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anything provocative about initiating conversation with women?

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- Sun, 07 Jul 2019 13:33:31 EST oi3dpPBT No.530267
File: 1562520811264.jpg -(148322B / 144.85KB, 800x1022) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. anything provocative about initiating conversation with women?
Hey qq

So I am an autist loner with serious communication/social skills issues, but sometimes I like to go to raves and while I am there (if I'm high enough and not overwhelmed with anxiety) go up to strangers and start conversations.

This is apparently normal behaviour at hippie-tier parties so I feel like I'm doing what's expected of me when I try and befriend strangers. But I only really start conversations with other guys as I view a guy starting a conversation with a guy as just friendly behaviour and not inherently provocative in any way. But I have a different view about talking to women... in my mind if a man goes up to a woman without having a clear, valid reason for talking to her, that is an "approach" and thus will be deemed inherently as a sexual advance and therefore the woman will have been provoked and become hostile if she is not attracted to him.

Typing this I realise that sounds slightly irrational. I always held this as assumption in my mind but thinking back I haven't had that many experiences that suggest this is true. Will girls automatically assume I am trying to fuck them if go up to them and start a conversation?

I am going to a festival on Friday and wanna practice going out of my comfort zone by approaching more people.... if I decide I'm gonna try to talk to X number of girls per day can I expect them to get hostile and defensive? Not even necessarily wanting to get laid (obviously that would be nice but I doubt it will happen) I've just had enough of social anxiety ruining my life.
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Augustus Habberfuck - Sun, 07 Jul 2019 14:24:54 EST SLZ94LIZ No.530268 Reply
>>530267
monitoring this thread as a fellow loner probably autist who feels the exact same

Part of me wants to agree and say it's irrational or that the convention doesn't real. But also we can get bitten back for not paying attention to irrational rules. I think that yes, girls will assume you are trying to fuck them. Assuming a girl is with her friends, address/comport yourself towards the whole or a couple members of a group, at least at first. I've also found that people are really open and friendly at these events and are cool as long as you are cool and forthright. I can't help but feel like you would come off different than the way you intend because of this "obviously that would be nice" mentality. One or the other. No fence sitting. This sort of thinking got me messed up lately. Don't make it X girls make it X people or groups instead. I went to my first such festival lately and while I had some issues with those in my own party (friends of my one friend who invited me), the neighbor camp was very nice. I assume people there are gonna be friendly too.

May I ask what you tend to talk about, if anything particular? What about at this upcoming event? My neighbor camp was talking about whack alien-conspiracy stuff and it was all very fun.
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Hugh Tillinghood - Sun, 07 Jul 2019 14:47:23 EST oi3dpPBT No.530269 Reply
1562525243264.jpg -(179223B / 175.02KB, 720x960) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
>>530268

>I think that yes, girls will assume you are trying to fuck them

If I find this is true then I simply won't bother and pray that dating apps save me from dying alone. Those kinds of conversations are incredibly stressful when you're being shit-tested every 5 seconds and feeling an intense pressure to "impress". Fun for players maybe but definitely not for autists.

I just want to practice getting better at having chill conversations with girls and then when I feel comfortable with that will start thinking about seducing them (though I have almost zero evidence that is something I am capable of). I'm happy to drop the "that would be nice" mentality and rule it out and maybe exclusively say hi to girls I'm not attracted to. But if you are right then I will continue to only ever speak to women unless they speak to me (or I have a "valid reason" for doing so).

I have to say I fucking hate how the issue of sex fosters so much division.

>May I ask what you tend to talk about, if anything particular? What about at this upcoming event? My neighbor camp was talking about whack alien-conspiracy stuff and it was all very fun.

Well in general I'm interested in tech, video games, politics, philosophy, religion, drugs/pharmacology etc but at psy raves I mainly just try to bond with people over the music and experiences at these events cos I don't really know how else to find common ground. I rarely socialise these days. I don't lead conversations that well and any topic that is fun or interesting I try and add input and my own perspective. I realise based on what I've just said I probably have a lot to learn if I wanna talk to girls. Are you really suggesting it's impossible to just have a casual friendly conversation with them without it being a "game"?
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Hugh Tillinghood - Sun, 07 Jul 2019 15:55:45 EST oi3dpPBT No.530270 Reply
>>530268
>I can't help but feel like you would come off different than the way you intend because of this "obviously that would be nice" mentality. One or the other. No fence sitting. This sort of thinking got me messed up lately

