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I licked and rubbed my genitals against my Mom's feet when I was younger

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- Sun, 22 Sep 2019 17:54:42 EST gOXD9Pcj No.531857
File: 1569189282301.jpg -(2475B / 2.42KB, 344x322) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. I licked and rubbed my genitals against my Mom's feet when I was younger
When I was 13 I was still sleeping in the same bed as my mom. At some point I started licking her feet when I thought she was asleep. It wasn't long before I started masturbating as I was doing it. It became a frequent practice over the several months this lasted. At first I would strategically pick times when she was drunk so that she wouldn't notice or wake up. As time went on though, I got more and more sloppy. I would do it even when she was sober. I wasn't even trying to be much careful anymore. I would wait to hear her snore and I would keep asking her if she was sleeping yet. If she told me no then I would wait some more and ask again until I heard no reply.

On several occasions she was awake or at least got awoken. One time she prevented me from doing it by moving her feet back and forth really fast, to keep them away from my reach. I chased them for a minute hoping she would keep still. She didn't so I eventually gave up for that night.

After cumming I would always experience a lot of shame and found the whole thing disgusting. So I would spit on the carpet when I was done. One time she heard me and asked why I was spitting. I told her I had a hair in my mouth, to which she merely replied "Okay" without confronting me further.

The final step was masturbating while rubbing my genitals against her soles and between her toes. I had OCD and a voice told me if I didn't do it I would get bullied really bad during gym class the next day at school. That kind of justified doing it in the moment. I don't remember how many times or how long I did that for, but not for very long. I would think 2 or 3 times over a couple weeks. Shortly after that I stopped touching her feet altogether. Around one year later as she was drunk on the couch, I masturbated while glancing at her feet. I didn't cum. I sneakily took pictures of her feet but deleted them later that night, feeling very ashamed.

Every time I think about it, it's like a nightmare that I pray I can wake up from. But this is real and irreversible. I feel like the worst human being that's ever existed. I live in constant fear of being found out for who I really am. I want to hide from the entire world, and I do. Karma got me good because now I am so messed up I can't form a bond with anyone. I have no friends anymore, barely ever did. I'm emotionally distant to my family. At 32 I only ever had one relationship which was a mess. I was unable to get intimate with her both emotionally and physically. Again I constantly feel like I'm acting like a nice guy which is nothing but a cover. I'm on disability for bipolar among other things. Since I can't work right now I'm back at my mom's place. She's the only person I got left and does a lot for me which makes me feel guilty. I eat dinner with her and do a bit of chit chat here and there when I see her, but that's it. We both have always acted like nothing ever happened. I don't think I can ever forgive myself. I wish she would have stopped me so bad. I resent her for not doing anything about it. I swear I would have stopped. I wouldn't be this horrible person.
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Hamilton Crenkinhon - Sun, 22 Sep 2019 18:18:24 EST tR57carO No.531858 Reply
Jesus that poor woman.
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Nathaniel Greenford - Sun, 22 Sep 2019 18:49:03 EST DEG8JTSI No.531859 Reply
>>531858
Right? Time for some heavy therapy, dude... like very quickly.
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Esther Ferrysack - Sun, 22 Sep 2019 19:40:19 EST gOXD9Pcj No.531861 Reply
>>531859
I don't believe I deserve to get better. How could anyone have sympathy for someone who did such horrible things?

I'm the offender. I fucked up. Even though I want to dissociate myself from those events by telling myself I was a kid, it doesn't work. It never has. It's still me who did that. I can't accept I have done such a thing. I don't want to believe I am that person. I don't want to be that monster.
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Betsy Giffingshit - Sun, 22 Sep 2019 21:30:01 EST iJiVumQQ No.531863 Reply
Yeah that's weird. It would have been great for your mum to stop you but it was probably really awkward for her too plus if she was passed out around you a lot there was probably a lot going on for her too.

Teenagers do weird sexual shit though. Yours got out of hand clearly but with mental illnesses and bad family environments that's bound to happen.

Just let it go dude. Your mum still loves you. She clearly forgives you. If you were a true monster or whatever you would have left a lasting impact on someone else but really you've hurt yourself the most. It's been a lifetime dude. Set yourself free. You would be out of prison already if you raped someone violently. You deserve better than this.

That kid is dead.
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Molly Hocklewin - Sun, 22 Sep 2019 22:25:43 EST DEG8JTSI No.531865 Reply
>>531861
I often give this advice to people:
If you hate something, and you actually have the power to change it and you choose to not change it - then I never fucking want to hear you complain about your situation in life.

You could fix this, but you're wallowing in self-pity. Grow up. You'll still be 'that person' until you get some goddamned help. And it's certainly not on your mother for not stopping you, that's all you bud.

Get. Help.
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Augustus Crunkinmut - Mon, 23 Sep 2019 01:22:12 EST 888281Kn No.531867 Reply
>>531857

She asked you why you were spitting. After you usednher feet to jerk yourself off. Your spit isnt what woke her up.

You entered into a sexual relationship with your mother at a young age. An acloholic woman, sleeping in the same bed as her teenage son sends up a red flag of incest, even before you realize she continued to sleep in the bed, even after awakening to you licking her feet. It sounds like sexual abuse.

Incest happens a lot more than you might think. What you written here doesn't make you a bad person
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Phoebe Chodgelock - Mon, 23 Sep 2019 10:02:41 EST tR57carO No.531868 Reply
>>531865
Calm yourself, lol... Getting cartoonishly angry at strangers on the internet isn't a good look.

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