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420chan is Getting Overhauled - Changelog/Bug Report/Request Thread (Updated March 22)
Well... Homelessness by Advice_Is_Appreciated - Mon, 19 Mar 2018 23:38:58 EST ID:p/ZZuX4V No.522903 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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So, i've been here before... Basically a jyst; Spent childhood (8yrs) immobile from epidermal bullosa acquisita.. probably the only person where it went away when i was 14. Went from terminal to depressed. But, got my life together, helped build a web design business and i got my life together somewhat.

Things went well, but essentially; was raped at 19, became foster dad to woman who ended up knowing attacker, bad mojo. Parent for a year to kids and a woman taking advantage of my kindness / not wanting to send the kids for adoption leaving me as essentially a unspoken single dad at 19.

Well, i got outta all that and i'm pushing still, i get in a relationship after with a girl, things are good. We're talking about wanting to get married after 1.5yrs and i feel ontop of the world.

Then, i started getting Chronic Abdominal Pain and nasty GI symptoms... sorta like Crohns. But i've seen every doctor possible and its not... Anything diagnosable thus far. I've had scopes up every orrifice... CT scans, you name it dude.

Girl left me within two weeks, i vomited up 30lbs in a month and ever since i'm in constant pain. I lost my position at my own company just now a P/T whenever i can fucking function.

My good job went to like... $400 every two weeks... more like $350 and such a minimal hour count cause of disability to function. I've lived like this for another 1.5yrs now. I had to move home to my abusive parents and mentally ill she-woman mother. Two months ago, i had a pain attack driving and i totalled my car... no insurance... no money man.

I live in Surrey, BC Canada out of Vancouver. And i've been waiting 1.5yrs to go to the chronic pain clinic with an appointment... I've gone to emergencies over the last 1.5yrs to just be turned away for being young at 23... Doctors who have helped me, are mystified.

I can't get a diagnosis. Thus, no disability $... no expedited help or resources... even when i tell them i was like one of 3 people back in my childhood with this terminal illness.
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Phoebe Fandlestatch - Sat, 31 Mar 2018 12:52:23 EST ID:C+6NY20y No.523179 Ignore Report Quick Reply
man turn down the drama
Samuel Sillerlock - Sat, 31 Mar 2018 16:10:05 EST ID:wwYUHG20 No.523184 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Yeah dude jesus. Calm down
Shitting Gashlock - Sat, 04 Aug 2018 03:51:19 EST ID:PSE7yA+G No.525930 Ignore Report Quick Reply

I have PTSD and I'm waiting for it to be over by Albert Gegglestock - Tue, 24 Jul 2018 07:48:58 EST ID:tiBuSQx/ No.525706 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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I make people extremely uncomfortable if I explained what happened to me or what I've been doing for the past X years. I guess they can't relate and they don't care and it's like all these experiences are sealed off in a dimension that only I know about. I feel like I died at that point and I've been walking around dead since, barely able to relate to real people.

I'm having full-on immersive flashbacks much less but the disconnected dead feelings linger and so does anxiety so bad in social situations that I usually just turn around and leave early. Can anyone here relate? Is this likely to dissipate at some point?
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Caroline Greenspear - Tue, 31 Jul 2018 04:29:46 EST ID:kPK7t16O No.525845 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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>BPD, CPTSD, Diagnoses as a 'description'

This is good to read; you have a good perspective on your experiences and as I said, this helps a lot with the potential stigma of having gone through that rough time in your life.

People who've been through nightmarish experiences like yours are pretty real and understanding people. I've learned a shit load about clients who I've met for the mere fact that they're open and aware of what life might throw at them. They also showed me how physiological the mental aspect is; that it's way above just a mindset.

