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- Sat, 28 Mar 2020 22:46:10 EST TVjit2tT No.534129
File: 1585449970374.jpg -(177209B / 173.06KB, 1510x1098) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. ect
So I have had pretty extreme depression for over half my life starting in adolescence and was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. I tried group, cbt, and a bunch of drugs and nothing did anything except just make me suicidal and more or less immobilized. The doctor wants me to go on disability and I have a hard time keeping a job from the endless insomnia and social interaction. My resume has the longest job being 7 months and I'm really starting to be limited in job options because of my age and inability to keep employment for any significant amount of time. I went to college twice but dropped out both times after about a year because I felt was I making enemies with everyone. Which I guess I was. I'm also likely enthusiastic from what my doctor and psychologists have observed but not tested. Thinking I might just drive in the woods and off myself because I've pretty much run out of options but don't want to go on disability and be fucked living in poverty forever. Which my job prospects barely pay more than disability anyways but at least I can scrimp by on my own. Disability would require me to live with a room mate or something awful.

>Thinking of trying ECT and requesting it. Anyone here ever done it before? Nothing left to lose and all that.
Samuel Chellernire - Sun, 29 Mar 2020 13:07:38 EST umzxvBnX No.534135 Reply
A friend of mine did it and only goes back like every six months. Said it gave him his life back. They don't do it to people who don't need it.
Thomas Sirrymore - Mon, 30 Mar 2020 02:32:04 EST 3xVrj3us No.534140 Reply
Ive heard really good things about ECT

Brain Damage from Drug Abuse

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- Thu, 26 Mar 2020 00:57:01 EST VMzmKgcf No.534098
File: 1585198621441.jpg -(135236B / 132.07KB, 682x1024) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Brain Damage from Drug Abuse
What do you guys think about prolonged drug use and brain damage for when you actually want to try to do something in the world. I figure this might be a relatively relevant thing here. It might compound other life problems. What about addiction generally? How has it affected your life?
4 posts omitted. Click View Thread to read.
Cornelius Sippertet - Fri, 27 Mar 2020 12:48:58 EST fzCIQqVK No.534113 Reply
Yeah sober out and you'll feel better eventually. Exercise, hydrate, sleep properly, eat well and all that crap. Honestly though if you do those things, such drugs in moderation won't make you even short term dumb.
Cornelius Pittbanks - Sat, 28 Mar 2020 20:18:38 EST Ky4PaoOL No.534128 Reply
Everything can change man, I used to take MDMA every day and I did have problems at the time but they mostly went away. Just lay off the hard drugs and stick to occasional weed and you'll be fine.

Also get fit, take supplements for your adrenal glands and eat healthy.

Might take a few years but it's not impossible.


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- Sat, 28 Mar 2020 07:27:53 EST GJC9Aho+ No.534118
File: 1585394873644.png -(25980B / 25.37KB, 527x367) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. sigh
This is going to be a long one. Or maybe not. I don't know. I've struggled with depression, poly substance addiction, childhood trauma, maybe a possible personality disorder, and a lot of other bullshit for almost my whole life. My pre teen childhood wasn't that bad but I dealt with a lot of bullying and never had many friends. All the good times in my childhood I remember are fleeting moments, never like, a whole day or anything.

But this is pretty standard stuff. I'm sure no one remembers themselves as the popular kid with the perfect life, right? I think the real issue was the way I had problems fitting in everywhere, from school to home, and it really fucked up my development. My mom had me at 15. Her and my dad split up shortly after, but on good terms, I just still have memories of bouncing around a lot in a few different towns and never really had a place I call home.

Maybe my grandparents? I settled in with them around like, 10 or 11? I moved in with them shortly after trying to live with my dad for the first time, because my mom and I got into an argument where I punched her in the chest when I felt sick and didn't want to go to school, and she decided that's it and we need to try something new and I had to go move in with my dad across the country. I really changed my tune the second she told me that, and begged and cried and pleaded outside on the porch in the summer heat to let me stay. Eventually I calmed down and she actually convinced me it was a good idea, and I became pretty excited to move in with my dad.

