling gear
>everything draws me into the water
>need to drive over an hour to reach the sea
(faster if with a car, but I don't have enough money for a car or driving licence!)
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Phineas Harringwill - Mon, 30 Jul 2018 01:37:25 EST ID:qLzeVW6L No.525820 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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Do you live in Florida, by chance? I love snorkeling and diving, but yeah scuba gear is out of my league. It's easier to free dive at the springs.
Clara Sarrylock - Mon, 30 Jul 2018 23:43:00 EST ID:WxFJG3jX No.525842 Ignore Report Quick Reply
SCUBA is fucking expensive, so most people who are in to it are either wealthy or work in the biz.. I'm in the upper-middle life (didn't start there) so I can fit in, but it's still kind of weird.

Sounds like you're getting in contact with a shop. That's a great way to meet other people like yourself or who started where you are.
Penelope Falaffel - Tue, 07 Aug 2018 11:19:12 EST ID:v8UVTyFl No.525983 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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SCUBA is only expensive if you buy all the gear.

You can rent the gear for mostly 30 $ a month if you can find a base thats fair
and your cert can be aquired for 300.-
(well, I would never pay 300.- for a brevet, because the instrucors that are selling you the course for 300 will most likely just do an essentials course without any efford. That means that most courses are shit, because they don't tell or teach you important stuff like not diving like an idiot!)

Its easy:
Save up the money you would spend for Junk-Food, cigarettes and Drugs and you'll be healthier for the training.

advice by Phineas Wipperlock - Sun, 05 Aug 2018 21:59:08 EST ID:Pwq0Fy/H No.525942 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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Tired of this living condition. I own a shit vehicle and for years now i've wanted to drive a couple states away and just try to live on my own. Im 22 and I need to smarten up quick and wake up. My parents enable my drug using depressed ass, Long story short i need to get away.

I guess im asking more for what work would i be looking for? My resume is pretty spotty, i've clearly had lots of opportunity in my home town and they can obviously tell i just moved. I don't have enough for a place yet but i figured i could rough it out in my car for a couple months till winter.

Anyways i should prob just find another job in the menatime but i gotta stop stagnating.

I downright own a shitty high millage car but i have enough faith she'll keep ticking. Got like $400 of cc debt and like $600 to my name. could make a grand selling the shit i wuldn't be able to use.
Esther Sankinpick - Tue, 07 Aug 2018 10:21:04 EST ID:UlAQsiZR No.525980 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Trimming season in california is coming up. I've heard some people say legalization ruined it, but IDK if that's true. It's a good way to stack some cash in a couple months, then you could move onto something new.

How do i stop feeling sorry for myself? by Barnaby Bloddlechodge - Tue, 07 Aug 2018 01:25:56 EST ID:2M9HgxVJ No.525968 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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Even getting out of the bed is hard.

Everything I've ever done in life has never worked out. Countless times I saw myself being left out, abandoned and shunned while other people seem to have it easier. I have no reason to keep going, but at the same time I feel it's pointless to kill myself over this.

I'm currently unemployed and studying CS, I apply for jobs but nobody ever calls me. I live with my mom, but she's emotionally distant so I can't talk to her.

Yes, I'm depressed but kind of functional. I had a job for the past three years.
Charles Duckwell - Tue, 07 Aug 2018 01:30:00 EST ID:IUa5DAUR No.525970 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Yeah mate look to be honest the only way you're not going to feel sorry for yourself is if you do stuff that you can feel good about.

Eat some healthy food, go for a walk, talk to a therapist etc.

Yes you won't feel like doing that shit and it'll seem like a pointless waste of time, but yeah once the routine takes over the positive shit you force yourself to do becomes natural and you feel good.

No direction and stuck in my own thoughts by Caroline Briddlehall - Sat, 07 Apr 2018 08:36:36 EST ID:kTdx4SPb No.523309 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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This may sound unbearably cliche but I'm 23 and living in the UK with absolutely no dreams, goals, ambition, motivation or direction. I'm lost in my own maze and I've been circling my mind continuously and finding no real source of where I need to go or be. I feel trapped in myself.

I think I put too much pressure on myself to achieve. I used to be depressed af and eventually after being so tired of feeling actively down all the time I would suppress those emotions and managed to somehow numb not only the negative feelings but all feelings, unless they're really intense I don't seem to feel much towards it which has also killed my drive, passion and motivation. I want it back.

I need to find my right career path and have no idea how to do so. I want success, I want happiness, I want something to be proud of. I work in a small office and do the same job day in day out (customer service), I've had minor opportunities to prove myself there but there is very little room for progression.

Does anybody have any advice about how I can take the first step into the right direction?
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Hiffwe !udstr89wEY - Sun, 05 Aug 2018 20:56:21 EST ID:6sy1B9GF No.525939 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Emma Draffingstock - Sun, 05 Aug 2018 21:12:28 EST ID:BPbESjF3 No.525940 Ignore Report Quick Reply
What do you like doing?