>Yoga for trauma
I think you should make an investment into some kind practice. I've never looked into this specifically but meditation, yoga, mindfulness workshops, progressive relaxation techniques and more have shown me there's a lot of good ways to approach it. Only you know best what will work so if you can give it a go then totally do.
Kanye - Fri, 03 Aug 2018 15:05:07 EST ID:ByqQT7Cr No.525928 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I wasn't a horror show was it, because if I got thrown in a legality zone I'd seem pretty dirty so to speak. I'd just not agree with feelings that arent systemic to your nature and start cataloging the diffirent significant intrests of other culture and it's receptivity. Like if stuff you look down at mattered in your mind. And what you understand as your mind body and soul or whatever. I'd just think about that and like be at peace with as much intelligence as you can find caring you know.
Martin Honeystock - Fri, 03 Aug 2018 16:31:53 EST ID:LdTQEy4D No.525929 Ignore Report Quick Reply
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Sorry to hijack your thread OP but I just posted this on /benz/

I have had panic attacks since I have been 15 years old due to a fucked up teen age and childhood and numerous mental problems like debilitating depression and anxiety coming in waves which can last from weeks to months.

None of the anti-depression drugs both SSRI and non-SSRI have never helped, same with neuroleptics.

The solution in my youth was cutting which made me feel alive in moments of extreme suicidal feelings combined with a developing alcoholism from a young age.

So when I was 20 I got rid of both these problems. Now I never cut and drink sensibly with some episodes of a couple days of having fun, not drinking because of the mental anguish.

The help early was psychotherapy for my extremely traumatised mind and a few scripts of benzos when the bad waves hit me(they were more frequent) combined with some neuroleptics. Benzos were always good for containing extreme anguish but neuroleptics made me shift my personality and influenced my morality. I had to stop neuroleptics obviously.

After this I lived for a couple of years in an institution with similar PTSD people and felt I was finally becoming some sort of a normal human being.

Then the help suddenly stopped. My socialist(by American standards) country decided there needed to be cuts in healthcare labelled as reforms curiously a couple of years after the global economic crisis.
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Lost loves by Hugh Fanwater - Thu, 02 Aug 2018 01:27:38 EST ID:vUaVEVlD No.525885 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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>in relationship
>lasts a year, I ended it in a heated argument

Was pretty devastated when it ended. We were not friends after.

Three years later I still think about this person all the time. I've tried dating girls but every time it just starts with sex and fizzles out into nothing.

Everyday I think strange details about this person, somedays its worse then others, I can't control it.

Is this normal? Does it eventually go away?
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Eugene Fasslekere - Thu, 02 Aug 2018 18:00:54 EST ID:cBYQH4Mo No.525895 Ignore Report Quick Reply
theres a girl who i let slip through my fingers back in 09. had plenty of great times since her but i always think back to her from time to time.
Esther Murdfield - Fri, 03 Aug 2018 03:40:29 EST ID:+5NtMrCY No.525906 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Can confirm. I recently got a girlfriend who fucking dunks on anyone who I've ever even had a crush on and now I look back and wonder why I ever would have settled for less.
Hedda Blellerman - Fri, 03 Aug 2018 03:53:31 EST ID:rjE+7XOS No.525907 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Why would you want to tell those old fairytales over again? Make some new ones up

friendships are real and people aren't just petty gossips out to get you by whores everywhere - Sat, 28 Jul 2018 09:54:28 EST ID:SYJMHLa5 No.525779 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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>mfw my friends actually missed me when i disappeared for months at a time
>mfw my friends actually really like me and think i'm cool
>they really mean it when they say nice things to me and they're not just being polite
>they would actually be upset if i killed myself, not because death is scary and upsetting but because they really see me as a close friend and don't want to lose me
>my friends actually respect me and don't just see me as comic relief

this is all really new to me
and i'm like 23 years old and i've had these friends for years
i didn't know there would be this reaction if i talked about killing myself i thought they'd just laugh it off or something
if it's not clear yet i had a fucked up childhood
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Alice Sanderdire - Mon, 30 Jul 2018 04:35:33 EST ID:Q2NCY030 No.525826 Ignore Report Quick Reply
>mfw nobody misses me
>mfw starting to be schizoid about it
one would think it would hurt more
Hugh Lighthood - Wed, 01 Aug 2018 00:04:44 EST ID:5UDGhT4J No.525866 Ignore Report Quick Reply
It really doesn't hurt, right?
Like it actually feels good.
Shitting Goodville - Thu, 02 Aug 2018 02:44:27 EST ID:QvcxQVsf No.525889 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Schizoid and Lovin' It is the name of my punk band.

