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Irrational lack of fear

- Mon, 19 Aug 2019 01:53:21 EST hiKxQg3e No.531122
File: 1566194001876.jpg -(46925B / 45.83KB, 750x1000) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Irrational lack of fear
So, I went through like maybe 3-4 years of unbelievable trauma in childhood, spent a very long time with slow-burn trauma and drug abuse, then had another 2 years of severe trauma and 2 ears of rehab recently in my life, followed by like two years of relatively clean living.

The weird thing is now, I notice I have little to no fear, even when I think it might be helpful. I know that scary people, in fact, people that have hurt me, also had this property, and don't like it, but not sure why it is happening, how to change it or if it's just permanently removed. I try to use this new lack of fear for good, but for example, being unafraid to say something crude or bizarre in a conversation and then realizing it causes fear afterwards is problematic to other people.

On top of that, the entire world feels like emotional cardboard to me.
David Serrywug - Mon, 19 Aug 2019 07:02:10 EST A8m11hb5 No.531124 Reply
You know fear, you just don't sense danger. It happens to people who were severely sexually abused as children all the time. You don't know what danger is.
Nigel Clicklehood - Mon, 19 Aug 2019 07:29:02 EST hiKxQg3e No.531127 Reply
Possibly, but often I know there's danger but disregard it, too.
Nigel Clicklehood - Mon, 19 Aug 2019 10:40:08 EST hiKxQg3e No.531131 Reply
Something's been helping, a little. I got people around me to take care of managing things like bills and money and shit. There are no deadlines, no obligations, nothing. This is the first time it has been this way since I was an infant, I'm pretty sure. All I have to do is rest, exercise, and socialize. It's sort of a bizarre and alien opportunity. I'm hoping I can recover to some kind of normalcy soon.
Phineas Drarringforth - Mon, 19 Aug 2019 20:59:02 EST ehhnNOgT No.531140 Reply
were you abusing stims? I've heard about that from hard stimulant abuse, it can make people not feel things like they should.
Polly Trotstone - Mon, 19 Aug 2019 21:50:03 EST hiKxQg3e No.531142 Reply
That sounds like a huge generalization. I can see what you mean, certain stims like certain bath salts/rc stims especially had this property. But when I came back to baseline before I definitely felt more normal than now.
Eugene Pinningdatch - Tue, 20 Aug 2019 08:24:08 EST yUhAjzvV No.531154 Reply
This happened to me after being in the 82nd in the Army and abusing DXM all the fuckin time i was in. Ever since even though I rarely do DXM I have like an unhealthy lack of fear of pretty much anything. I was already depersonalized real bad from a concussion in high school, but the depersonalization and derealization I've got 97% of the time is intense now. I had really really intense bouts about once a week for about a year of depersonalization, but now it's a lower but still intense constant sense of it.

Easeentially, life seems to be of no real consequence to me. I seem to be an observer on some consciousness ride or perhaps experiencing reality's most powerful "interactive" consciousness "movie" unfold in real-time. I have no control of anything that happens in my life, but I am totally at peace with that because you can't actually control what happens to you at the end of the day (nor to mention our scientific model of reality suggests the universe and all that happens is determined). I've let go of any belief in the idea that I actually have any control, and instead have resolved to enjoy the convincing and pleasant illusion that I have some semblance of free will/agency in determining the path my life takes. in the back of my mind i legitimately cant believe that any of this is real, so I just straight up don't stress out over what's going on or what's going to happen next.

