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Stuck in a rejection loop

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- Wed, 08 Jan 2020 05:08:59 EST PJL4xgV4 No.533129
File: 1578478139029.jpg -(1580475B / 1.51MB, 4000x3000) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Stuck in a rejection loop
Hey.
Im in my early 30s. And I'm unable to get a gf. I'm not a virgin.
I workout. I dress myself alright. I take martial arts, to stay fit and to try
and build confidence. It hasn't worked on the confidence part, but I just started so I don't know.
I'm not ugly. Besides working out, I take some appearance care of myself. Beard is well kept. stuff like that. I'm not great with banter I guess. Not very witty. My job is kinda boring. So is this town. This island-town. All of my hookups come from tinder. And it's funny, all it takes is an attractive woman that actually talks to me and if I feel just a slight connection, something that might lead somewhere, I'll immediately be crushing. Sometimes they seem super into me.
And then they meet me. And it's like all the fire goes out. And I learn nothing. And I can't get out. It's like I have no option to be a godlike human being. But for them, it's ok. To be okay.
And it's getting to the point I can't do my life anymore. I don't want to go to work. Im tired of being alone. Of keeping it together. I'm tired.
>>
Augustus Huzzlewater - Wed, 08 Jan 2020 07:03:50 EST 1SSFeKJF No.533130 Reply
>>533129
I spent ages working on my self worth and self confidence. Those are worth it, they're worth it for you and they're worth it for when you find someone who is great to love too. But the truth is confidence isn't just self worth it's belief others will react well. You can just lack faith in people. I was and apart from a recent lucky break have been in a similar rut to you for a long time. After entering this relationship and learning about her exes but also listening to people at work is this.

The bar is fucking low.

Firstly you don't have to be godlike, you put that pressure on yourself and YOU FAIL. You are not auditioning for a relationship, you are both testing the water, you may find them dull. Except you're not open to this, every date is about you getting things right and that's already put you at a massive disadvantage. Worse though, it means you have no fun. Why even bother if it's no fun?

Secondly you just need to act like you realise you have something to offer and you believe they can see it. This bit is the hard part. But remember they'll fall for any chump who seems to believe his own bullshit. Just remind yourself the bar is low and you are capable of sailing over it. Focus on having fun and don't worry about your glaring flaws because everyone they dated probably had tonnes more.

You have been a bachelor for a while so you know how to take care of yourself and you have a job so you aren't a deadbeat and I know women, even attractive intelligent ones who have settled down with manchildren who can't hold down a job, or can't cook, or can't operate a washing machine. Many of them can't fuck good. Don't value their partner's careers, are afraid to develope themselves. They're boys. Some of them are 35 year old boys with children with not 1 but 2 women with better careers than them. Your problem is you're further along the Dunning Kreuger curve than these people. They are so bad they don't know they're trash. You're far enough along your self esteem is starting to improve again.

Stop worrying about your flaws, have fun instead of trying to impress her. If you sparks don't fly it's her as much as it's you. If they fly and she isn't interested then she's not ready for a good man yet.
>>
Alice Nivingdale - Wed, 08 Jan 2020 07:18:01 EST XaUMQ99y No.533132 Reply
>>533129

if you're getting matches you must be somewhat attractive you just need to work on the social side it seems. next time go into these dates like they aren't dates but you're tryna make a friend.

People love talking about themselves so ask them general stuff about themselves if you run out of stuff make shit up bonus points if it's funny
>>
Alice Sivingmodge - Wed, 08 Jan 2020 10:18:53 EST VMzmKgcf No.533133 Reply
>>533129
there is obviously something you're not seeing. i recommend searching around for some sort of social authority and getting an opinion from them. people you meet in real life will rarely tell the truth about things like this. there might be something "off" about you, but anyway there is a reason for everything
>>
Lillian Sissledet - Wed, 08 Jan 2020 10:59:10 EST 3ScQQ4dj No.533136 Reply
>>533130
this, stop worrying about trying to seem perfect and just relax and get to know people, sometimes you click, sometimes you don't
>>
Ian Bunfield - Sat, 11 Jan 2020 08:22:38 EST oPyWVZGE No.533187 Reply
1578748958903.jpg -(24313B / 23.74KB, 500x283) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
>>533129
Yeah OP women can just sit around doing nothing and still have suitors flocking towards them. For them it's okay to be okay because they know someone will always come along and be attracted to them. They don't deal with the stress of rejection the way men do, and they don't have to deal with the knowledge that if they fail they will be alone forever the way that men do. You, a man, actually have to deal with that shit, so it's understandable you'd feel this way.

It's hard to be carefree and enjoy dates when you're starting to get old and still haven't found someone yet.

The dating market is fucked at the moment. Something like 30% of young men between the ages of 18 and 30 haven't had any sexual contact at all, and people are getting married less. Dating is hard for men. Honestly dude, some of these girls probably aren't interested in you not because you aren't relationship material, but because they just aren't looking for relationships.

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