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Discord Now Fully Linked With 420chan IRC

Aasf

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- Tue, 01 Oct 2019 18:36:59 EST D1cB2v15 No.531934
File: 1569969419362.jpg -(487988B / 476.55KB, 2340x1080) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Aasf
Hi. So I'm 25, trans-male, have been working as a full-time "recovery worker" in a residential setting for a year trying to help folks with anything from depression, panic disorders to paranoid schizophrenia and helping them prepare for living "in the community".

Im starting to question my choices in life. Having studied substance misuse interventions, worked briefly in a residential detox house, done outreach work and peer mentoring for a homeless charity, been a carer for clients with dementia and Alzheimer's, one would think that I must have a strong desire to pursue a career as a qualified therapist or as a more intensive worker since that seems to be the trajectory I'm on.

In a actual fact I feel very daunted and depressed at this. Most organisations I've worked for have abused or neglected clients, and contain a depressed and toxic workforce, underpaid, overworked.

I grew up with a father who suffered quite a lot from schizotypal personality disorder and a mother who was abusive to him. Starting to wonder if this has given me a misled sense of having to be " the helper"

In my real life, when I get to take off my work persona I am addicted to smoking weed, I have struggled with depression and anxiety (like most people these days) and I have bouts of months at a time where I feel suicidal and experience anhedonia. I resent having to exist, and I feel too lazy and exhausted from having to pick myself up off the floor so many times to do the whole excercise-eat right-meditate-hobbies thing. Not only that but I've been living as male for the past 4 years but for various reasons am struggling to obtain testosterone regularly so I'm basically a 25 year old that still looks and sounds 16 and I'm sure this irregularity of hormone treatment is fucking with me in some way.

Today I was very close to throwing myself Infront of a car. And also very close to ghosting my job.

The last time I tried a non helping job I felt like this too. But I'm starting to wonder if trying to support people as a career is a poor choice for me, as fulfilling as it can be. What if I just have a misguided sense of caring towards people just because of my parents, my experiences etc. I'm also a bit of a stoner and used to eat Xanax. I've stolen medication in the past to get high off codeine. Basically I feel like a fucking liability. My doctor won't give me any more therapy because they said I have to be at least 3 months clean of smoking weed first. I feel like im living a double life and even the idea of going sober or finding another job seems too overwhelming. I just want to be happy.


So yeah. I know this is a lot to take on board but does anybody have any advice? And yes this is a cry for help.
4 posts omitted. Click View Thread to read.
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Isabella Dobbledut - Tue, 08 Oct 2019 02:36:52 EST 9Apb3BrE No.532040 Reply
>>531944
OP here. Glad to hear that you're finding happiness elsewhere.
>>
Isabella Dobbledut - Tue, 08 Oct 2019 02:38:17 EST 9Apb3BrE No.532041 Reply
>>531948
It's comforting to hear I'm not alone in some of my behaviours in this line of work. I have plenty of friends who use coke and what not on the weekends. I was feeling pretty suicidal when I posted but now I'm feeling a lot better after taking some time for myself. Thanks for your reply duder
>>
Polly Battingstidge - Tue, 08 Oct 2019 07:33:13 EST hsjTltEH No.532050 Reply
>>532041
Is it possible that you are just a workaholic? Not that your problem is a work addiction, but things that are designed to treat work addiction can also treat the tendency of health care workers to involve themselves so much in care at work that all they know how to do is alleviate suffering, so you go home every day and alleviate instead of just living your life.

the desire to hold and be held

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- Wed, 18 Sep 2019 16:40:13 EST USUZpST+ No.531797
File: 1568839213110.jpg -(454485B / 443.83KB, 1536x2048) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. the desire to hold and be held
without irony or pity
is physically painful.
that is all
13 posts and 2 images omitted. Click View Thread to read.
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Eliza Clindlepock - Mon, 07 Oct 2019 05:12:38 EST 1VcUBcZx No.532022 Reply
>>532021
Well they might not be the best friends, but he better get lonely or get over it because his ass probably isn't getting any other ones. Or maybe he tried hugging random employees at work and thought they were friends.