Also can you elaborate on what you mean by this? I'm intrigued to know what happened.
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Rebecca Blellershaw - Sun, 07 Jul 2019 16:06:40 EST l1NmIjLu No.530271 Reply
1562530000070.jpg -(84649B / 82.67KB, 960x960) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
>>530268
Another reason can be to have an engaging interaction that is fun and or makes you amused which will likely amuse them as well in which case it's a symbiotic interaction because just from you guys saying a few words to each other both parties experience fun and good emotions. So apart from wanting to fuck you may just want to meet new and stimulating people or even if not meet someone you may just want to make yourself less bored than just not interacting with anyone. Think of it as an offer: "hey there I see you occupy the same area as me, lets talk or exchange phrases or somthing amusing or just something random so that you are supposed to reply and I can judge if we have anything in common at all and if we do maybe we can interact and bring some warmth to both parties and if not, well if I didn't say anything I would have never known that I don't want to interact with you so I'm glad I did and since you aren't the only people here I still have a chance to find people I can click with and therefor have a relatively effortless interaction that feeds both parties..."

Or something along those lines. Just go up and talk gibberish or random stuff that would warrant their response and then you can change topic or whatever, but at least now you know who you are dealing with and you can finish all your conversations with a polite "thank you and farewell, or see you around" and just turn around and go dancing. You will relax eventually at least with some people and then you will find the right attitude to come with that is basically an offer instead of an inquisition or whatever. An offer to play together verbally or as beings who warm each other as comrades... But most likely just for some unassuming mutual fun unless you are on serious drugs. People are very different and unique, it's ok to want to taste them and potentially play with them. You's guys uniqueness is enough to make it exciting and weird enough to be less boring than not interacting.
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Priscilla Crezzlefure - Sun, 07 Jul 2019 20:25:35 EST 0lKCMVmK No.530277 Reply
just talk like it's a dude, they fart and shit too
>hey so how long have you been here?
>i just came, was working
>weekends? sounds rough, what's your job?
>blah blah blah
>oh cool my friend x worked as a blah blah blah
>yeah it's chill but blah blah blah
>etc
the chiller you are about it, the better it'll go
also you don't need to fuck every vagina that talks to you, get girl friends that introduce you to other girls
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Matilda Bemmerfack - Tue, 09 Jul 2019 17:59:00 EST SLZ94LIZ No.530323 Reply
As I read your posts, I again find myself sharing your sentiments and situation.
>>530269
Well plenty of girls are there for a good time too so don't not try at all? I used to go with a 'don't force it' attitude (like >>530277 basically) but then I fuck up when I actually need to be decisive. Dating apps (Tinder) haven't helped me tbh, mostly disappointments. Didn't give the other ones a proper try.

I think you are totally capable of seducing. You just have to notice when they are into you (like, even a little bit), and just stay the course, then it happens or it doesn't. I think your way of finding common ground at events is good. I have similar interests to you but I wouldn't usually think to find common ground in the 'everyday' (as the poster I already linked does) because I find that shit to be mundane and unfun to talk about but it seems like for normal people it's not so much the raw, actual 'information' that's exchanged in talking it's more of a...flow that has a certain vibe? Sort of typing as I think here. I'm certain that one CAN have the friendly conversation without it being a (sexual) game. I just am too weird and/or preoccupied with sex because I don't get enough. But it might even be good to consider those conversations as games in the sense Leary wrote about karma games. Friendly games where both can win by cooperating or something.

