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obsession???

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- Sat, 22 Feb 2020 02:45:00 EST cKRZ+1Ex No.533743
File: 1582357500966.jpg -(90881B / 88.75KB, 379x323) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. obsession???
So I need some advice on what to do here. I've been very obsessed with the same person for almost four years now. Not romantically or sexually, but sort of in an adoration kind of way. Literally everything I think about in my mind is about her. My daydreams, my art, the shit I say is all tied to her. I only see her once a week (max) and sometimes I go months without seeing her, but every second of every day she is in my mind, and I'm not even exaggerating. I think she has just become a part of my thinking process at this point. Like whenever I have conversations or do anything really, I simultaneously imagine that I am filming my life and my actions for some documentary kind of movie that she will eventually watch, so every action I do I think about how she might react or think of me if she saw me doing it. My actions are shaped around her, my life literally revolves around this person even if I barely see her. Anytime I see her I am absolutely desperate for her attention, but I don't make it seem like it and act very stand-offish and not super talkative. She has taken a liking to me, which I am extremely happy about and she tells me she thinks I am a very interesting person. She even went as far as to send me a long letter when I went to rehab about how she thinks about me a lot and hopes I am doing well and that she sees so much in me.

She is always in my dreams ssince I think about her constantly throughout the day, and I don't know I just think of her all the time. I think this comes from the fact that I was, at one time, really struggling in life and she was the only person to sit me down and tell me she knew I wasn't okay and that she wanted to help me. This is the first time anyone had ever said that to me and it is legitimately what I had been craving my whole life. Since then I just cannot stop thinking about her and wanting to get close to her. I have looked this up online, but the only things I find are people extremely sexually/romantically attracted to the person they're obsessing over, and I'm not. I see her more as a caretaker/authority figure than anything.

Last week I tripped out and realized that I was literally only living for this person, and that if she disappeared from my mind none of my actions would have meaning, and it's true. It is so depressing to me that she will never think as much of me as I think of her, and that I am just a part of her life while she is literally my whole life.

I can tell this isnt healthy but I also dont know if I want to get rid of this obsession because I genuinely do enjoy thinking about her all the time, but I just feel like it takes over my brain a lot of the time and like I'm a fake person. None of my actions are authentic. Like the expression "dance like no one's watching" doesn't make sense to me anymore because I can't do anything (even on my own, alone) without feeling like she is watching me through a screen and I just want to impress her and make her like me.

Like seriously I need help. Does anybody have this problem?? I just want advice...
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Angus Nobbertotch - Sat, 22 Feb 2020 08:38:13 EST +rYLvVZR No.533745 Reply
It's much easier to feel those feelings for the star of the reality show in your mind than to actually negotiate and navigate a relationship with a live person. It's comfortable to not have to actually make someone happy, all you have to do is create something and she loves it every time. You've created a source in your mind to massage you continually with unconditional positive regard. Watch Cool World.
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Fanny Clushsidge - Sun, 23 Feb 2020 12:17:55 EST 1SSFeKJF No.533761 Reply
>>533743
This has happened because you haven't got anything better to do with your time and attention so start by fixing that.

As Angus said, the reality would be a letdown. One day you may discover that. If that happens before you have other things to live for consider that death is inevitable so you might as well try to find something good to do with your much scarcer more limited life. If it doesn't work you die anyway, if it does, hooray, had fun.

But ideally move on with your life now

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