But I digress. This started turning into an autobiography RIGHT quick. What was my point again? Oh yeah, well, I moved in with my grandparents and I was isolated with them a lot as they didn't go out, and I eventually became homeschooled because I was having breakdowns and shit over school. You want to know the truth? I was a drama queen. I turned annoying all the kids and being shunned into like, this fucking crusade against me where I was being devastatingly bullied by these monsters, and convinced my grandparents fully. Because I didn't want to go to school. Sure, I think in hindsight it was because of disabilities, depression, anxiety and mental bullshit out of my control making me avoid school but maybe I'm just kind of lazy at heart too. What's the difference really I guess?

So I spent a lot of time at home. I tried going back to school a few times, and tried grade 9 at public school eventually too, but I flunked out. In a shitty way too, first of all I was only like 15, right? I shouldn't be able to drop out in grade 9. But half the time I came into school I could barely function. I just threw my head on my desk and cupped my arms and felt sorry for myself until someone told me I could leave. The principal of the high school or somebody like that set me and my grandparents up with this rad correspondence program where I could do all my high school work at home while I get help for my mental issues they saw in me. I didn't do a single page of work and nothing happened. The school didn't stop me, my grandparents just gave up at this point, I don't even remember. But I fell into a pretty deep depression all these important teenage years.

Then I met some friends online. I met them on SAMP, San Andreas Multiplayer, the mod for the classic game. We all played NG-RP together. It was a rad roleplay server, but that's a whole other story I could talk about all day, like a lot of things I'm mentioning here. My point is though - I met these friends, it was 2012, I was 16 - and we started talking on Skype everyday in a group chat. They kind of saved my life man. They gave me purpose. We really fucking bonded and we quickly started planning to meet up IRL.

It took me about six years of bullshit while I overcame chronic depression, drug addiction, DPH, DXM, way too much MDMA, meth, heroin, no job, losing friends, spending time in the psych ward, in patient places, and overcoming tons of fuck up before it even seemed possible to travel to the US and meet them. I started to get help and really make progress last year. I started seeing a psychatrist, I got on disability, and started really working on getting my passport and planning a trip to meet these friends and achieve this huge goal that's given me purpose for almost a decade, and it seemed really possible. I dealt with a lot of annoying things though, like havin…
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Nicholas Dartlock - Sat, 28 Mar 2020 07:31:41 EST GJC9Aho+ No.534119 Reply
Like I can't even escape this shit with the most potent drugs I'm trying to get high and kill time until I can go see my friends finally, but I'm just making weird stimulant induced posts like this instead of like, feeling good

Fuck it I guess that's probably normal for this board, right?
Wesley Druckledock - Sat, 28 Mar 2020 07:53:44 EST NmYXrgWM No.534120 Reply
>This is going to be a long one.
LMAO that's what she said.
Wesley Druckledock - Sat, 28 Mar 2020 07:55:20 EST NmYXrgWM No.534121 Reply
Listen man, you need goals in life, but do not develop attachments to them.

Male prostitution

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- Thu, 26 Mar 2020 16:29:12 EST 3sZpPjtt No.534101
File: 1585254552486.jpg -(68318B / 66.72KB, 960x720) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Male prostitution
I'm going to prostitute myself for someone... how does it feels like being sodomized? is it traumatizing?
Caroline Buzzdock - Thu, 26 Mar 2020 17:49:06 EST 74/lHxSF No.534102 Reply
Put your Sonicare up your ass and turn it on
Walter Drannershaw - Fri, 27 Mar 2020 01:10:52 EST VMzmKgcf No.534105 Reply
frankly, i would avoid it. it could be really bad, especially if this man does not care for your well-being

I post here like once a year

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- Tue, 25 Feb 2020 15:21:15 EST 8J4P3qg4 No.533777
File: 1582662075835.jpg -(46765B / 45.67KB, 720x719) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. I post here like once a year
and my life still isnt getting better. I listened and started working full time and stopped spending my whole day on my ass. I work full time now in the cannabis industry (almost a dream job of mine) and its alright. I still dont have any friends as they all kind of drifted off and the only ones left are degenerates who will get me arrested by their presence.

I still havent spoken to my father. Almost at the 2 year mark now. I saw a picture of him travelling in Brazil with his hot 23 year old wife with all his friends living the fucking dream while he completely stopped talking to me and my enthusiastic sister. Its destroyed us both immensely as well as the rest of the family. He just pretends like he never had kids he raised and lived with for 25 fucking years while shooting up his testosterone every day.

