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drug dependency

- Sun, 15 Sep 2019 12:44:38 EST mqpN1yO5 No.531726
File: 1568565878864.png -(33357B / 32.58KB, 1200x869) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. drug dependency
I've never dealt with this before in my life (it was never a problem) but now I'm facing possible re-incarceration as a result of my drug habits and I don't know what to do. I hate being sober and don't really give a damn about anything unless I'm high. I somewhat recently got out of jail and am on probation and now they think I'm getting high - I don't know how they're going to try and catch me since they think I'm getting past the urinalysis. I report on monday and I haven't gotten high since friday night, I've been using pure dxm for around 4 years. This is really bringing me down in life - I'm in college and not doing my homework, I've already missed a couple of classes, I don't really care. I feel agonizingly bored all day every day unless I'm high. I lied in court to the judge & D.A. and to my probation officer and have denied using any drugs. I'm pending sentencing on a violent felony charge. No ambition in life without drugs. Everything is fine when I'm high though. This whole situation has been bothering me for a while and there's not really anybody I can tell about it. I told one person and I think they ratted on me to probation and that's why they're suspicious of me now. The only thing I want to do in life is get high and then do whatever I feel like. That's my primary desire in life. I don't really want to go to prison or back to jail but when I get high it doesn't bother me that much. I don't feel like I'm hurting anything by getting high and feel like it's such bullshit that the state is trying to tell me what I can and can't do with my life.

I'm sure people have worse problems than this but this feels like it's killing me. I don't even know if they'd send me to rehab or anything. I met people in jail that were meth addicts and other hard drugs and they got county years for violating probation due to drug problems. I have no family, lost my friends and girlfriend when I was locked up.
Shit Nucklekure - Mon, 16 Sep 2019 22:00:19 EST E9TsUO3Q No.531755 Reply
Maybe seek out some adrenaline educing thrills. Such as going for a run in the woods and trying to not twist an ankle. Life can be fun without being high, but you need to keep you mind busy. Occupied. Fuck school can be boring. Go to school for something that will hold your interest. Change your major to your passion. Not, "man this would be sick getting high working here and whatever", but, instead think about what you used to like doing as a child. Motivation is difficult. We all choose to be motivated; being fat, lazy and "happy" is easy.

Sidney Binnerfuck - Tue, 17 Sep 2019 11:09:04 EST t/NnTrWu No.531769 Reply
do you have things you enjoy doing besides drugs? do you find any meaning in things? what void are you trying to fill? when you look at those other people in jail, do you see yourself? can you see yourself living the lives that those people have chosen to live if you decide to keep doing this? how do you feel about yourself as a person? and are you able to honest with anyone, esp yourself?

i think these are all good questions to consider. rediscover your values. rediscover the world. i think you're ready.
Martha Nussledale - Tue, 17 Sep 2019 12:39:01 EST aIW77HRf No.531771 Reply
>do you have things you enjoy doing besides drugs?
That's the big one, OP. You can't break habits, that's impossible. You can replace one behavior with another and if drugs are your go-to behavior and you don't have any other behaviors lined up, then drugs are all you know.
Hugh Bullerwodge - Tue, 17 Sep 2019 12:51:17 EST TwQTnSdS No.531774 Reply
also remember, you're most likely rewiring your brain during all this time. to undo the screwy wiring will take some real work. mostly mental. but it will feel like the worst job in the world because your ego will naturally work against you bc that's part of it's programming to an extent.
Cyril Clayford - Tue, 17 Sep 2019 13:08:00 EST mqpN1yO5 No.531777 Reply
Using DXM is how I want to live my life. After I'm done with probation I know I'll start taking it again. It never did anything but improve the quality of my life. I use drugs until I outgrow them. I've done it in the past with weed and whatever else. I have to go get drug tested specifically for this soon and I'm trying to detox. Today's four days without taking any. I'm almost certainly going to jail if I fail the test. Just stressing it. What I meant in the OP was killing me was the feeling of slugging through life sober and just wanting to get high.

I'll figure it out. If I don't test positive then that will be a big motivator to find a workaround for this.
Eugene Brookspear - Tue, 17 Sep 2019 18:08:44 EST jOwUS5yi No.531784 Reply
>What I meant in the OP was killing me was the feeling of slugging through life sober and just wanting to get high.

i feel ya man

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