|>> || 1645534662626.jpg -(83833B / 81.87KB, 500x602) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. not to gloss over every single point you mentioned, each with its own entire strings of discussion that could stem from it (but hey i have to make an entry somewhere) so heres my fischer price tips of "relationship-ing" |
as your picture eludes to like you yourself have, relationships have multiple breaking points they can reach - I think of it sort of like steam pressure, or water overflowing behind a damn. If you leave it, itll simply build until the results of "the thing happening" are catastrophic and theres no coming back. instead you choose selective damage - you bust the damn somewhere else - you lance the boil - its ugly, you flood a bit of farmland but ultimately, the city is saved
some people think this is "drama". like a functional relationship has no drama, i disagree with that, anyway. I think as people what we want and hate is at best arbitrary and sometimes the thing you loved a year ago gets your nerves now - WE ARE CONSTANTLY CHANGING. relationships are two people, two raging emotional hypocrites who have found some comfort in eachother, morphing, adapting, devolving and flourishing in the same place, somehow trying to manage this hazardous crockpot which is the shared pool of their mutual emotions and expectations for one another.
so long story short, i think arguments are inevitable, and if they dont happen youre simply sweeping stuff under the carpet. I also think that by "busting the damn" and forcing the relationship into a testing point, organically, and intuitively, as it has to happen, you are strengthening it. I also believe that people unchallenged in relationships grown to stagnate and co-depend, especially when you share bad habits. neither here nor there though, sorry.
so the other side of this, to coin a term is the "sunken costs" thing. sometimes you can feel just exhausted with a person, like spiritually, emotionally, mentally, you need a break from the burden their love, expectations and scrutiny puts on you. and it can seem like "but after all this, every breaking point, everything we pushed past. our entire history, the good times we had, how could i just piss on it now?"
thats a hard thing to recognise. because while it is exactly what appears in toxic relationships and forces people to stick around for something that is no longer both enriching their lives and giving them purpose and cause for personal development - it can also be the thing that makes you realise what you have is too precious to quit on without a fight
so yeah its a headfuck. only you, if anyone, knows what this is. and i think you can only see a relationship clearly with the additional perspective short-term hindsight gives you. The thing that really needs to happen, at any breaking point..any for in the road, is open, un-laden communication. no guilt, no accusations, just open book stuff.
If your relationship isnt able to handle you both sitting down and just putting your cards on the table, each talking through your wants and reasonings and perceptions of the other and how they feel it affects them - all of that - then its already failed the first pressure test, which is an ill sign