Whatever it is learn about it, practice it, read about it ,talk to people about it and make it your passion

When i feel like life is meaningless I like to train my willpower through things like fasting, forced isolation, disconnecting from the internet
Nicholas Cemmlenire - Mon, 06 Aug 2018 23:50:49 EST ID:IJsz4t4O No.525966 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Can you share some deets about teaching English in China?
Qualifications? School? What's pay like? How do you even look for jobs to apply for?

Major depression and self destruction? by Molly Hollerson - Mon, 06 Aug 2018 16:42:19 EST ID:h5guVZBz No.525955 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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>professionals notice depression in me during infancy
>diagnosed with MDD and ADHD in grade 1
>prescribed a litany of different meds over the years before something actually sorta 'worked'
>still got institutionalized briefly for suicide attempt
>been smokin', poppin' prozac, drinkin', workin' and drifting through life ever since.
>23 years old. College student. Stage technician.

For a long time, all I felt was listlessness and numbness...now its been replaced with rage and hunger. I'm furious. I want my youth back. I want somebody or something to pay for me having lived this way. If I can't be given what I want, I'm just gonna fucking take it, fuck your feelings. These thoughts still are horrifying, I feel like I've turned into a monster or I'm possessed by money and sex and the only friends I can depend on are my cock and balls. My humanity has been eroded. It's like personality, intelligence, thought, and order have ceased to matter. Those things are massive frauds, means to an end..or accidents of evolution. The only things that matter are fucking, power, and taking everything that ain't nailed down and hoarding it in your little cave. Having a kid feels so narcissistic these days...why would I want to pass this curse on, and have someone else go through what I'm going through? I do blame my parents for me being here. They only had me to vicariously live through my 'achievements' and compensate for their own failures and wasted youths. Now that I'm older and I ain't the guy they wanted me to be, they don't love me anymore. On top of this...I still feel suicidal...just in a different way...more like I'm trying to induce my demise with a bad lifestyle. I smoke cigars every day. I argue with people and generally bring the tension I carry everywhere I go. I do dangerous work. I just want somebody to get fed up and bash my brains in with a lead pipe; and just put me out of my misery for good, because shamefully, I am too big a pussy to do it myself. Except when I'm in a fight, adrenaline kicks in and I do everything I can to survive. On top of that, im constantly chasing that next big &…
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Eugene Nunninghood - Mon, 06 Aug 2018 18:26:42 EST ID:9QXVx2Nf No.525959 Ignore Report Quick Reply
honestly for some people that is what life consists of. doing what little makes you happy. take advantage of your tenacious attitude and use it for 'good' as in bettering yourself. you say you chase money and such, well get rich as fuck. life is just a dumb RPG game and you gotta level up in whatever field makes you happy.

for some people its being outdoors and care-free, for others its becoming extremely wealthy and gaining power. we're all just winging it and trying to figure it out. I can relate to you quite well, I have the insane burning desire to gain wealth and acquire as much material shit along the way. my childhood was stripped away from me and I have no sustenance in my life anymore, so like you, pussy money and drugs are the only thing that keep me sane.

so, just do you until things change if they ever do. it cant hurt to get a professional opinion, but you're teetering the line between morals and ethics, not necessarily right and wrong. do you enjoy what you're doing? do you want to change it? if the former, keep on it and dont harm others. if the latter, seek help and try to find a deeper meaning.

you can help other kids who were in similar shoes as you from growing up the same, kind of be there hero and change lives of people who have similar upbringings.

but if you ask me, it isn't healthy what you're doing. but if you enjoy it who's to judge. im the same way. i total degenerate drug addict whos only enjoyment in life is gaining power and wealth over people. so I sell money like a loan shark. maybe get your series 7 and be a stock broker? you can use your tenacity for good (at least for yourself) so take advantage of that as it is not a common quality in humans. whether the world thinks irs right or wrong is arbitrary and really should be taken with a grain of salt. you only have one chance on this fuckin earth, make the best of it bud. just dont harm the lives of others.
Angus Pickstone - Mon, 06 Aug 2018 18:32:18 EST ID:Om/gGBzM No.525960 Ignore Report Quick Reply
None of your options seem correct to me. You are currently wretched however. Without hope and living an empty worthless life because you can't imagine anything better as being possible. It's ironic because you feel life owes you things and want to take them, but you don't think it will give them. Your short termism and skewed values (okay maybe you do need more therapy too) will help you ensure your life sucks though if you continue living like this.

I lost a lot of my life to shit because no one would help me even when I reached out for it. Eventually I got a break. But when you get it look forward not back. Do what you want but think about your future and not just your past. Stop thinking about what SHOULD and what you feel you're owed, even while you talk like you're ashamed you seem to be driven by the need to make up, to match expectations to have the things you feel life is supposed to give you.

