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Losing virginity at 30

- Thu, 05 Sep 2019 19:46:51 EST BR2YlFPa No.531542
File: 1567727211269.jpg -(1387906B / 1.32MB, 2048x1536) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Losing virginity at 30
Right off I'm going to say, I know it's my fault I've achieved wizard status. It just took me way too long to realize that I need to let shit go and that happiness isn't found within a comfort zone.

A little background: I'm a short, fat guy(5'8, ~200lbs) that never really did anything with his life. I have a full-time job(not great money), a car, and a place to live(not with parents). At my core, I'm just a lonely, whiny kid that's scared of most interaction, constantly mumbles, and gets discouraged very easily. I convinced myself that keeping my mouth shut, staying under the radar, and just going along with what people say would work out best for everyone. I've gotten better, but I'm still a long way from where I feel I should be. There are probably many deal-breakers about me, but the things that immediately spring to mind are my weight and my teeth. I have several cavities from drinking too much sugary bullshit as a kid, then beer in my 20s, while rarely brushing my teeth. All I can do is try my best to take care of them, since I don't have nearly enough money to get them fixed.

While sex is the ultimate goal, I would like to build some type of relationship first. I don't know where to start though. Should I do it in person, or is everything done on phones now? Are jeans and a t-shirt acceptable attire, or is it more of a shirt and tie thing? How much ridicule should I expect? I doubt anyone here has personal experience, but any kind of help would be greatly appreciated.

TLDR: Fat, bitch-boy virgin wants a girlfriend, but doesn't know where to start.

I apologize if this type of thread gets posted a lot,. I'm still fairly new here.
Albert Gunkinforth - Fri, 06 Sep 2019 01:07:29 EST brUkjKNj No.531550 Reply
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5' 8" around 200lbs. isn't that fat. You're overweight (you might be bordering on obese by a clinical definition); but, honestly you are mostly average by fat American standards. If you still have active cavities you need to get that taken care of as soon as possible for your own health. Like you said just clean them as best you can: brush, floss, mouthwash, gum.

If you've never asked out a girl just ask out a girl you know that will turn you down. Just get the initial rejection out of the way. It sucks, it is gonna suck, it always sucks. No one wants to be told they're not attractive (for any reason, not just physically so) to the person that they're attracted to. Honestly though, it really isn't that big of a deal. Unless you marry the first person you date it is going to happen more than once, probably many times, just get that first time out of the way. Maybe it isn't the first time, but you probably haven't gone out on a limb very often.

You should do it in person. You can talk to all kinds of people through glass screens. You aren't looking to stick your penis into a glass screen. If you depend on the glass screen to do all your talking you can expect for your relationship to be relegated to only a glass screen.

I've asked out tons of chicks and been turned down by the vast majority. I don't think any of them have ever ridiculed me to my face for asking them out (or behind my back that I know of). Your guy friends might give you some shit, but in the guy way where they've been in your place. If your friends are just plain cruel to you about it they probably aren't your friends.

Everyone thinks they deserve the hottest bitch on the planet. But, that 110lb chick who runs 6 miles a day probably isn't gonna date you. You need to have realistic expectations about the person you want to date. You have to decided what that means for you.

You got to be yourself. If you are a suit and tie type of guy you wear a suit and tie. It really doesn't sound like you are a suit and tie guy though. T-shirt and jeans are fine. Nice t-shirt, nice jeans, clean. First time you are wearing them out of the wash.

Sex isn't the HUGE thing like it is made out to be. It's great and everything, but you've obviously masturbated several thousands times so you get the point.
Hamilton Hubberstud - Fri, 06 Sep 2019 05:40:15 EST D5FQumzU No.531551 Reply
If you're 30 and insecure about your virginity then you can kill two birds with one stone by getting professional help to make you less self-critical.
David Panningpetch - Fri, 06 Sep 2019 09:45:22 EST 2dpbGRKS No.531552 Reply
work out and do a hobby that both genders do
height is a meme and dating apps are extremely superficial, you're better off meeting people irl
Graham Poggleway - Fri, 06 Sep 2019 17:54:30 EST 2Emi/YCr No.531563 Reply
1567806870061.jpg -(179856B / 175.64KB, 640x427) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
Thanks for the advice, everyone. It's a huge help.

