|>> || The internet is a rocky place, the dissonance caused by anonymity combined with IRL moods can create a lot of weird stuff. For the most part, most people are good people that just want easy lives. Only occasionally in your life do you step on land mines. I’ve not had anyone be outright vicious, mean etc unless they were drunk AND had a fairly decent reason to be annoyed with me. Not since high school anyways. We grow up, we evolve. |
Social decorum is my only other bit of advice. As a rough outline :
Social decorum is what dictates a lot of social interaction success. Knowing when to raise, match, fold in the interaction. When you first meet people, don’t try raise the stakes too fast - adding, messages, when can we next meet... and also don’t play it too cold, requiring them to do the legwork. There’s a subtle dance and rhythm to interaction, but a lot of it is about not imposing on others an energy that is too different from what they are bringing to the table.
When you first meet a group of people, you are the new person. Don’t try climb the ranks too fast, it will challenge the authority of those within the group and create envy/jealousy/discontent. Speak when spoken to if the person seems cold, joke a wee bit but don’t get personal/controversial, just let the others get comfortable with you. Be friendly, open, polite and honest - speak your mind, but don’t impose it. Sometimes this means reframing how you say things. Ie “I hate heavy metal” is now “heavy metal isn’t for me” etc - this is less abrasive.
Keep an eye out for particularly friendly, receptive people - they are always the ticket in for a social crowd. Appreciate their warmth, reciprocate but don’t ask more - make them like you, by being likeable. But keep it sincere, it’s very important people accept you for who you are nothing else.
I know that last sentence is paradoxical given the paragraph before it asking you to change how you present yourself. But it’s really about P.R - there are tactics that can be applied that will allow you to be yourself, without causing offence or antagonise others.
I managed to navigate showing up at my 4th high school quite well after systematically losing the game at every school prior. Maybe doing slightly better at the 3rd but still messy. Being a geek, metalhead, stoner with a fuck you look on his face was quite abrasive for social cohesion. But by toning back on it a bit - for instance, not openly talking about drugs, not forcing my heavy metal on people and generally being open to conversation about things that have nothing to do with me or my interests - people accept it.
Navigating the digital side is interesting. I find that having an Instagram can help, it’s a much more casual way to add people for messaging etc. Facebook is a slightly more invasive option but can work just as well. It sounds weird, but it’s better to ask for these things than a phone number.
When it comes to women or men, you need to learn the cues of body language and speech. Try to sense out things like openness, comfortability, friendliness, receptiveness and even sexuality. Getting along is kind of like two chemicals reacting, if it’s an inefficient mix, the reaction doesn’t perform too well. Sometimes things like shared interests, experiences or even just drugs n alcohol can catalyse it though.
When it comes to sex btw I have the following advice. Play it real cool. The first kiss is an energy in the room thing and not to be fucked about with, it can take of hours or chatting intimately, drinking etc to even reach that point. Look for signs like touching, eye contact and being physically closer than would be normal. Do not force anything and if in doubt, do not make a move.
If you reach kissing, at that point you need to match their bet and only subtly raise it if they seem likely to reciprocate. Raise it too hard, you lose. Kiss leads to rubbing non sex regions of body, then it’s boobs, ass, thigh, pubic area, vagina. Don’t take their clothes off unless they reach for yours, don’t make these moves unless they have been reciprocating. When having sex, ask them to go on top, they will just knock themselves out without you knowing what to do. You can learn to give head and finger quite easily online. Do not trust anything you’ve seen in porn or try to imitate it. Women are much easier to turn on psychologically through foreplay - rubbing, teasing. Rhythm and flow is a big part of it. Say it’s been a while since you last had sex or something, tell them at a later date about it if you trust them and it’s been established there is friendship, respect etc. It may well be too much to handle as a “whoa that’s deep” thing at the time.
I’m sorry for the word count. This is all my valuable aspie social study knowledge. To be clear I never turned out amazing, but I did a hell of a lot better than I ever imagined. My life changed through learning.