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- Thu, 29 Aug 2019 16:51:03 EST Sjfg2Tup No.531387
File: 1567111863544.png -(366355B / 357.77KB, 1320x881) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Therapy
My therapist has the exact same table. Fucking weird.

Had a session today with some very, very difficult topics and now that the session is over, my mind is trying to.. explain reality away again. IE my therapist was like, "Face the shit you've been lying to yourself (and others) about" and in session I DID, and it was HARD, and it really shook me because I did have to face the fact that I had lied to myself for so long I believed it, now I have to make some hard choices.

But now session's over and my brain is like... "Haha J/K you can stuff all that shit right back in your lockbox and forget about it forever and keep on the way you were without ever changing because change is scary and uncomfortable and this is safe!"


I know what's going on, I know it's an old coping mechanism that I do (did?) with painful subjects, but how the fuck do I leave a session and take the lessons and reality check with me, and not let old habits override what could be actual personal growth and healing?? Has anyone else experienced this or am I just that messed up?

also one hour sessions are nowhere near long enough when you're dealing with heavy topics, why can't you opt to pay for 2 hours or something so you don't have to cut things short
Nicholas Clubbertud - Thu, 29 Aug 2019 17:39:02 EST D+KEM0Il No.531390 Reply
It's good you faced whatever it is but if you spend all your time and energy facing that and reminding yourself of it that's not healthy. I don't know what it is so I don't know the context of it in your day to day life but fixating on a past event will not help you in the future. Everyone is walking around with some kind of repressed shit, the lockbox can be healthy/helpful at times, just don't lose the metaphorical key.
Henry Shakeson - Fri, 30 Aug 2019 13:15:32 EST 8fcICm3b No.531411 Reply
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That I like men way more than I had myself convinced I did and my current gender presentation does not fit. I gave myself labels of convenience rather than labels that matched reality.

Stuffed all that away because I'm 32 FFS and IMO this is way too old to deal with a sexuality and gender crisis given how complicated my life already is.

But apparently it's better to deal with it now then have it explode in my face when I become too tired to keep fighting it/hiding it years/decades later, according to my therapist.

Good times.
Fucking Blenkinbanks - Fri, 30 Aug 2019 20:50:33 EST mEbTcPlw No.531431 Reply
i assume you're male
not to be obtuse but i don't understand what the big deal is in giving serious consideration to the possibility that you are in fact gay
were you molested when you were a kid?
Angus Hommerlock - Sat, 31 Aug 2019 10:17:30 EST A8m11hb5 No.531437 Reply
Resolve today to be a positive force in people's lives.
Nell Nickleson - Sat, 31 Aug 2019 16:06:08 EST zSA4zQWW No.531440 Reply
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sexuality is a core part of your self-identity. if you had to describe yourself in as few words as possible, odds are you'd hit gender, race, and sexuality.

it's not that realizing you're gayer than you thought you were is a huge deal, it's that it fundamentally calls into question who you thought you were and how much of that was fabricated for whatever reason. then to some degree you gotta restart the whole process of self-realization most people start going through in high school.

plus it's obviously 10,000% better than it used to be but there's still a lot of negative stereotypes around homosexuality so it can be a little daunting to wake up one day and realize that on top of everything else you were already dealing with, you now have to add the fact that some people will hate / think less of you just because you like hot hot penis.
Nathaniel Fuffingstock - Mon, 02 Sep 2019 01:18:46 EST huQATWo/ No.531465 Reply
make it a goal for yourself to at least remind yourself once a day of what you went over with your therapist to give it time to form stronger memories in your brain. The hardest part is manually reminding yourself but it gets easier as your brain will see the same thoughts being repeated regardless of how much it doesn't want to think about it.
Lydia Clacklefuck - Mon, 02 Sep 2019 09:15:48 EST yUhAjzvV No.531469 Reply
It's normal to do--every human being tries to run away or avert their eyes from the harsh reality before them. It's a constant battle of self-awareness and forcing yourself to be better and grow.

Make becoming more self-aware into a process of yours, make it part of a routine and your daily thought processes. When you become aware of running away, averting your gaze, or other forms of escapism that are very unhealthy for you (a bit of escape can be healthy when used sparingly and at the right times, for the right things, and for the right reasons), you need to find a way to force yourself to not only face what you're running/looking away/escaping from, but confront it and deal with it too.

Whether that means setting yourself in situations where social pressures or obligations force you to deal with things or choosing to face it 100% on your own on a situational/specific basis after catching yourself engaging in these behaviors is up to you. There's no one way to handle this, it's always going to be a combination of ways devised to cope with your negative habits and behaviors. Just stay determined to better yourself, because you are going to fail more often than you succeed. What is important is that you keep working at it, because then your successes will start to build upon each other and you will develop a more sound and successful strategy for dealing with things as well as a comprehensive understanding of your beliefs, feelings, motivations, and behaviors. Eventually, you'll have something to show for all your successful work.

