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Girl At Work

- Sat, 15 Feb 2020 12:22:06 EST R6I578yU No.533631
File: 1581787326561.png -(424378B / 414.43KB, 540x524) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Girl At Work
So a new girl started at work about a month 1/2 ago. I didn't really speak with her much at all during the first week or so she was in training. Well eventually we started working closer together and got to know eachother.

I would flirt lightly with her, say she looked cute, tease her, etc. She seemed to enjoy it for the most part. I'd ask her leading questions i.e. "Do you live with anyone?" "Doing anything this weekend" and she always seemed to pause but answer with No, or "oh maybe my Mom".

I guess I'm in sort of a leadership role at work, but me and her are on the same level as far as hierarchy at work goes.

More and more it seems like she enjoys / wants my attention, and whenever I'm in a down mood / not feeling it she seems upset / down that I'm not my usual self.

I had worked up the courage to finally ask her out, but that same day she started wearing a ring to work. Now I'm 100% positive she wasn't wearing it anytime before , so I took it as a hint and stopped flirting with her.

The next couple weeks shes acting as if I killed a puppy in front of her since I've backed off. This pattern goes on for another two weeks. Get close, I feel confused and hurt, stop, she seems depressed, etc.

All this time she's never once mentioned in conversation if she's seeing anyone. Eventually it turns into whenever I say anything mildly flirty to her she seems distressed about it.

I got so sick of it I finally asked her directly: "Hey, you know how I feel about you. Can you make it clear to me how you feel so I know what to do?"

As you could guess: "I'm in a relationship. I was only being nice and friendly. Sorry if I did something wrong."

Now guys, I promise I'm not delusional. I don't really have the best self-image and confidence in the first place. By all standards I'm a good looking guy, but as a former fatass who got bullied everyday, it's hard to shake that image. I know for a fact for at least sometime she enjoyed my attention more than just be friendly.

Was she just caught up in a new guy flirting with her and got ahead of herself? I feel like if you love someone you're in a relationship you wouldn't be so afraid of just mentioning it. Even just as an offhand comment.

I don't really expect it to go anywhere at this point and really am just over it. I thought she was cute and wanted to get to know her better but since it's at work it blew up into a way bigger deal than it was supposed to be.

I guess I just want to know how far off the mark I was/am. It all feels a bit unfair because she had all the chips and chose to not say anything until I confronted her directly, she didn't argue with me when I said she already knew my feelings. We haven't really spoke the last couple days.

Not really sure what to say for things to go back to relative normalcy.
Samuel Pickway - Sat, 15 Feb 2020 13:04:42 EST htzVA/Jm No.533633 Reply
You're doing all this at work? I guess we all had to learn somehow. You know what you should be doing at work? Your job.
Alice Ferringmock - Sat, 15 Feb 2020 14:43:13 EST ZLNL16wy No.533636 Reply
I want your job. When I'm at work I'm normally working
Simon Geddleham - Sat, 15 Feb 2020 16:10:04 EST wkUWtvfg No.533640 Reply
Flirting is just flirting. It can happen between friends, colleagues, family members, rivals, and people with romantic interest.

Pidgeons peck each other all the time, but mate only sometimes
Nigel Bardstone - Sat, 15 Feb 2020 22:17:05 EST wDNxRkoQ No.533651 Reply
She just started at a new job and was trying her best not to upset you dude because she was afraid that it would turn ugly. I'm sure shes had some bad experiences

You're talking about how she knew that you had feelings for her because you asked her out once. So you have feelings for your coworker before you even went out on a date because you mildly flirted for a time. That's why she was scared. Secure people dont act that way. Maybe she was afraid that you would make work hell for her or get her fired when your feelings were hurt because she wasn't interested in you that way.

The nice guys are often the most volatile because they get way too attached way too soon.
Shitting Samblefoot - Sat, 15 Feb 2020 23:09:03 EST JFqzZM+C No.533652 Reply
Don't ever pursue a relationship with someone at work if you're the slightest bit confused about her feelings towards you. It just makes for a super awkward time when things inevitably go south.

>it seems like she enjoys / wants my attention

It's dangerous to make these kind of assumptions. You start thinking about this person and obsessing over them, then you try to imagine what they might be thinking about you, and dreaming up these scenarios that fit very nicely into your fantasy of being together, when none of it was ever true to begin with.

>I feel like if you love someone you're in a relationship you wouldn't be so afraid of just mentioning it. Even just as an offhand comment.

Or maybe she wasn't in a relationship at the time and was uncomfortable lying to you about it, but also wasn't into you and didn't realize until later that she was secretly turning you on by not mentioning her fake partner. Now you have to deal with seeing this person every day and pretending nothing happened, knowing that you make her uncomfortable, and meanwhile the rumor mill starts spinning up. There's not much you can say at this point, other than casually play it off until one or both of you leaves your job. You can't just 'go back' once that cat's out of the bag.
Frederick Wimmerbury - Sun, 16 Feb 2020 08:21:08 EST R6I578yU No.533657 Reply
1581859268253.png -(334106B / 326.28KB, 612x526) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

>She wasn't in a relationship at the time.

Apparently it's a two year relationship, she's fairly young. So I guess that added to my theory of being bored and enjoying the attention.