I havent spoken to my ex (friends since we were 13 years old, dated for 6 years out of hs) in a full year now. She probably thinks I killed myself or something. Not even a peep from her after she decided to stop seeing me since she would cheat on her current spouse with me every time we saw each other.

my best friend (who frequented 420chan) killed himself last year as well and me and a mutual friend still keep in contact frequently but were stagnating and find ourselves not really improving. my entire life fell apart and I did so many things to try and better myself. I quit hard drugs, I started exercising, I started working full time. I even started talking to my mom again. I still want to fucking die man.

I know I could've been handed a much worse hand at life but this still doesnt make my problem any less significant. I dont have any family support anymore besides my mom really. they all kind of just wrote me off as a deadbeat faggot and want nothing to do with me. all my cousins pretend to love me at family gatherings but ignore any attempt to reach out to them. my family on my moms side all stopped as well.

I for real feel like my depression has deflected away my entire life. I havent done anything to wrong these people besides be depressed over my life situations. I dont know, I'm almost positive I will die at age 28 like every other degenerate before me. I dont have anyone to live for really but my one friend and what little family I do have. my dad wouldnt blink twice if I offed myself as the only attempt to reach out to me was a shitty walmart birthday card with no hand written message or gift back in November of 2018. I havent even delved into the emotional abuse that I endured from my fathers gf before we fell out. As well as the emotional abuse my grandma and her caretaker put upon me by throwing away my possessions for no reason and doing little things to drive me slowly insane. basically trying to incite a reaction out of me. I havent reacted once and just record all of their antics. I feel like the world wants me to kill myself. the amount of mean fucking people who put me down or steal from me to try and incite some sort of reaction is just unbearable. its like fucking torture and I fantasize some dark shit on what I would do to that caretaker.

why kick someone when they are down? what do people get from this? Im so jaded at this point. just typing this is frustrating because I cant even gather my thoughts coherently or type out all of these issues that would make sense. theres just such an overwhelming amount of abuse and sadness that I dont know where to begin but to try and just start over.

im not asking for advice, my life has chosen its course it seems unless some crazy significant change falls on my lap.
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Sidney Shittingham - Wed, 26 Feb 2020 10:17:15 EST UapYWX45 No.533790 Reply
Life isn't really as dramatically good as it is catastrophically bad. If you grow up a hermit in a hermitage and spend your whole life hermiting you may never know truly extreme hardship, and accept life as a grind. The infection in your mind begins when you are put through extreme hardship by your dysfunctional family at a really young age and get told that this is normal and to toughen up. So you learn to accept that life is extreme, because hardship is extreme, and anger is extreme, and punishment is extreme, and there's no safe place. But life isn't extreme in positive ways. It's very easy to destroy, and people do it all the time as a result of it being an easy way to make extreme changes. Grinding out something positive like a roof and a paycheck just takes steeling yourself to hours of staring at walls. You see what I mean? When you're bullied, you think that everything in life happens to you the way bullying happens, extremely and without warning and with no connections to what you've done. Nothing else in life is like this except bullying and being bullied. Everything else is grinding.
John Trotman - Wed, 26 Feb 2020 12:52:07 EST 1SSFeKJF No.533791 Reply
It's not intended to hurt you. Because while I am definitely projecting, I think I've felt many of things you have. I didn't attempt suicide but I was pretty close at the nadir of my life. It's been almost 10 years and I'm glad I didn't, but the turning point was a bit later. I made changes and tried new things and retried old things with different people and things stuck.
Matilda Brundlecocke - Thu, 26 Mar 2020 19:00:02 EST PsOH6sVi No.534104 Reply
I think alot of that bad energy you got would go away if you stallion your father and fuck his wife.


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- Mon, 16 Mar 2020 08:24:30 EST D+Giy6mw No.534005
File: 1584361470188.jpg -(89001B / 86.92KB, 1280x722) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. help
I need help.

>ordered some tabs of acid and 2cb to my old adress
>guy let the mail in a local cafeteria
>my sister has no idea what is in it
>shes way older than me and has kids
>said "hehehehe friends"
>she already suspects something

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Ernest Conkinsudge - Tue, 17 Mar 2020 12:36:11 EST NZJXskIC No.534021 Reply
Well, that makes more sense.

Would doing acid and 2cb in her house even be fun? Sounds super stressful if she wouldn't like you using psychedelics, and especially considering she has kids there and is doing you a favor by giving you a place to stay. Sounds like a good way to fuck up your relationship with her.

