Leave these fields empty (spam trap):
Name
You can leave this blank to post anonymously, or you can create a Tripcode by using the format Name#Password
Subject
Comment
[i]Italic Text[/i]
[b]Bold Text[/b]
[spoiler]Spoiler Text[/spoiler]
>Highlight/Quote Text
[pre]Preformatted & Monospace Text[/pre]
[super]Superset Text[/super]
[sub]Subset Text[/sub]
1. Numbered lists become ordered lists
* Bulleted lists become unordered lists
File

Sandwich


Pre fight nerves

View Thread Reply
- Mon, 25 Oct 2021 20:17:46 EST lYwVS2OU No.540986
File: 1635207466520.png -(231639B / 226.21KB, 544x446) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Pre fight nerves
Holy shit i have my first muay thai amauter fight in two weeks, and ngl, im starting to feel anxious as fuck now, i didnt feel much, but i dunno why my teacher is a dumbass who tries to put pressure on me, like today he said he heard the guy im fighting is brutal, i dont know if he thinks the pressure is gonna help me or if he just thinks its fun but goddamit that doesnt help.

Like im a good fighter, im unexperienced tho, but i get this irrational fear, that isnt even about pain or getting badly hurt, but the stage fright, since people gonna watch it including lots of friends, and i wanna make a good impression, i get this irrational anxiety im gonna get humillated doing a terrible fight and kind of be an ass in public.

I even got a little shaky today after he said that brutal thing, and now im worried what if i look scared or anxious during weight in or the fight, i done lots of fights in my gyms, lots of hard sparring and fights too where i ended bleeding or with a black eye, and i didnt care much about the pain, but holy fuck the part of being a spetacle and having others seeing and judging me frightens the hell of me, how do i deal with this?
4 posts omitted. Click View Thread to read.
>>
Samuel Burringnuck - Tue, 02 Nov 2021 18:43:59 EST dT9flf4/ No.541032 Reply
Huge respect for doing something you love even though it's scary. Anyone with enough sense is going to realize that about you, whether you win or lose. You're bad ass just for going in there. And what if you win the fight? You'll be even more bad ass. Good luck dude, let us know if you win.
>>
Angus Geffingtetch - Sat, 06 Nov 2021 16:22:29 EST lYwVS2OU No.541062 Reply
lost it by points, took some elbows to the face (match was acutally without headgear, which i found better cause at least i showed i can take the strikes and if i was with headgear people would think i didnt get knocked out cause of my headgear).

I essentially got clinched a lot which is what i least practiced, and got lots of elbows to the face, it might been a bad strategy since i catched his kicks more than once and he changed from kicking too clinching.

Also not to use as a excuse, but weight loss for getting into the fight fucked my stamina good, by second round i was gassed out as fuck, not using this an a excuse cause i was the dumb one going for too much lower than my natural weight i guess.

Either way, i regret absolutely nothing, i did some good hits, i took some good ones, i was able to stand the three rounds despite the massive pressure, and i did the best i could, i think its what makes me pround in the end, not that i won or lost, but that i did my best, and i barely felt anxious at weight in or that staring the opponent thing, it was dumb too take this too much as a priority, cause my opponent was way more anxious than me and clearly showed it, but in the end got the best.

Im honestly thinking about changing couches tho, holy shit that man forgot to prepare me to lots of stuff.
>>
Angus Geffingtetch - Sat, 06 Nov 2021 16:23:41 EST lYwVS2OU No.541063 Reply
Also i still got my boxing match day 20, so no time to weep, i need to focus on what i lack and get my skills better, not that i dont feel sad, im just not gonna let this make me think i should quit.

Zero communication skills?

View Thread Reply
- Wed, 03 Nov 2021 22:08:32 EST IjfmEGnN No.541045
File: 1635991712136.jpg -(1806767B / 1.72MB, 4032x1816) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Zero communication skills?
Been a while since I posted

I never was the social type, only time I socialize is when I'm at work or with family, you'll never see me out and about socializing not even on social media, I'm not a big fan of posting my everyday life online.

Lately though I've been trying to change things up, been feeling like I gotta get out there so ya I'm trying to get out there but me doing so, I'm starting to remember why I don't bother trying to make friends or try hollar at chicks or something, everytime I try say what's up to anyone I always get a stale reply like "nothing" or "Lol", makes it super hard to keep a conversation going.