>Unless you marry the first person you date
That's something I'm kind of worried about. Being something of a push-over, I'm a little concerned about the possibility of just going along with what someone wants, regardless of how bad of an idea it is.

>Everyone thinks they deserve the hottest bitch on the planet.
Nah, I know I don't deserve shit, and I would have already had to put in a lot of work to have the slightest chance with a girl like that. I realize where I stand, and I'm prepared to work with that.

>Sex isn't the HUGE thing like it is made out to be.
I kind of figured it isn't the cure-all that everyone says it is, but I figure I should experience it once in my life.

I've been seeing a therapist for the past year and a half. Without that, there's no chance I'd consider dating.

I guess I could find the time to work out. I've got like a three-hour window between work and volunteer shit. As far as good hobbies go, I'm kind of at a loss, but I could find something.
Edward Wevingforth - Sat, 07 Sep 2019 17:14:33 EST brUkjKNj No.531601 Reply
1567890873207.png -(175125B / 171.02KB, 500x522) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

>going along with what someone wants, regardless of how bad of an idea it is.

Like, I feel what you're saying, but you're not even close to that point yet. I don't mean that insultingly, it just sounds like your anxiety about potential problems about being in a relationship is an excuse for not trying to have a relationship to begin with.

Some times you gotta just say 'fuck it' and take the dive. Damn the consequences. You can "what if" your way out of any situation in life. If you get a point where a relationship is truly damaging to you, you can deal with that then. If you're still seeing a therapist and you're in an unhealthy relationship I would think they would try and help you realize that.
Walter Nickleforth - Mon, 09 Sep 2019 20:46:29 EST 2dpbGRKS No.531624 Reply
ahh so true, ruined many chances with what if's
dancing? cooking? volleyball? what are you into?
Cornelius Chavingkid - Tue, 10 Sep 2019 18:24:41 EST 2Emi/YCr No.531639 Reply
I'm basically into dumb nerd shit that doesn't count as a hobby. Video games, computers, electronic music, cartoons popular with millennials. I could probably take up cooking. If for nothing else to have the skill.
Jenny Hazzlenot - Tue, 10 Sep 2019 21:57:14 EST 2dpbGRKS No.531645 Reply
the electronic music scene is big and very friendly, you should look into it
Henry Clissleworth - Wed, 11 Sep 2019 11:39:26 EST yDKihQN5 No.531653 Reply
Here's the good news regarding physical appearance

5'8 isn't short - the dudes at 5'4 would kill to be you and you'll still be taller than average woman.
200lbs is a little heavy, but not obese - there's work to be done, but it could be done in 1 year and the change would be dramatic.
Don't worry about your teeth, get a filling if you haven't already and move on - that's not going to be a deal breaker for anyone.

You have a full time job, car, place to live. You've already done better in life than me in that regard.

You don't want to identify as a kid anymore, even as a turn of phrase. It's not going to help.

You need a lot of assertion training and sustained exposure to small events that push your confidence, as well as occasional exposure to big ones that really make you fight for it.

Phones aren't great for starting relationships, although they can help with ice breaking. Prior to meeting someone, you chat regularly in order to build up a sense of rapor and also building a library of reference points that you can bring up again in further conversations. The better you know someone, the more you can talk about.

I'm not gonna tell you how to dress bro, but I'd recommend a shirt and no tie, unless there are particular style reasons to wear a t-shirt. For instance, I don't put any photos of myself in a shirt on tinder and turn up to dates in XL tees when I could fit a L, but it's a demographic thing. I'm going for those art-school hoes who have daddy and mental health issues. It's all about semiotics and the message you are putting out there visually. Unless you've got a particular tribe to fly a flag for socially, don't worry about it, just look nicer than usual. Show you put some effort in. I treat my gf to me wearing a shirt now and again, she loves it, but it's not for me.

Ridicule - probably none, but beware that extremes of social misfire will bite back. If you send a particularly long, needy message after meeting them etc - it can lead to some deflating experiences. Generally people are kind and don't wanna be insulting, but the rejections etc can get weird. Watch your back though, some people are mean and cruel by design, they will undermine you and they will get inside your head. That's rare though, only happened twice in my lifetime and I've known a lot of people.