How do I resist noose-chan? by Charlotte Fabberback - Sun, 29 Jul 2018 19:10:04 EST ID:ZHxB44Gj No.525811 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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Why should I resist hanging with noose-chan? Life isn't fucking worth it. All I have to look forward to is spending the next 50-60 years working most of my waking hours at a job I hate until I die alone(and my boss will call and ask why I'm late). There is no way for me to enjoy a job, my dream job is to have no job. I can't even have a beautiful wife to come home to, not even an average looking one.

I'm just bored of video games/movies/cant afford travel.

I'm 30 years old, up till 200 years ago most people were lucky to make it to 30. I should just call it quits here.
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Charlotte Henninghood - Thu, 02 Aug 2018 02:23:36 EST ID:jfR0c7UU No.525887 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Maybe kids wouldn't be shooting up schools if society quit painting this imaginary scene where everyone was born equal and being a nice person will let you triumph at the end of the day. You ever find it funny that the more the message of equality is enforced, the higher the suicide rates get? Everyone gets this idea that they begin on equal footing as the rest of the planet (not talking about race here) and get shitty and depressed when they feel people don't respect them the way that they deserve. People glob on to a sense of shitty entitlement and melt the fuck down when they feel it isn't being honored.
If you don't want to be in the dirt you were born it, you can either sit and cry about being in the dirt, or stand the fuck up and clean yourself off.
Instead we reinforce this idea that if you sit and cry long enough, people are going to come and do it for you. And unless you are a chick or a celebrity, it just won't fucking happen.
Jenny Granddale - Thu, 02 Aug 2018 12:47:47 EST ID:gc9kjgVP No.525891 Ignore Report Quick Reply
I think the whole
>muh equality thing
Can't be simplified that much at all. Some people get the message right and some get it like you.

We're not born equal, we have to make the most of our shitty hands. The message is that you should recognise that not everyone else has had it as easy or hard as you when judging yourself or others. That's a positive message and it's one we need and it's not the opposite of a lot of the arguments you're just making an imaginary scene out of.

I mean don't get me wrong there's definitely people who'll use disadvantage experienced by a group they belong to (and this runs from shitty straw feminists to self described "incels" saying they're incapable of having sex with a consenting woman) as a scapegoat for their bad decisions. But a lot of people do have it rougher and we should cut them some slack. Especially the ones who are trying their hardest, and especially the ones who get shitty breaks they never deserved even when they are doing their best.
George Fuckingstone - Thu, 02 Aug 2018 13:06:08 EST ID:SL/EqtPg No.525892 Ignore Report Quick Reply
No one gets "slack", stop deluding yourself. Equality means equality of prosecution no more no less. And until you realize that people beyond starving Africans deserve respect, the underclass will make its voice heard in however which way it can.

Enjoy dead children. You and the rest seem to like that. Hey, it means less ecological footprint after all, right?

Want to disappear by Martin Nabblesin - Wed, 01 Aug 2018 00:09:55 EST ID:OWx1ClP7 No.525867 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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I havent posted here in a bit but I have quite a bit in the past so sorry if any of this sound familiar.

I am currently 26 year old male currently living in milwaukee wis. I kinda hate my life, I was living with a roommate for 3 years and moved out back in april and currently live on my own in a $740 a month 1 bedroom. I have a decent amount of friends but ive also pissed alot of people off. I can't go back to my hometown, I robbed this big time crack head who has told people he will murder me on site, hes a felon that owns guns and is schizo/bipolar. I robbed him because he basically robbed me years ago.