>>531900
sorry man but if you don't want to look later-homo you better knock it off with the hugs shit
>>
Angus Shittingville - Mon, 07 Oct 2019 22:28:29 EST 3B0UQ3IY No.532033 Reply
>>531921
>>532022
Of course, since it weirded them out I stopped, but I don't care how I look and I'll do as I please, thank you.

Why are abusive people better in bed?

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- Wed, 21 Aug 2019 12:45:00 EST mzNTCNcn No.531178
File: 1566405900954.jpg -(36577B / 35.72KB, 500x500) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Why are abusive people better in bed?
In my dating/sex life across my teens and twenties (I just turned 30) I always noticed a correlation: the more abusive and emotionally unpredictable a person is, the better in bed they are.

If a woman is sweet, caring, and emotionally supportive of my mental illness, the sex is gonna probably be aight but nothing to write home about. If a woman is bitchy, confrontational, screams at me constantly, and belittles me, you can bet your ass that sex is gonna be hot, sweaty, biting, scratching, hair-pulling, animalistic sex. The head game is gonna be fire. Abusive partners are always the best submissives in BDSM relationships. In a non-abusive relationship, sex with be 3-4x a week. In an abusive relationship, sex is going to be multiple times a day.

Why the sex game gotta be so fire with horrible people? My last relationship I wanted to leave so badly but the sex was just too good that is was worth being slapped around and being told to kill myself. Thankfully she dumped me eventually for another guy (who is now a crippling alcoholic and pill-popper thanks to her). I just don't understand the psychology of it.
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Jist - Wed, 02 Oct 2019 06:45:20 EST LbPBpo3d No.531945 Reply
1570013120039.jpg -(3449686B / 3.29MB, 3456x4608) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
>>531178
Well the way I think of it is, if she's too hot to you, you want to think about some fucked up deformed shit while in the do, while the flip is pretty obvious. Try finding a butter face or something man. Hot ones for me just ended up whoring out, or wanting you to think that. While all my luck luck went to shit with these half decent wemon getting pre maturely pregnant (17- 25) with guys before they make something of there self. It's really hard to find a good balance for me. I guess it's nice to see my brothers grow with there wemon. It's also nice to know that there's Hope for these youngins. Maybe it's the father in me but relationships work the best when both have already made their staple in society ECT. Ect.
>>
Fuck Fanfield - Sun, 06 Oct 2019 19:43:45 EST Vggnt5aG No.532007 Reply
Op is onto something, and it's definitely no kink.

I want to die

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- Sun, 29 Sep 2019 12:06:34 EST /PpNnjSr No.531908
File: 1569773194224.png -(39896B / 38.96KB, 300x300) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. I want to die
Because of the way everyone here has treated me. It reminds me of high school all over again. What do I do?
4 posts and 3 images omitted. Click View Thread to read.

Bad decision could lead to std

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- Sat, 05 Oct 2019 11:13:20 EST 0R0puqwN No.531964
File: 1570288400989.jpg -(4012583B / 3.83MB, 3024x4032) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Bad decision could lead to std
I am a 23 year old male and took a 34 year old woman that I knew from college out on a date. Went pretty well. Anyways, took her home and ended up fucked her a bit without a condom. After I did that I had instant regret, and asked her if she had anything. She told me she only had HPV like a month ago. Really just hoping my life wont be fucked because of this silly careless mistake. I tried clean my dick off after the sex, but I know that doesn't mean shit. Can anybody here help console me? I am in a pretty weird head space right now. I only had sex with one other person my whole life.
6 posts omitted. Click View Thread to read.
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Caroline Wurringhone - Sat, 05 Oct 2019 13:34:57 EST 0R0puqwN No.531973 Reply
>>531970
>>531972
I appreciate it. If I feel/see anything out of the ordinary I will definitely see a doctor. Till then; just going to try and keep my mind in a positive place. Thank you all for giving a fuck.
>>
George Dellerdere - Sat, 05 Oct 2019 15:46:58 EST USUZpST+ No.531975 Reply
>>531968
hmm yes I see that now.
good luck with your entry level std situation
>>
Fuck Chinnerham - Sat, 05 Oct 2019 16:04:03 EST usOLm3en No.531976 Reply
You know how the old saying goes “you can’t get AIDS unless you get tested”.