Look at it this way, the acid is already giving you insight to what's wrong with your life and you haven't even dosed. Leave it at the shop and take control of your situation. Fix your life, then take acid
Phoebe Braddleworth - Tue, 17 Mar 2020 19:35:28 EST BDvhrf8n No.534028 Reply
what a garbage advice
OP didn't even stated he would trip in her house and you're suggesting he leaves drugs?
Hamilton Chinkinmune - Wed, 25 Mar 2020 16:55:10 EST qTml9FbR No.534097 Reply
Jesus Christ, this thread is a hot mess. This is the kind of quality that keeps me coming back after all these years.


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- Thu, 12 Mar 2020 05:20:20 EST TUQC22QU No.533987
File: 1584004820840.jpg -(185340B / 181.00KB, 1200x797) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. die
can you send a wizard to kill me?
awe - Sun, 15 Mar 2020 13:49:22 EST hQScIyLB No.534001 Reply
damn, that is a fine nugget. Care to share more? That stuff is much better for geo engineering than the toxic shit the folks in US spray on the world. Annu came here for gold so that they could save their planet. Our inception is closely interlinked with gold.
Ebenezer Dushshaw - Tue, 24 Mar 2020 04:38:25 EST TUQC22QU No.534088 Reply
I checked and you're right. ):<
Mantids for everyone.

Neighbour situation

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- Sat, 21 Mar 2020 19:20:39 EST VMzmKgcf No.534070
File: 1584832839128.jpg -(35859B / 35.02KB, 800x450) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Neighbour situation
Hey guys, I'm dealing with sort of a crummy situation. Two years ago found the appt I'm currently in, and it's perfect for my life. The only thing wrong with it is the guy who lives next to me. I will type out my piece and then hopefully you can help me figure out what's going on (maybe I'm completely delusional??). I will give a brief history of my time here. I move in and this guy B introduces himself, seems friendly. I'm a drug addict at the time, want nothing to do with anyone, least of all this guy B who is probably 50, and is of a character and lifestyle that nobody who was raised properly would want to emulate, much less tolerate. I'll say now that I'm someone who you could accurately describe as "socially retarded" so I did in fact botch initial reactions. No sleep, drugs, etc etc I don't want to talk about it. I'm a guy you wouldn't want to meet eye contact with, frankly. I could give a sad story, I had a bad past, blah blah blah. I say this because I realize it's like I have a psychic disease now, you can sense it. Non-normal things happened to me, I dealt with it badly. Anyway so this apartment is actually one of the best things that's happened to me in my adult life, because I've constantly been dealing with bad living situations. This one is great, I am comfortable. That's very important to me, for something who is like me (underground man, dostoevsky).
Ok, so I'm in my last sem of uni, and having a really hard, at-times-suicidal time, I eventually figured out that it was a health issue, which I have since solved, more or less, but things were REALLY bad at the time. One issue was sleep, and this guy was doing things to fuck with it. I have historically been timid with these things, so I had to learn to attack him. I put up with it, drew mental lines in my mind until I decided to act. I talked to him when he started making noise one occasion. He said he would keep it down. It happens again soonish after. I say, please, can you stop doing things, I have to sleep for school. He doesn't say any words, just closes the door. So I brooded a bit and then started fucking with him. Funny story, but long story short I understood that this was an animalistic thing. He is dictating his boundaries and they extend beyond my own just boundaries. I articulate as such: if it's 11pm, you do not watch movies with speaker if the bass goes through the floor into my living space, particularly when I'm sleeping for class which I have to wake early for. I realized a few things. This guy does not give a shit about the people around him, or me anyway. Guy is 50 acts like 20 year olds I've had the displeasure of living with. So anyway this was an animal getting territorial, I was talking to a primal being. So I started fucking with him, basically destroying his peace whenever he stepped out of bounds. A precedent that had by now been set is not dealing (talking) with each other. I do not want to communicate with this person. This is a not-super-low but low income place, more or less, and this is a low quality individual that I am dealing with. I don't want to say that lightly, as I am not perfect either, but I at least want to get better, build myself and this (OLD) person's degenerate habits were getting in my fucking way. So.. the time for talking is over, I choose survival for myself. I don't give a fuck about this dopey piece of shit. He seemed to get the message at the method I used to cull him, and things were fine for the better part of a year.
Some intermittent incidents, but nothing longstanding. I eventually graduate and start working. I'm currently on a weed bender for about 3 weeks, today is my last day (reasonably sure I am able to stop). This guy B has started saying that there's a smell coming up from my apartment, "like shit," apparently I'm bringing dog shit into my apartment, and he, ever so often decides to yell at me for it. I don't believe there to be a smell, I think he's just using this as a way to fuck with me. Or the smell is in some sort of space between our apartments. I don't smell anything. Now, the trash piled up a bit when I was being a drug addict, there might have been a smell there. But that's since been cleaned up and an hour or two ago he bangs on my door and yells something about the police. To be honest I have no fucking idea what he's on about. H…
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shakhaZulu - Mon, 23 Mar 2020 17:17:15 EST bHlxs9Bq No.534082 Reply
lolololol I went through exactly the same kind of shit with my neighbour/s. I live in Kenya btw. Funny thing is I came back home today to find that one of the neighbours I was beefing with has decided to move out so YEZZIR I WIN!! lol this is so funny. I'm typing super fast coz busy now but i will come online to describe my situation more in detail if you would like.
Also FUCK THAT 50yr OLD S.O.B. ...and you can tell him I said it.
Reuben Suckletone - Mon, 23 Mar 2020 18:01:36 EST jnas4L6T No.534083 Reply
shitty neighbors are the worst. i lived in a trashy neighborhood once, would rather be homeless than go through it again. at night when he is sleeping, superglue his entire front door shut, all the way around
Alice Clurringforth - Mon, 23 Mar 2020 18:05:36 EST 5iXaUCHT No.534084 Reply
Having to go to court for malicious mischief as an adult is embarrassing tho