It's taken me some 13 years to start seeing any real measure of success in my life, but I'm finally seeing real results. It took a long time of being confused and getting myself more lost in the darkness before finding the resolve to truly commit to bettering myself and to keep going after many of my failures. I've finally got more than just a stable mental state and health, I've actually had a pretty stable life for the last year and a half, and it's still getting better. Keep it up man, just don't ever give up. That's the only way to guarantee your failure.
Reuben Blytheshit - Fri, 20 Sep 2019 19:32:41 EST F0Y+LBoU No.531831 Reply
OP here resurrecting this shitshow. Therapy is GREAT.

I get the feeling my therapist and I are on the express train to exceeding professional boundaries. Last couple sessions have been... jesus. I'm getting many, many mixed messages. Yeah, the first gay man I've ever intimately interacted with* is untangling my sexuality with me, and happens to be hot. Nooooooo chance of anything going sideways. Oh, wait.

This is wrong for ten thousand different reasons, but I'm having a hell of a time maintaining composure when he leans his head back against the wall and looks at me kinda sideways. I want to grab his shirt and push him up against the wall a bit and run my teeth over his neck.

I thought therapy was supposed to help you want to live but whatever the fuck this is makes me hope I die before it gets to the point where he touches me because if even one nanometer of his skin contacts mine there is no fucking way I'm going to be able to keep my shit together and watch me be on the receiving end of a restraining order or go straight to jail for assault.

And no, I'm not going to report this, I don't want him to lose his liscence and, selfishly, I don't want to start months and months of talking about difficult shit with someone new.

Also I like to play with fire, so part of me wonders just where this could go.

Yeah, this is totally healthy. And I thought I had a problem before, lol.

*the closeted male fuckbuddies and one night stand twins I occasionally mess with don't count on this tally
Reuben Blytheshit - Fri, 20 Sep 2019 19:33:50 EST F0Y+LBoU No.531832 Reply
Twinks. But my god, I would be so down for twins. A brother and a sister team. Fffff
Priscilla Pugglebark - Sat, 21 Sep 2019 13:25:57 EST Fw0/aDJ4 No.531842 Reply
the reason why you can't do two hours is your brain will turn to mush, it is really hard work and 2 hours in a row will break you. Even a private class in a foreign language that lasts 2 hours will leave you shaking. 2 hours in a week can be an option, but most ethical therapists will not do that for most of their patients, because for you it is usually better to have time to digest and process

it sounds like your therapy is going well dude, careful that people here don't actively work against it, a lot of anti-growth people online.. and even the pro-growth people, there's a reason why you don't want to have two therapists at the same time, people be gently nudging you in completely different directions and then you don't move at all
Priscilla Pugglebark - Sat, 21 Sep 2019 13:30:25 EST Fw0/aDJ4 No.531843 Reply
erotic transference is a thing, it's very common, it's not unethical by itself, if he acts on it he is a shit, if he acts on it he is not the person you think he is.

Be Buddhist for a minute, enjoy without wanting, love without wanting, find sexy without wanting, appreciate beauty and sexiness without wanting

transference can be a beautiful and harmless thing, a helpful thing even, you get to have these feelings in a safe environment with a person you can trust and who won't take advantage of you
Nathaniel Greenford - Sun, 22 Sep 2019 19:05:47 EST DEG8JTSI No.531860 Reply
I hear what you're saying, and I can understand that perspective - but at the same time, mmmmmmm nah.

Time for the long game, if you really want to go through with this. Don't mention anything you feel....yet. Set the stage by talking about how important it is to you to keep people's confidences, and how distasteful you find it when people run around telling secrets that would bring harm to someone, or their career. Talk about your fear of intimacy, physical and emotional.

But EVEN BEFORE THAT, deeply examine your therapist's behaviours - do you honestly and truly believe it's flirting, or is it wishful thinking colouring your perception? You did mention this was the first guy you were attracted to, there is a fairly decent chance this is all in your head. Either way, I want to hear how this goes, cause damn
Polly Fubbleforth - Sun, 22 Sep 2019 21:15:00 EST d4fOgvZr No.531862 Reply
>better to deal with it now then have it explode in my face

What does this even mean? What does your sexual preference exploding in your face mean? And I swear to fucking god that's not me just trying to make a dumb facial joke, I am genuinely curious as to what a therapist mean when they say shit like this.

Also good luck with stuff! I don't have much input or advice, I just want to understand shrinkspeak.
Molly Hocklewin - Sun, 22 Sep 2019 22:02:49 EST DEG8JTSI No.531864 Reply
not OP but my vibe from that was they're either going to transition, they're forcing themselves to be in a relationship with a woman, or both. it would be REALLY FUNNY if it was both. probably not to OP, but definitely to me.
Polly Fubbleforth - Mon, 23 Sep 2019 14:47:19 EST d4fOgvZr No.531870 Reply
Yeah that was kind of a cunty thing to post tbh.
Ebenezer Muffingdock - Tue, 24 Sep 2019 21:59:38 EST BEgmBJr+ No.531874 Reply
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Jesus christ. OP here and despite being a little shit you're mostly right.

I was going to propose to my GF of 3 years, I can't in good consciousness do that now, maybe not ever. Her and I have a lot to work through. I have also gone out of my way to cultivate a hyper masculine, douchey presentation and that's.... not me at all and was completely unsustainable.