What momma don’t know don’t hurt her.

crippling insomnia as a part of bipolar I vent/insomnia stories / support thread

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- Mon, 16 Sep 2019 00:07:20 EST Je9nm5wp No.531733
File: 1568606840231.gif -(751777B / 734.16KB, 220x169) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. crippling insomnia as a part of bipolar I vent/insomnia stories / support thread
Idk what I should do, and I keep making it worse because I have to drink a shitton of caffeine and sometimes even take Primatine to accomplish day to day tasks.

I've been sleeping for a few hours pretty much every other night or so for the past few weeks, and now I'm 2 hours a way from 00:00 on day 3 and I work 5 to 2 tomorrow unloading freight and stocking shelves,

I'm going to try to lay down one more time I've been doing that shit for hours and I always do. I end up with this weird half sleep where I'll not feel asleep but I'll dream and the dreams are always mixed in with reality so the music I'm listening to etc. like I fell asleep listening to the smiths and I dreamt me and one of my better friends from high school (haven't spoken in years) were running through the hall singing smiths songs (presumably the ones that were playing) and then people started calling us faggots so we "joke" that we were but idk where the dream was going but i did think of him that way but that's neither here nor there idk why i wrote all that but regardles

everything I've tried started with doxylamine (dph has never worked for me, it was always almost stimulating, kind of fun and trippy but doxylamine is a better trip too so dph is garbage all around imo unless it's all you have to throw on top of a downer cockail or something, then they moved me to trazadone, barely worked, but it was always spotty, up an hour down an hour up and down until i was like fuck it i'm up, then ambien, and honestly that just fucked me up, was sedating and relaxing but i started tripping and the trip was interesting and all but i don't remember much of it, then I blacked out and started doing shit instead of sleeping, but then thought I was sleeping, then now lastly so far they've tried Lunesta which is imo a better feeling than ambien but also nothing, it's kind of like taking 10mg of diazapam and 50mg of doxylamine and

i neeed to get this under control because my life is falling apart, I've been really religiously cutting (calories not myself i don't really do that anymore or haven't in a minute) and loving myself but in the past 2 weeks I've put on easily 10-15 pounds, i know if I cut again i can drop that in a week but I can't because when i feel like this and i'm all groggy from the z-drugs i eat like shit like 2500-3500 cal a day easy, then a day where I'll just completely forget to eat since I'm so out of it

i'm about to fail 2 classes because I just can't make the deadlines because I can't STUDY because nothing make sense, I read something and it's like i didn't read it at all, I find the individual meanings of words but i can't string them together

i think i'm at the start of another manic episode but that's weird because I felt like a minor hypomanic episode came and went and it was actually fun, got shit done was optimistic my life was falling into place then bam the crash went (I've journaled for years and this patterns got me so many times "Things will be different this time" "things will be different this time" "things will be different this time" ad nauseum") it wasn't really bad though, then I started getting really depressed from insomnia and now I'm all over the fucking place in a mixed mostly manic but mad episode

I tend to get psychotic features if mania gets really bad, and not sleeping makes that bad and all that z-drug/histamines I'm desperately trying make shit even weirder (but I've found the Lunesta to take the edge waaay off in comparison and helps I guess in that sense

I am legitimately insane right now and I need to know what to do I HAVE to go to work tomorrow or else they'll fire me because I also have hyperhydrosis which is made worse by mania and anxiety and i've called off 3 times already because of it, after TRYING to go in and them seeing I looked like I just ran a 5k on meth, it's only my first couple of weeks so they are being VERY gracious letting me do so far but they said one more in a month and they have no choice, that they're sorry i'm in such a bad way (they only know about hyperhydrosis and anxiety not bipolar that's something you don't really tell people you're not close to imo)

