|>> || just my opinion but it probably made you a way better person. it is always, particularly when young, to be forced to become as good as the situation demands. i guarantee that you aren't someone who sucks, i mean maybe you have some crazy rage or something idk but you are clearly an effective human being. most people are not. i myself suffered from the opposite: my parents smothered me (mom controlling bitch, father is a pussy). mostly everything was done for me and i was taught nothing. i was always left out too because i was simultaneously neglected and helicopter parented, a very weird, crazy combination that basically guarantees you will be on the bottom-rung of society's ladder, especially socially. i was just sort of allowed to coast in a very bad state of health, hard to describe fully but i was 100% a suicide. now i'm some weird loner. frankly i am smart so i have a very good chance of using the gifts that i have been given from my predicament to produce something of quality, which will probably save me in the end. i am a weird loner but i'll tell you that most people will never get out of the loops that they find themselves in. some people are in literal hell, do you realize that? |
it's true i wasn't sex trafficked or anything but i grew up in extremely unhealthy circumstances. actually i did get non-penetratively touched once by that fucking idiot, 80% sure but it was a one time occurrence so i let it go. he talks to me like i'm an idiot because i don't relate to him. guy is a fucking moron, no self-reflection in him. studying philosophy in university has led me to the belief that he probably literally doesn't have a soul. doesn't know anything, just puts his head down, the whole family was a satanic ritual lol
you need to have enough faith that what you are is different and legitimate, this is something i was never taught, and i only learned through hating them. nature works in beautiful ways like that. i was given a home and food but i was severely failed, the failed parenting will absolutely destroy you, idec about being molested once, it's the lack of a normal development that is much more substantial. and people need to resist it as much as they can. frankly, it hurts to talk about them like that, but this is the truth and i no longer feel shame for it. they are deeply unhealthy people, and they took everything from me. at least i'm not dead like my sister, long story.
idk, you should focus less on your parents (what you feel is true and you should just let it do its thing), allow your anger to become a part of you, that's the way to integrate these things. i feel better for having accepted hatred for my family, and more on the fact that you are healthy (physically at least), an effective human being, you have your youth with a blank slate. that's the way you should view your life, as an adventure. you need to do the thing that you know you should be doing, and if you can't then you have to look at your life and keep changing things until they, rather than being a problem, are now the things that carry you upward.
anyway all that to say i can relate to you
i will tell you one other thing. when i got away from them, a LOT of my problems disappeared. toxic people do affect you in ways that most can't even begin to articulate, so they are accepted blindly. that will mangle you like it would anyone, because babies are born without having been tainted by the society and the world. i was feeling the truth the whole time, the anger during high school and after particularly, but i got mindfucked into thinking that it was wrong. went something like: feel the feeling and then "but i must be bad because i hate my mom, so now i hate myself because only a piece of shit would hate his mom."