I also am constantly looking over my shoulder because this girl claims I raped her. It was consensual, I'm not going to get into the details but she basically got in my bed and took her pants off and at one point gave me a handjob during the sex, asked if we were dating after, and I said no, she leaves immediately and tells people it was rape. It wasn't.

I make $20 an hour 10-6 mon-fri at a shitty factory job. Its enough to get by on. I'm not gonna have a tax return next year because I got no taxes taken out of my check when I moved. It has no benefits and im basically a temp permanently. I work with crackheads and thugs. There is rarely overtime. I work hard and there is no reward, everyone fucks off, one guy didnt show up or call for a month and they called him and begged for him to come back.

I have a little over 20 grand in debt. I owe 1600 on a car that is falling apart to shit. I also need to get a nose job badly, i got my ass beat in highschool cuz some dude groped my ex in front of me and I grabbed him and he beat my ass. My friends keep telling me its stupid to worry about but its definitely prevented me from getting laid many times.

I'm sick of looking over my shoulder constantly, everyone knows who I am, I dont have a good reputation. I got no bitches, no money, no good clothes. I long to produce music, i love dubstep, drum n bass/jungle, house etc. Just as a hobby. I could go get an apprenticeship but I want out of this area. I hear stories about people I went to school with selling their business for over a million dollars at age 25 and I feel defeated.

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Charles Fanbury - Wed, 01 Aug 2018 03:25:54 EST ID:t/sx75DG No.525871 Ignore Report Quick Reply
move out of your house and into your car, spend two months working the $20 an hour job, pay off your car and any other debts then save up $1000, then go to minneapolis. or if you wanna go back to your hometown go sounds like you're making up excuses if you really think some retarded crackhead who you robbed years ago will do anything. also probably stop drinking as much.

TL;DR I fucking hate myself by Priscilla Bablingville - Sun, 15 Jul 2018 21:53:26 EST ID:+5NtMrCY No.525542 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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My dad was diagnosed with end stage liver cirrhosis in February of 2017, and I pretty much, on the spot, without question agreed to be his caretaker the second he told me. While I knew I was in for a ride through hell in helping him through this, which I have little problem with, I didn't take into account his personality and how it might get in the way of certain things, or the toll that watching the only person who raised me and gave me everything I wanted as a kid constantly being on the verge of dying (my mother left our family when I was 15-16 and was always too focused on her hardly progressing military career before that to actually help raise me. Yes, I'm still bitter about that at 22.) would take on my mental health. It's been a year and a half, and I have had to see some really horrifying shit happen to him that shook me to the core. I've seen his legs swell up like Macy's Day Parade balloons, his gut fills up with fluid and around his lungs that he has to go to the hospital to drain twice every week, he basically has a colostomy bag on his belly button because he has a hernia that the doctors refuse to fix until he gets his transplant surgery, I watched him go through hell for months just to clean out his asshole enough to get a colonoscopy so he could get on the transplant list, he was in a medically induced coma around my birthday last October due to him having an allergic reaction that no one expected to happen with one of the chemicals and I had to see him on a breathing tube. I've seen some shit that would break most and depress the fuck out of many I'm in the latter. He won't let anyone else help through this even for a moment because he doesn't trust anyone to be as accepting and understanding as I am throughout this whole process. He won't let anyone in the house, not even my mother, because he doesn't want anyone to see him in the condition he's in. That's gonna be important information later. I quit my job, stopped hanging out with friends, stopped socializing with people all to take care of him, and I just don't feel like it's enough. I'm couped up in my house all day and night waiting for…
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Hugh Fuckledidge - Tue, 31 Jul 2018 13:45:22 EST ID:wT5IMEgn No.525855 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Let's hope you don't die before that.
Nathaniel Soblingridge - Tue, 31 Jul 2018 16:24:46 EST ID:+5NtMrCY No.525858 Ignore Report Quick Reply
All I have to do is not kill myself from being surrounded by constant depression for 10 years :')
Hugh Lighthood - Wed, 01 Aug 2018 00:00:04 EST ID:5UDGhT4J No.525865 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Shoot I know what that's like.
I'll say if I knew with everything I'm dealing with right now, that there's some light at the end of the tunnel and it's not all for nothing?
That'd be enough to drown those thoughts