a certain romanticism..

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- Tue, 17 Mar 2020 22:22:43 EST VMzmKgcf No.534029
File: 1584498163839.jpg -(77537B / 75.72KB, 790x767) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. a certain romanticism..
Hey r9k I think I might seriously, unironically have a personality disorder. Maybe schizoid, or maybe i've just been addicted to drugs for too long and i've never really tried at life. i only just figured out how the trauma of my family life affected me.
i've been moved chemically to receive pleasure from the indulging of the desire for suicide, and the implications thereof; that was a defining thing about my life. i was cursed in this life, unironically. i had a genuine fate for suicide. things were so bad that i seared my mind and being with remorseless, all-consuming romanticism. even now i believe myself to be something far and away other than what i am..
it will probably lead me to suicide. certainly being like this will inevitably whittle my life away, never to build anything substantial, only here to.. do what, exactly?

INTP if you want to talk about that
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Emma Shittingstone - Sat, 21 Mar 2020 13:04:31 EST TVjit2tT No.534058 Reply
Go to a doc. But be prepared to do a litany of various psych drugs since it isn't an exact science. And don't get down if none of them work. I don't recommend group therapy or in-patient shit as it depletes so much money and for me was just a bunch of touchy-feely bullshit. For a socially isolated anti-social retard, having some frail black dude ask me how I could think more positively 14 times a day drove me batshit insane. Also, being asked if I was having suicidal thoughts or homicidal thoughts every 10 minutes and having to write it out pissed me off, you'll feel like a prisoner and still be expected to pay bills while loosing your job sitting in a run-down converted middle school building while being talked down to. Shit sucked. Never mention you feel suicidal or like hurting others. Deny, deny, deny. You don't want to get 5150'd. Trust me dude, that is like ruining your life without even getting to have the thrill of committing a crime.

>drugs lmao
James Clurringsted - Sat, 21 Mar 2020 15:55:57 EST VMzmKgcf No.534066 Reply
I won't lie, that sounds pretty unpleasant. Perhaps the state isn't the best method to mold one's personality
Wesley Sallerway - Sat, 21 Mar 2020 16:18:23 EST 1SSFeKJF No.534067 Reply
I found counselling/therapy useful but
>it was weekly sessions I chose to do it
>I made sure I jived with the therapist and his outlook
>this shit requires you engage with it and so you need feel like the approach and outlook work for you
>Therapists have a lot of approaches and outlooks, this isn't just medical it's a general worldview and you need to jive with it
>If you just feel you're wasting your time you are, doesn't mean all therapy has to be like that if you agree with their approach worldview and outlook

If it seems like I'm saying the same thing it's because a lot of people miss this. Your therapist has their own worldview and if it doesn't match yours and their approach to sorting the problem doesn't make sense it will just feel like an idiot talking at you. You need to have a conversation with someone who understands you. They can help you understand and remove stupid thought patterns, mitigate them or just develop coping mechanisms.