I feel like something is most definitely actually wrong with me, and in a way i have less appreciation for life in an immediate sense, but i have a much more mature and long-term appreciation for what i experience, even including all the negative ones. i am grateful to be able to experience anything in the first place. So even though this is a disorder developed from head injury that led to this, it's actually much more positive in a lot of ways than it is negative for me. The lack of stress is extremely useful and makes my life a lot more peaceful. In many ways I've achieved through accident and through pure chance mixed with some mindful attitude and outlook adjustment I've achieved the kind of mental state many buddhist/yogi-types work quite hard to get to, more or less. Or at least that's my positive outlook on the situation. the negative one is a bit childish, because I feel like I'm missing out in some sense on having a more immediate appreciation of life and what happens. you can't have everything, there's always a trade-off. my outlook now wouldn't be possible without being removed from the world/depersonalized.
Phineas Drarringforth - Tue, 20 Aug 2019 12:58:05 EST ehhnNOgT No.531157 Reply
The problem with stims is that they melt your brain from exitotoxicity and the damage never repairs itself. It's cumulative so if you abuse them for a while you'll do some damage, then if you go back and do more you'll do even more damage. That's probably why your baseline feel different than it did before, you did more damage so things got worse.
Polly Trotstone - Tue, 20 Aug 2019 13:25:09 EST hiKxQg3e No.531158 Reply
No, you weren't listening. I returned to baseline that is different from now after stim abuse. Attributing it to the evils of stimulants is just some sort of dogmatic relic of Christian emotion.
John Chumbletidge - Tue, 20 Aug 2019 20:22:28 EST dSPy0yiU No.531168 Reply
One of the great beauties in life is appreciating your own conscious experience. Know yourself intimately and never lash out in fear. Envy nothing but appreciate everything. Live knowing that your appreciation for your own particular conscious thoughts is what gives life meaning. Do not envy yourself for who you were for others have lost just as you have lost. Be reborn, grieve your loss, awaken into your new universe, and, then, begin to appreciate all the other universes of the people around you. Imagine yours melding with theirs, then let the branches of your galaxy touch arms with another. You might be surprised at the power and depth you possess.
Henry Brusslechen - Thu, 22 Aug 2019 07:40:24 EST 8eUeAn26 No.531207 Reply
1566474024863.jpg -(430131B / 420.05KB, 1893x1893) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
I'm feeling a bit better. This helped me:

  • Accept that the world is unfair and run by psychopaths at the time. If you don't like it, you have a choice to either fight it or work around it. Personally, I realized I can't work around it, so my only choice is to fight it. I do it in my own way and don't feel a need to compel anybody or propagandize, only slowly persuade the willing, who I'm finding are numerous and good listeners.

  • Accept that lies are written everywhere, in politics, in self-help books, in religious texts, in historical texts, in clerical records stating your death, in court records, etc. There is no sense in getting that upset about it. Fight decevigiliantption globally as a whole instead of trying to smite it down in one place. When the greater victory is achieved, the deceptive will be doomed anyway, and they will be revealed for what they are.

  • Always question the motives of anything that profits from you. This means targeted advertising, big business, universities, friends, whatever. Don't exclude the possibility that it may be a person looking for a fair deal or even trying to lend you a hand, but don't exclude the possibility that foul play is afoot, either. Be vigilant.

  • Your personality will change as you age. If you are lucky, you will grow fat and complacent in pleasure. If you are unlucky, you will die. The middle road will leave you alive and wiser, but this may mean that parts of yourself change, including your personality.

  • The cult of absolute pacifism and kindness must end. This doesn't mean we all become randomly violent anarchists, but turning the other cheek is something invented by empires who wanted to justify the murder and rape of people they left in satrapy then appropriated culture from. Empathy is only useful to people as long as it serves the interests of two people. Toxic empathy exists; you can have deep empathy for a person you shouldn't be fucking around with, and that can hurt other people you love deeply, regardless if it seems right or not at the time.

  • People are hypocrites. Very few people will admit when they make a serious mistake, much less march in front of a judge erect and declare their guilt. Even fewer will do this every time they make a mistake. In fact, the majority of people actually misrepresent their lives in such a way that makes them appear as though they behave far better than they do. People will not appreciate your honesty if you defy this norm; in fact, they will condemn you only more strongly, because your bravery will make them feel ashamed.

  • Nothing will cause an enemy to obsess over you more strongly than envy, and indeed, envy will cause the strongest provocation from a verbal, passive-aggressive or covert attempt to undermine your morale. Sociopathy is rampant, and because of the skill of sociopaths to manipulate and defy basic ethics, they often get away with the things they want to. Furthermore, simply taking a vow to always speak truth and destroy deception wherever you see it, and encouraging others to dos so, is insufficient. Cunning is required to drive out intelligent deception.

  • Superstition is wrong, but the belief that superstition is wrong is a tribal belief. Instead of attempting to characterize my personal tribal belief in terms of religion or isms, I just go this way. I realized that the total destruction of superstition in my brain may have been what let to this strange lack of fear. I had a personal realization as to the mundane nature of consciousness and once I understood it, it wasn't nearly as special as I presumed it to be. Human beings ought to be protected as human rights should be. But the idea that human consciousness isn't annihilated moment to moment is vanity.