How do you help a drug addict without being preachy? by Eliza Shittingshaw - Sun, 24 Jun 2018 17:18:23 EST ID:wP8YXFaq No.525066 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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>Very close friend, used to be.
>Uses drugs to self medicate
>Studies psychology to self medicate
>Hasn't answered to phone for months

I say it before anyone else say it to me, who am I to judge? I am worried of him. Other friends have given up on him. For them it's just normal behaviour when he doesn't answer to a phone or even acknowledge that he is alive.
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Oliver Fissledock - Mon, 30 Jul 2018 21:11:29 EST ID:EAInNdJP No.525837 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Very tough topic. Dealing with something similar myself.
Jarvis Clayfoot - Mon, 30 Jul 2018 21:48:28 EST ID:EDbTBr9r No.525839 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Just let him know you are there for him. If his other friends have given up its even more important that you let him know this. It sounds to me that the drugs are a symptom of whatever mental issues he is going through. Abandonment is only going to add to these issues, its sad because this is when a person most needs the understanding and support of people close to them. He might not want to talk to people right now because in fact he is afraid of pushing them away or alienating them. In this situation I think you dont need to do anything more than to remain understanding and try to keep contact with him. If you continue to reach out to him then it becomes up to him respond or not. Good for you being a caring friend by the way. He's lucky to have a friend like you.
Fucking Chonderbirk - Mon, 30 Jul 2018 23:42:57 EST ID:QvcxQVsf No.525841 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Given that I am that person (or at least one of them), I would say the biggest thing is to let him know that you're not going to give him shit for not hanging out.

Fuck this gay ass Earth by Cedric Sinningwill - Wed, 25 Jul 2018 18:36:14 EST ID:fqyFjWjf No.525731 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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Never fails
  1. someone tries to give me advice they think is helpful
  2. but it's not helpful because it's not something I need or want and I've told them as much before
  3. the someone never admits to mishearing or misunderstanding
  4. but anon I was just giving you options!
  5. now I'm the asshole for not just accepting it as is

Seriously why are people like this? Why am I the asshole for trying to clue them in? This is the kind of shit people do that makes me feel like I'm a different species. By explaining something they think I'm excusing it. I'm so fucking tired of this world.
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Eliza Chuffingwater - Thu, 26 Jul 2018 20:27:38 EST ID:ka63e54W No.525747 Ignore Report Quick Reply
everybody who posts above me is a gaylord
the triumverate has spoken
Doris Biddlehall - Fri, 27 Jul 2018 22:04:18 EST ID:sr2iI+m9 No.525773 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Since you haven't given any context about what you're complaining, I just have to assume it's about inane shit and whoever is giving you advice thinks your problems are either irrelevant or easy to fix and they probably conclude that you're too lazy to fix them due to your lack of having already done so and instead you choose to complain about them, and then you get mad because instead of replying with anything that perfectly matches your confirmation bias they actually gave you a possible solution to your problems so that you can actually solve them and stop fucking bitching

But hey that's just me. Perhaps tell us what your problems are and we can respond, and see if what we say matches up with what other people have told you.

Unless these people have given you advice without you initiating the discussion of your problems, in which case you're just being a dick, and if what they're saying isn't what you need or want, why haven't you already taken steps toward achieving what you need or want, seeing as how you already know what they are?
Lucifer Morningstar - Mon, 30 Jul 2018 00:49:12 EST ID:FDpmsKny No.525819 Ignore Report Quick Reply
People give you advice because they can and stop asking people for advice. Most of the advice's are just plain dumb and stupid.

