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where have my emotions gone?

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- Tue, 05 Nov 2019 18:48:28 EST FliHUos1 No.532295
File: 1572997708656.jpg -(5817009B / 5.55MB, 3490x5235) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. where have my emotions gone?
I don't feel things strongly, some things at all. I don't know what happened but I don't think I've always been this way. My inability to exert emotion without forcing things has left me isolated for a long time as it is perceived as disinterest from my peers and they respond in kind. spent most of my mid teens to early 20s without much of a social group as a result but that was cool with me, a few tight friends is all I ever needed. Except now I've gotten myself a girlfriend and were good together in many ways but my inability to feel as intensely as her is preventing me from meeting her emotional needs, and its really not fair on her.

can anyone relate to this? i can name various examples of times i should've felt things but didn't (my dog passing, for instance) idk i just dont want to be an emotionless rock as many have told me before
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Graham Callyfore - Tue, 05 Nov 2019 20:49:54 EST 7hAHe0Zt No.532298 Reply
You have emotions, you've gotten so used to not showing them that you don't feel complete feelings anymore and you think they're damaged.
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Gothboynotemoboy - Wed, 06 Nov 2019 10:53:50 EST DgRWiI9d No.532303 Reply
>>532295>>
it’s most likely the result of poor social skills. You’ve adapted to not needing to show any emotion or care for others. Embrace the emotions that you do have and let people in. Many of us have been through this stage but naturally grow out of it. It sounds as though you never had the chance to grow from it because of being socially inept.
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Clara Webbershit - Fri, 08 Nov 2019 17:02:06 EST hQScIyLB No.532327 Reply
>>532295
depression (which you haven't mentioned so prolly not) or a mild case of depersonalization/derealization. Heal your physical vessel, that always helps with mental health.
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Edwin Goodshit - Sat, 09 Nov 2019 12:04:58 EST XnNJKW4n No.532335 Reply
>>532295
could be trauma.. could be depression.. could be enthusiasm.. trauma doesn't have to mean rape / war / car accident. Many things can cause trauma, and trauma isn't synonymous with PTSD either, but anyway yeah, trauma makes people very numb in a lot of senses.

How's your body? How do your feet feel right now? Your left side? Your right side? Your chest? A lot of times emotional numbness comes along with physical numbness, and when you can fix one you can fix the other... e.g. by joining a capoeira class or whatever you fancy
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Edwin Goodshit - Sat, 09 Nov 2019 12:07:12 EST XnNJKW4n No.532336 Reply
>>532335
ah fuck I am talking about the medical and genuine human difference and this board treats it like a slur and changes it to being enthusiastic. Very wrong. enthusiastic people rock, but yeah, numbness is a common thing they suffer with, they regularly suffer lots of trauma symptoms along with the neutral traits and nice traits
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Edward Dartfield - Sat, 09 Nov 2019 13:00:29 EST oGGoSdpq No.532337 Reply
>>532295
I'm the same way man. For a while I had a bad habit of dwelling on it, feeling as though I were missing out on something essential to the human experience and was the only thing that really made life worth living. I chased after it by abusing the fuck out of dissociatives and stimulants, which seemed to (at times) make me feel emotions, and therefore human, again.

All that succeeded in doing was getting me addicted as fuck/a huge drug problem and miserable.

Now I'm cool with it, and have even found ways to somewhat sensitize myself to certain things again and experience a legitimate measure of empathy that I can feel, rather than emulate. I'm a lot like you, I just have two close friends and really only hang out with the one most of the time, if I even hang out. Relationships and social interaction seem like too much work to be worth pursuing. I can make friends easily and can even be a bit of a... man, I really hesitate to use this term here, but a bit of a "social butterfly".

For instance, I can make conversation easily and I honestly can't think of anybody at work that doesn't like me. A fair number of my coworkers even tell me they're glad we're friends and that I crack them up/I'm hilarious. I don't actually go out of my way to be funny at all, I'm just a really weird and goofy guy. A few have tried to hang out outside of work, but that doesn't happen much any more because they've learned I don't go anywhere or do anything almost ever. I use the excuse that I'm sleeping, which I typically am because I usually sleep 12+hours a day on the weekends, so they don't really bother trying any more.

I don't know if I want to pursue a romantic relationship with anybody ever again either. I've been in two, both since becoming like I am, and neither lasted very long, likely because I'm so emotionally distant (or rather, appear that way, it's more like emotionally vacant) that I give off the impression that I don't have any interest in my partner. It's been 4 or 5 years since the last one. The biggest problem for me isn't the fact that it's difficult to fake being emotional and provide them with proper emotional support, rather I want to actually be emotional and not have to fake it in the first place. I feel like if I'm faking it, I'm just wasting both of our time, so I don't really have any business being in a relationship with them in the first place.

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