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Harm Reduction Notes for the COVID-19 Pandemic

"muh romantic life sux" thread #5.174x(10^12)

- Sun, 29 Mar 2020 09:17:16 EST N4eypHeE No.534130
File: 1585487836511.gif -(99081B / 96.76KB, 235x250) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. "muh romantic life sux" thread #5.174x(10^12)
I'm fuckin lonely. Actually I have been for most of my life.
Fuckin 29. I had a GF when I was 20. For like, 3 months. I couldn't handle it, it felt good but then my fears and insecurities crept in and ruined it all. She'd have left me anyway, right?

Maybe I deserve this? fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. I just want to hug and kiss a lady so bad... I want to go back and try to make things work instead of breaking up. Seems like every other guy has no problem getting with girls... and it's more than that, I haven't been able to make friends since I was a kid. Even then, I was a weirdo, I was "that kid".

And I have just this huuuuuge list of problems with myself. How the fuck do I casually bring up, "oh hey babe btw I take all THESE prescribed meds for depression etc; and this one is experimental and I'm not even sure of its legality at other states, much less outside of 'merrica. Oh and I never want to reproduce, seriously I'd rather lose a limb then have a child. And then there's this whoole paranoia thing, and I'm not a 'breadwinner' in any sense ffs I still live with my parents, and all of that is just my surface-level baggage so yeah hit me up I'm sure you find me attractive :)"; THAT is what girls want to hear from a potential partner!

Now, I'm either gonna die of Corona, or live for 1-50 more years by myself. Alone. If I were capable of snapping, I'd have done it by now. I'm too weak and passive to kms.

My dog helps. Don't be a prick cuddling with animals is the most affection I can get. But damn. Life is basically just getting punched in the face over and over. I probably can't rely on having a dog forever of course, certainly not the same one...

Sophie Hannerhood - Sun, 29 Mar 2020 09:54:56 EST kiHLW9NU No.534131 Reply
You ever think that showing someone your medicine cabinet while talking about how you don't plan on having kids with them or making a living might scare them off in the first 3 months?
Cedric Chillerpack - Sun, 29 Mar 2020 11:36:31 EST 3ScQQ4dj No.534133 Reply
this lol, you're not supposed to dump all your baggage as soon as you meet a girl
get hobbies, meet people, escalate with the ones you like, etc
Samuel Chellernire - Sun, 29 Mar 2020 13:06:28 EST umzxvBnX No.534134 Reply
What are your relationships like with friends? Do you have friends?
ahhhhhhhhhhhh - Sun, 29 Mar 2020 17:20:47 EST N4eypHeE No.534136 Reply
1585516847243.gif -(13041B / 12.74KB, 655x538) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
But anything less feels disingenuous. Plenty of girls want to date a guy that can be a "provider", a "stable rock", a "family man that doesn't want kids NOW but in a few years...", etc. Being dishonest with that feels wrong to do both with whoever I might date (and my 1 gf); and it amplifies my insecurities. If a girl tries to push me into spending cash I don't have, or worst of all, thinks I'll change my mind about reproduction in a few months/years, it's just going to end badly for both of us.

And a sad truth is that I can barely provide for myself. again, I live with my parents. I work a part-time job at a factory for minimum wage (though it's considered an "essential service" so I'm going to work physically 5 days a week even now and it's scaring the shit out of me. Doing 20 hours/week is difficult enough during "normal" times, now that I could walk away with the dreaded C19 any day I'm doing like, 12-15. Still minimum wage of course, I'm "essential" but still expendable)

And maybe this is just me being insecure, but I figure most girls would break up (and feel justified doing so) if I don't earn more money than her. Insecurity #1: things go smoothly for a bit but then she realizes I'm not at all what she wants, she knows she can "do better", and either stays while resenting me

Dating is basically emotional investment, right? Don't you want to know as much about an asset as possible before you invest? I know this financial metaphor seems callous, but really. If someone has a potential deal-breaker (like being on experimental anti-depressants and have mental disorders etc.) isn't it their responsibility to bring that forward? Or else any potential partner will feel cheated, that she emotionally "bought in" to someone wearing a mask. And I'd be left crushed as ever, having a small glimmer of hope only to BAM get shot down in the middle of it.

Also I kind of want to date a girl who's got baggage and brain problems. Is that exceptionally crazy? I just think we could understand each other better, work through our problems together, and know what each other is going through.

As far as my social life goes- even basic interactions are goddamn terrifying. I can't hold a casual conversation, especially not with someone I just met, ESPECIALLY if that someone is an attractive single woman. I know a few guys at work that are "surface-level" work-friends, but we don't do anything outside of that. They do, and I can't insert myself into their social lives. I have no friends, I haven't for close to a decade. So I'm socially retarded, too.