I do not by any stretch of the imagination want to go back on antipsychotics agai…
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11 posts and 1 images omitted. Click View Thread to read.
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Jist - Wed, 02 Oct 2019 07:24:00 EST LbPBpo3d No.531946 Reply
>>531733
Yeah no you are dunzo, too many isusses for anyone to slice for you.
> you guys think they'll bite the bullet and give a person with a past drug abuse a benzo in these dire cirmunstance?
Dood you didn't even take a step back to revise what the hell your even talking about. Awnser - no the reason being that this drug has a tendency to create forget me senarios, not only is there hard proof of this in people over 50, but also concerning evedenice in young adults. You understand that they just don't give that out after they confirmed that your cognitive reasoning is to place misleading information til you break down with honesty. In short if shit is not adding up right then me or any other person will not scale up the dangerousness of a controlled medication.
Nigga we anit feeding you a pill that you claim Alzheimer's on, get it?
>>
Matilda Shittingbanks - Thu, 03 Oct 2019 13:36:47 EST Je9nm5wp No.531951 Reply
>>531946
they did actually give me temezepam, which has been working really well but I've sort of been taking it in the day too, they gave me fucking 60 15mg pills, which on one level I like because that's a good cop but on another level it's like why the fuck would they give me these

Anyone else having issues with the overall state of the Housing Crisis

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- Mon, 30 Sep 2019 17:36:07 EST zh1QbcGV No.531930
File: 1569879367666.jpg -(39725B / 38.79KB, 700x467) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Anyone else having issues with the overall state of the Housing Crisis
https://www.apartmenthomeliving.com/apartment-finder/Bella-Vita-Apartments-Santa-Rosa-CA-95407-9525467

Its literally only barely outside of the Unaccompanied Santa Rosa Map Line so technically it counts as a Section 8 Location if we decide to do the switch from Outside of Santa Rosa to only Unaccompanied parts of Santa Rosa. So...my renting experience I would consider to be radically different compared to yours and everyone elses since namely before I signed up with THP I was just renting apartments out of pocket. Most of the time I would just rent a room in someone else's home but never once and I mean EVER did I find myself in a scenario where I had to pay money to fill out a housing application and from the stories I have heard from people this has apparently been an issue for awhile now. Yes because I too like to burn a $20 bill on the off chance I just get rejected outright or put in holding for an excruciatingly long time. Imagine paying for the privilege of getting rejected from a housing application the man who came up with this concept is literally the Anti Christ.

Another thing I didn't like but there is no use fighting it since its apparent in every apartment complex you can apply to but Quarter Operated Washing Machines. However these Machines requires $2 EACH so that's $2 to use the Washing Machine and an additional $2 to use the dryer. Imagine if you have to run multiple loads. That expense adds up throughout the month.

As for the apartment the only rooms that were available were the two bedrooms. Small Bathroom. One Medium/Large Room. One Medium/Small room. Small living room. Kitchen area comes with a Fridge, Oven, Microwave, and Sink. Bathroom is equipped with a Shower and Bathtub. Comes with a Closet. Two Bedroom apartments in this location cost anywhere between $1800-$2000 not including Utilities and there was a massive fucking utilities list right outside the door where everything comes out of pocket. Water, Electricity, Trash, Power, literally nothing comes out of the pocket of your landlord so its super high class way too high class for someone like me especially considering how none of the One Bedroom apartments are even available yet.

As much as my landlord was really pushing me to use my Section 8 on this apartment its way out of the Price Bracket because if I remember correctly Section 8 only really covers up until anywhere between $1600-$1700 and this seems a couple hundred dollars off the price limit. Even with One Bedrooms not being available for purchase yet they're priced anywhere between $1500-$1700.

I have until Jan 22nd 2020 to make a decision. It seems kinda steep but comparing to the locations we've been getting lately from outside the city limits and how all of them are for old people 62 and older i'm worried we can't have options to look at. Like I am almost tempted to try and see that Sebastopol location for $1000 is still open for discussion since Catholic Charities doesn't wanna speak to me about housing stuff since they seem to have their hands full dealing with their homeless youth to wanna discuss housing plans with me.
>>
CannaPrime - Mon, 30 Sep 2019 17:39:25 EST HCypo6nm No.531931 Reply
>>531930