The only way I could be outgoing is when I have drinks and now a days I ain't even trying to drink anymore, I'm officially on that sober path thankfully but man it's so hard to talk to anyone, making me think is there something about me ? Maybe I suck at initiating conversation ?, But ya I really want to start socializing without and alcohol influences.

Anybody ever feel like this?

Thanks for reading :)
1 posts omitted. Click View Thread to read.
>>
Jack Chellerworth - Thu, 04 Nov 2021 06:10:19 EST vkOoyveO No.541048 Reply
>>541045
People use activities as a vehicle for socialization. You're right in thinking that drinking makes conversation happen more smoothly outside that context, but you can also accomplish what you want to accomplish inside that context at well. Try activities.
>>
Ian Lightham - Thu, 04 Nov 2021 17:50:47 EST xB7ONHhS No.541054 Reply
1636062647558.jpg -(465783B / 454.87KB, 1920x1080) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
>>541045
I feel the same way... I'm having troubles finding a job because of that.

Life as a man in 2021 (at least for one of them)

View Thread Reply
- Mon, 01 Nov 2021 15:48:42 EST u+RuFMq2 No.541020
File: 1635796122167.png -(261555B / 255.42KB, 400x600) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Life as a man in 2021 (at least for one of them)
Its evening and Im at home doing some further studying for my STEM field. This morning I brought my female roommate that I really like and also find kinda cute some sweets she was looking all over for but couldnt find herself. She was always a more introverted person and I took her introversion at age 26 as a sign of shyness that she might be similiar to me, a virgin with no prior relationship experience or at least limited experience, someone like me that I could confide in and build a relationship with.

Shes having a guy over for the first time, they went into her room and since then havent come out, when I stepped into the bathroom to shower I could smell a cloud of perfume and found the shower recently used.
Im having a laboratory test tomorrow and have been studying hard for it, kind of like Im studying hard for everything else, alas I persevere. I started studying STEM not because Im good at it or because I like it but because I hope that it will land me a job anywhere in the world so I might be able to go to Asia to hopefully have more of a chance to find a woman that finds me acceptable.
Alternatively I look to get a mail order bride that I would provide for or get a surrogate mom to start a family on my own, without a woman, and I need money for that and a stable job.

I´ve been on tinder for a year and a half, havent gotten a full dozen matches, all of which ghosted me, have always been turned down by women to do basically anything, including going on dates. My friends´ girlfriends all really like me and enjoy talking to me, so does my roommate, I really, really like women and also enjoy spending time with them, many of the idiosyncracies that so many men get mad about I find amusing and actually pretty likeable.

I have stopped watching porn 2 years ago and have never fapped thus never have had an orgasm due to my foreskin being fused to my dick. I would need surgery to bring things in order down there but never bothered with it since I dont see reason in jerking off to mindless porn, I want to be intimate with a woman and not with myself.

Im not sad anymore because Ive started taking antidepressants, that do wonders for me, 3 years ago. Ive seen a dozen psychologists about my issues but all of them either sent me away due to them being unable to help or were more or less indifferent. Since taking medication and not being depressed anymore Ive realised that my social anxiety actually isnt real and I only really yearn to build a connection with a woman.

Dont bother answering, Im not going to read it anyway, I just wanted to get this off my chest, I had to share the sheer ridiculousnes of my situation.
1 posts omitted. Click View Thread to read.
>>
George Musslebodge - Mon, 01 Nov 2021 21:11:35 EST Uqi/PH7G No.541022 Reply
>>541020
get the situation with your dick fixed so you can actually enjoy sex whenever you have it
>>
Walter Snodbanks - Tue, 02 Nov 2021 05:12:50 EST Cy8/A9XL No.541029 Reply
>>541020
hey cool aspirations in stem field, im chemistry major trying to solve the plastic plague and prolong the extincition of all species hopefully

girl girls girls
>>
Walter Snodbanks - Tue, 02 Nov 2021 05:14:09 EST Cy8/A9XL No.541030 Reply
>>541020
i think youll have better luck in real life rather than like tinder dude, that is like all about looks and if you dont got em you wont get em

its wierd too, too phone , real life you can have some really cool interactions and even if they dont end in sex they are good expreiences

Being gay is horrible

View Thread Reply
- Wed, 22 Sep 2021 07:43:02 EST sHeT9A53 No.540573
File: 1632310982434.png -(1587B / 1.55KB, 800x494) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Being gay is horrible
I don't think I ever accepted being gay. I've never had a gay relationship, just gay sex with random men.