So that's the.. . explode in my face bit. I am NOT transitioning, though I'm definitely going to stop with the high-and-tights and grow our my hair a bit.
I don't know if I can trust your advice given what a stellar example of humanity you've presented here, despite it being really fucking tempting

Oh, no I get that this is not a good idea and more than likely I'm fixating/projecting, and any action from either of us could be damaging to both of us for a variety of reasons.

I just have a lot of shit to deal with right now and it's a welcome distraction as well as me pining for some kind of comfort from another man who is essentially being paid to be my best friend for two hours a week heh

God, no wonder my alcohol intake has gone up 300% in the last five months. And yeah that also comes up in therapy. Fucking hell, just kill me.

This post was edited by DrWorm on 26-09-2019 16:22:50

This post was edited by DrWorm on 28-09-2019 04:20:34
Ebenezer Muffingdock - Tue, 24 Sep 2019 22:02:39 EST BEgmBJr+ No.531875 Reply
Great, I can't even 'chan correctly right now. Massive greentext/yellow text/replying fail. ha wow can't do anything right except for spoilertext
Hannah Duckwell - Wed, 25 Sep 2019 07:02:51 EST SUZYoLJH No.531876 Reply
Oh my god you have to stop drinking forever, in a year you will wonder what the fuck was going on.
Barnaby Sendertetch - Wed, 25 Sep 2019 09:00:58 EST h1yGv5Cw No.531878 Reply
Yes, please. I really appreciate it, thank you for the offer.

I know, you're absolutely right. I'm using alcohol as a crutch and it's... not good. My 'excuse' is that I'm really having a difficult time dealing with all this, though I know full well it's not like my problems solve themselves while I'm busy getting sloshed.
Cedric Dammlefod - Sun, 08 Mar 2020 12:27:20 EST oaTsjcKn No.533934 Reply

OP here.

Super amused to see this still on the board after like... eight months.

>Turned 33 in December

>Called off the engagement with my fiancée
We mutually agreed to do so. We're still very, very close and it's not off the table that we would both like to try again with a romantic relationship with eachother again after we both do some work on personal growth and exploration, therapy, etc. She's my biggest supporter and our love feels deeper, now that we have no secrets.

>Did not sleep with my therapist, but we made out once
We still work together and we have had many sessions talking about professional boundaries and transferrance & ET after. When it happened I kinda forced the issue, or rather.... took advantage of a situation, and afterwards he admitted he did feel attracted to me and so he was conflicted about taking responsibility and telling me to stop. We both agreed it was a one-off mistake, and we actually work way better together now which is...... an interesting outcome.

>I haven't drunk alcohol since Jan 1 and I don't plan on drinking again
This has helped my depression immensely, and now I feel stronger that I have to face things head on, instead of escape them with substance abuse

>Came out as bisexual to all my friends and family
Some were accepting, some weren't. I realize the ones who took issue with this were not people I should have in my life anyway. Plus, I feel way freer to express who I am now, in style, appearance - and I feel comfortable with myself in a way I haven't for a decade ++

>Actually dated another guy for a couple months
I think we'd still be together if he hadn't had to go back to his home country. I didn't think I could ever emotionally connect with another man, but this was really fulfilling. It wasn't the NSA sex that ended in me hating myself, like my past things with guys, this was... amazing. Close. Loving. We took everything slowly and it was incredible. I didn't know it was possible.

So you know what, /qq/

Sometimes things do work out in the end. Even if you think your life is at the lowest point and there's no way you can go on with all the shit you're facing.... sometimes perseverance pays off. Sometimes you can feel happy again and really find your footing in life.
Ebenezer Hesslefune - Mon, 09 Mar 2020 00:59:34 EST BWwd5gl+ No.533935 Reply
Very sus about your therapist... do you ever wonder if there is another motive there for him? like you split with your fiance and you and your therapist get together? is this guy a registered psychologist or something else? Making out with a patient is a giant fucking no no, and working together at all period is super questionable if there's any lingering transference there. it's unethical.

seems like every out come is great and im really proud of you for doing the work!!!! you're doing amazing
Esther Gabbersteck - Mon, 09 Mar 2020 06:59:42 EST XSVgHcT+ No.533937 Reply
Sometimes I feel like I'm in a forum where the majority are mentally ill people...
Whish I was born in the 1950's and died in the late 2000's, at the time when society was still able to use brain.
Edwin Burringham - Mon, 09 Mar 2020 12:46:49 EST 3xVrj3us No.533943 Reply
You’re on a drug forum dude what do you expect. I’m sure you’re perfectly well adjusted you insightless robot trash beast
William Lightville - Mon, 09 Mar 2020 15:50:38 EST KEmQe8DO No.533945 Reply
What is this supposed to even mean? Do you think mental illness is a recent phenomenon?
John Duvingstire - Mon, 09 Mar 2020 19:00:58 EST 1SSFeKJF No.533947 Reply
Not sure this isn't satirical tbh guys. I mean it's like a self important teenager who thinks a boomer mentality makes them mature. Usually though it's something about Pink Floyd rather being better than modern music though.

I mean why would you go on a board full of people with issues and be surprised by mental illness?

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