My advice, hit the gym homie. You've got an excellent starting point here, bulky bois = the terminators at the gym if they stick in work. I guarantee it. You have such an excess of fat, a conditioning to lifting heavy weight etc - it's the perfect canvas for mass gaining.

Just go on a diet, hit the weights hard and get involved with cardio.

After that, you are gonna need to work out some of your confidence issues. This is difficult in your 30s and not something I can relate to. However, do what you can, study what you can and most importantly go out there are start stacking up XP no matter how small a mission it is you send yourself on. Trust me, these gains really start picking up over time. I was a fairly committed aspie in my teens, I had to study really hard and copy people but it worked out.
Alice Cemblenet - Wed, 11 Sep 2019 21:23:44 EST 2Emi/YCr No.531660 Reply
For some reason, I figured they'd be a bunch of elitist dickheads. I'll look into it. Thanks.

I'm alright with my current DAWs(LMMS, FL Studio), but I'll keep it in mind.

Some real helpful shit here, man. Thanks

>You don't want to identify as a kid anymore
This one's going to be a bitch, but I'll do my best.

>You need a lot of assertion training and sustained exposure to small events that push your confidence
I might be meeting up with a local group that I kind of know. There's at least one thing everyone is into, so I could try just approaching someone and talking to them about it.

>particular style reasons to wear a t-shirt
I have none. It's only for comfort, and trying to keep things casual.

>a particularly long, needy message after meeting them
I've gotten better about taking some time before just firing off messages, but this reminder is helpful.

>Generally people are kind and don't wanna be insulting
I spent way too much time on the internet over the past decade, so my perception of the world is a little warped, I guess.

>Just go on a diet, hit the weights hard and get involved with cardio.
I've been watching how much I eat, but I'm trying to take dieting slow. A few years back I went from 265 to 150, but I went a little too hard, and ultimately couldn't maintain that weight. I'll try to get into the gym soon though.
Shit Bloblingman - Thu, 12 Sep 2019 06:19:42 EST yDKihQN5 No.531661 Reply
The internet is a rocky place, the dissonance caused by anonymity combined with IRL moods can create a lot of weird stuff. For the most part, most people are good people that just want easy lives. Only occasionally in your life do you step on land mines. I’ve not had anyone be outright vicious, mean etc unless they were drunk AND had a fairly decent reason to be annoyed with me. Not since high school anyways. We grow up, we evolve.

Social decorum is my only other bit of advice. As a rough outline :

Social decorum is what dictates a lot of social interaction success. Knowing when to raise, match, fold in the interaction. When you first meet people, don’t try raise the stakes too fast - adding, messages, when can we next meet... and also don’t play it too cold, requiring them to do the legwork. There’s a subtle dance and rhythm to interaction, but a lot of it is about not imposing on others an energy that is too different from what they are bringing to the table.

When you first meet a group of people, you are the new person. Don’t try climb the ranks too fast, it will challenge the authority of those within the group and create envy/jealousy/discontent. Speak when spoken to if the person seems cold, joke a wee bit but don’t get personal/controversial, just let the others get comfortable with you. Be friendly, open, polite and honest - speak your mind, but don’t impose it. Sometimes this means reframing how you say things. Ie “I hate heavy metal” is now “heavy metal isn’t for me” etc - this is less abrasive.

Keep an eye out for particularly friendly, receptive people - they are always the ticket in for a social crowd. Appreciate their warmth, reciprocate but don’t ask more - make them like you, by being likeable. But keep it sincere, it’s very important people accept you for who you are nothing else.

I know that last sentence is paradoxical given the paragraph before it asking you to change how you present yourself. But it’s really about P.R - there are tactics that can be applied that will allow you to be yourself, without causing offence or antagonise others.

I managed to navigate showing up at my 4th high school quite well after systematically losing the game at every school prior. Maybe doing slightly better at the 3rd but still messy. Being a geek, metalhead, stoner with a fuck you look on his face was quite abrasive for social cohesion. But by toning back on it a bit - for instance, not openly talking about drugs, not forcing my heavy metal on people and generally being open to conversation about things that have nothing to do with me or my interests - people accept it.

Navigating the digital side is interesting. I find that having an Instagram can help, it’s a much more casual way to add people for messaging etc. Facebook is a slightly more invasive option but can work just as well. It sounds weird, but it’s better to ask for these things than a phone number.

