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Harm Reduction Notes for the COVID-19 Pandemic

GF immasculated me in front of my parents

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- Mon, 13 Jan 2020 17:19:43 EST kReslAKF No.533225
File: 1578953983268.jpg -(92350B / 90.19KB, 570x380) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. GF immasculated me in front of my parents
So my GF just met my parents last week for the second time and I'm going to break up.

>My dad
My father is socially retarded and a cunt to everybody in the family, especially at public gatherings (I don't think he had any real friends in like 50 years other than business). When there is a conversation he dismisses everybodies opinion, talks down or outright ignores people saying something to him.
Examples:
My father will react to any statement or contribution to the convo by pointing out what that person said was wrong in some way. Not answer any questions. then stop reacting.
In general whenever someone says anything he will point out a problem with what was just said or ignore people outright. He is like that in any public situation and 50% of the time in 1on1 situations.
Basically constant humiliation if anybody but him dares to talk. A passive aggressive bully. the only conversation he enjoys is him talking about something TO others with minimal input from others.
My older brother gets it the worst but he does it to me, my mom and all relatives.
I know it sound hellish but the I can deal with it when I see them. He is very old and the cranky old man stereotype so I just don't care. Its hell for my brother though.


Under normal circumstances My GF is sweet, loving and all around perfect wife material. I have never seen her act shitty to anybody in 2 years.

HOWEVER

After spending ONE day with my parents she started hopping on his bandwagon and low key ripping on me. Questioning every single statement I make even on stupid shit.
In private she has always treated me like a god (most love I ever received in a LTR to be honest). In front of friends or her parents she is the perfect GF. Zero complaints.

But after 1 goddamn day with my shitty father she starts disrespecting me. Not overtly but by assuming every single thing I say is wrong and shit along those lines, just like my dad does. Even stooped to laughing about him cracking dismissive jokes about me (not friendly banter)
Getting fucked with by your own dad is bad enough. Imagine seeing that happen to your partner and deciding to ADD TO IT.

I will end it. I'm so fucking disappointed. Was planning to eventually start a family with her. But this is a slippery slope I cant tolerate, right?

Anyways I made this thread to vent to see if others experienced similar or have theories on WHY. I know women using public humiliation happens in toxic relationships and saw it a lot but I believe its weird having it happen completely out of the blue and at my parents out of all places. Especially since she never even did something like that in private.

Her mom rips on her dad in public all the time by the way
>>
Clara Clondlenuck - Mon, 13 Jan 2020 18:31:17 EST 0J+DB4fX No.533230 Reply
Did you ask her what the fuck?
>>
Emma Funderdudge - Mon, 13 Jan 2020 18:40:21 EST 1SSFeKJF No.533231 Reply
>>533225
Have you thought about talking to her?

She might have misread the situation and may have just been trying to impress your parents. The fact it's only in front of them indicates maybe she really was just acting up to impress them. Maybe she wanted them to like her because she cares? Yeah she fucked up but you don't know why. But if you end the relationship without saying you hate this shit then you're actually the little bitch they treat you like.

Calm down, collect your thoughts. Then express them without hyperbole, stick to the facts which is how it made you feel and what you'd hoped for.

>But this is a slippery slope I cant tolerate, right?
Possibly but this is also definitely hugely dramatic on your part. You are quick to blame everyone and look for excuses but you're coping badly. You're projecting a lot of shit and reading things into this.

Talk to her. Express that you don't like it when your parents do and you think she misread it. You actually don't like this from your parents, it's what you dislike about seeing them and you hoped she'd not join in. Give her a little time (like a couple of days max) to think on it if she doesn't immediately agree and then if she doesn't or she outright continues then end it. If you flee the first time things aren't perfect you will never find a good relationship. You need to be prepared to say "this person isn't right" but people make mistakes. The question is how they deal with them.
>>
Jack Bandlewater - Mon, 13 Jan 2020 19:14:50 EST lLD6ggs6 No.533232 Reply
>>533230
By the end of it I was firing back during it happening and got visibly angry.
As soon as we were alone I told her why the fuck are you disrespecting me and she started crying and I just left right away without a big conversation. I know the next time we speak she will pretend we have a fight because I reacted negatively to her and not what caused it.

