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crippling insomnia as a part of bipolar I vent/insomnia stories / support thread

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- Mon, 16 Sep 2019 00:07:20 EST Je9nm5wp No.531733
File: 1568606840231.gif -(751777B / 734.16KB, 220x169) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. crippling insomnia as a part of bipolar I vent/insomnia stories / support thread
Idk what I should do, and I keep making it worse because I have to drink a shitton of caffeine and sometimes even take Primatine to accomplish day to day tasks.

I've been sleeping for a few hours pretty much every other night or so for the past few weeks, and now I'm 2 hours a way from 00:00 on day 3 and I work 5 to 2 tomorrow unloading freight and stocking shelves,

I'm going to try to lay down one more time I've been doing that shit for hours and I always do. I end up with this weird half sleep where I'll not feel asleep but I'll dream and the dreams are always mixed in with reality so the music I'm listening to etc. like I fell asleep listening to the smiths and I dreamt me and one of my better friends from high school (haven't spoken in years) were running through the hall singing smiths songs (presumably the ones that were playing) and then people started calling us faggots so we "joke" that we were but idk where the dream was going but i did think of him that way but that's neither here nor there idk why i wrote all that but regardles

everything I've tried started with doxylamine (dph has never worked for me, it was always almost stimulating, kind of fun and trippy but doxylamine is a better trip too so dph is garbage all around imo unless it's all you have to throw on top of a downer cockail or something, then they moved me to trazadone, barely worked, but it was always spotty, up an hour down an hour up and down until i was like fuck it i'm up, then ambien, and honestly that just fucked me up, was sedating and relaxing but i started tripping and the trip was interesting and all but i don't remember much of it, then I blacked out and started doing shit instead of sleeping, but then thought I was sleeping, then now lastly so far they've tried Lunesta which is imo a better feeling than ambien but also nothing, it's kind of like taking 10mg of diazapam and 50mg of doxylamine and

i neeed to get this under control because my life is falling apart, I've been really religiously cutting (calories not myself i don't really do that anymore or haven't in a minute) and loving myself but in the past 2 weeks I've put on easily 10-15 pounds, i know if I cut again i can drop that in a week but I can't because when i feel like this and i'm all groggy from the z-drugs i eat like shit like 2500-3500 cal a day easy, then a day where I'll just completely forget to eat since I'm so out of it

i'm about to fail 2 classes because I just can't make the deadlines because I can't STUDY because nothing make sense, I read something and it's like i didn't read it at all, I find the individual meanings of words but i can't string them together

i think i'm at the start of another manic episode but that's weird because I felt like a minor hypomanic episode came and went and it was actually fun, got shit done was optimistic my life was falling into place then bam the crash went (I've journaled for years and this patterns got me so many times "Things will be different this time" "things will be different this time" "things will be different this time" ad nauseum") it wasn't really bad though, then I started getting really depressed from insomnia and now I'm all over the fucking place in a mixed mostly manic but mad episode

I tend to get psychotic features if mania gets really bad, and not sleeping makes that bad and all that z-drug/histamines I'm desperately trying make shit even weirder (but I've found the Lunesta to take the edge waaay off in comparison and helps I guess in that sense

I am legitimately insane right now and I need to know what to do I HAVE to go to work tomorrow or else they'll fire me because I also have hyperhydrosis which is made worse by mania and anxiety and i've called off 3 times already because of it, after TRYING to go in and them seeing I looked like I just ran a 5k on meth, it's only my first couple of weeks so they are being VERY gracious letting me do so far but they said one more in a month and they have no choice, that they're sorry i'm in such a bad way (they only know about hyperhydrosis and anxiety not bipolar that's something you don't really tell people you're not close to imo)

I do not by any stretch of the imagination want to go back on antipsychotics again oh noooo not only will they fuck up my cut (which is lets be real my #1 concern) especially something like Seroquel or Haldol but Haldol is actually kind of fun to me, well not "fun" but enjoyable I guess, didn't enjoy the 50 pounds that shit + a month in the "double meals, all the snacks you eat" psych ward that was basically a prison block it was so small (NEVER go to behavioral care at UVA hospital, word to the wise)

but also antipsychotics give me such flat affect and apathy and anhedonia and I don't need that when i need to catch up in two classes I already have like %50

Do you guys think they'll bite the bullet and give a person with a past drug abuse a benzo in these dire cirmunstance? it's very past and I think the psych is sympathetic, i'm going to call him in the morning on my break at work

speaking of, I am practically "Barney? Who the hell is Barney?" levels and have to take some Primatene and go to work, and hopefully not sweat like a pig, i'll bring an extra shirt and slick back my incredibly long hair, I hate it slicked back tho it's too masculine oh well

getting a way stronger dose of my glycopyrrolate tho on Tuesday so hopefully that will help if I take a lot at a time until I can see a dermatologist about it

ok that's it guys thanks, lets here from you
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Shitting Blonkintuck - Mon, 16 Sep 2019 00:14:27 EST Je9nm5wp No.531734 Reply
1568607267231.jpg -(79796B / 77.93KB, 643x820) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
also, no not really tbh
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Jenny Fibberchudge - Mon, 16 Sep 2019 08:23:10 EST UqX/QM0x No.531737 Reply
>>531733
Guided meditation every night at the same time every night for a month.
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Betsy Clummlestud - Mon, 16 Sep 2019 09:39:44 EST YmfNMR01 No.531741 Reply
>>531737
Sorry but in most cases that shit is useless nigga.