TBH, be grateful you have Section 8. It's really that simple. You could have to actually pay that rent and be broke. You have Section 8 and don't have to worry about rent. What is your issue here? I'm failing to see it.
>>
George Blillerdale - Mon, 30 Sep 2019 18:02:22 EST zh1QbcGV No.531932 Reply
>>531931

The issue is no one takes Section 8 and this has to do with two issues i've been beginning to understand. The 1st issue comes from their previous experience with tenants who had section 8 who gave them an overall bad experience but because of that one overall bad experience they now use it as an excuse to demonize all potential tenants who have Section 8

The other is landlords just don't wanna cater to us because they don't wanna make less money. Its all apart of the housing scam and the supply and demand principal where if you're a tenant with Section 8 you cut into the pre-appointed rent your landlord wants to give you or the hundreds of people willing to kill each other hunger games style for it because despite how everyone is economically in my state they're still gunning for living locations like these even tho there is no feasible way they can afford it

Half the reason I have section 8 is to just afford things but landlords wants nothing to do with it because it cuts into their profits.

This is ridiculous

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- Tue, 17 Sep 2019 14:33:32 EST 2FwxRe6Q No.531781
File: 1568745212660.jpg -(430686B / 420.59KB, 1200x675) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. This is ridiculous
I have never felt more aspie (spoiler, I'm not)
So I have this coworker who I thought was pretty cool and we live really close by. I was transferred to another department but him and i recently got a beer after like.. maybe 16 months? He was still fun to chill with. So I reached out again this week to make plans, because we tentatively had summer plans but neither of us followed through.

I'm fucking 30. ThIRTY. I do actually have other friends, believe it or not. I'm even married. To a woman. So no, I don't like him that way. I do admit I can be socially awkward... But it's pretty low level.

But for some reason with this it's like.. Wtf now, what do I suggest we go do? Why am I stressing so hard about not coming off like a total weirdo. And I have no idea what to do? Jesus, someone weigh in on this nonsense. Or maybe just suggest a good bro thing to do that isn't drinks and sports. Fucking lol.
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William Clayfuck - Thu, 19 Sep 2019 10:44:08 EST F0Y+LBoU No.531808 Reply
>>531799
Seconding this but try and make it something you do as a team, together against something else - not vs. eachother.

And some alcohol is always a good idea. And nothing where you're forced to stare at eachother haha. Best to be side by side where you can occasionally check in but no crazy forced intimacy.
>>
Esther Blottinglot - Fri, 20 Sep 2019 07:40:46 EST jnas4L6T No.531824 Reply
go climb a rock wall
>>
Simon Crozzleforth - Mon, 30 Sep 2019 16:46:11 EST JCATCBbz No.531928 Reply
>>531781
OP how about an update? I'd like to hear how things are going.

Loving someone who doesn't love themselves

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- Sat, 21 Sep 2019 00:41:31 EST wIKq1PyM No.531834
File: 1569040891896.jpg -(17055B / 16.66KB, 443x515) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Loving someone who doesn't love themselves
It's so straining. I love her and she treats me so great but when the lows are low they are lowwww. I know it's worth it but sometimes I feel so tired and emotionally suckered. She gives me that good feeling inside that you know is pure and I know she's faithful so there's nothing wrong but we both have very bad depression and we are both attentive to each others needs in every way. Sometimes though when the stars align or fall out or some shit she runs out of her meds and starts her period. I am happy I just need to vent because today was long and I haven't been able to talk it out with anyone not even really her as she was tired and sad after work.
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Priscilla Pugglebark - Sat, 21 Sep 2019 13:20:48 EST Fw0/aDJ4 No.531841 Reply
>>531834
What do you do to take care of yourself?