>>533231
Since my post was already so long I forgot to mention that there was a similar smaller situation the time we met them before this. She was laughing about something my dad said I don't remember what.
I took her to the side that time and told her in no unclear terms that my father was weird and keeps hurting everybody and that she should not engage. She must have known at least since then that me and my brother were fed up and there is a legit reason we ignore his shit.

>Maybe she wanted them to like her because she cares?
Yea she really wants them to like her and they actually do. Believe it or not its a good family other my passive aggressive father and she really wants to be integrated and be part of it.
Also my father is pretty rich so maybe she thinks she needs to suck up to him. Not a valid excuse
>>
Jarvis Humblenire - Mon, 13 Jan 2020 20:10:55 EST oXo9Ddud No.533234 Reply
Why don't you cut your shitty dad out of your life first? Tell him to get fucked and never talk to him, it's that easy man.

Why would anyone put up with that kind of parent once they're an adult? Cut them out.
>>
Nell Dandergold - Mon, 13 Jan 2020 20:27:54 EST sMvyGwpf No.533238 Reply
Heres the tea:
  • OP’s partner playfully roasts him
  • OP’s ego can’t take it, he subconsciously thinks partner will leave him, wants to leave her before she leaves him to prevent abandonment
  • OP uses anger to try to control partner’s behaviour. it works temporarily but ultimately ends up threatening his relationship in the long term

Apologize to your gf OP
>>
Jarvis Humblenire - Mon, 13 Jan 2020 20:41:31 EST oXo9Ddud No.533241 Reply
>>533238
You guys suck as therapists. I see it more as,

1) OP hates his dad who never respects him
2) GF takes his dads side, leaving him feeling betrayed or whatever
3) OP is now unsure that his GF is as perfect as he thought

Does he have a right to be upset? Sure. Is he overreacting? Probably, unless he's leaving out some detail.

The obvious problem is his dad. Quit bottling up your emotions and tell him you hate him before he dies
>>
Isabella Seddleforth - Mon, 13 Jan 2020 21:08:37 EST cJPUx/Q2 No.533242 Reply
>>533235
>>533240
You wimps have no idea. There is no lighthearted roasting involved at all. You dont know this guy. he is tormenting multiple family members

>>533234
Yes I should.

>>533235
>Is your ego really this fragile?
Yes when my girl joins my father in ripping on me for hours I have an appropriate reaction after a few hours. She turns on me in this situation means I cant trust her in general.

>>533241
kind of spot on.

>Is he overreacting? Probably, unless he's leaving out some detail.
Nah. It happened before. This time 10x harder. All these posters thinking im talking about some lighthearted banter shit are clueless.
>>
Nell Dandergold - Mon, 13 Jan 2020 21:21:42 EST sMvyGwpf No.533243 Reply
>>533242
Ok then break up with her, please, and preferably never contact her ever again
>>
Martin Blythedock - Tue, 14 Jan 2020 03:13:20 EST PzFWaII0 No.533244 Reply
>>533242
>you wimps have no idea, but instead of having a discussion with someone I called marriage material, I initiated it in an aggressive manner and then stomped off like a child!

Sure dude. Handle your shit like an adult of break up with her. I’m guessing some of this assholeness from your father hits a bit too close to home and it upsets you. Like how instead of interacting with her you just stopped reacting.
>>
Fucking Fuckingspear - Tue, 14 Jan 2020 08:28:00 EST jTGkEsHU No.533245 Reply
>>533242
Yeah it's definitely time for you and your girlfriend to sit down and talk about the difference between a parent trashing their own child for years and gentle ribbing among friends. Either she doesn't understand the difference or is pretending to not understand it.
>>
Nicholas Pockwater - Tue, 14 Jan 2020 11:47:03 EST uTcOFZZc No.533247 Reply
>>533246
What makes you think that?
>>
Hedda Maffingkud - Tue, 14 Jan 2020 12:42:36 EST 1SSFeKJF No.533251 Reply
>>533246
People say that a lot. Some of /qq/ might be like that, some would be needlessly hostile. OP could be a lesbian but I have to be honest the post has some guy vibes. Not good ones though.
>>
John Hettinglun - Tue, 14 Jan 2020 13:01:58 EST ZyAKcTrV No.533253 Reply
>>533251
This isn't a fast board. You can read all the posts here going back years. Are you talking about a specific thread or user?
>>
>>
Cyril Mibbleham - Tue, 14 Jan 2020 13:22:21 EST Dg8l4lWo No.533254 Reply
OP ignore all thees fags ripping on you theyre dumb. But, think about this. Why are you giving your dad total control over your life in that way is pretty stallioned dude. one evening dith your dad ruined your gf for you forever? i doubt it. You have to actually address with the situation of your father rather than just deal with the consequences like youre wanting to do now. either talk to him in a pointed, poignant way about what the issues are, be firm, dont let him interrupt, and tell him youre cutting hi out of your life if he doesnt stop this shitty abusive behavior. if he doesnt stop or he writes off what youre saying? dont see or talk to him for at least a year. get your other family members in on this talk too. especially your brother. if you can get your mom to be on your side.

