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How to build a social life

- Tue, 11 Feb 2020 12:15:29 EST EN3AUmBx No.533569
File: 1581441329928.jpg -(6997B / 6.83KB, 200x200) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. How to build a social life
Hello everyone.

I went cocoon mode a year and a half ago at the age of 23 and went from obese all my life to what people are now calling slim. I wouldn't use that word myself, but that's what I've heard. It's changed my personality so much, literally everything has changed. I'm no longer a self loathing, obese, socially retarded, victim who hates life but someone who's accomplished something, has a sense of fulfilment, and loves being around people. And it seems people are much nicer to me too. Literally every fucking thing has changed and I don't know who I am anymore honestly.

In the last year I've made friends and hooked up with girls from those apps. Which honestly I never enjoyed, but it did give me a confidence boost, like it told me I was attractive enough for people to want to be around. Which was nice, because I had experienced the opposite all my life until 23-24. I'm 25 now and really want to start socializing and going to the pubs for drinks on weekends but I have no wingman since I shut myself in for such a long time.

I went to the pub by myself a year ago because I had a dream I was at that pub with my Dad, who died 2 years ago, and saw him there and we were like BRO WHERE'VE YOU BEEN and had a good catchup. It felt strange waking up after because it felt so vivid. So I decided fuck it and walked down to sink a couple of pints in his name. I was hoping it'd be more of a fun event but it was just me and two old dudes reading the newspaper trying to escape the missus for 5 minutes.

I really want to start meeting friends who like to have some fun. Like drinking, weed, softer drug use, etc but I have no idea where to begin. The idea of going to a club/pub by myself seems so alien to me it's crazy. Idk why I'm posting here, I'm trying not to come off as a total bitch, because I know my "problems" aren't even really problems. Everything seems to be on the up. I'm just socially frustrated. I have no idea where to begin on going out. I made a Facebook account last year and a few old friends have added me, I suggested we go out for a couple drinks and catch up but they never follow through with the plans.

Thanks for hearing me out.
Frederick Fibberwater - Tue, 11 Feb 2020 13:01:18 EST 1SSFeKJF No.533570 Reply
The problem with going to a pub to meet people is you need to have more in common than just "at the pub". Clubs are even less useful for making friends.

You have interests, find groups who practice those and welcome newcomers. Or go to pubs with the music or style or events that suit your interests. I'm going to come back to you on this in a moment.

I had to make a whole bunch of new friends. My old life sucked and a lot of that was my friends. I have since made contact with and met some but a lot of your old friends just need to be let go. Be prepared to let them all go. Some will come back. Odds are old you had friends and alienated them and when you vanished they gave up entirely. They had years of you declining and wallowing and it will take time for some to come around to you. Others were part of your misery enablers or worse and those that didn't change with you should be left be.

Anyway I had to make new friends and I did it at a pub, but I didn't just go to a pub. I went to a place that put on gigs that looked fun, had a nice vibe and actually had retro gaming upstairs on a friday. So I'd go have a few drinks and chat to and play games with random strangers. I made friends with a lot of the regulars and we created our own social group, we do all sorts of nerdy shit together now. You won't find that just by going to a pub. You might not even find that at a pub. Go be somewhere you want to be and make friends with the people there instead of going somewhere people are.

Problems are relative. You've come a long way but there's nothing wrong with having gotten where you are and facing difficulty. Even when you find the right people you might not instantly click with people it might take time and persistence and you'll get a break. When you make new friends don't latch on to them entirely, don't ignore them but keep finding more. Once a couple of people accept you, you start on a positive footing with others. The hardest bit is the first couple of new friends.

What sort of interests do you have?
Matilda Crishstone - Tue, 11 Feb 2020 13:19:09 EST EN3AUmBx No.533571 Reply
Appreciate the response mate.

I don't have too many hobbies, I used to love vidya but I quit a while back, still love to talk and watch the odd video on them though, or maybe play the odd FPS for a couple of rounds. Not too much into sports any more, which most people are around here, that'll hurt me I think. I recently got into Gardening and it's been a very good outlet for me, and it's pretty good to talk about when I meet people because there's so much on the subject. Everyone always gets a little interested when I mention gardening.

I do have a good group of friends that I've known for 10 years and have been in solid contact with almost every day with, it's just we live all over the country and rarely meet up, it can be years between meets. I do consider them very close though and we're all good friends. It's just a shame we're that far away lol. But we go abroad, and do things together now and then.

I think what I want just for now is a group of people who have similar banter who like having a good drink or getting high or something. I know it's not the healthiest group relationship to crave for but I feel like I have a lot of getting rekt to get out of my system to catch up on from when I was a recluse.
Nathaniel Fodgetet - Tue, 11 Feb 2020 16:11:54 EST kFYnmYAh No.533572 Reply
1581455514407.jpg -(46787B / 45.69KB, 720x719) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
You must become...fully consumed by any...sexual...feelings you may have. You must give your whole psychology over to your sexual self. Become focused and destructive, find a sexual object and...fixate...move in a wave-like manner...mold yourself into a pure reflection of your internal sexual expression.
Frederick Fibberwater - Tue, 11 Feb 2020 18:42:41 EST 1SSFeKJF No.533583 Reply
Difficult but definitely look for the bar or pub with a vibe that speaks to you. Don't just pick a bar because it's cheap or close by. Check them out and look for your people. I don't know how people who like gardening meet for gardening stuff but also look into that. You'll probably find quite a range of people though. It won't just be people your age to get rekt with though. People of all ages love getting fucked up though. It's just the sort of chemistry that varies.