When it comes to women or men, you need to learn the cues of body language and speech. Try to sense out things like openness, comfortability, friendliness, receptiveness and even sexuality. Getting along is kind of like two chemicals reacting, if it’s an inefficient mix, the reaction doesn’t perform too well. Sometimes things like shared interests, experiences or even just drugs n alcohol can catalyse it though.

When it comes to sex btw I have the following advice. Play it real cool. The first kiss is an energy in the room thing and not to be fucked about with, it can take of hours or chatting intimately, drinking etc to even reach that point. Look for signs like touching, eye contact and being physically closer than would be normal. Do not force anything and if in doubt, do not make a move.

If you reach kissing, at that point you need to match their bet and only subtly raise it if they seem likely to reciprocate. Raise it too hard, you lose. Kiss leads to rubbing non sex regions of body, then it’s boobs, ass, thigh, pubic area, vagina. Don’t take their clothes off unless they reach for yours, don’t make these moves unless they have been reciprocating. When having sex, ask them to go on top, they will just knock themselves out without you knowing what to do. You can learn to give head and finger quite easily online. Do not trust anything you’ve seen in porn or try to imitate it. Women are much easier to turn on psychologically through foreplay - rubbing, teasing. Rhythm and flow is a big part of it. Say it’s been a while since you last had sex or something, tell them at a later date about it if you trust them and it’s been established there is friendship, respect etc. It may well be too much to handle as a “whoa that’s deep” thing at the time.

I’m sorry for the word count. This is all my valuable aspie social study knowledge. To be clear I never turned out amazing, but I did a hell of a lot better than I ever imagined. My life changed through learning.
Shit Bloblingman - Thu, 12 Sep 2019 06:24:39 EST yDKihQN5 No.531662 Reply

Body language, posture and tone of voice all contribute to how you are received as well. Figure out the balance, don’t be the overly confident alpha wannabe if that isn’t your stride. I respect plenty of overweight, a little bit more quiet dudes who don’t dress loud etc - their personality is theirs and I respect the integrity.
William Nombleduck - Fri, 13 Sep 2019 07:20:10 EST UazQZPcT No.531683 Reply
If you are 30 and haven't had a gf and are a virgin, plus being already weird, people are going to sense you being a weirdo from a mile away.

Take it from someone who tried all the conventional wisdom and failed repeatedly and flirted with suicide attempts and drug abuse after many many rejections, just live your life like it is now. Don't get caught up in it is better to have loved and lost than to never loved at all.

Just roll with the punches and what life has given you, some people just die alone and virgins, become more accepting of it. I was about in the same spot as you only younger and skinnier and it went over absolutely terribly. I learned to dislike myself more and dislike people and society, FAR more. Life isn't fair, if sex is what you're dying for then get a prostitute. Don't try and do it the normal happy relationship way, you're too far gone fam.

>Hard facts that ain't nobody going to give you. I'd say I'm sorry but that is just the way it is, I know because I've been there and done that. And came out worse for it.
Eliza Clottingwutch - Fri, 13 Sep 2019 09:02:35 EST 2dpbGRKS No.531685 Reply
what a negative Nancy lol
just because it went bad for you doesn't mean it's the norm, there's PLENTY of examples of fuck ups getting their together, way older than 30 too
Doris Hummleridge - Fri, 13 Sep 2019 09:22:58 EST 1VcUBcZx No.531686 Reply
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I don't think it was too negative and I don't think their saying it's the norm, all their saying is that some things just aren't meant to be and sometimes life doesn't pan out the way we want it to be whether that be relationships, sex or anything else in life. But that you shouldn't let it stop or hinder you from living your life. OP should accept the knocks that life has given him and continue going on to have a meaningful life instead of worrying about things that he can't change or control depriving him of it.
Eliza Clottingwutch - Fri, 13 Sep 2019 13:40:10 EST 2dpbGRKS No.531689 Reply
he shouldn't accept that life if he isn't happy with it and can change it, weight and relationships are things he can change and will make him happy
Basil Wabberson - Fri, 13 Sep 2019 14:07:21 EST XmKE2T9u No.531691 Reply
>If you are 30 and haven't had a gf and are a virgin, plus being already weird, people are going to sense you being a weirdo from a mile away.
They won't pay any attention to you. They don't now. They don't care about you. They don't even register your heat signature.
Priscilla Snodson - Fri, 13 Sep 2019 22:22:58 EST d4fOgvZr No.531703 Reply
Just because they're hard doesn't mean they're facts. People get this confused a lot.
Some people need "a wakeup call". A severely depressed man with no confidence does not need "a wakeup call", he's got the opposite problem.
Wesley Sicklestad - Sat, 14 Sep 2019 00:15:05 EST UazQZPcT No.531705 Reply
Exactly my point.