You should have a big long list of things
it should be written, because when we feel like shit we find it hard to remember what makes us feel better, then we pick up the book with the list in it and look at the list and go "oh yeah, music! music exists!" or whatever the thing is
anyone who takes care of someone else needs to know how to take care of themselves, otherwise they will be shit at taking care of anyone
>>
Polly Boggleham - Mon, 23 Sep 2019 00:00:51 EST wIKq1PyM No.531866 Reply
>>531841
Im very bad at self care, I just smoke a lot of pot and go with everything in my life. Im grateful for all of it, I have a good job, a beautiful wonderful woman, no serious debt. I'm doing alright for myself even if im broke as fuck taking care of us both. I feel happy but every once in a while I get sent into a pretty bad depressive state and its hard to shake without her help. We're both aware of, but dont acknowledge much, the codependent nature of our relationship. I want to marry her someday because there is no one else that I can flow with and "get" and the same is true with her. We're so compatible but both of our mental health conditions arent the most stable and that sometimes leads to short little bursts of fighting which becomes resolved and goes right back to the normal extremely loving relationship we do have.
>>
Betsy Benderbury - Fri, 27 Sep 2019 13:21:15 EST wIKq1PyM No.531899 Reply
1569604875738.jpg -(94143B / 91.94KB, 499x488) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
DICKS EVERYWHERE

fked up

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- Thu, 26 Sep 2019 08:04:32 EST ELFJ/DE/ No.531881
File: 1569499472554.jpg -(1401866B / 1.34MB, 1840x3264) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. fked up
was alone feeling bit down last night and just bought a bottle of 55% chinese grain alcohol. well I downed shot after shot and ended up throwing up all over my bed and floor, then proceeded to sleep in my own vomit for a night. i just woke up an realise that something is fked up with me, i shouldnt drink like that especially alone. I got no close friends to share this with so im posting here. Now i got to clean up this pile of sloppy vomit and get on with my day. Im so alone guys and hear a voice telling my to die everyday.
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George Hopperstone - Thu, 26 Sep 2019 11:46:58 EST n2REH4VM No.531886 Reply
1569512818723.jpg -(359316B / 350.89KB, 1440x1425) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
>>531884
Thank you anon. I really mean it, really thank you. It renewed my hope gave me a new perspective to see things. Thank you for your detailed response.
>>
Charlotte Denderset - Thu, 26 Sep 2019 12:59:46 EST vCPwibdy No.531887 Reply
>>531881
WAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHAA EMBRACE your destruction! The alcohol delivered you where you wanted it to take you, hmmm?? Lmaoooo smoke that weedle-dee-deed, by doodly drizzle!
>>
Charlotte Denderset - Thu, 26 Sep 2019 13:00:36 EST vCPwibdy No.531888 Reply
>>531884
Yeah also this and had I quit drinking then, my life would have improved immeasurably.

In a rut that supports this subpar form my body is in

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- Sat, 21 Sep 2019 20:23:15 EST fw27LVwD No.531845
File: 1569111795369.jpg -(7091B / 6.92KB, 284x177) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. In a rut that supports this subpar form my body is in
I'm in a rut where I've isolated myself due to being obese. I just think it's bad of me to present myself in this subhuman form to the world. I rarely go out and if I do its during the early early mornings or the graveyard hours.

My environment isn't a big help either, they would feed me loads of fast food if they could. I've realized this and I plant to move out . On employment I work under the table for a relative but he doesn't want to pay me my cut. It's very frustrating because they know of my dilemma but they still choose to not pay me my dues.

I know this rut is a negative and I would like to get out of it. My plan is to move to a nearby big city, work a low job and improve myself until I am comfortable enough to present myself and start advancing. Does this sound like a good plan?
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Hamilton Crenkinhon - Sun, 22 Sep 2019 11:56:53 EST tR57carO No.531852 Reply
>>531845
Eat a piece of bread with peanut butter and no other food every day for a month and come back.
>>
Phineas Hambledut - Sun, 22 Sep 2019 14:04:01 EST TTO+qi10 No.531855 Reply
You want to improve your health and appearance. Do so. Don't let that part of your goal hinge on other things in your life.

People generally don't just completely flip their life upside down all at once. For example, when you move you have all the added stress of being outside your norm so you're going to be looking to old comforts (fast food, computer, TV, etc) to help you alleviate that stress.

Moving and changing jobs is a BIG change and will require a lot of preparation and time. You should absolutely build to that if that is what you hope to do. But, in the meantime if you're only going out late in the night or in the early mornings anyway, use that time to start exercising. Walk more than you are used to, maybe even jog for a few minutes.