If that therapist doesn't share an understanding of emotions and feelings with you you won't relate. Shop around. Group and inpatient sound like shit, how can you connect and open up to a whole room of different minds perhaps very carefully chosen groups may work in an authentic way? If you're stuck with a therapist how do you know it will help? You don't choose those usually though, you get shoved in them when you fuck up.

Heartbreak in a pandemic

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- Fri, 20 Mar 2020 09:19:46 EST g6bW96Bn No.534046
File: 1584710386275.png -(773548B / 755.42KB, 958x958) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Heartbreak in a pandemic
3 weeks into this, thought I could handle it, wasn't paying attention to the news at all and now Canada is basically shut down. I broke up with him, it would be really easy to get him back but he's emotionally abusive and not good for my sobriety (ex-opi user here). I have most of his contact details memorized by accident so I'm pretty well screwed on that end too

Games are fun and all but it makes me depressed after a while. Can't do any other drugs since I've been free from them for a couple years now. Only do psys now, but shouldn't as of right now for obvious reasons

Have been driving around a lot which helps but that's a money pit

What do you guys do to get through something like this that doesn't involve drugs, games or the gym (considering everything's shut down)?
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David Pullyhet - Sat, 21 Mar 2020 11:58:48 EST OC6eAmHZ No.534056 Reply
also i just dont like TV shows that are not comedy so that might be my own issue
Emma Shittingstone - Sat, 21 Mar 2020 13:06:55 EST TVjit2tT No.534059 Reply
>Go to youtube.
>Watch alchestbreach videos.
>The end.

It's what I'm doing at least.
Simon Dremmercocke - Sat, 21 Mar 2020 14:06:26 EST g6bW96Bn No.534065 Reply
Thanks for the suggestions guys, I guess this would be a good time to pick up a new language and get outside a lot more with the warming weather. Gonna at least try and keep myself busy most hours of the day, just hard to do without being able to work

Wish he'd stay off my mind and honestly it's really hard not to text him right now. But that's the way things have to be

Also nice dog
Probably gonna go hiking with mine today, thanks for the reminder

I'm going through a divorce

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- Tue, 17 Mar 2020 05:18:34 EST Rctvwq2S No.534012
File: 1584436714777.jpg -(62105B / 60.65KB, 1100x550) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. I'm going through a divorce
I was in a car accident a week ago and in hella pain with no more painkillers
and my dad kicked me out of the house, typing this at a PC place.

I don't need advice or help even though I am very suicidal at this moment.

I just wanted to vent it all out as I'm feeling really really sorry for myself.
I hope the weed Gods smile on me tonight and I can have a smoke and forget all about this terrible time in my life.

A sexy girl would help too.
William Dartdale - Tue, 17 Mar 2020 10:54:48 EST 3ScQQ4dj No.534018 Reply
hang in there fam
sometimes life just shits on you
James Covinggold - Tue, 17 Mar 2020 18:22:11 EST sg9WXzAO No.534025 Reply
im not a sexy girl but i still love you man. you remember this terrible time in your life doesnt have to define you. keep your expectations low!

Controversial ending over artistic ending

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- Tue, 10 Mar 2020 02:10:35 EST izAQpBx3 No.533957
File: 1583820635342.jpg -(352311B / 344.05KB, 1340x993) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Controversial ending over artistic ending
In 2015 I made a comic of 50+ pages.
As I was finishing it up I asked for input from my friend on how to end it. Basically a character in the final pages, who was a prepubescent girl, appears as a spirit, with giant butterfly wings, and ascends into the sky, yet I was pondering between which one of two endings would fit best: The artistic one or the controversial one.
The first just had her body (without removing the wings) take the form of this humanoid cubist bug, which in truth was actually just supposed to pay homage to a character from a Michael DeForge comic which I was stealing taking 80% influence from anyway.
The second just showed her naked.
Despite knowing my friend was four to three years younger than me (let alone four times as rebellious as me anyway) I asked which of these two endings he would decide on.
Yup, you guessed it: The controversial one.
Although I would've gone with the artistic one just as easily, there's a deeply personal reason why I even offered this as an option (which will probably be of no surprise to any millennials):