Even if I went to some public event, I'd be the quiet guy in the back minding his own business. I always have been. I can't initiate conversation with people, male or female. The 1 time I was able to get a GF was in 2012, through Craigslist Casual Encounters, I didn't post a picture of myself and neither did she. By the time I was willing to try dating again that site became infested with actual prostitutes and then got shut down.

And that brings up ANOTHER ANOTHER problem; I'll have difficulty seeing a potential GF as an actual human until I at least hug and cuddle (not a euphamism, I'm so desperate for affection) her. Otherwise every conversation is going to be dictated by my brain screaming "GRAB HER AND KISS HER YOU FOOL", so I'd be forced to actively think about the quickest way to hold onto her, and all that would just fuck everything up beyond repair in every way, least of all me getting constant boners because my brain thinks "HOLY SHIT A GIRL IS PAYING ATTENTION TO YOU SHE MUST BE IN LOVE SHE WANTS THE D BRUV".

With my 1 GF we knocked boots after about a ~30 minute phone conversation and a short meeting at her place, and honestly I think that was for the best. Got the basic physical stuff out of the way so we could focus on what's more meaningful. She also seemed to have a similar appetite to mine- I'm so fuckin stupid for breaking up with her, I'm kind of idolizing her obviously she had flaws but goddamn I'm such an idiot AGGGH Lauren, if you're reading this by some chance that was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. My rational was that you both deserved, and would eventually find, someone better. I'm sure that's still true. -T the giant welder

I've been seriously thinking of using something like Tindr. Get the physical out of the way so I could then focus on the emotional... has its problems, of course. I mean, statistically, my odds are like 0.001. I'd have to show a pic of myself which is terrifying. There's a good chance that if I did hook up, she'd just want a quick fling and nothing more. Then there's Literal prostitutes, gold-diggers, thieves who prey on lonely men, etc. Similar problems show with any dating site, along with "membership fees" and shit.

I could go on, but this is already TLDR and basically summarizes my main fears and problems. And it feels like this is very basic stuff about myself that any potential partner should know.
James Brorringgold - Sun, 29 Mar 2020 19:30:21 EST HjMo1syj No.534137 Reply
You really have to call yourself out on your own bullshit dude. You're full of bullshit mate. Hopefully you've had many long talks with a compatible clinical psychologist. If not seek that out.

So to start off you acknowledge that you're generally a weird guy that has trouble fitting into society ect. Okay good self awareness is great. Then you start on the whole well this is what everyone else is doing I have to do this and because of that I will never be in a relationship. Bullshit.

Plenty of guys with no job or stability have relationships. Plenty of guys spend money on motorcycles and have affairs etc rather than being a stable rock. Plenty of guys arent authentic.

So basically you have a requirement that you have to fulfill society's expectations in order to get a date and then also be authentic too on top of that to have a chick not leave you God damn guy. Bullshit

Throw out all of your rules dude except the ones that stop you from unsolicited ass grabbing and fucking drunk girls etc. Just dont be a rapist. The rest gets figured out in the wash. The hug and kiss thing is weird though.

You've been stopping yourself from trying for so long because of all of your excuses, basically you say that society couldnt possibly accept you. Well aint that a great reason to never try and fail since you've been 20?

In short, go to therapy, fuck a prostitute, lie about who you are to someone, tell someone you just met way too much info, fuck a fat girl, fuck a crazy girl, fuck a nice boring girl and break her heart, get dumped, get cheated on, have a threesome, for the love of God get over yourself dude, stop telling yourself bullshit. Well do this after covid 19 lol.
Albert Worthinghood - Sun, 29 Mar 2020 23:42:29 EST vBhLuYUb No.534139 Reply
Not to discourage you but living on your own doesn't really solve much lol.

In a similar situation, I'm not disgusting looking or socially retarded but I typically ignore women because I am afraid of them, and even if I wasn't, I don't know how much of my dignity I'd be willing to throw away to do something like flirt. Those drunk smiles, dancing around like a clown, I can't stoop that low. I don't have a big social circle to begin with, so this kind of thing just looks unlikely for me lol. The one month "relationship" I had was a total fluke.
Matilda Deblingfire - Mon, 30 Mar 2020 11:50:28 EST 3ScQQ4dj No.534142 Reply
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you do realize you're self sabotaging with that attitude? it's like a CEO talking shit about his own company, saying it will fail to investors and praising the competition
>i'm too good to flirt
all of my lols, what is wrong with both of you?
Charlotte Becklechit - Mon, 30 Mar 2020 12:27:20 EST qTml9FbR No.534143 Reply

Is it so absurd for one to acknowledge that life is a joke, biology riddled with trivialities, the dance of the cosmic giggle a mere facade to the contemplative life, of which divinity might be most closely attained?
ahhhhhhhhhhhh - Mon, 30 Mar 2020 16:20:15 EST N4eypHeE No.534145 Reply
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I'm gonna hope you mean well, and by "bullshit" you mean "internal voices that make your life uncomfortable". I'm being honest here, I have no reason not to.