Challenge yourself, set goals and surpass them.

I also agree with
>>531849
>>
Asap97 - Thu, 26 Sep 2019 07:21:20 EST mx986IvR No.531880 Reply
1569496880703.jpg -(78747B / 76.90KB, 595x842) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
>>531845

have a sandwich in the morning, just PB&J something simple.

go on youtube and look at fitness with no equipment, hell start with "sit and be fit"

at first you're going to feel tired, retarded, embarassed even.

just remember flapping your arms like a chicken for about an hour a day will actually improve your current stats.

think about it this way:

You're an incredibly complicated meat-battery.
Fat in its most common form turns into oil when heated right? (sizzle bacon)
by working out and moving, you're generating heat.

basically you can become shredded ripped god and all you have to do is overcome the mental issue.

I figure at first start with a morning stretches and basic routine and then gradually work it until you're figuratively a cheese grater.


Remember: You have the complete sum of public human knowledge available to you on a glass slab, and here you are wasting it on monkeyshit when you could be studying and ripped.

APPLY YOURSELF

also don't do meth.

Therapy

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- Thu, 29 Aug 2019 16:51:03 EST Sjfg2Tup No.531387
File: 1567111863544.png -(366355B / 357.77KB, 1320x881) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Therapy
My therapist has the exact same table. Fucking weird.

Had a session today with some very, very difficult topics and now that the session is over, my mind is trying to.. explain reality away again. IE my therapist was like, "Face the shit you've been lying to yourself (and others) about" and in session I DID, and it was HARD, and it really shook me because I did have to face the fact that I had lied to myself for so long I believed it, now I have to make some hard choices.

But now session's over and my brain is like... "Haha J/K you can stuff all that shit right back in your lockbox and forget about it forever and keep on the way you were without ever changing because change is scary and uncomfortable and this is safe!"

AND THAT ISN'T HELPFUL/HEALTHY.

I know what's going on, I know it's an old coping mechanism that I do (did?) with painful subjects, but how the fuck do I leave a session and take the lessons and reality check with me, and not let old habits override what could be actual personal growth and healing?? Has anyone else experienced this or am I just that messed up?

also one hour sessions are nowhere near long enough when you're dealing with heavy topics, why can't you opt to pay for 2 hours or something so you don't have to cut things short
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Hannah Duckwell - Wed, 25 Sep 2019 07:02:51 EST SUZYoLJH No.531876 Reply
>>531874
Oh my god you have to stop drinking forever, in a year you will wonder what the fuck was going on.
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Barnaby Sendertetch - Wed, 25 Sep 2019 09:00:58 EST h1yGv5Cw No.531878 Reply
>>531877
Yes, please. I really appreciate it, thank you for the offer.

>>531876
I know, you're absolutely right. I'm using alcohol as a crutch and it's... not good. My 'excuse' is that I'm really having a difficult time dealing with all this, though I know full well it's not like my problems solve themselves while I'm busy getting sloshed.

I licked and rubbed my genitals against my Mom's feet when I was younger

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- Sun, 22 Sep 2019 17:54:42 EST gOXD9Pcj No.531857
File: 1569189282301.jpg -(2475B / 2.42KB, 344x322) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. I licked and rubbed my genitals against my Mom's feet when I was younger
When I was 13 I was still sleeping in the same bed as my mom. At some point I started licking her feet when I thought she was asleep. It wasn't long before I started masturbating as I was doing it. It became a frequent practice over the several months this lasted. At first I would strategically pick times when she was drunk so that she wouldn't notice or wake up. As time went on though, I got more and more sloppy. I would do it even when she was sober. I wasn't even trying to be much careful anymore. I would wait to hear her snore and I would keep asking her if she was sleeping yet. If she told me no then I would wait some more and ask again until I heard no reply.

On several occasions she was awake or at least got awoken. One time she prevented me from doing it by moving her feet back and forth really fast, to keep them away from my reach. I chased them for a minute hoping she would keep still. She didn't so I eventually gave up for that night.

After cumming I would always experience a lot of shame and found the whole thing disgusting. So I would spit on the carpet when I was done. One time she heard me and asked why I was spitting. I told her I had a hair in my mouth, to which she merely replied "Okay" without confronting me further.