this world is fallen. by Betsy Pedgespear - Sun, 29 Jul 2018 16:52:50 EST ID:ka63e54W No.525807 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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All things learned must be peered into.
The crass among us live very surface level lives, whereupon the foundational complex which composes reality can be housed by abstracted ideals. Words of the media are all that is needed; this is the reality of the contemporary age. The vast seas of the human body are entirely lost to the fabricated realities, woven of nothing in reality, which are put forward as vast banners with which we charge blindly in the future, entirely out of step with the best interests of human. this fuckers going down and you have to decide what the fuck you're gonna do with your life. you're gonna die, most are pieces of shit and there is very little hope. most of you either wish for death or forget that you're gonna die
>"but i really and truly embrace life"
i hate you most of all
everybody is a parasite off of everybody else. it is disgusting and life is not supposed to be like this.
people crawl over each other like cockroaches because they don't know any better
Simon Bablingridge - Sun, 29 Jul 2018 17:54:19 EST ID:yDKihQN5 No.525808 Ignore Report Quick Reply

Nothing new or groundbreaking. This would be just as relevant 10,000 years ago.

Idk mate can’t you just be less shitty and enjoy what you can? At a certain point even you are just hallucinating a reality. Very jaded and hostile towards a fairly useful set of social constructs that allow humans to bond.
Polly Coddleserk - Sun, 29 Jul 2018 19:03:28 EST ID:A6MXKLQ6 No.525810 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Yeah nothing new really. You can always try to take over the world. That normally clears the problem right up. Don't be a quitter.

'Friends' by Caroline Hubblemudge - Sun, 29 Jul 2018 01:51:35 EST ID:vUaVEVlD No.525792 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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>Last month
>At deadpool 2 movie theater walking out
>see a childhood friend who lived on my street walking out of the theater in the crowd
>immediately get excited and try to talk to him
>he gets really awkward and shuffles away with his friends
>used to sleepover at his house and play nintendo, ride our bikes around, knew his family, knew his house phone number

>another friend I've been trying to communicate with for years but simply does not want to see me or speak to me
>used to call him every night after school for years about video games, also still remember his house phone
>used to spend the whole weekend gaming with him and sharing answers to homework
>went to the same school with him for 8 years
>he is bit autistic but simply isnt interested in acknowledging I exist.

How many times have you ran into an old friend you haven't seen for a long time?
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Hannah Duckcocke - Sun, 29 Jul 2018 05:46:11 EST ID:B9o+UJ3t No.525794 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Peoplepick their fond childhood memories quite differently and a lot of people just don't remember a lot of it. I wouldn't take any of it to heart. Everyone grows and things change and that's just the way it is. Usually when you reconnect with people like that,you've grown in such vastly different directions that it's just weird and uncomfortable anyways. But still, that is a douchey thing for them to do and it's cool of you to try to reconnect. If they turned into a person that treats others like that, you probably would be best only having the childhood memories.
Hamilton Forringspear - Sun, 29 Jul 2018 06:17:27 EST ID:gc9kjgVP No.525795 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Basically this. I tried to reconnect with my old childhood friends, then realised that actually I didn't want any of it and vanished without a trace. Maybe they're jerks, maybe there's something you never thought much of that actually ruined their lives or bothered them. Maybe you haven't changed and they have, or maybe you've changed and they have not changed in the same way.
Betsy Pedgespear - Sun, 29 Jul 2018 16:34:37 EST ID:ka63e54W No.525806 Ignore Report Quick Reply
maybe it's because he doesn't like you now
he probably enjoyed those times
things change, people change in your eyes