  • Sadists, which are different from psychopaths and sociopaths but sometimes in the same person, enjoy inflicting pain. Unscrupulous sadists will seek out anybody that they can inflict pain upon simply because they enjoy doing it. It is unfortunate that the victims of tragedy, unjust crimes and trauma are naturally simply by circumstance more vulnerable to sadists, but it is a fact, and unscrupulous sadists will intentionally seek you out when you are most vulnerable to drive you into death, for no better reason than because they enjoy it. Before all else, be armed.
Hamilton Fassleladge - Thu, 22 Aug 2019 10:13:06 EST USUZpST+ No.531209 Reply
>Fight decevigiliantption globally
Lydia Pevingville - Thu, 22 Aug 2019 10:30:23 EST aHkMrj9o No.531210 Reply
So you've achieved consciousness and it's caused you to be mistrustful and paranoid? Any thought that you feel uncomfortable bringing into the light is a poisonous thought.
Lillian Seckleworth - Thu, 22 Aug 2019 18:51:05 EST hiKxQg3e No.531215 Reply
No, just smarter now. I was far too happy-go-lucky before, I now see that we live in a world run by sick brutes.

Somehow vigilant got pasted into the word, it was late.
Priscilla Hummlestock - Thu, 22 Aug 2019 19:21:45 EST hsjTltEH No.531216 Reply
Okay, but what are your goals in life? Who is stopping you from achieving your goals and how?
Lillian Seckleworth - Thu, 22 Aug 2019 19:28:37 EST hiKxQg3e No.531218 Reply
I don't want to get into it too much because it's actually been discussed on here before, but think Gypsy Rose Blanchard. I'm actually feeling a lot better at this point and well on to achieving my new goals. But one of my goals is also destroying the brutes running the world or at least removing them from power, though I'm not one of those stupid people who thinks a lone gunmen or blowing up a hospital does anything.

My fitness goal is basically met now, it's just a matter of letting the body recover fully and then from then on it will be a standard bulk/cut cycle with clean bulks. Career goals, well, I learned what I didn't like and I have a few leads on new careers that I'm training myself in for entertainment and nightlife service. I'm at peace with the idea of not working in an office again, even if it means a paycut.
Priscilla Hummlestock - Thu, 22 Aug 2019 19:32:08 EST hsjTltEH No.531219 Reply
I guess good, but you must recognize it's not mentally healthy to walk around at a simmer like this.
Fucking Blathershit - Fri, 23 Aug 2019 05:15:14 EST hiKxQg3e No.531233 Reply
No, the realization that for meaningful action to be taken I must carefully organize with my peers has become clear, but I have actually been shocked and pleased at how many participants feel the same way.
David Forrytatch - Fri, 23 Aug 2019 08:34:38 EST ZdyXyUcS No.531234 Reply
Have you tried using the systems that exist instead of making your own shitty version?
Fucking Blathershit - Fri, 23 Aug 2019 11:20:38 EST hiKxQg3e No.531238 Reply
Why, no, I have never tried anything before doing this! It's not as though I exhaustively tried every system that exists and determined that they're shittier. Wait a minute, that's exactly what I did.
David Forrytatch - Fri, 23 Aug 2019 11:24:42 EST ZdyXyUcS No.531240 Reply
I doubt that very much. I doubt you've really set meaningful goals and used the systems that exist to try to achieve them, then having been thwarted at every turn, given up. Your life would be riddled with failed endeavors instead of plans that never amounted to anything and endless complaints about an oppressive system that (if you're being honest with yourself) hasn't treated you unfairly or stopped you from doing anything you've actually tried, because you don't actually try.
Fucking Blathershit - Fri, 23 Aug 2019 11:27:38 EST hiKxQg3e No.531241 Reply
I don't think you are a person who is giving me advice in good faith. So I disregard your opinion.
Fucking Blathershit - Fri, 23 Aug 2019 11:29:18 EST hiKxQg3e No.531242 Reply
  • Being walking evidence that the world is not just will force people that believe it is to confront their ignorance.
Fucking Bivingtad - Fri, 23 Aug 2019 13:36:03 EST P0l/Ak0C No.531249 Reply
You're walking evidence of the depths of human denial but that's about it.
Fucking Blathershit - Fri, 23 Aug 2019 19:29:06 EST hiKxQg3e No.531265 Reply
Not really, but implying strongly I didn't try a lot of bullshit already suggests to me that you both don't know me nor do you have respect for my accomplishments, so I don't really see a need to think you are giving me advice with the intention of improving my life, you're really just sadists.

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