As for what happened with me, well, sorry this is long but I arrived at this festival knowing just one friend. I met this girl in their group. At first I thought she looked unfriendly, but at length we got introduced and talked a while about music and stuff. I thought she was quite pretty so I had especial trouble looking her in the eyes at first. She acted very familiar/touchy-feely with another fellow in our group, I assumed they were a couple and that we were being friendly. As the day goes on she said "by the way if I'm too much up in your business just let me know" (a proximity thing, which I didn't think twice about since I don't have an issue with it). Later into the evening when the music started we were still talking and I had taken my MDMA, first time, wasn't feeling it. I asked her to share her K and when the little k bump hit me it instantly synergized with the MDMA, made me drop my barriers and act on my visceral attraction to her. I said something like 'hey, about earlier..I think I want you ALL up in my business', she was down, and I was holding her close and caressing her (not too lewd) until the headliner (Tipper) started. She asked me where I was sleeping, I told her just by myself in my tent, I asked and we agreed I could stay in her roomier tent that night (ostensibly because it was cold, my mind was on cuddling). Tipper begins, most of our group takes 2CB (she had a 30mg capsule, I had half of one because of the MDMA). Shit's crazy, we're all dancing separately, taking it our own way. Tipper ends, we walk back with our party hand in hand, I'm very content. We talk some more, now about slightly more personal things, and get ready for bed. She apologizes for having been so messed up on 2CB, remarking how strong of a trip it was (and of course, 30 mg is a lot). I told her she and everything was great and that she and the other guy from before made the night what it was. I insisted. We get in our sleeping bags, she says goodnight, we snuggle up a bit, then closer, spoonwise, and it occurs to me after a minute that I should kiss her. I said 'hey, turn around'. 'Why?' 'just turn around' 'why?' 'because I want to kiss you, you don't have to..'. She turns around, I'm a little nervous of being rusty. I give her a kiss, and think to myself that I don't want to escalate and that we both just want to/should go to sleep. So, it was likely my mistake not having communicated that, I just said "mm, that's it! goodnight" and we sleep nicely but the next day she acted like I didn't exist and was hanging on the previous fellow for most of the subsequent days. It put me in a terrible mood and when I brought it up she said 'I used to think I wanted to be with just one person at a festival but..' and we never really resolved anything even now. I had basically hoped we could continue being foolycooly for the rest of the weekend. The thing that bothers me is that it's almost as though we never were close at all, that it was all just drugs, and that for my pain I would just as soon not have held her or kissed her. I hope it was a matter of communication and how I came off. If we had done any further fooling and she still would bail on me, I would have felt much worse. Two things made this situation worse; one was that another fellow in our group told me he met two lovely Canadian girls but I said that I was still interested in this other girl. The other is that when I got back home, I realized I had seen this girl's pictures on my friend's profile and that I didn't recognize her irl, despite being finding her very attractive in her profile picture and would never have dreamed of being able to kiss her.
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George Hennerwell - Tue, 09 Jul 2019 18:27:19 EST l1NmIjLu No.530325 Reply
>>530323
that's a really cool story. It is also illustrative of the fact that you need to not need anybody to be fine with yourself in order to be attractive.
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Jack Brussledale - Thu, 11 Jul 2019 11:35:54 EST 2dpbGRKS No.530363 Reply
>>530323
are You OP?
that's pretty cool though even if it was the drugs and she hopped on another penis
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Nell Buzzville - Thu, 11 Jul 2019 12:54:29 EST h9SterRi No.530365 Reply
>>530267
Ayyy boys, im also in this boat. I really suck at talking to girls. I virtually have more chance of sleeping with girls im not attracted to bcos its easier to talk to them. My last lucky shot happened when i forced myself to start talking to people, and had a little conversation with a chubster. At some point she said "ok lets drink tpgether tomorrow night" and we did. At some point my leg was against hers and i just left it there. It felt like the easiest thing in the world somehow. Just get drunk and somehow fall between each others legs.
Now im losing my shit a little bit over a girl that obviously likes me but we dont know amythimg about each other. We live in the same building and the other night i was out smoking a joint when she comes home from the pub. She asks me for a paper as an excuse to start a conversation and i cant help but melt when i look into her eyes. I am however horribly sleep deprived and a little stoned at that point, ive beem working alot the last few weeks so also just busy and tired. I realise in hindsight that i ahouldve been at least a little bit nicer and tried more to facillitate this connection. But fuck... i make these mistakes all the time. The rest of the time im just too nervous and inhibited to start a conversation about nothing and see where it goes. But thats all you have to do...the rest will do itself.
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Archie Ginnerwell - Thu, 11 Jul 2019 23:00:52 EST SLZ94LIZ No.530375 Reply
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>>530363
thanks man I am not OP I am >>530268 (don't we have ID's here breh?), and yeah I think it was the drugs mostly me on the MDMA and more importantly indecision! That's what I was trying to warn OP about. I don't lurk this board much and never posted, I REALLY appreciate the kindness from this thread. Gives me hope that I haven't gotten anywhere else. The other thread about anxiety gave me hope too even just reading other people's experiences. I just came in to wish OP well before his festival. OP I hope the vibes and intuition guide you. Have fun, that's what everyone's there for!

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