Yeah, nah. The reality of life is if you aren't socially normalized even by the mid-teens you're going to be hard up for the rest of your life. OP is basically going to have to be someone he isn't and live a lie or accept facts. Maybe he finds some weirdo girl or something equally anomalous but the vast majority of people who are outcasts during their younger life will be outcasts in adulthood.

I mean, I'm not trying to crush anyones hopes here or anything but people with low IQ's are going to have a hard go at life because society doesn't value dumb people. People with low social IQ's are going to have a very hard time in their social life and greater aspects of life in general.

The whole mantra that is bandied about to become fit, social, and get out of your confort zone.tm is just bullshit and disingenuous. You can't fake it, it will all come crashing down eventually and you'll also be unhappy deep down. You'll always know you're faking it even if you convince others otherwise. It is like being married to a woman for 30 years with a few kids despite being gay. You are who you are, just accept it and stop worrying. Getting kicked out and rejected by people, love interests, and society as a whole can make you are very dark and twisted person. Humans are social creatures after all and a systematic denial to be accepted into society can turn one into a bitter loser at best or a murderous monster at worst.

>I'm just sayan fam. This is my perspective and experiences going down that route of losing a ton of weight, talking to people, improving my hygiene, going out and trying to make shit better and all and improve myself to make myself more attractive to other people. I came away making no friends, hating what I'd become and self-loathing even more than ever, depressed as fuck; suicidally so, and being rejected by literally every single female I talked to. I had to turn to drug abuse just to not kill myself.

>Learn to accept yourself rather than people who will never be there for you anyways. It may sound cliche but if people don't like you as you are now and you have to change who you are just to appease them, they aren't worth fucking around with anyways. I learned this lesson the hard way and wish someone had told me this before I wasted a few years of my twenties trying to befriend society as a whole or whatever and being worse off for it.
Angus Pundleshit - Sat, 14 Sep 2019 04:56:58 EST hS9zmw+y No.531707 Reply
>The whole mantra that is bandied about to become fit, social, and get out of your comfort zone.tm is just bullshit and disingenuous
You can't change who you are but you can work to become a better you.

I am a nerd and a weirdo and I can't change that. However I lost weight, got out, got a worthwhile job and you know what? Those were worth it despite not getting laid. You have to actually work on being happy though not doing what you think society expects. There's a difference. Find your own interests and people, there's a difference between accepting who you are and what you won't be and deciding you'll always be screwed. I think there's a fine line between where you're coming from and where most of this advice is supposed to be. Ignore anyone that says change your style and do stuff that isn't you. I have seen images advocating that but that's not what most people who have actually had any success would ever say. I made changes and they worked.

Also though I did get laid not a lot but my life changed. I chased goals that were authentic to me rather than trying to become someone else who gets laid. It was a bit before 30. You're not stuck as virgin by 20 or anything but the later it is the longer your odds get. There probably is a point where it gets silly but I'm not sure whether I was just that exceptional or it's later than 26/27.

Also though if you're bitter and think you'll never fit in that projects. Confidence isn't self worth it's belief in the reactions of others. If you project negative you'll scare even your own people off. What most people advocate is not being someone else but just being a better version of you. Being in shape and having hobbies doesn't mean changing who you are, getting out and meet people doesn't mean meeting hordes you have nothing in common with and dressing like a twat. It means just be good at you. If even 10% of this negativity seeps out in person then the people who SHOULD be your best friends will avoid you.

>greater society
Isn't shit. Find your niche. Be great at your niche.