Becoming one with art by Nicholas Grimdale - Thu, 12 Jul 2018 08:57:35 EST ID:u7Ks9+5J No.525446 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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So my whole life ive been drawn to art. Im not gonna give you my whole life story and history in art as its not necessary. However ive reached a point where i am tired of feeling starved of artistic experiences. I want to get weird, i sort of want to live art. Not just do it. I enjoy being an eccentric. I lost the majority of my friends recently (see older thread) so now i feel as though would be an appropriate time for change as there have been plenty of uncontrollable ones happening around me. I thought maybe if i make my own drastic changes i will feel much more at ease about the changes i cannot control.
I guess the point of this thread is that im seeking to see if anyone here has truly sunk themselves deep within art as i am hoping to do? I want to live it. Not for fame, money, or recognition, but for comfort and happiness.
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Betsy Greendale - Sun, 29 Jul 2018 12:08:15 EST ID:OUBQQZqs No.525801 Ignore Report Quick Reply
As somebody who once loved art and even went out of my way to move to a different country just to find a decent teacher I say if you want to do It for the joy of it do it. I lost my love of art due to a lot of different circumstances and as much as I regret quitting any artistic pursuit I can`t do it anymore, I won`t get into it but the love of art and creation is something noble and pure and you should pursue it if you crave it in your life.

Even if you have to work a job to support yourself while you do it on the side,just to do it for the joy of it without thinking about money or results or what not.

Life is too short and too dull OP so make it count.
Simon Bablingridge - Sun, 29 Jul 2018 12:37:13 EST ID:yDKihQN5 No.525802 Ignore Report Quick Reply

Living rent free at home. Funded lifestyle via an inheritance. Won’t lie, family got monies and I’ve capitalised on it. Basically just getting away with it while I could.

Getting a part time job now, pursuing freelance work too.
Betsy Pedgespear - Sun, 29 Jul 2018 16:22:31 EST ID:ka63e54W No.525804 Ignore Report Quick Reply
idk but im doing the same thing
so what im gonna do is get tatted up and sell mushroom
i wanted to die my whole life so now i'm like fuck it

I'd like a break, please by Hannah Duckcocke - Sun, 29 Jul 2018 00:04:43 EST ID:B9o+UJ3t No.525791 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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Disclaimer: This is a long pointless blog that doesn't really ask for any advice and I suck at writing.

I really wish my life would stop being so intense for a week, maybe a month?

It's coming up on 2 years after my best friend died. I had a very difficult time with this for quite a while but I feel like I've been doing alright recently. I'm doing really well objectively, I guess. I'm up for a great promotion that would get me a lot more money and a much more fulfilling job. I get great comments from all the people I work with and they really notice me for being a great worker and they want to move me up. Got a nice girlfriend. Lots of intense highs in my life recently.

Then last night while hanging out with a couple friends and planning a trip (we leave in two days to Zion Valley to camp for a week) I find out that an other of my friends is in a coma. He had HIV and came down with pneumonia and was induced. Gotta go to bed early and get up for a 12 hour shift. I wake up at 6am and check with a friend to see what's going on and he passed. This doesn't really hit me very hard at first. I go grab a donut and some coffee and head to work, thinking "this is really fucked up" but not really feeling it. I have a great first 3 or 4 hours. Stay busy, upbeat, but about 4 hours in I'm hit with an intense wave of anxiety and melancholy. I'm somewhat prone to anxiety but haven't felt much lately as life has been alright. But this was intense, occasional hand shakiness and rapid heartbeat until I manage to push it back and delve back into the monotony and repitition of my work. About 6 hours into the shift with 6 hours to go I feel like I am going to break down and cry. I don't know how I made it through the rest of my shift, or even why I pushed through it when I could have just said something and left and they'd have been perfectly fine with it.

After I got home I thought I'd feel better because I was dead fucking tired and needed the rest, but as soon as I retire to my living room the anxiety comes back twice as hard. Now I really feel like I'm going to break down and spiral out. Maybe I just needed to cry, but all I allowed was a few tears before I "man up" and push it back. I eventually managed to tame the anxiety by reaching out to a good friend and finally telling somebody what was going on. A weight was lifted almost immediately and now everything is somewhat manageable.

I should say here that the anxiety was manifesting in thoughts of using. Me and my buddy who died almost 2 years ago were heroin addicts. I injected him his first time. He would have done it regardless. His curiosity was long past piqued by the time he all but begged me to boot him up. The rationality of that doesn't do anything for the crippling guilt I've always felt about his overdose though... But yeah, the using thoughts all went away when I finally reached out.