Besides that
>fuck a prostitute
I'd rather jack off

>lie about who you are to someone
I don't bring up my baggage in casual conversation, but besides that, no.

>tell someone you just met way too much info
I sometimes do this, usually with absolute strangers. And with 420chan! That's something?

>fuck a fat girl, fuck a crazy girl, fuck a nice boring girl and break her heart, get dumped, get cheated on, have a threesome
That's like asking Stephen Hawking to "go for a run, go swimming, start boxing at a gym and break someone's face", etc.

>for the love of God get over yourself dude, stop telling yourself bullshit.
I know I come off kind of narcisstic and maybe I am, but I can't stop thinking about EVERY angle and EVERY possibility and EVERYTHING that can go wrong and EVERYONE that could affect and that overloads my thinking and I just go full turtle and withdraw. If I could silence the unwanted voices and "get over myself" I wouldn't be posting here.

Seriously though I (mostly) appreciate your reply. Same with everyone else.

>you do realize you're self sabotaging with that attitude?
Sort of. I can't help but see myself as undesirable to women and undeserving of love. What can I offer that every other guy can't offer 1000 times better?

If I ask a woman out, it's difficult to see an outcome where she's receptive. Probabilities are up there with getting struck by lightning while underground. But the odds she sees I'm desperate/disgusting and uses that to ruin my life? Probable.

Again, if I could replace this attitude with a better one, I'd have done that already.

>what is wrong with both of you?

IDK about the other guy, at least he seems happy in his isolation, but I've been trying to explain that. Did you miss the point about "experimental anti-depressants"? I've tried to kms and I'm 95% sure that I've been mentioned in a psychological report about suicide prevention and treatment of clinical derpression, listing me as "John Doe". Either that or someone with a very similar background/profile had some very similar problems/treatments at a very similar time.

Anyway soon I gotta leave for my "essential" (and completely expendable) minimum-wage job. That's a whole new layer of stress, fear, and sadness.
Samuel Greenman - Mon, 30 Mar 2020 20:54:20 EST XXR+yDXG No.534146 Reply
i think your only option is to force yourself to interact with more women and ask them out on dates and such. the first few might be a wash, but as you keep going you will most likely feel a little more confident every time, a little more willing to accept the negative consequences of what could happen, and a little less serious about yourself. when you're as deeply entrenched in your head as you are, and negative thinking and fear dominates, the only antidote is action. there will be no talking yourself out of this from yourself or from any of us. it won;t work. you just have to do it mang.
Sidney Decklehene - Tue, 31 Mar 2020 02:51:24 EST 3ScQQ4dj No.534148 Reply
acknowledge? sure
abstaining from it because of your supposed dignity? nah
then you should fix your mental problems first, i don't think you're ready for a relationship
Albert Hebberson - Wed, 01 Apr 2020 01:28:05 EST N4eypHeE No.534152 Reply
>then you should fix your mental problems first, i don't think you're ready for a relationship

My mental problems have persisted my entire life. I've always been "that kid," I've always been weird- Family and relatives would attest to this, when I was a baby/toddler I've been told I was extremely sensitive, isolating, agoraphobic. I've also had some traumatic experiences; I have to carry the burden of an attempted suicide, it's fucked.

So... maybe I should just avoid personal relationships?
Cyril Heffingled - Wed, 01 Apr 2020 01:55:33 EST HjMo1syj No.534153 Reply

Have you done cognitive behavioral therapy? I think it will help you. Goddamn if you haven't done any kind of therapy and have been on drugs for years or would be a disgrace. Psychiatric drugs can't replace healthy relationships and get rid of traumas.

Here's some CBT worksheets for free as a start but get therapy goddamn

You have acknowledged the problem that your thoughts are unhelpful and you should challenge and dissect these thoughts thoroughly and regularly.

The only way forward after that is to change your behavior. If you want to change you're going to have to change something dude. You are coddling yourself. Truly you are far more adaptable than you know.

