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alexa how do i edit the sexuality group policy

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- Tue, 03 Mar 2020 17:05:53 EST I9AaZI3m No.533892
File: 1583273153087.jpg -(13255B / 12.94KB, 253x226) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. alexa how do i edit the sexuality group policy
i, in typical channer fasion, am a 21yr old wizard w no sexual experience. im not ugly, i smell nice, in good shape, am at least somewhat funny, and feel comfortable around women. in fact, most of my friends in school growing up were girls. romance just never happened for me though, i had 1 or 2 girls i was interested in at some point earlier on but the feeling was not mutual. i suppose it was at that point i decided i was irredeemably ugly (which was a misconception as i now realize im not at all), which colored my romantic life afterwards and made me get so stuck in my head that i never even entertained the idea that a woman would be interested in me.

>FAST FORWARD

i went on my first date ~a month ago with some girl i met on tinder. we got coffee n she was real cute, but i think i misread her signals. in retrospect she had lots of red flags and was probably only looking for a hookup, but moron me wanted something more and just pushed her away. she flaked on me a bunch, we stopped texting, that was that, and i'm not too hung up over it. after that, i stayed on tinder for a minute without much success and decided it wasn't worth it anymore.

lately i was invited to go rehearse with some of my old friends from music school since they needed a pianist. i've been doing that and there's this girl there that i was pretty good friends with back in school, and i spent some time with her the other day. she was telling me about some people she was seeing, and i told her that i was interested in her, but that there wasn't any pressure and i'd still wanna be friends if the feeling wasn't mutual. she said that she "really liked" me, but wasn't sure if she wanted a romantic relationship since she had recently gotten out of a longer term one (and generally likes women more), and that she needed time to think but wanted to hang out with me. so, we were hanging out with her ex (red flag?) for awhile that night and it was fun. she had a mardi gras party earlier as well which was sort of fun, but i don't like parties and dipped out early. then there was our rehearsal the other night where we were supposed to chill one-on-one afterwards, but it ended up being a thing with like 5 other people and id had way more than my fill of groups of people, and left early again. we were supposed to hang out tonight, but she texted me saying she had to work late. asked if she has any other nights off this week, and haven't gotten a response.

i just.... idk. i get vibes that she's not really that interested in me and it fucking sucks. every time i try to do something romantically this it turns out like this. it makes me hate myself. i mean it's not like i deserve a real human connection with someone so i can't be too upset. i'm already so far behind here that it doesn't even make sense for someone to want to be with me. there's a part of me that sees something rose-colored in being this lonely guy, an independent soul. hell it's not even just romance, the last person i thought i was becoming good friends with stopped wanting to hang out with me. perhaps there's something deep in my being that's repelling to other humans, where it only takes spending enough time with me to realize i'm not worth it. i wish i could get in my own brain and turn off sexual desire along with the need for deep connection with someone. i have a bunch of baggage that's probably related here but im not going to go into it right now. i don't like my job, nobody wants to be with me or spend time with me, fuck. all i am is human garbage and i'll never be anything more. this isn't even scratching the surface as i am LITERALLY INSANE, and as i think back im realizing that ive been hearing voices in my head for the better part of my life thinking they were real. in any social situation with more than a few people, especially ones i dont know, i hear their voices talk about me behind my back, criticizing how i dress, how i act, laughing at me, making fun of me. i realized this at the mardi gras party, i was jamming with some other people and there was a small crowd. i kept hearing them say things about the pianist and how he was barely keeping up and how they felt bad for me and that i should get off the stage. it was at this point i left the party, and on the ride home i realized that i was doing fine and none of those things really made sense for people to be saying... leading to a further realization that perhaps i'd been imagining voices for a long time. this in tandem with pushing people away and making them lose faith in me with my manic episodes, ghosting them for months at a time with my depressive episodes, shitty panic attacks and neverending anxiety that prevent me from acting like a real human being... i'm literally insane and there's no light at the end of this tunnel. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckfuckfuckfuck

>this is your brain on being a piece of shit:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUAUAUUUGHGHGHGAUAAAUAAAAUAUAUAGHAGHUAGHUAGHUAGUAGHUAHGuaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAUGAUAAAAGHGH
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Nathaniel Mundlenire - Tue, 03 Mar 2020 17:37:54 EST 9SfDsgst No.533896 Reply
Jesus Christ if you wanted to date my sister I'd drown you in the toilet. Be better friends with guys. Seek intimacy in places other than with people you want to have sex with.
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Eugene Tootlock - Wed, 04 Mar 2020 00:04:03 EST jnas4L6T No.533901 Reply
jesus christ indeed. you need to smoke more weed
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Cyril Grimman - Wed, 04 Mar 2020 00:59:38 EST XOsSM943 No.533903 Reply
Son you cant just jam an old bisexual friend with a life full of experience into the hole in your life. Did you expect her to turn into the perfect girlfriend barbie doll when you said that you liked her?

You've got anxiety, depression and self esteem issues that are manifesting in psychotic symptoms. You can banish those voices now that you're deciphering them though. I had that shit too and it fades when you are aware of it.

Anyway this chick is no good for you and your mental health is too dogshit to be in a relationship right now. Focus on improving your own self image and on friendships for now. Talk about your issues with people you trust.

For the love of God though please dont expect anyone to save you from your personal hell or try and force a relationship because of your own unrealistic feelings. I say this with love because I was you mate. Theres no shortcuts. Only working on yourself and platonic relationships for now bud.
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Esther Hablinglen - Fri, 06 Mar 2020 14:50:08 EST m5PpGgiM No.533914 Reply
I have similar feelings OP. No advice but you're not alone. Heres to hoping for better days.

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