That's over. It's done. You've got 50-70 years and the ability to actually make something with them. Start thinking about making the future good. Your terrible past makes it feel like long term planning is futile I imagine. But it's not. Shit does happen, shit does go wrong but when it does the key is to recover quickly and efficiently and start building not just "enough" but more. Don't neglect the present entirely but if you make some effort to improve your lot you will find that even by the medium term your day to day existence is better than if you just do what's best for today and today only.

Being an adult is simply accepting that maybe you didn't put you here, but just taking as much steer as you can.

Too old by David Piddlecocke - Sun, 05 Aug 2018 21:21:06 EST ID:UlAQsiZR No.525941 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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I'm 28. I have some grey hairs. I know it's considered "young," to anyone 40+, but it definitely doesn't feel like it. I'm a seasoned alcoholic. Been in jail. Had different weirdass jobs. Moved around. Been stable. Been unstable. I feel old.

I just went on my second date ever in my life (first with this person). I'm too old to learn how to do this. Too awkward. They were nice. Polite. But I know they weren't into me. reluctant to even hug. They'd probably be OK with being friends, but then I know I'd misinterpret everything they do, I'd fall in love, it wouldn't be reciprocated, and I'd fuck everything up. The fuck.
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Emma Fandock - Mon, 06 Aug 2018 07:17:29 EST ID:USUZpST+ No.525947 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Go for it, just see what happens if you enjoy their company. Maybe you'll fall for them and it won't be reciprocated, that's ok you can just tell them "sorry I'm a bit infatuated with you at the moment, give me a few weeks to get over it then we can go chill at the mall" or whatever you do. Honesty's a pretty good policy so long as you don't put them on the spot, and crushes can always be gotten over.
Shitting Monnercocke - Mon, 06 Aug 2018 08:57:28 EST ID:yDKihQN5 No.525948 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Okay so picture yourself at 60 years old. Kinda sad, deflated at a life not lived and have subjected yourself to decades of resentment and were stunted by your limited potential.

Now picture yourself at 60 years old except you took a few wild gambles at this age, made yourself uncomfortable and didn't accept defeat. You sit there proud, successful by your own measure and carry the confidence of a man who overcame his demons.

Somewhere into between those 2 extremes lies the realistic potential of your being, as long as you take steps towards it.

You seem smart mate, you are self aware, you have the ability to foresee obvious emotional issues in yourself and also know how to navigate the politics of dating, avoiding being too imposing, needy or problematic.

Dude, you've got a decent starting point for the next chapter of your life. Alcoholism, jail, jobs - these things are experiences, you can grow from it all. IDK mate, you can learn the basics of dating and you can learn the basics of yourself in a few months.
Esther Sankinpick - Mon, 06 Aug 2018 22:40:39 EST ID:UlAQsiZR No.525965 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Thanks for the replies, y'all. I really don't have standards. I just like who I like. It varies a lot, it's not like I have a "type", and the people I'm attracted to are usually weirdos. I've tried fucking people I'm not attracted to, and it turns out that's a bad time for everybody.

I was drunk and venting when posting. Thanks for all the positive feedback, though. Guess I'll try again. nb.

Dream analysis help by Phineas Blenderway - Sun, 05 Aug 2018 06:56:45 EST ID:dVp8iHEG No.525935 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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When I was growing up I had a very odd reoccurring dream. It always involved me becoming aware on my feet, in some strange place. Usually an abandoned city, or town, or store, or I'd be somewhere like in a rocky desert. And I would always, feel really...grateful? That no one was around, and I would then all of a sudden be squating down and shitting onto the ground. Just right there. Completely alone, like that twilight zone episode...alone. And I'm shitting, such a powerful and satisfying shit, and it feels good, and I feel good, and I feel SAFE. But then I start to worry...what if I get lonely? I'm done shitting now. Wondering what even happened to everyone. Now fear starts. Wondering what will happen to me. Panic. Where is everyone? How will I survive? /dream

What does it mean? I have safe toilet syndrome, which basically is a bullshit anxiety problem which causes one to be "incapable" or "extremely unwilling" to use a toilet that is foreign to them. Could be a public toilet, or a toilet at an acquaintance's house. It's not fucking happenin. Only with number 2 of course. I think this safe bathroom syndrome problem of mine stems from childhood sexual abuse stacked beneath an incident in elementary school where another boy randomly began harassing and bullying me over and under the stall while I was mid shit. Ever since then I just...haven't been able to do it normally again. Only at home. Where it's safe.

How do I get over this problem? I also clean my anus compulsively after every bowl movement, and occasionally I will use a saltwater enema to make myself even more clean.
Charles Derryville - Sun, 05 Aug 2018 07:02:28 EST ID:Om/gGBzM No.525936 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Well I suppose you want to get to the root of why you're anxious. Is it hygiene or is it fear of something bad happening? If you know what it is you're actually scared of maybe you can then confront your fear. Most of the time merely knowing what you're actually afraid of isn't enough. But in actually identifiying what you're actually afraid of you'll likely realise you're being a bit irrational and if you keep reminding yourself of that you will defang it a bit.

Also, probably more importantly you'll have a better idea of the next step.

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