Then I look at all the gay people I know and they're all the same. None of them are happy. I know gays from places like Bulgaria, they're not happy. I know gays from places like the Netherlands, they're not happy either. Depression, drug use, risky behavior, suicide... all rampant among gays. And no real relationships to speak of.

I am really beginning to think that homosexuality is a disability and that the Church is right. Gay people should just be ascetics and never pursue any romantic and sexual relationships with the same sex.

I definitely feel like less of a man for being gay. A think a real man has to be attractive to women and has to know how to satisfy them. I can say with the utmost confidence that there isn't a single woman on Earth that has ever thought sexually about me. To women, I don't register as a sexual being, I may as well be an eunuch.

It seems my only option is to continue on this path of being gay, knowing that I will never be satisfied or happy or live out the rest of my days in celibacy. I will never know the pleasure and happiness of marriage, of having children, of leaving something behind in this world. The gay existence is lonely and tragic. We die and our bloodline dies with us, and it's like we never existed in the first place.
167 posts and 17 images omitted. Click View Thread to read.
>>
Hamilton Worthinglock - Sat, 16 Oct 2021 15:52:47 EST vCwiYqoF No.540942 Reply
>>540926
Good, you need to learn to stop blaming everyone and everything else for all your problems and start taking responsibility for yourself.
>>
Orville Bedenauqer - Mon, 01 Nov 2021 00:25:36 EST XlUX5dnl No.541018 Reply
>>540584
some want to watch the world burn. others can't find a lighter. go figure
>>
Hugh Hellywadge - Mon, 01 Nov 2021 13:05:35 EST WxN2ZqVC No.541019 Reply
1635786335132.gif -(195315B / 190.74KB, 200x200) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
After skimming through this thread, I am left with the question.

Which is more probable?

>Option A: That all gay men, every single one on the planet, are on a doomed path of destruction devoid of happiness.

Or

>Option B: OP is a depressed, self-loathing time vampire who posts on 420chan, and pushes people away because he is unable to confront any possible solution. He fraternizes with suicide, but in truth he doesn't have the guts, it's just a ploy to spout inane retorts and transparent as fuck "gotchas". Nobody loves him or even likes him, not because he is gay, but because he fucking sucks.


Geez, guys can you help me figure it out? I'm really struggling here.

new job

View Thread Reply
- Thu, 28 Oct 2021 23:33:23 EST FUaMdaVb No.540998
File: 1635478403249.jpg -(32614B / 31.85KB, 466x500) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. new job
Any advice for someone who just got hired as a kitchen helper? I've never had a job quite like this, though I have experience in food service. I'm mainly worried I won't ever be coordinated enough to cut the prep items correctly or remember how to make all the different things on the menu. It boosts my self esteem they even interviewed me, let alone gave me a chance but it's a lot of information to take in and I'm scared I won't learn fast enough because I'm on the spectrum and probably have brain damage from trying to end my life, etc.

pic unrelated
1 posts omitted. Click View Thread to read.
>>
Esther Bruvingwill - Fri, 29 Oct 2021 08:13:55 EST dpAimcHF No.541000 Reply
>>540998
You're worrying about wrong things. It's a retard-tier job, you'll get the hang of it with time. The hard part is dealing with coworkers and supervisors. It can be a stressful job, people get frustrated and misdirect their anger and you may be on the receiving end of it as a newb. But for the first month or so, expect them to be nice. They won't expect much of you at the beginning. And don't get me wrong, it could be that they're really all nice people and stay nice, I'm just saying it's unlikely.

So what you need to do is grow some balls, stop being scared and become aware of your value. Even if after some time you don't prove to be the best worker, it still won't be worth it for them to fire you and train another guy unless you're a colossal fuck up.