I agree that it's going to suck having to spend time around someone I've made uncomfortable. But also don't really know what else I could've done. I rather not sit there and degrade myself by chasing after someone whose in a relationship, and just not saying anything and wondering the rest of my life seems equally as miserable. I don't regret being direct with her in the end. After saying everything I honestly feel stupid even caring as much as I did/do, but that's only because what I assumed was right and I was making mountains out of molehills.
David Simbleludge - Sun, 16 Feb 2020 12:22:52 EST 1SSFeKJF No.533659 Reply
You probably could have given her an appology, I mean what you did was relatively innocent but if you'd known what you know now you wouldn't have. I think "I didn't mean to make you feel awkward or uncomfortable" might seem awkward at the time but it sends a signal. If she's a bitch or whatever you're screwed either way but if she's not it'll help a lot. It's not really about the "forgive me" as much as indicating there's no hard feelings on your part without putting pressure on her. Then if you have a genuine question that's not related to relationshit then ask it, otherwise excuse yourself as needing to get back to work and get back to work. Actions speak louder than words, even if those actions are words.

I mean maybe it's not too late. I dunno. If you realise how easy it is not to be a big deal your self esteem and relationship issues might improve.

She probably is young and maybe she wants attention but maybe you're just looking for someone to blame when in truth, it was just an innocent accident.
William Pegglehall - Mon, 17 Feb 2020 07:23:38 EST OgJtgsGx No.533670 Reply
> just not saying anything and wondering the rest of my life seems equally as miserable.
Wrong, that's lies, it's great.
Nathaniel Bimmlebone - Mon, 17 Feb 2020 08:01:58 EST U2D5rH6t No.533671 Reply
Say and do nothing. You swung, you missed, and you wern't a creep about it. It happens. Do your job and treat her like you would anyone else
User is currently banned from all boards
Shit Crenningfield - Mon, 17 Feb 2020 08:48:31 EST R6I578yU No.533673 Reply
1581947311459.jpg -(47610B / 46.49KB, 614x600) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
Well I took
advice and when I got a chance alone with her and no one else around said:

"Hey, I'm sorry I made things uncomfortable for you, I'm not upset or anything"

and she said "It's cool". And that was that. Immediately after we started talking again like we never left off the few days.

I'm sure there's going to be a weird undercurrent from now on but at least it's not the worst it could be. I'll try to be mindful of what I say around her and hopefully it can all move behind us.

I think a big part of what was bothering me so much is 5/7 girls I've been with were affairs. And I was never told right away, always after we started sleeping together and I developed feelings. Then it's "Oh yeah my boyfriends calling" and I'm left mentally fucked. I probably took alot of those emotions out on her unintentionally.

It's such a terrible feeling being used emotionally/sexually and being left empty when you want more than that.

but I think she's a nice girl, I feel bad for making work difficult. I've given up any hope at least and I won't have all this stress bearing down on me about what to say, how she feels, whatever. In the end I knew from the start I'd never get direct answers from her about why she did things in that way, and I'll have to assume it was a good reason, at least to her.

Thanks for the help everyone, and I agree, I probably should just stick to doing my job at work!
William Pegglehall - Mon, 17 Feb 2020 09:26:53 EST OgJtgsGx No.533675 Reply
You ever smoke pot and jack off thinking about her?
Fanny Marryforth - Mon, 17 Feb 2020 18:34:46 EST 1SSFeKJF No.533682 Reply
I'm still not sure if this is a meme or just one guy forcing it.

OP hopefully you might have been through an emotional rollercoaster but the situation is a little better now and will keep improving. It sounds like your previous hurt got projected a bit and you're self aware enough to see that.

Women can often have their own baggage, insecure guys can be real shits about being told "no". I don't mean quiet shy ones but guys who posture to compensate and as a result of being called a slut for saying no or whatever. Women are just as capable of maladaptive behaviors and projecting past baggage as us men. It's not easy for a woman to say "No, I won't sleep with a stupid piece of shit like you" to someone who is 6 inches taller than her, much stronger and already yelling abuse. And even when you're right it feelsbadman to have people talk to you like that.
Cornelius Pubberway - Tue, 18 Feb 2020 13:44:02 EST 1SSFeKJF No.533688 Reply
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I remember
>try acid
Which is fine if you're having an existential crisis or not quite sure who they want to be, but awful advice to someone who is mid way through a psychotic break or living in family hell.

And then after that
>watch evangelion
I'm not even sure where to start with that.
John Tillingman - Tue, 18 Feb 2020 15:45:52 EST kETHGMXC No.533694 Reply

it sounds like she wanted you to stop flirting but instead you stopped being friendly at all, which was mean

i think that's all that happened
Molly Fivingdit - Tue, 18 Feb 2020 16:19:55 EST n3M4YBVD No.533695 Reply
Unless her hand is in your pants, she's just trying to be nice to you and doesnt actually want a date.
Cornelius Pubberway - Tue, 18 Feb 2020 18:33:55 EST 1SSFeKJF No.533696 Reply
Yeah as someone reminded me I forgot
>10 day fast
Dude as well. We've had all sorts coming through pedaling cure alls.
Doris Buzzstone - Tue, 18 Feb 2020 21:42:42 EST VuDehmEX No.533697 Reply
1582080162611.gif -(999945B / 976.51KB, 498x371) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
If the fast doesn't do it watching Evangelion will
Simon Hengersin - Thu, 20 Feb 2020 10:22:56 EST VAcauGzm No.533721 Reply
It's all better than "Do you hear ringing in your ears?" If anyone remembers that guy.
Jenny Monningdale - Thu, 20 Feb 2020 12:38:33 EST 1SSFeKJF No.533724 Reply
I'd already mentioned evangelion but yeah, I forgot that one. Classic.

OP, if you do need more advice please bring this back on topic but all your shit seemed cool and I'm nbing out of consideration for people will actual issues in the mean time.

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