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My relationship is getting rough

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- Sat, 07 Mar 2020 15:12:17 EST Mo+hzZ2t No.533924
File: 1583611937458.jpg -(169029B / 165.07KB, 750x1334) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. My relationship is getting rough
My girlfriend has been getting mood swings more and more in the past few months. She becomes really upset about little things and becomes passive aggressive (and sometimes actively aggressive) for god even knows how long. It can be an hour to a day, and sometimes things get brought back up. I understand it to some extent and I’m trying but I’m walking on more and more eggshells these days. And then whenever this starts up I get really defensive because I’m being attacked out of the blue for things that don’t warrant this reaction at all. Things I couldn’t have known. Small mistakes. Putting her work clothes in the wrong drawer. Throwing away her cup of tea that sat in the car for 3 hours. Right now she’s upset because she took acid and wanted to be alone in the bath for the peak. Instead we had sex. She didn’t tell me she wanted to do this. She went with it. She was totally happy the whole night. She told me in the morning and I said sorry. Now 2 days later she gets extremely aggressive (slamming the car door, raising her voice, pushing my buttons, picking on me) when i pick her up from work. This makes me defensive and I tell her she doesnt have to do this. Theeen a giant downward spiral. She brings the acid up again, says I’m driving her to buy more. I am upset about this. I didn’t know. This situation isn’t my fault at all. So I’m upset, she says I’m yelling at her (i really really don’t think i was). She twists my words and eventually I break and say she’s a bitch. I didn’t yell it, I just said it. I said she has some issues and she needs to work on them. I have issues too, I won’t deny it, but this is not my fault. Now I’m going to be the bad guy because I broke after she stirred the pot for half an hour and said what I said. She’s ignoring me now. Is my relationship fucked? We love eachother deeply but I don’t know what’s going to happen in the long run. I haven’t been in many relationships so I don’t know if this is considered abusive or not. She sure as fuck makes me cry all the time

Tl;dr my girlfriend has terrible mood swings that she didn’t used to have. We got into a terrible argument, normally I will recognize when I am at fault after an argument but I feel no fault in this one. She manipulates me and this keeps happening. I’m walking on eggshells and don’t know what to do.
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John Happerwater - Sat, 07 Mar 2020 15:53:55 EST usOLm3en No.533925 Reply
Well first of all you have to stop being a bitch and apologizing for shit that is clearly not your fault. It looks like that has set the tone that you’re able to be walked all over emotionally in the relationship. She’s treating you like shit because you constantly let her. You’re going to have to sit her down and really try to get to the bottom of her current issues. Be empathetic but assertive, and for the love of god don’t start crying.
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Augustus Pablingchire - Sat, 07 Mar 2020 17:31:06 EST IcsRQHQO No.533928 Reply
>>533925
It’s really really hard for me to be assertive and keep my composure mostly due to my shitty childhood. You are right though and that is what I try to do, but god damn is she good at twisting words. She usually realizes when she’s been a bitch after she calms down and feels bad so if I just ignore it maybe she’ll actually start to learn. Also, im a cryer dude. It fucking sucks but I did when I got in fights in school, I do when I argue, I do when I feel loved, etc. any intense emotion makes me cry. It’s so fucking corny but I can’t control it most of the time.
>>533926
I don’t think she wants to leave me. If anything I’m implying I might have to leave her one day
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Graham Gerrycocke - Sat, 07 Mar 2020 17:55:01 EST kFYnmYAh No.533929 Reply
>>533928
Listen why capitulate? It only leads to the situation you're in, she's constantly upset and you're constantly apologizing and trying to get out of the doghouse. The actual examples you've given are the only proof you need. Do not accept that criticism. And don't get defensive.
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Simon Borringwill - Sun, 08 Mar 2020 03:22:46 EST Osb2VMdh No.533932 Reply
Practice communicating in a more calmer and assertive way. Sometimes it is best to walk away when it's getting heated and later on when shes ready to talk you lay it out like you are now. Other times you will have to check your immediate defensive reaction in the moment, bring down your tone to a very deep but calm level and just have simple answers to her attacks.

The conversation doesn't need to be in one go either. It can become a habit about talking about things before they simmer.

You need to own the mistakes you do make, like calling her a bitch is just not productive. But also make it clear that you are trying your best and you dont want to be walking on eggshells. She has something that is on her mind. Ask her why she is angry all the time. It isnt the small shit.

Based on the responses over a few weeks you'll have an idea. Either she will discover what is setting her off and you can work on it together, or she can continue being an asshole and you can dump her.