Tldr; Don't take it so seriously, it's the anxiety that leads to burnout that leads to failure.
>>
Eugene Sirrymock - Fri, 29 Oct 2021 10:38:38 EST FUaMdaVb No.541001 Reply
>>541000

The boss' daughter (who is super friendly) warned me there's a lot of yelling after I explained I'm on the spectrum. I said I understand, it's okay, and thanks for warning me. They do seem like nice people overall. I would describe them as patient and generous. I had a good time last time I came in and am looking forward to it today. Thanks for your advice. You are right. It will be okay.

my brain is broken

View Thread Reply
- Thu, 28 Oct 2021 12:00:42 EST xPdP3vIU No.540995
File: 1635436842869.jpg -(68901B / 67.29KB, 833x533) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. my brain is broken
it isnt really that shocking to me since i have a laundry list of mental illnesses, but i've been doing research which has caused me to start questioning myself. sometimes, i get so paranoid that i think people (or one person in particular) is listening to my thoughts. and i try thinking very aggressive and rude things to "get them out".

i think sometimes that people are talking about me, or somehow judging me, when there's literally no logical reason they would be. i see things that aren't real. nothing terribly vivid, just like bugs flying by, or balls of light or shadows in the corner of my eye. sometimes i think i hear people call my name when im alone in the house. or in one instance (which was paired with the most detailed visual hallucination i ever had), i heard a voice that sounded like nobody i knew shout at me saying "you fool". what i saw was a gray humanoid peeking at me through a door. like a mix between a stereotypical alien & a draugr from skyrim.

idk man. either its my ptsd making me go absolutely nuts or i have some kind of psychosis or schizoid shit going on. i guess only a professional could make that call but i don't think i even want to be diagnosed with it. even in this day and age where people are kinda being nicer about this stuff, i feel like being labelled as a psycho would just screw over my chances in just about everything. i just wanted to get all this stuff off my chest, sorry for rambling.
>>
Wesley Wucklebadge - Thu, 28 Oct 2021 12:27:59 EST +x7I2//V No.540996 Reply
>>540995
>i think sometimes that people are talking about me, or somehow judging me, when there's literally no logical reason they would be
What do you do for enjoyment? What kind of media do you consume? I'm asking this to determine what kind of thoughts are hammering your brain, either internal or external, deliberate or otherwise.

I promise you that you internalize judgment because you are consuming judgmental messages constantly. I used to have that voice constantly telling me that I'm worthless or useless or doing the wrong thing, but it was always from my brother and my father. I can't tell you how much it affected me, to the point where I was judging myself negatively and critically all the time - and you just can't do that and get through life.
>>
Lydia Blallydodge - Thu, 28 Oct 2021 22:03:30 EST aW4ht26v No.540997 Reply
What's your drug usage like??

I have the same paranoia about people talking about me and have heard plenty of auditory hallucinations about it including everyone at a shopping centre talking about me and yeah once I stopped smoking weed every day it went away.

If you treat the underlying anxiety as well it helps across the board so I recommend quitting booze and caffeine too. Yeah I know that's rough but if you treat social anxiety with alcohol you need to take away that security blanket and know that you can just rock up sober and be fine in any social situation.

The get out of my brain shit is weird, and so are the hallucinations but they aren't just from schizophrenia. PTSD, depression and anxiety can cause psychosis. If you find that you are having arguments with parts of your personality though I recommend Internal Family Systems.

The only reason I'm not leaning towards schizophrenia etc is because you have awareness and generally lack of awareness or questioning of the crazy shit is schizophrenia. That's great news bro.

I'm just a crazy guy that works with crazy people though. If it's really bad go see a doctor although you might get antipsychotics. They can be helpful to let you relax and recover if the ride is too much.

How to stop worrying about the future?

View Thread Reply
- Sun, 24 Oct 2021 15:25:04 EST jgqoAvNY No.540972
File: 1635103504015.jpg -(6109220B / 5.83MB, 4000x2667) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. How to stop worrying about the future?
I find that I am unable to stop worrying about the next thing that I need to do or the next thing that might happen. Today, I took a walk, I didn't overeat, and I exercised. It's was a good day but I don't feel good because I am worrying about work tomorrow.

When I am with friends, when I am on date, even while I'm having sex, I can never be "present" in the moment, I am constantly worrying about what comes next.

Is it possible to stop doing this?
>>
Fuck Drellydale - Sun, 24 Oct 2021 17:25:40 EST qxHlraK/ No.540973 Reply
Oh, you again. I thought you didn't have friends and couldn't find good dates?

Anyways, I'd recommend something like trying to practice mindfulness and meditation techniques with a focus on appreciating the present moment but you made it clear in the other thread that you don't want anything to do with "new age bullshit" so you probably won't care about anything I or a lot of other people have to say.

Has your JP book arrived yet?
>>
Basil Brushspear - Sun, 24 Oct 2021 18:29:16 EST ZmXzYIFT No.540974 Reply
Yes, live in the present, like the other guy said.