To think the way I showed her was "sexualised" simply because she was naked in that manner would be no different from the way I was bombarded with images of naked boy butts throughout a good three quarters of all American cartoons in my life under the belief it wouldn't irritate me to death. And even then she wasn't even that much of a girl anymore but, without getting into an essay long explanation, was more based on a type of Japanese Superflat style where her form was not "trying to reveal anything specific about sex, but rather, with the slim bodies, bulbous heads, and large eyes, trying to emphasize the figures' TEMPORARY suspension from adulthood" and "still engaged in the growing process, mentally and physically".
I mean if I was to get technical I was ALSO planning on keeping the comic going for however long I was allowed, but upon noticing another comic artist had an idea identical to mine two weeks in advance (despite me trying not to spoil myself in order to avoid that same fraud mentality) my inner perfectionist collided with my blooming espresso addiction, leading me to a crash that forced me to cut the project short.

But the point is that although I wouldn't have been glad with the artistic version, I don't exactly regret the controversial version. If I regret anything, however, it's giving the comic alone an unhappy ending in the final panel of the last page simply because I was unable to properly shift between a so-called gritty professional and a butthurt jerk.
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Eugene Blobberchidge - Tue, 10 Mar 2020 18:55:05 EST 5T07XTge No.533969 Reply
Sounds like your comic is for internet sludge

Sorry boutit
Jack Turveyville - Tue, 10 Mar 2020 20:39:24 EST izAQpBx3 No.533970 Reply
I guess: I built up 45 pages into it and that part only lasted 3.
In yo' face, Shadman!
Eliza Puvingpid - Tue, 17 Mar 2020 01:35:03 EST izAQpBx3 No.534009 Reply
Not that anyone would (or even should) care but if you ever want to read said comic I only gave copies to two people. One being this AfroJapanese dude who…if he didn’t throw it away only has a black and white copy (we stopped being cool since 2018 anyway), and another friend, Steve, whom I lost contact with for personal reasons. https://www.deviantart.com/mr-dusk14 and only has it if he didn’t delete his emails if not the entire email address.


girls and dating mawk n moxxy couldent get it

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- Thu, 12 Mar 2020 19:42:51 EST PP+qHLYR No.533992
File: 1584056571218.jpg -(3564064B / 3.40MB, 5312x2988) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. girls and dating mawk n moxxy couldent get it
Why are the drug addicts like rxqueen the only girls I ever feel anything from? I try oh god how I try but the bar it is just so low from living here
William Heshhood - Sun, 15 Mar 2020 02:57:22 EST Nt9gNCy1 No.533999 Reply
I don't know or care to know what the fuck you're talking about but I feel your pain
god she's so fucked up and just rocks a crystal meth binge
she's so hot when she's thinner
I want to kidnap her and make her my meth princess


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- Tue, 03 Mar 2020 21:56:47 EST PqgViVEA No.533898
File: 1583290607122.jpg -(13731B / 13.41KB, 480x360) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. GOD FUCKING HATES ME WHY DOES THIS SHIT HAPPEN TO ME
I really fucking hate this shitty rural town, I really need to fucking get out of here, fucking white trash neighbors up the road yelling jolly african-american, fucking pieces of shit. There is literally nothing to do here but do drugs and drink. Fucking god curses me to live here but why does he do this shit? God hates me.
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Rebecca Duckville - Tue, 10 Mar 2020 13:49:40 EST S6WwTyS/ No.533966 Reply
there are a ton of tweakers where I live in washington, there will be people loitering at busstops full on nod, can't go to any store without derelicts hanging out by the front, down the road from me this guy driving got stopped by a gang of tweakers with the leader claiming they were "stealing her car" even though she was on a bike. they straight up opened the guys door, jumped on the hood of the car, tried to stop them, one guy gestured he had a gun, another guy almost threw a brick at the car
Thomas Dronnermotch - Fri, 13 Mar 2020 19:44:10 EST PqgViVEA No.533996 Reply
Fanny Songerforth - Sat, 14 Mar 2020 08:52:46 EST VBQd6bjv No.533997 Reply
Join the military.
Fuck your cat

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