Then I get a message from an other good friend who has had some serious struggles with alcohol lately. I find out that he just got out of the hospital this morning. His girlfriend had to call the cops on him because he was extremely drunk and tried to kill himself with a not-sharp-enough knife. He tried to slash his throat but his girlfriend caught him just in time to disarm him. The deepest spot of the cut was right on the artery in his neck. If the blade was a little sharper or if he had just put a tiny bit more pressure he would have undoubtedly bled out.

When he got to the hospital his BAC was over .400. He shouldn't have survived the knife and he shouldn't have survived the alcohol.
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Eliza Fobblebot - Sun, 29 Jul 2018 02:11:16 EST ID:jhxT8BUJ No.525793 Ignore Report Quick Reply
cry, cry like a little girl for hours
that shit heals you
Hamilton Forringspear - Sun, 29 Jul 2018 07:21:34 EST ID:gc9kjgVP No.525796 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Yeah, just relax and switch off.

You just need some time to just not worry for a bit. If you've been through shit and have a great girlfriend she'll understand that you need to chill. Make sure most of your vacation is at your pace and just enjoy it. But remember weekends don't have to be spent doing stuff. We all need some time to just switch off every now and then.

Also I thought I was feeling a bit stretched thin but this thread both put me in perspective. It reminded me that a bit of downtime in moderation is important even, maybe especially if you tend towards inaction without a conscious effort to do stuff.

crushed by Phoebe Duvingbid - Thu, 26 Jul 2018 03:17:11 EST ID:XXR+yDXG No.525738 Ignore Report Reply Quick Reply
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this long ass post is probably going to be somewhat incoherent or clunky to read because i'm drunk and kind of numb but emotional at the same time. please bear with me and my self indulgence here. im sure its pathetic but its plaguing my mind and i havent been this horny and alone in a long time. so to make a long story short, I broke up for good with my girlfriend of 2.5 years about 2 months ago. we've had several messy break-ups in our relationship but this one was calm and almost mutual in the sense we realized how bad we were for each other. it was a blindingly intoxicating, co-dependent unhealthy sort of thing we had.

anyway. so I've been working this new job since january and I work with a lot of women in a food industry position. i didn't really notice any of them romantically for a while, because i was so focused on learning the ins and outs of this job and was still with my ex at the time. but for the last few weeks, i've been crushing super hard on this girl I often see at work. at first we were kind of cold/professional to each other but recently it feels like we've warmed up to each other, up until the point that now i feel a thick sort of atmosphere around her and there seems to be a sort of tension.

a few times i've felt someone looking at me, turn around and see her gazing at me with an expression that's really hard for me pin down. i don't wanna say it's a lusty look, but it looks like she has an intense focus or just a deep gaze on me or something. it's hard to say it usually last a second or two, but feels so longer, and then i break contact because.. i don't know why, i guess i get intimidated.

she's also said a few things that make me wonder if she's noticing me too. like, "o yea, i know what you want" and "let's do a quickie". they're taken out of context ofc, i guess she was flirting but that direct kind of flirting fucks with me, because to me it's more about tone and body language than risque jokes and stuff. i don't know, it just had me wondering. we're different in a lot of ways but i feel like there's some elephant in the room of a base attraction that might be mutual and no on…
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Doris Chockleson - Sat, 28 Jul 2018 00:27:57 EST ID:XXR+yDXG No.525775 Ignore Report Quick Reply
Yeah, see, to me that just doesn't make sense. Why tease unless you're gonna deliver? It fucks with me, man.
Frederick Sopperworth - Sat, 28 Jul 2018 06:54:08 EST ID:yDKihQN5 No.525777 Ignore Report Quick Reply

Catch a quick endorphin boost without the moral quandary.
Edward Hevingcocke - Sat, 28 Jul 2018 13:52:19 EST ID:wT5IMEgn No.525789 Ignore Report Quick Reply

Flirting isn't wearing next to nothing, and constantly putting yourself in suggestive positions, with no intention of it going anywhere

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