The final step was masturbating while rubbing my genitals against her soles and between her toes. I had OCD and a voice told me if I didn't do it I would get bullied really bad during gym class the next day at school. That kind of justified doing it in the moment. I don't remember how many times or how long I did that for, but not for very long. I would think 2 or 3 times over a couple weeks. Shortly after that I stopped touching her feet altogether. Around one year later as she was drunk on the couch, I masturbated while glancing at her feet. I didn't cum. I sneakily took pictures of her feet but deleted them later that night, feeling very ashamed.

Every time I think about it, it's like a nightmare that I pray I can wake up from. But this is real and irreversible. I feel like the worst human being that's ever existed. I live in constant fear of being found out for who I really am. I want to hide from the entire world, and I do. Karma got me good because now I am so messed up I can't form a bond with anyone. I have no friends anymore, barely ever did. I'm emotionally distant to my family. At 32 I only ever had one relationship which was a mess. I was unable to get intimate with her both emotionally and physically. Again I constantly feel like I'm acting like a nice guy which is nothing but a cover. I'm on disability for bipolar among other things. Since I can't work right now I'm back at my mom's place. She's the only person I got left and does a lot for me which makes me feel guilty. I eat dinner with her and do a bit of chit chat here and there when I see her, but that's it. We both have always acted like nothing ever happened. I don't think I can ever forgive myself. I wish she would have stopped me so bad. I resent her for not doing anything about it. I swear I would have stopped. I wouldn't be this horrible person.
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Molly Hocklewin - Sun, 22 Sep 2019 22:25:43 EST DEG8JTSI No.531865 Reply
>>531861
I often give this advice to people:
If you hate something, and you actually have the power to change it and you choose to not change it - then I never fucking want to hear you complain about your situation in life.

You could fix this, but you're wallowing in self-pity. Grow up. You'll still be 'that person' until you get some goddamned help. And it's certainly not on your mother for not stopping you, that's all you bud.

Get. Help.
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Augustus Crunkinmut - Mon, 23 Sep 2019 01:22:12 EST 888281Kn No.531867 Reply
>>531857

She asked you why you were spitting. After you usednher feet to jerk yourself off. Your spit isnt what woke her up.

You entered into a sexual relationship with your mother at a young age. An acloholic woman, sleeping in the same bed as her teenage son sends up a red flag of incest, even before you realize she continued to sleep in the bed, even after awakening to you licking her feet. It sounds like sexual abuse.

Incest happens a lot more than you might think. What you written here doesn't make you a bad person
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Phoebe Chodgelock - Mon, 23 Sep 2019 10:02:41 EST tR57carO No.531868 Reply
>>531865
Calm yourself, lol... Getting cartoonishly angry at strangers on the internet isn't a good look.

What would you do?

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- Sun, 22 Sep 2019 10:21:31 EST Ii08on6m No.531850
File: 1569162091843.jpg -(9929B / 9.70KB, 450x317) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. What would you do?
I have several problems with my skin. I can't be in the sun, but I also can't be in the cold because when I move from a cold environment (outside) to a warm environment (indoors with heating, for instance) I have a severe reaction.

I know the only possibility for me to live a somewhat normal life is to move to a country with a year round warm climate and live at night, basically.

I'm not really asking for advice. I just feel like it's a big hurdle to jump. Anyway thanks for listening.
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Hamilton Crenkinhon - Sun, 22 Sep 2019 11:55:58 EST tR57carO No.531851 Reply
That sucks man... You ever get high and jack off?
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Shit Nerrynick - Sun, 22 Sep 2019 13:17:15 EST XHgC+rDf No.531854 Reply
>>531850
Ah, me too. I get physically ill from UV exposure and have temperature regulation problems that can lead to all kinds of stuff. I do basically go out at night, and I have a very fancy sunscreen collection and use wash-in sun protection powder on all my clothes. Plus sunglasses, umbrellas, and UV index tracking apps.

You very much get used to it, and you look forward to fall and its mild temps and low UV levels. Good luck frand

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