Unless you're in some village with 2 pubs you'll find somewhere that's a bit more you. That's where you'll have your best shot at finding your people. Don't be afraid to stick your nose in each bar and give it a nose around on Friday and/or saturday night to see what the vibe is, what the music is, who's around.

Also look into a new hobby or two and see who that leads you to.

Regardless, it's not really OP's problem. He's lacking friends to blow off steam. He has no problem getting laid. This would only alienate him from new friends. I'm not sure if you think you're funny or are just weird though.
Edwin Fevingham - Wed, 12 Feb 2020 01:59:23 EST ZLNL16wy No.533595 Reply
Carry a bag of flour with you everywhere you go, and a bottle of water.

if you ever are in a situation where everyone is naked and fucking, you can throw flour and water on them and make a bread orgy
David Fandock - Wed, 12 Feb 2020 10:57:21 EST jnas4L6T No.533599 Reply
OP if you are into gardening see if there are any local community gardens you can participate in. There's one downtown by me, there is a small monthly fee and you get a plot that you maintain. I've met a couple interesting folk, a couple weirdos too but hey it's something.
William Worthingfield - Sat, 15 Feb 2020 04:42:49 EST TUQC22QU No.533621 Reply
how did you manage to become slim? there's nothing like familly.
Jack Bollytudge - Sat, 15 Feb 2020 08:16:26 EST ukHyGq9U No.533625 Reply
Losing weight gives you as much misery as gaining weight gave you pleasure.
Martha Checklespear - Sun, 16 Feb 2020 22:13:30 EST mttQWkrO No.533664 Reply
I dunno, I'm kind of in the same boat still. I think this is a very common crisis that those of us who "make it" endure after our bitter, misanthropic world-view is shattered and we slowly come to terms with the fact the only person holding us back in life was ourselves.

I think that support groups are a great place to at least have some meaningful human connection as a kind of springboard into other social circles, it's a lot easier to get to know people who you share something deep in common with.

This is advice I'm still working on following myself, I was lucky enough to have made a solid group of friends in school before dropping out, and we still talk and all, but I don't live there or get to see them that much. Not to mention that the default where I knew how to really socialize which is through drinking isn't an option for me after I became an alcoholic. Been sober for 3 months or so now, I still do other drugs, but you can't do them as much or as freely.

I think what people are saying about hobbies is solid advice, but also a lot easier said than done.

Wish I could offer more help than saying someone else was and kind of is in the same boat but doesn't have any answers

>because I know my "problems" aren't even really problems

Suffering is only relative to one's own experiences, and there's nothing to say objectively that matters of life and death or other "real" problems are objectively worse or harder to endure than what you're going through, you can be grateful for what you have, but don't let that make you feel bad for experiencing life
Charlotte Dorringlock - Mon, 17 Feb 2020 16:07:19 EST D8tit+zd No.533679 Reply
I calculated my calorie intake on a TDEE calculator online. I researched BMI scales and looked for a healthy goal for me. Which was 22. And I made it, from 32. I learned what carbs were and then cut them down significantly, I would still eat a double burger and bacon for tea, but I never had chips (fries). I also got into High Intensity Cardio on a stationary bike and did 20 minutes first thing after my caffeine on a morning for 20 minutes going as hard as I could. It's been a while since I did that though. Mentally, the toughest part is being able to remind yourself it's ok to be hungry. I also had a pretty bad video game addiction at the time, and my brain demanded instant gratification otherwise I would see no progress long term. It's like I needed an XP bar or something to look at. So I had to quit video games for a while too. And Learning about Insulin spikes and it's effect on your body in terms of where it gets energy from helped me overcome that.

I'm actually very passionate about this and if you ever need any help I'll keep an eye out on this thread every now and then. I never in my life would've imagined I could have been described as skinny but just 2 nights ago someone said "all the skinny ones in the back" of a cramped taxi and pointed at me but here I am.

And yes, family is blessed.
Charlotte Dorringlock - Mon, 17 Feb 2020 16:28:59 EST D8tit+zd No.533680 Reply

I have a great group of friends I talk to from my online gaming days, we've known each other for 10 years and met multiple times, great guys and were really there for me when things got dark with my Father's passing. Love them all like family honestly. I just wish it was possible we could do things more.

I'm trying not to feel bad doing new things that I know long term aren't a great idea, hookups, socially using drugs other than weed etc. I think the sense of knowing it's bad is a healthy instinct to have even though it's such a burden, if it wasn't there, who knows where I'd be.

A support group could be a good idea, maybe I could find some people who used to be fat too. The results of it all have come as such a shock to the system, I could never have imagined my life being anything like it is now since I decided to go for it.

For me to get into a hobby it has to be cheap and something I'm passionate about, very few exist. But I'm always open to trying experiencing new outlets. Gardening was a great discovery for me, and really complimented my weight loss as I was learning about nutrition for plants and for myself.

Congratulations on getting sober mate, 3 months is enough for a total reset in receptor density I think, so by this point you've probably managed to rewire your brain to be fully used to not being drunk, which is deffo easier said than done with Alcohol.

It was nice reading a post from someone who understands the new mindset you gain when you shift the fat for sure. There aren't many at all I can go to who know how it feels.

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