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i really really want to kms right now

- Sun, 01 Mar 2020 14:24:21 EST fX6Yh9Du No.533857
File: 1583090661973.jpg -(23875B / 23.32KB, 540x276) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. i really really want to kms right now
but i can't do shit because if i fail i'll be sectioned so i'm probably just going to eat cake and cry myself to sleep lmao
Angus Gendlepire - Sun, 01 Mar 2020 16:20:22 EST usOLm3en No.533861 Reply
Well you’re definitely gonna fail with that attitude
Nigel Panningpare - Tue, 03 Mar 2020 13:14:11 EST 1SSFeKJF No.533891 Reply
Okay, can't kill yourself. Assuming you're stuck being alive how do you make the most of it?
Alice Craffingstedge - Sat, 07 Mar 2020 07:07:17 EST mttQWkrO No.533919 Reply
how are you suicidal AND straight edge? Whenever I wanted to kill myself I would just do a shit ton of drugs and hope, it's a win/win
Ernest Hinninglock - Mon, 09 Mar 2020 15:14:31 EST li/x54Vx No.533944 Reply
Not OP but I am walking that road rn

31, unemployed due to rib fracture, uninsured, gf of 5yrs left me, no friends, living at parents, they're moving to a rural area in less than a month, no car, small uhaul worth of stuff, savings being crushed in stocks,

I'd much rather kms but don't have the courage yet. I called the suicide prevention hotline this morning. Some of their suggestions/techniques did help calm me down. The scariest part of today is waking up and just feeling totally at peace with expiring.

And I am trying... I do squat and pushups as well as run around the block, daily. Stopped drinking and once I run out of wax I think I might tolerance break from mmj. I'm reading library books, which requires me to physically go to a library. I even pet my parents cat for emotional support.

However, the impending doom of kms mostly outweighs any happiness I make for myself. Another word's, it just feels like it's a big waste of time. The impending feeling that none of what I do in life is going to matter in the slightest. Born a pissant die a pissant, dystopian bliss
John Duvingstire - Mon, 09 Mar 2020 19:08:24 EST 1SSFeKJF No.533948 Reply
You had a really nasty change and your life sucks so it's natural you'd feel this way but from the cave of depression it's hard to see far outside.

You will die eventually you might as well just try to make the most of the time you have while you still have agency and you have a lot of agency, even if right now your best options are really just steps to getting more exciting choices a bit later. Being rational about it (as hard as that is with circumstantial depression weighing you down) you can see that you might have to put in a bit of work before you can feel any benefits but that this will quickly start to yield benefits in the grand scheme of things. I mean sure while life is a day at a time a few weeks or months feels endless but your life stretches on much further. You are going to spend most of eternity being dead so might as well try living in the little window you can.It's less wasteful to live than do the same non existing thing you did and will do for all the rest of time.

I think you are doing well by keeping busy and doing stuff. Maybe look at how you can focus that. Your daily routine isn't bad, set goals to slowly run further, do more reps, or carry a small weight, try to work on incline pullups until you can do pullups. Work towards bodyweight tricep dips. But not just the exercise.Read stuff which might help you find useful skills whether it's stuff like cooking, or first aid or music or even stuff which might help you get a new job when you can move enough.
Oliver Climmerlidge - Mon, 09 Mar 2020 22:57:28 EST JFqzZM+C No.533950 Reply
>unemployed due to rib fracture

Wut. I broke my rib leaning over too hard trying to pull something heavy out of a dumpster. Felt it snap. It hurt to breathe for a few weeks but that was about it and then it healed itself. You don't even need a cast for that shit, the other ribs hold into place.

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