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Dont feel right unless im in a relationship

- Sat, 12 Oct 2019 16:51:42 EST lYwVS2OU No.532098
File: 1570913502155.png -(496740B / 485.10KB, 468x599) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Dont feel right unless im in a relationship
I got off a really shitty abusive relationship some months ago, during that time i started a course on a new area that really is exciting and new for me, not only that but that course is letting me do a project for a big company i love, who may approve it, i feel my project is really solid and might work, but either way, after years of trying to get in a area i never really liked, i finally found what i truly love.

I've been closer to friends than ever, not only that, im at a new exciting time i've been making lots of new friends that getting me in new exciting situations, my relationship made me feel alienated from near people since my ex was really controling, and if she didn't like someone, she would guilt trick me into avoiding them, and she didnt like a lot of people.

Im doing boxing, lifting weights and jogging a lot, im probably more healthy now as a 24 years old, than as a 18 years old.

And i've been having sex too, great sex with a girl better than my ex both emotionally and sexually, she is way above my ex in looks too, i don't feel nothing deep for her, and wouldn't want a relationship, but im not "alone" at all at this time.

Yet i envy my ex having a new date, i made the mistake of stalking her today, and found that, even tho the guy looks "worse" than me, and even tho she is both personality wise and looks, worse than my new date, i envy her, as if she got a new stable relationship which i truly didnt, and therefore is better than me, even being in a shitty job she hates still, even tho most of her friends always end up leaving her after truly knowing her.

Its as if she always judged me so harshly, that i wanted to shove my better me in her face, as in "look how much better im doing", but truth is, even tho i am much better, i spend my days doing my stuff and loving it, i still feel sad when i get alone without nothing but time to reflect, i don't know why i create this, but i wish i could just get what i have and be thankful for it, cause i know i was even worse when i was with her, and my life was a cesspool, even tho, i hate this needy feeling, cause i know its what made me endure that shitty relationship for so long, and i hate thinking i might jump into another shitty relationships if the opportunity presents itself, cause i always feel this lack without someone i love.

I just mean, how do i enjoy myself and my life without needing a relationship, without thinking im just validated if im with someone.
Name - Sat, 12 Oct 2019 22:40:38 EST ACArUTNa No.532100 Reply
You're not going to get over all that hurt overnight dude. You've done so much to improve your life and even though it looks good on paper, of course when you revisit your past relationship, you will feel hurt. It was abusive. Toxic.

There is some kind of emotional need that you need to fill, but it's an old one. You wont fill it with another person. You can only fill it yourself. Work out what your issues are and try to prove it wrong.

Of course it is lonely to not be in love right now, but if you dont drive back into that old way of being you might find a better kind of love. One that lifts you up.
David Pirryspear - Wed, 16 Oct 2019 10:32:53 EST qeFUVsc9 No.532139 Reply
I'm kinda in the same boat as you my friend.

Currently am working out how to leave my relationship with minimized harm toward myself.

I've never been single for longer than a month or two since Highschool.
Except when I am in a relationship, I have urges to do things that I should've done while single. Like sleep around. Flirt. Be myself.

I feel so fucking suppressed.
My friends are still my friends but I haven't talked to them in a year now.
How do people think it's okay to control a person so much to this point?
Are they acutely aware of the effects they have on you and your mind?
Or do they just not care?
It's insane.

I got off topic, anyway,
The more aloof you can be with yourself and be comfortable in your skin and know that as long as you love yourself, no one can ever validate you as much as you can validate yourself. It's so much more rewarding. To be able to look in the mirror every morning and tell yourself that you matter and that you're important and that people care about you no matter how far they seem from you.

Everyone is on their own path and you are the path finder. You do not need another''s light to guide your path. The only one who can light your path is yourself.
Speak from the heart and the light will radiate from you.
Be your own lamp.

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