Crush

View Thread Reply
- Fri, 22 Oct 2021 15:49:47 EST qeQd9lfU No.540965
File: 1634932187744.jpg -(823861B / 804.55KB, 2464x1632) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Crush
I've developed a small crush on a girl who works at a grocery store that I shop at. I see her there about once a week, and I've noticed her looking at me a lot, and she also bursts into a huge smile (like, way more than an ordinary friendly smile) whenever we make eye contact or I say hello. Anyways, I'm not a complete and total idiot when it comes to flirtatious behavior or signs of attraction.

So, she was there earlier today when I was buying lunch, and when I walked past I said hello and wished her a nice day, and her face turned red, then she smiled at me (seemingly uncontrollably) and winked. I can tell she's a pretty shy person, and I honestly don't believe she consciously meant to wink at me.

Next time I see her (hopefully nobody else will be in the immediate vicinity) I'm going to ask if she wants to get a cup of coffee or something together. The only problem is that she looks to be in about her early to mid twenties, and I'm just over thirty (I don't look near my age at all, so I doubt she has a clue how old I am).

Does anybody here have any opinions about the situation? If she agrees to meet up with me and seems romantically interested, I'm of course going to make sure the first thing she knows is my age. I'm really picky about potential relationships, too. In the last five years she's only the second girl I've met that I'd ever consider talking to romantically, and the other girl was only interested in sex, so I was really disappointed about that.

I'll be back to check for any responses and to give an update if I talk to her. I'm comfortable being alone, so I won't be upset if this doesn't work out, but I have to be honest I am kind of anxious/excited about possibly going on a date with her. Wish me luck!
>>
Caroline Crummlekid - Fri, 22 Oct 2021 18:39:32 EST 5LwbWApc No.540966 Reply
this is gold-medal in overthinking material

that time wouldve been best to ask her out by the sound of it, it was right. next time will probably be fine too, so long as it feels right.

meet her. tell her your age when she asks you
>>
Lydia Cavingnan - Fri, 22 Oct 2021 19:00:10 EST W5zPUdfU No.540967 Reply
Smoke weed and jack off thinking about her.
>>
Doris Greenwater - Sat, 23 Oct 2021 09:52:29 EST B351rbUG No.540969 Reply
I'm 30 dating a 25 year old, it's normal, go for it
the generational gap is only slightly noticeable

well im fucked

View Thread Reply
- Wed, 29 Sep 2021 23:12:31 EST +5XfUsO+ No.540729
File: 1632971551066.png -(104355B / 101.91KB, 230x277) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. well im fucked
idk anymore man. the last ten years of my life have been a trainwreck. im financially fucked after a LONG and BAD relationship with my probably soon-to-be ex-wife. we have a kid together whose a little over a year old and I love him, but my life with this woman is complete trash. she wants a divorce and is unhappy, but is too afraid to commit to it and keeps trying to keep things going. i just wish I could be eighteen again and getting stoned and posting to this board and have my whole life ahead of me. my marriage destroyed all my friendships, she's a narccisist and sabotaged every friendship and most family relationships I had. i have nothing. absolutely nothing other than my son. I put on eighty pounds in the last five years, have a 580 credit score, am about $35,000 in debt plus a mortgage, own a failing business, and am just completely unhappy and fucked. i kind of just want to move to new hampshire and start over, but I can't (and wont). idk. things are really shitty right now and im not looking forward to the next few months of being flat ass broke and celebrating christmas, her birthday, and our anniversary. i love this girl, but i cant make her happy and shes really mentally ill.
15 posts and 2 images omitted. Click View Thread to read.
>>
Walter Songerhall - Fri, 22 Oct 2021 04:18:19 EST XSZZrjOH No.540962 Reply
>>540959
I uswd to think this about myself but then I met my little cumdumpster slut and she helped me discover that I'm actually really good at BDSM. I dont likr to be hurt, but I can dish it out and submissive women really like that.
>>
Esther Sicklewell - Fri, 22 Oct 2021 08:17:22 EST E53J8OST No.540963 Reply
>>540962
And she did this without teaching you anything at all about consent and that B&D relationships involve a constant conversation about consent? So you think that it's ok to beat the shit out of a woman?