I've been through all the same things but luckily I got psychological help much sooner than you. Everything changed after that. Goddamn there is still hope guy.
Charlotte Gorryfield - Thu, 02 Apr 2020 05:13:02 EST TUQC22QU No.534157 Reply
Poo your pant repetitively for thirteen days and I will grant you your wish.
Charlotte Gorryfield - Thu, 02 Apr 2020 05:17:18 EST TUQC22QU No.534159 Reply
He's shitting you, CBT is selling you normal brain function. Shit yourself I do that already, the therapy is pretending you doing think like some stupid fuck whit.
Jarvis Budgeworth - Thu, 02 Apr 2020 07:09:57 EST CoHh3gUP No.534166 Reply
>the therapy is pretending you doing think like some stupid fuck whit.
You need both kinds of CBT as well as an English class. CBT is "change your behavior - change your life (or just condition yourself cognitively to not repeat your anti-social behavior so that we don't have to deal with you acting out)."
Hamilton Chushdag - Thu, 02 Apr 2020 12:48:31 EST 1SSFeKJF No.534169 Reply
CBT done right is training yourself to not think like a stupid fuckwit. Eliminating or reducing stupid fuckwit thought patterns. And also learning to cope with the shit you can't everyone gets them to some degree. If you're troubled you'll always have it worse than most people but between reducing it and buttressing your own coping mechanisms up you can sort of meet in the middle and be happy and functional.
Rebecca Bardway - Fri, 03 Apr 2020 01:20:21 EST TUQC22QU No.534176 Reply
Yeah, CBT is for people that don't think anymore.
What, why, does it actually need changing? Can I actually change it? How?
Barnaby Nashmeg - Mon, 06 Apr 2020 03:38:01 EST TUQC22QU No.534202 Reply
Like no there is obviously something wrong with me if I'm doing something unintentionally! CBT is prof of that, it couldn't fix me it did nothing I do the things I do for a reason and if you can't adapt you are stupid you need to be taking advantage of experiences if you aren't you are just a different person to me so those people are trying to be elite when they aren't for whatever reason. Why make them feel bad for it? That's just what they are they can change if they want they don't need CBT they need to do it themselves CBT is boring like Government appointed happiness Socialist happiness, is that a good thing?
Phineas Follywell - Mon, 06 Apr 2020 03:46:57 EST Ejk8EYwD No.534203 Reply
if you don't want to do these things, you don't want to improve your life.

you have no experience. go and make mistakes, make questionable judgement calls. get out of your comfortable lifestyle and push your boundries.
Martha Cragglebock - Mon, 06 Apr 2020 08:12:22 EST kK3rPTq0 No.534204 Reply
I mean if there are behaviors that you're doing that are turning people off, you can blame them for not really "getting" you up to a certain point. People aren't telling you that they are bothered by the way you come at them because they care about you and want you to change. They tell you that because they are genuinely annoyed by having you in their space and they want you to go away. They don't even hate you. They don't care about you /at all/ they just want you to go away.

CBT makes it so that you're okay for other people to be around. You won't literally die if you don't do it, if you're aggressively dead set on your behavior being unpalatable to everyone because you're "doing you", then you will probably be a successful organism, but that's it. Beyond the basics, you won't be successful and there will always be doors that are closed to you as a result.
Martha Cragglebock - Mon, 06 Apr 2020 08:14:21 EST kK3rPTq0 No.534205 Reply
>Like no there is obviously something wrong with me if I'm doing something unintentionally! CBT is prof of that, it couldn't fix me it did nothing I do the things I do for a reason
If I have to spell it out for you, nobody in your entire life cares about the reasons, they only want your behavior to stop. Stop the behavior and you may be able to get people to listen long enough to negotiate a relationship with you, not just interacting with you because you force the interaction through your negative displays.
Cyril Chodgestone - Sat, 11 Apr 2020 03:15:06 EST TUQC22QU No.534259 Reply
>fuck a fat girl, fuck a crazy girl, fuck a nice boring girl and break her heart, get dumped, get cheated on, have a threesome
adventure time for you. It;s not like the Elite NEED you to breed....
Simon Peddlesore - Sat, 11 Apr 2020 04:17:58 EST d4fOgvZr No.534261 Reply
I just want to thank you, OP, for helping me see how fucking insane I must seem from the outside. You dismiss every achievement you have and live in a prison of self-limiting beliefs.

A thing that helps me when I don't have your posts to look at is to think about the stuff I am *actually* limited from. Then things tend to get real real, real fast.
Like with this post: >>534145
Where you dismiss every suggestion made to you. That's cool, but if this is the attitude you're going to have you might as well be honest about what you want: An extremely specific encounter with a specific kind of person who has a specific reaction to you. I'm not saying this is impossible, but it's sure as hell going to be rare.

The *one* time you tried, you scored within thirty minutes. It's in your head, dude.
Caroline Brucklewill - Sun, 12 Apr 2020 01:21:10 EST TUQC22QU No.534284 Reply
What are his societies expectations though? Are they from realistic subjective experiences of media based or based on others experiences or a few bad experiences he will not adapt to for a reason or negligence? Social trauma is real, if the people in your area have a bad opinion of you try going somewhere where no one knows you and try to change to fit the ideal you desire.
Caroline Brucklewill - Sun, 12 Apr 2020 01:29:36 EST TUQC22QU No.534285 Reply
Well atleast some prostitutes give you a social interaction! You picked the worst part of his post to reply to, I mean your former yellow texts. Do you even have someone in mind or are you still looking? Don't stop thinking.

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