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420chan is Getting Overhauled - Changelog/Bug Report/Request Thread (Updated July 26)

Something's Wrong

- Wed, 14 Aug 2019 09:25:49 EST xFBnJEh+ No.531012
File: 1565789149870.jpg -(63869B / 62.37KB, 720x380) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Something's Wrong
I'll try to keep this short.
I feel like something's wrong with me. My life is objectively the best it's ever been in terms of ease and security, and yet I feel it's getting harder and harder to get through each day.

I feel like it started around 2 years ago when my girlfriend moved in with me. At first I thought I just needed an adjustment period from living alone my whole adult life, but here we are 2 years later, and if anything, the feeling is getting worse (or at least harder to ignore).

The thing is, I don't really know if it's living with her that's making me feel this way.
I feel the worst when I'm at work. I have such a hard time getting up some mornings, and there are days when I get to my desk and want to just cry.
I pretty much always feel better at home. I just took a week-long trip with my girlfriend, and it was the best time I've had in ages. I enjoyed myself, and I enjoyed being with her. So that means being around her probably isn't the cause, right?

I know I wasn't always happy before my girlfriend. I was lonely and felt like a loser. I had no friends.
And yet, I also feel like I enjoyed myself. I had fun, did things, looked forward to things.
Now whenever I try to engage in one of my previous pastimes, I feel like I'm just going through the motions.
I feel like the weekends are pointless because I'll just be facing down another Monday morning in 48 hours. There used to be a time where I was actually ready to go back to work on Monday, because I had gotten bored from the weekend.
Now I can't remember the last time I felt fully rested even after a 3 day weekend.
I feel like everything is becoming a struggle, and I rarely have anything to look forward to. The only cure I've found is to keep myself so busy that I don't have time to feel bad (but that usually just leads elevated stress, so it's a trade-off).

The other alternative is weed. Before my girlfriend, I would drink a controlled amount to get drunk maybe 1-2 times a week, like Friday/Saturday night.
After she moved in, I was binge-drinking 3-4 times a week, sometimes spending whole days drunk (only on my days off work), and not limiting myself to the controlled amounts I had been before. Eventually it started to backfire though, and I would find myself feeling even worse than I would otherwise the morning after, so the past few months I've started shifting to weed instead.
Weed doesn't have the negative effects alcohol does, but I've gone from using it maybe once every few months to multiple times a week. It's gotten to the point where I've seriously started to consider micro-dosing edibles in the morning just so I won't feel like having a breakdown at my desk.

My gut is telling me I need to change something in my life, but I don't want to leave my girlfriend, and my job is too sweet a gig to give up.
I feel like there's something wrong with me, and I don't know what to do.
Simon Furryhood - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 09:42:58 EST 1ub4L/0W No.531013 Reply
As you've managed to learn on your own, using drugs is a temporary reprieve from dealing with your problems, it doesn't make them go away. Watch Steve-O Rise and Demise.
Frederick Muffingfield - Wed, 14 Aug 2019 12:53:21 EST FfKOgUEy No.531017 Reply
This. Not sure about the Steve O thing but it's probably relevant too.

You're self medicating. Different people need different things but you definitely need to do something. Maybe you just need to realise why you're feeling that way and address it or maybe you need to undergo CBT. It does sound like you're projecting something bad that happened on to your life situation on some level because of a superficial simularity but I don't know you and I'm not a psych so talk to someone who isn't just making clever sounding guesses over the internet. I am sure you need to do something that isn't just drugs. They should be for fun, not for not being miserable.

Maybe its your life, maybe its your mind.
Barnaby Hadgehid - Thu, 15 Aug 2019 02:01:11 EST iJiVumQQ No.531030 Reply
Your life is out of balance and you feel like you lack control of the things you do. Fair enough. That's called being part of the system.

Theres a shift in society. If you were born a generation earlier youd be able to have a more comfortable lifestyle for doing the same shit as you are now, but yeah now the squeeze is on you. Dont get me wrong. Youd get squeezed anyway. Look at your parents. Chances are they've been stressed since before you were born. Yep. Paying all the insurances and bills and upkeeps after rent and doing housework and cleaning. Adult shit is never ending and always seems frivolous.

You get home and on top of unloading the stress of the day you have to do shit with your partner and keep the spice alive. If shes not happy, you'll probably wear it one way or another. Hey, shes stressed too.

Do you want to live your life this way? Really? If so, continue. Dont change a thing.

We all know however that it's not working. The whole damn society knows this subconsciously and its why everyone is freaking the fuck out. The planet is too small to keep up with endless growth and the middle are falling behind into indentured servitude.

Opt out. Fucking buy a caravan and an empty block of land with some bush out of the city. Build a house out of cob and recycled materials. Grow your own food. You'll be able to work 3 days a week if you dont have a mortgage and spend huge amounts of money on shitty mass produced food.

Sounds like a lot of hassle? Well you'll have to do it anyway eventually and if you dont you'll wear a home loan that take 30 years of hard work and diminishing returns to pay off instead of a few years shifting dirt.
Nicholas Trotbanks - Mon, 19 Aug 2019 13:41:28 EST DpEzAaRq No.531133 Reply
Yeah, I remember watching that when it first aired.

I agree I'm self medicating. But also, maybe I'm okay with that, as long as it works?

I'm actually like 2 years away from having my house paid off, so at least I'm on my way to financial freedom.

Maybe the added stressors at home are just overloading me. Like, I never feel recharged anymore. It used to be that a 2 day weekend was enough to recharge and go back at it on Monday. Hell, I even spent my Sundays volunteering.
I haven't volunteered in over 2 years though, because I feel like I'm already overextended as it is.

And with my job... It's an easy-going environment with good pay (it's why I've been able to pay off my mortgage so quickly) but in a way, it's also dead end. I never really had any career aspirations other than "earn money" and "live comfortably," which I'm basically achieving. But maybe I want more than that out of work.
But am I willing to sacrifice the stability and security I have now to go in search of that?
So far I haven't been, because it seems like giving up what I have would be foolish.
Also, I wouldn't even begin to know what I'm actually looking to get out of work that would make it feel "fulfilling" or "worthwhile."

I can see that I'm resorting to weed to more easily accept my current situation because I'm unable or unwilling to change it.

I know lots of people aren't even lucky enough to have this problem of finding fulfillment with their work, and are just struggling to survive.
But how does one go about figuring out what kind of work is meaningful to them?
Even in college, I just haphazardly picked a major based on what seemed vaguely interesting, without having any kind of actual passion for it.
And my current job doesn't even have anything to do with that.

How do people figure out what they want to do for a living?
Cornelius Denderchodging - Mon, 19 Aug 2019 13:53:17 EST EnZaW86f No.531134 Reply
>as long as it works
But it's not, is it? And when it works, you're just white-knuckling it

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