She taught you wrong. You're dangerous.
>>
Albert Sullysedge - Fri, 22 Oct 2021 11:00:40 EST o+LUR25X No.540964 Reply
>>540729
Draw deep from your ancestral energies
you're a man and got a son, how fucking cool is that dude

we won't have the answers to all the specifics you're experiencing, but just know that you're able to regroup and do some manshit and turn this around

if you're super broke and willing to work long hours, you could get into something like driving a truck for a few years, this way you can make good money, get some distance & time away from your wife and it will give you time to think about shit

they're so desperate for truckers, that a lot of companies will pay for training and give you a good signing bonus.

i miss my cat

View Thread Reply
- Sun, 17 Oct 2021 19:07:04 EST QU4NIkUH No.540948
File: 1634512024101.jpg -(2325268B / 2.22MB, 1663x3166) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. i miss my cat
Our first cat (me and gf) died today, he always went to the roof of our house and sleept in the sun calmly, today some cat fighted he there (we heard cat screasm before finding him) and he fell and (we assume the way we found him) broke his neck against the balcony railing, i found him already dead on the floor, with his eyes a little out and his head was kind of hanging

We had him since baby, he was our baby, he didnt deserve to die like that, he was a good cat
I miss him
>>
Polly Dunderwell - Sun, 17 Oct 2021 20:08:14 EST JbQ9F8Me No.540949 Reply
I'm sorry about your cat OP. It sounds like they had a painless death, and also like you have them a good life
User is currently banned from all boards
>>
Sophie Sannerhudge - Tue, 19 Oct 2021 02:08:55 EST B351rbUG No.540952 Reply
I'm so sorry OP
I'm high and this made me tear up, life just fucking blows sometimes
>>
Clara Snodford - Tue, 19 Oct 2021 09:40:18 EST QU4NIkUH No.540956 Reply
1634650818117.jpg -(117632B / 114.88KB, 1600x777) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
>>540949
>>540952
Thank you both anons i appreciate your words, wasnt expecting answers i just wanted to express somewhere, but thanks you do help me
I still cant believe what happened, how fragile is life, and even worse his little sister sits the whole day looking to the roof waiting for him to come down, and searchs the house looking for him to play

I miss him, i really do miss him a lot

CO poisoning ideas

View Thread Reply
- Fri, 15 Oct 2021 10:11:12 EST fOpm/VOY No.540921
File: 1634307072147.jpg -(31258B / 30.53KB, 640x480) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. CO poisoning ideas
I want to die away from home in a deserted area, dig a grave to sit in and die of CO while smoking and reading a book till I pass out. On a serious note any ideas of how to make this possible?
8 posts omitted. Click View Thread to read.
>>
Eliza Cinningstone - Mon, 18 Oct 2021 23:03:23 EST usOLm3en No.540951 Reply
What’s gonna be your go to suicide book OP?
>>
Sidney Snodstock - Tue, 19 Oct 2021 10:50:25 EST 00KbcawF No.540957 Reply
>>540927
sheesh. but it's absurd that the word triggered has reached this point. This is like if the word "flashback" became something that people couldn't hear without giggling.

>>540921
OP, you have bodily autonomy but I feel compelled to suggest you do not. Normally I would put my money where my mouth is and have a chat with you about it, but I'm not able to do my suicide intervention work right now. I gotta go the funeral of my suicided mom like, tomorrow. It has ruined my mental health and that of several other people. this isn't an attempt to guilt-trip or scold you, but to present you with facts. That shit ripples out. It's hard for it not to.

Also, it is quite possible to stop being miserable and/or suicidal, even though you may have very good reasons to be and may have been so for a very, very long time. I very much hope you stick around long enough to confirm.

dead-ass mom

View Thread Reply
- Sat, 02 Oct 2021 08:37:16 EST 00KbcawF No.540771
File: 1633178236191.gif -(710303B / 693.66KB, 500x700) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. dead-ass mom
My mom killed herself a few weeks ago by driving her car down a hill 50 feet and crashing into a tree. I'm going to where that happened tomorrow to look at it. It's a few cities away and in a pretty rural area, but the car, her, and some of the surrounding area went up in flames, so it should not be too hard to identify.

I loved my mom and used to be very close to her, but both of my parents were extremely abusive and thinking and feeling things about all of this has been a mess. My dad hasn't even called, and I know he knows it happened. My friends were and are sympathetic, but they've tapered off on checking on me somewhat cause the novelty wore off and they have lives, I guess.