sorry about your faggy dad buddy
>>
Hedda Maffingkud - Tue, 14 Jan 2020 13:34:34 EST 1SSFeKJF No.533257 Reply
>>533253
You can read back 6 months which isn't very long. Ruralfag has been here longer than that. MS0hfkoe I might be a letter out but even NJ knew him was here longer than that. But no I've seen quite a few threads and there's been a mix of responses to mentioning that the OP is a woman.

nb
>>
James Binkincocke - Wed, 15 Jan 2020 00:20:59 EST sMvyGwpf No.533261 Reply
>>533246
Yes, because everyone knows that women have historically been treated much better than men on anonymous image boards

Do u even think bro?
>>
Jenny Hicklehall - Wed, 15 Jan 2020 00:34:36 EST QvqpXi0j No.533262 Reply
Or you could just talk to her and tell her how you feel when she makes fun of you.

Make it clear that you are not okay with your dad doing it, but are just going to let time take care of him.
>>
Henry Segglespear - Wed, 15 Jan 2020 15:34:19 EST NUPLxYIu No.533266 Reply
>>533238
dont feel like i even need to read OP's entire post.. OP youre being a bitch and she's basically bitch-checking you.
>>
Angus Dungerbury - Wed, 15 Jan 2020 20:27:28 EST oXo9Ddud No.533270 Reply
>>533266
Lol Henry, what kind of women do you date? None/trailer trash
>>
Ian Worthingbanks - Thu, 16 Jan 2020 07:38:53 EST Y53PoKN+ No.533272 Reply
>>533266
So how should OP have reacted? take it?
User is currently banned from all boards
>>
Jenny Chommlepudge - Thu, 16 Jan 2020 17:57:16 EST 12lmff8X No.533279 Reply
>>533272
Have you ever considered theres a middle ground between “taking it” and “acting like an asshole”?
>>
Nell Dupperdidging - Sat, 18 Jan 2020 14:36:26 EST oJ/8Z3Lh No.533306 Reply
sounds like she subconsciously wants to bang your dad, because he is the alpha male
>>
Martha Mishpag - Tue, 21 Jan 2020 19:35:06 EST FWaorIk7 No.533340 Reply
>I'm so fucking disappointed. Was planning to eventually start a family with her.
Don't be disappointed, be glad you got to see who she really is before rather than after having a family and all that if she truly behaved inexcusably.
>But this is a slippery slope I cant tolerate, right?
Nobody knows. That you gotta decide for yourself.
Could she have thunk your dad was just kidding around, and only you saw the grand rudeness since you've been subjected to it all your life? Teasing is a welcome thing in some families / social relationships.
If it should have been clear she should have acted elsewhise then go for it.
>>
Cyril Nacklesten - Fri, 24 Jan 2020 00:08:47 EST nShuIDUf No.533355 Reply
>>533347
So you had a bad experience and now noone on the earth can have a relationship?
>>
>>
Simon Gullyhatch - Sat, 25 Jan 2020 06:26:28 EST 1SSFeKJF No.533365 Reply
>>533355
Basically that's what Cedric thinks. I mean if you are capable of a long term relationship and good at selecting and attracting the right partner you don't tend to stay sloshing around single for very long. Cedric for example hasn't quite got the hang of selecting and attracting the right partner.

Most people who are single for long of course can't do long term relationships because they can't find the right person or aren't capable at the moment but that's skewed. I mean for all their shit Gen X have managed to get divorce rates falling by living together. We're yet to see how the generations to follow will go. My bet and hope is that Gen Z start to rollback the excess of social media and online dating and find a healthier medium with a bit more face to face interaction and meeting strangers in more real scenarios again and that we got the worst of it. It'll be another 10 years before we know for certain though.

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