But yeah often women get into a spot where you're the only one they feel comfortable dumping negativity on, because of some underlying issue that you're probably not to blame for, and they'll continue to do it until you make them realize that it's not okay.
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Betsy Pickleman - Sun, 08 Mar 2020 12:08:40 EST SiMYYmOG No.533933 Reply
>>533928
Take drugs to repress your emotions like a normal human being
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Ian Wullerhut - Mon, 09 Mar 2020 09:17:29 EST 3ScQQ4dj No.533938 Reply
run very far away. she does seem like a bitch
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Phyllis Crivingnut - Mon, 09 Mar 2020 09:32:25 EST 2LS5Bl8J No.533939 Reply
1583760745793.png -(185364B / 181.02KB, 744x1052) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
Yes she is incredibly abusive to you OP.

That situation is never going to get better. Against popular opinion I'll tell you the acid is only going to make her worse. She's got some major issues that are not ever going to get better unless she really wants them to.

If you care about yourself and your life leave.

If you care about her, tell her briefly why you're leaving and hope she can fix her problems alone. Don't chicken out if she begs you to stay.

I was in a very similar kind of situation. She and I both kept telling myself it would improve for two years as it kept getting worse and the abuse became more ridiculous and unreasonable. I finally left and I can't tell you the freedom and improved life I experienced since.
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Esther Gabbersteck - Mon, 09 Mar 2020 09:45:04 EST XSVgHcT+ No.533940 Reply
First of all be the alpha, don't be a pussy and show her where's her place.
Tell her if this is how your relationship will continue to go than you will leave her, if it will not help then you better leave her for real and focus on more important things.
Never let woman to treat you like a shit, in other words respect yourself.
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Betsy Murdgold - Mon, 09 Mar 2020 11:49:47 EST lKyYo2kp No.533941 Reply
>>533924
two possibilities

  1. she's acting like this because the stress in her life is attenuating in a way that won't last
OR
2. the nice version of her was just initial love-bombing and this new her is the shape of things to come

If it's 2, either she admits she has a problem and gets therapy, or you need to get out, things won't get better. Repeat. Things will not get better. People don't change without realizing they need to change and working hard on themselves.

If it is number 1 she should still learn a way to take her stress out on you much less often or not at all you are not anyone's punching bag. You deserve to be treated well and with love.
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George Lightwell - Mon, 09 Mar 2020 16:41:58 EST jnas4L6T No.533946 Reply
1583786518532.webm [mp4] -(2161109B / 2.06MB, 640x360) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
i was in a relationship like this for 5 years. during the last 2, my ex had constant insane mood swings, would fly into irrational rages for several hours at a time, would throw and smash things. i patched over 10 holes in the drywall she made. i supported her financially, she sat on her ass and did nothing, and would still belittle me for not making enough money. she pressured me into abandoning all my hobbies, passions, and self interests. i did not even listen to music for over 2 years.

only once i finally got out of there and lived on my own did i start to realize how horribly abusive and toxic she was to me, and how much better i deserved. partly it was fear of being alone, and also fear of how she would fare without my help. you could say it was naivety mixed with compassion and stupidity.

let me tell you my friend, leaving such a toxic hell was the best thing i have ever done. i feel like i have started a new life. i have made many great friends and have had many great experiences. i am back into my hobbies and passions now, have gotten in much better shape, learned to cook, and am doing great in my career.

you need to end this. your home and your relationship should be things that recharge you from the hell of this gay earth. you go out into the world and scratch and fight just to scrape together a living, you cannot come home to another battleground. home should be your place of refuge and rest, so you can go face the world the next day. think about this and do what you know you must. start looking at apartments now.
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Phoebe Diddlehit - Mon, 09 Mar 2020 22:14:21 EST 9QaUIYee No.533949 Reply
>>533946
Wow did you date my ex?

That is all too familiar. Are you an alternate me who survived a 5th year of that?
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Doris Goodridge - Tue, 10 Mar 2020 11:27:31 EST Tq66ha6C No.533962 Reply
adding another "I'm in this situation right now" post
its so fucking draining and I've known this as abuse for a long time now but like above poster I'm too nice to just put her out on the street but shes literally draining all my finances all my energy I'm working my ass off for a future I dont even see with her anymore what the fuck man.
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Priscilla Guddlestitch - Wed, 11 Mar 2020 00:48:31 EST YFmCwv5s No.533977 Reply
>>533954
English was not her first language. She was from Eastern Europe.
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Matilda Sodgeson - Fri, 13 Mar 2020 00:28:02 EST 6y6pSaB+ No.533993 Reply
>>533991
You know, I always wondered if the whole clashing cultures thing may have come off as a borderline personality with mine. Maybe I would've seemed crazy in her country if I moved there as a kid.

Eh, nah I think she was deranged. I hope she's dead. Yours too, unless that's not cool or whatever.

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