I'm used to experiencing just completely off the wall terrible things that go outright denied or unacknowledged. A few examples:
>my entire childhood--should have been CPSed out but never was, parent or parents should have been arrested but never were
>groomed by some dude from age 11 on, multiple adults knew and did nothing
>domestic violence that permanently injured me, but nobody cared or acknowledged it after I escaped, much less said anything despite knowing about it

A lot of stuff has seemed like a fever dream or another dimension or something, and this is feeling like that too. I'd only just started calling and receiving calls from my mom again this year after being estranged for a bit, and suddenly she's silent. I know she is dead and burned up unrecognizably but it seems like she's just temporarily not there, especially because some people aren't acting like anything happened. I guess I want to go make sure it did, and that it is serious. I just feel like I should.

A little worried, though, because I was already having an episode of way worse PTSD before she even died, and now my dreams are just stallionoo bananas full of violence and rape and then mom death shit. I hope this doesn't make it worse.
16 posts and 4 images omitted. Click View Thread to read.
>>
Shitting Fiddlewill - Thu, 14 Oct 2021 12:15:23 EST jGbPc0WX No.540914 Reply
>>540913
>And I think you should consider simply not having your mom in your life.
Oh please go on.
>Recognize what is good for you, and not just in a magazine cover article feature kind of way.
So you're suggesting there's no value in superficiality when you didn't even read the title of the thread?
>If interacting with this person feels bad then that's your inner truth or knowing or whatever telling you that it is bad for you. You should consider getting away in a way that works for you, some kind of plan.
Read the thread, samurai. She's dead.
>>
Augustus Gagglestut - Fri, 15 Oct 2021 12:47:26 EST 00KbcawF No.540928 Reply
>>540908
I know. I will feel better eventually. This is just a lot. I'm losing my childhood home like, this month, and I've had to be back there knee-deep in family stuff I haven't seen in years, and almost all our family's stuff is getting sold or thrown out bc nobody can store it, and I really value family history. I lost my mom in this way that's awful to think about, I feel like I lost my dad, I'll never get resolution of being horribly abused and seeing and experiencing so much violence. I was on the run most of my adult life.

the one good thing from all this is that I'm getting a cut of the money from selling the house. I've been homeless and broke so much I barely know what to do with it, though. I guess I'll get a new wheelchair and a car. Go see friends. I feel guilty about getting money because my mom used to tell me all the time as a kid that she was dying and that I'd probably love it if she died because I only wanted her money.

But I could use the money. I could like, be guaranteed shelter with that money.

>>540913
Hey, thanks for suggesting I take a definite break. I have a lot of work I probably could be taking it easier on, but I haven't been. It's a project that my also recently dead friend wanted. but I think I might be too messed up to do it. and if she were here she would say the same thing. She'd say, you're sick and need a mental health break, fuck it man.

>>540914
Well, I did get my mom out of my life. Or, I guess, she took care of that. Badum tss.

Dealing with cyclic failure

View Thread Reply
- Thu, 19 Aug 2021 10:40:56 EST HApLONFc No.540273
File: 1629384056231.jpg -(69293B / 67.67KB, 750x746) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Dealing with cyclic failure
Ever since about a decade ago, it is as if I had "peaked" and will never ever be remotely good at things again.
Granted, I've had some minor successes here and there, but I keep failing - and when I don't, I'm at best just postponing the failure.
I've changed universities (once and the second is on the way), I've changed subjects, and even went to a career psychologist just to make sure I'm picking the right subjects.

I've had issues with exams since around 10th grade, especially maths.
I can study for weeks on end, with private tutors (who will be certain that I will succeed), and I will take my ADD meds throughout and even on the day of the exam (with exact timing so the effect window is aligned with when I take the exam), all that, and solving over 15 exams from previous years and different universities - and I will still fail.
And not just fail, I'll write fucking idiotic answers, answers that when I look at them afterwards, I just lose it - how stupid can I be?

I've even went to consultation and support groups for exam-caused anxiety.
All for absolutely nothing.

Not that I hadn't noticed any improvement over the years, some subjects are less of a problem nowadays, but it's not enough.

More so, throughout the semester I'd fucking nail it on homework assignments, I'll write down summaries that everyone studies from.
Even before the exam, people come to ask me questions.
Those same people go on to get much higher grades than I did.

And it fucking drives me nuts!

Even my hobbies are dead, I can't get back into music - I start off well for a while, then it fucking crumbles again.
Nor is programming (for fun) fun anymore.