OP lay down the caffeine. You can start with that babbu step. Sounds like you got a horrendous rebound shit from all the drugs you been taking. And Holy shit, I don't think they might do a pass with you. You need serious working with your sleeping schedule first and foremost. It is quite probable you need to lower your priorities and forget your studies for a while. Do you have family to stay over with? If not, search friends for help. You need someone in physical presence to get thru this. Someone who can help you regulating your patterns. You'll have to accept you've reached the bottom and need to deal with this as burnouts do. Because the weight in your back atm is far too big.
My journey isn't even over but you need to start, OP. You haven't even taken a year for yourself. And you direly need to. It's for your health, please use all means to get a free year in your life and maybe make an scenary change.
Bipolarity has degrees and can be regularized because not everything is just chemicals in the brain, the other part is hormonal too. Believe it or not.
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Archie Bunningfield - Mon, 16 Sep 2019 11:42:50 EST yleLimz+ No.531744 Reply
>>531741
who needs evidence when you can use anecdotes. in most cases it works. SCIENCE.
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William Brerrynodge - Mon, 16 Sep 2019 14:05:37 EST T6wrNEFc No.531751 Reply
>>531744

After my second psychotic episode I had to take a year out for myself.

There a shit ton of things to iron out, if you don’t, you will fuck your head up. Insomnia for me, leads to psychosis. It’s happened twice. Hitting the brakes is hard, but necessary. If I could go back, I’d have dropped out of uni, got away from that flat and moved back home. Maybe spent a while just accepting things, learning new things and stabilising.

I laugh at the idea that I used to think that option was off the table because it was too embarrassing. It pales in comparison to the embarrassment I endured by being psychotic again.

I can’t back up his science, but I will say it is very good advice and he’s the only person who made a meaningful attempt to help.

I am not that poster, I support them.
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Archie Bunningfield - Mon, 16 Sep 2019 15:46:27 EST yleLimz+ No.531752 Reply
>>531751


I wouldn't use meditate instead of meds, but as well as, absolutely, or as a way of maybe letting you lower the dose, absolutely

some people even say bipolar is a sleep disorder, it's so connected to sleep
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Wesley Candlestone - Tue, 17 Sep 2019 04:08:15 EST GLbXnjbZ No.531763 Reply
>>531752

I wouldn’t say it’s a sleep disorder in the sense that the sleep creates the symptoms.

Bipolar is kind of like being an energy amplifier. If I have a good day, I feel charged up, full of beans, will struggle to sleep. If I have a bad day, I feel charged up, full of stress, will struggle to sleep. This creates the catch 22. One day dominoes into the next.

Being bipolar has made me a very vigilant and proactive person, obsessed with harm prevention. I need my 8 hours sleep, I enforce a work/life balance, I enforce a lifestyle that keeps me away from trouble as much as I can etc.

Meditation hasn’t been useful for me, at times it exacerbated symptoms. It can trigger elevated moods or reinforce deflated ones. It’s not a stable practice for people with mental health issues like mine. There are plenty of times it’s totally fine, I meditate once in a while. Kinda nice and fun. But as a regular thing, it would open a door for me, imo. It did in the past, I discovered meditation at 19, by 20 I had my first episode. Admittedly I was overdoing it, with multiple 1HR meditations a day, reading all the stuff, believing lots of things... mania sucks.

Meds kinda suck but I accept them as a practical solution if you can’t keep a lid on it. Mood stabilisers aren’t fun - it makes you feel like your superpower has been taken from you, and in its place you’ve been left feeling like a damp sponge.

I don’t take meds unless I’ve been mandated by a legal process to, which has happened twice.
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Archie Churringtetch - Sat, 28 Sep 2019 05:10:43 EST bnCms6Vn No.531903 Reply
Im finding that every night I dont sleep the effects the next day are getting worse, like my mind is just fucking blank and its only 5am, woke up with at 1pm yesterday, have shit to do today that im looking forward to and I just have to hope enough caffeine can make me sentient enough to enjoy it
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Jist - Wed, 02 Oct 2019 07:24:00 EST LbPBpo3d No.531946 Reply
>>531733
Yeah no you are dunzo, too many isusses for anyone to slice for you.
> you guys think they'll bite the bullet and give a person with a past drug abuse a benzo in these dire cirmunstance?
Dood you didn't even take a step back to revise what the hell your even talking about. Awnser - no the reason being that this drug has a tendency to create forget me senarios, not only is there hard proof of this in people over 50, but also concerning evedenice in young adults. You understand that they just don't give that out after they confirmed that your cognitive reasoning is to place misleading information til you break down with honesty. In short if shit is not adding up right then me or any other person will not scale up the dangerousness of a controlled medication.
Nigga we anit feeding you a pill that you claim Alzheimer's on, get it?
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Matilda Shittingbanks - Thu, 03 Oct 2019 13:36:47 EST Je9nm5wp No.531951 Reply
>>531946
they did actually give me temezepam, which has been working really well but I've sort of been taking it in the day too, they gave me fucking 60 15mg pills, which on one level I like because that's a good cop but on another level it's like why the fuck would they give me these

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