If you finally find a nice women if you can have sex a few times then pay attention and git gud. Most single women will have experienced a succession of garbage but confident men or had a nice one but the sex has been shit a while. If you can be not a piece of shit and pay attention to what gets them going in sex you'll sail over the low bar like you're on a fucking space rocket. Seriously. It's not impossible to catch up or anything if you can get past those first hurdles and deliver a hard dick for a few minutes. Beyond that it's figuring out what buttons you need to push and practicing pushing them and you'll be good at sex. I mean maybe a prostitute will work so you can get comfortable with the basics but bear in mind it'll still be awkward and terrible and won't solve any self esteem issues.
Priscilla Snodson - Sat, 14 Sep 2019 06:28:48 EST d4fOgvZr No.531708 Reply
>Yeah, nah.
You're very cocky for someone who can't get laid.

>I mean, I'm not trying to crush anyones hopes here
I mean I'm not saying, I'm just saying(sayan fam*), you know what I mean? Lol!

>Yellowtext wall about how you couldn't pull it off

It's no big mystery to me why you want to discourage OP, and I'll spare us both the waste of time it would be to encourage you to try again, but you're a broken man basing your truth on a million defense mechanisms and a sample size of one person.

If you're right OP will find out, and if he doesn't follow your route of obliterating his body with drugs afterwards (DO U EVEN KNO WHERE UR POSTING BRO HURF DURF) he's at least gotten in shape and learned to take risks. Both invaluable even if there is no pussy at the end of the rainbow. If you're wrong he stands to gain so much more, and unless he's as fucked in the head as you are there really isn't much of an "if" here.

I'd say I wish you the best of luck in life if it wasn't for the fact that you're a fucking moron.
Edwin Horryhood - Sat, 14 Sep 2019 10:55:28 EST Y9sJyaRf No.531711 Reply
Not OP but good post, anyone who needs help with their social skills should read this.
Augustus Greendale - Tue, 24 Sep 2019 00:17:46 EST huQATWo/ No.531872 Reply
your a good man for laying this out clearly for him and anyone else (like me) that can use a reminder how things should work here and there
Lillian Bumblewell - Tue, 24 Sep 2019 04:47:49 EST JfSQtREE No.531873 Reply
Lol. I was a metalhead and a stoner in high school and I constantly talked about drugs. I felt like I was cool as fuck. People certainly got along with me. Then again, I do live in the south. Lol
Beatrice Gombleman - Thu, 14 Nov 2019 01:23:02 EST SLZ94LIZ No.532373 Reply
>Find your own interests and people, there's a difference between accepting who you are and what you won't be and deciding you'll always be screwed

Thank you Anon I needed to see this
Sophie Callymore - Sun, 17 Nov 2019 13:14:49 EST Vy+PrA5P No.532422 Reply
Get over it, there's rednecks with completely rotted out teeth who have hot wives, your shitty teeth aren't the problem, its your lack of self confidence. Some girls might reject you because of your shitty teeth but there's a lot who wouldn't. Just accept that you might be fucking fat girls with shitty teeth until you improve your looks and as you improve your looks your pool of women gets larger.
Alice Piddlenere - Mon, 18 Nov 2019 02:08:47 EST n3M4YBVD No.532425 Reply

>hot wives

Like, wives who are hot, or wives who have extramarital sex in order to satisfy the husbands stallionold fetish?
Samuel Blidgenetch - Mon, 18 Nov 2019 03:08:53 EST SLZ94LIZ No.532429 Reply
I (this anon >>532373) want this question to be settled once and for all ITT. Try, try again to fit into society/norms or blaze one's own trail, follow one's inclinations to their niche? I'm sick of being a bitter loser. I thought life would get better automatically after my first girlfriend but I made moves in college career and I don't want to be a bitter loser for the rest of my life.
Martin Brudgemut - Thu, 21 Nov 2019 11:19:39 EST JWWudQ3H No.532489 Reply
if you're the type of dude who jerks of to hentai or whatever I'd stay away from that shit as much as possible when looking for a girl. I've jerked off to it a day before I was about to hang out with a good looking girl and when things started to get hot I had a difficult time getting into it.
Charlotte Gunningham - Thu, 21 Nov 2019 17:50:26 EST UZC9gHak No.532496 Reply
Dog you gotta work out fix your teeth brush whiten lose weight and make more money first

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