It's gotten so bad, I can't have any good time.
Because I always know that there's something that I'm gonna miserably fuck up, and soon!

I hope I haven't gone on for too long, but I am at my wit's end.
I just don't know what to do anymore.

All that, and I haven't even scratched the surface of how I lost my best friend to cancer (still rips me up every day, even two years later), or how I kept my SO afloat while still both of us are battling depression, or how I gave up on many of my dreams along the way just to focus on goals that I cannot attain (but I'm sure I can attain).

I wish I could kill myself or just vanish and lead a new life under a new name.

In a sense I come here to vent, but more importantly to seek advice.
As everything I've tried so far has had mixed success at best or ended in abject failure.
>pic unrelated
7 posts omitted. Click View Thread to read.
>>
Beatrice Depperson - Tue, 28 Sep 2021 21:56:35 EST HApLONFc No.540721 Reply
>>540453
OP here, I don't get what you mean by opening up?
I was pretty honest with her from that start, and I've trusted her with my deepest secrets even when we were just (very new) friends.
>>
Beatrice Depperson - Wed, 29 Sep 2021 00:17:05 EST HApLONFc No.540722 Reply
>>540273
OP here again, I figured I should put an update up:
Went back to lifting, nothing extreme - but already seeing general improvements in my posture and physique.
Slowly going back to music, repaired my rig, and contacting my old band mates.
Working like hell, I hate it, but it's a temp job.
Generally trying not to let a day go by.

I think I've mostly moved on, and I've been eyeing an old friend of mine (well, she's hot, clever AF, calm and generally easy going), maybe we'll go on a few dates and see how it goes.

Yet, somewhere in the back of my mind, I'm afraid of nosediving again.
>>
Samuel Craddleditch - Sat, 09 Oct 2021 10:16:23 EST LQ4VvGPH No.540849 Reply
Do you understand the reason why you can't perform in exams? If its anxiety you could try medication like phenibut or benzos. ADD drugs are not exactly designed to calm you down.

my parents follow me and torture me all day

View Thread Reply
- Tue, 05 Oct 2021 11:03:32 EST yREVFIIT No.540807
File: 1633446212553.jpg -(30205B / 29.50KB, 235x280) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. my parents follow me and torture me all day
>have loud annoying retarded neighbors
>also have retarded parents
>i had to go in hiding from my neighbors and sleep in my spare room
>for some reason when i was gone took the iniative of cleaning and throwing all my shit
>i never see them care or worry about anything like this unless it somehow directly pisses me off

should i pop them in the fucking face? i feel like they follow me around all day stalking and monitoring me finding ways to torture me because that's their only joy. i feel like they brought me to this world to torture me with their retardation.

i feel the hatred rising in me telling me to murder my parents
12 posts and 1 images omitted. Click View Thread to read.
>>
Caroline Bezzlelock - Fri, 08 Oct 2021 01:21:33 EST Cy8/A9XL No.540832 Reply
>>540828
what is a good country to go to instead of usa, im talking get the hell out of dodge and live in a better more concientious society

i have a feeling the south is going to succeed from the usa again and im not trying to stick around and find out
>>
Betsy Drindlefack - Fri, 08 Oct 2021 04:05:12 EST TUQC22QU No.540834 Reply
>>540807
Like to seee you kill your self in front of GOD.
Everyone gets to tell the pressident that they are them seves before they are 16. And then they live that existanct. And hurt you/ Physicacaly then chemichaly at an age and spiritualy after that. 7 then 12 then 16 then 24 What is the most of the merchant? no money. Friends and travel. Because he has a Military Wizard to do you harm. The Doctor can blunt his kniff in front of your face for like 50 dollars. And your gouvourvnment can organize a war for men. You want to poveress females. You hate us. That thing that makes you exist. And it knows it. Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeep! None of your complaints matter. Your Father made me remmember him forever. Over the top Of food And dressing. He Is deffective for mating with children. And or that is how you are getting away waith this. (xiu xiu black drum machine)
>>
Albert Dodgefuck - Fri, 08 Oct 2021 12:25:56 EST SqGmZrq9 No.540841 Reply
I wanna take a different angle here: you should probably have a sit down and ask for psychiatric care of some kind. Go slow
Tell them you love them and are sorry about being mad -- you're not fvR angry. Just very tired

Report Post
Reason
Note
Please be descriptive with report notes,
this helps staff resolve issues quicker.