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Social anxiety

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- Sat, 30 May 2020 09:06:03 EST hgtkQ315 No.534734
File: 1590843963924.png -(401596B / 392.18KB, 1024x683) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Social anxiety
I'm tired of it, I'm somewhat over my depression and I'm getting in good shape, but still, almost every social situation makes me sweaty and anxious as fuck, it's impacting my life in a bad way.

How do i make this less of an issue? Where do I even start?
>>
Lillian Shakelock - Sat, 30 May 2020 18:10:02 EST 3y+di+Hn No.534737 Reply
>>534734
Do you have a doctor you can see? In the past, I've been able to get a general practitioner to prescribe me gabbapentin, which has been super fucking helpful sometimes.

I would suggest trying to learn some grounding exercises for sure, even though I've felt like they make me seem fucking insane, some of them might be unnoticeable to the individuals you are around. Here's a link that provides 30 of them... some of them would definitely be possible to perform in social situations: https://www.healthline.com/health/grounding-techniques#soothing-techniques

Try not to think too heavily about how people perceive you. People tend to not really give too many judgmental fucks about other people, and are really only worried/wrapped up ink themselves. Remember to breathe. Try to have a glass of water (cold is a plus!) near you at all times. When you start freaking out and don't know what to do with your sweaty ass hands, taking a sip of water is always good- plus it gives you more time to think before responding in anxiety provoking moments. (And it detracts from awkward silences)
Part of what has helped me with social anxiety has been exposing myself to being around other people. Part of what I had always hated about being in psych wards-but was actually really healthy about them- was that I was always fucking forced to be around other people. It was really difficult in the beginning and at the height of my mental illness issues, but I'm doing better now and part of the reason why was because I was constantly forced to be surrounded by others whether it was in therapy groups or even just having a fucking roommate.
I wish you the best, OP-and don't forget to breathe!
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Jenny Narryman - Mon, 01 Jun 2020 07:23:53 EST 4nEQ0RbW No.534773 Reply
>>534734
Why are you forcing yourself into social situations that make you uncomfortable like that?
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Jack Seshson - Mon, 01 Jun 2020 07:29:17 EST LUAyeKAb No.534774 Reply
>>534773
probably because he wants good experiences and can't have them at home

i have the same thing but im just like cringing at a person's face like seriously seriously cringing in my head. it's nonphysical but someone just doesn't take a complaint or suggestion to their manager or is too out of shape for their own good i will just fucking cringe for like 4 hours until i go to bed.
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Jenny Narryman - Mon, 01 Jun 2020 07:44:26 EST 4nEQ0RbW No.534778 Reply
>>534774
>probably because he wants good experiences and can't have them at home
>
>i have the same thing
>
>i will just fucking cringe for like 4 hours until i go to bed.
Okay, so I can see where there might be a discontinuity. You go out, see something poisonous, take it home, and drink the poison again and again and again for hours. So you're incapable of being around people and you're incapable of being alone, without poisoning your own mind.

You must become capable of seeing these things, noticing them, and then putting them aside so that you don't lose all this time cogitating about them. Mindfulness can help.
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Jack Seshson - Mon, 01 Jun 2020 07:52:22 EST LUAyeKAb No.534779 Reply
>>534778
i give less of a fuck and it makes me the 20-something version of an alcoholic boo radley
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Jenny Narryman - Mon, 01 Jun 2020 09:42:02 EST 4nEQ0RbW No.534780 Reply
>>534779
>i give less of a fuck
You actually couldn't give more of a fuck if you were literally fucking someone.
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Edwin Hovinghall - Fri, 05 Jun 2020 06:28:24 EST icOvQx0/ No.534823 Reply
>>534734
Are you sure the problem is anxiety? maybe its a lack of social skills?
If so the only answer is to throw yourself out there and start talking to people. If you have little experience talking to people then chances are you will be less relaxed in social situations. im finding the social skills guidebook very handy.

Best of luck.
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Phoebe Turveyfoot - Sat, 06 Jun 2020 16:13:01 EST Lny7/LNo No.534834 Reply
1591474381564.gif -(953452B / 931.11KB, 540x304) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
>>534778
I always catch myself doing this, less and less these days but it's so easy to trip over something or someone unpleasant and just carry that offense all day or longer like an unnecessary scab.

Let's face it, people aren't garbage by nature but a lot aren't even trying to act like decent humans any more. The fact I can try and be as nice and helpful as possible only to have some Karen wish me cancer and spit in my face, that really doesn't make me want to risk the effort of talking to them. And it's a phobia that annoys me, because every hobby community becomes a mine field of toxic trolls with too much time on their hands. You can't share anything any more without someone sticking up their nose and trying to ruin your day.

So I try to keep calm, solve things without losing my cool, ignore the poison. But holy shit it's getting harder and harder each day, as if people start thinking they can get away with ANYTHING. How long will it take before I lose the motivation for that?
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Fuck Worthingridge - Sat, 06 Jun 2020 20:39:52 EST usehq5m4 No.534836 Reply
>>534835
>people aren't garbage by nature but a lot aren't even trying to act like decent humans any more. The fact I can try and be as nice and helpful as possible only to have some Karen wish me cancer and spit in my face, that really doesn't make me want to risk the effort of talking to them. And it's a phobia that annoys me, because every hobby community becomes a mine field of toxic trolls with too much time on their hands. You can't share anything any more without someone sticking up their nose and trying to ruin your day.
are you saying he's wrong? this has been my experience with hobby work both online and off
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Jarvis Feckleforth - Sun, 07 Jun 2020 00:03:14 EST Lny7/LNo No.534842 Reply
1591502594847.jpg -(70515B / 68.86KB, 640x640) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
>>534835
I'm not going to completely disagree with you, but understand from my previous post that I've been doing my best not to be toxic. All I want is for people to take a look at themselves and realize that maybe one SHOULDN'T explode at the tiniest imagined offense and chew out some innocent person. I get that everyone's a bit on edge with the pandemic and rioting, but 2020's a good example of people needing to chill out. Disagreements can be resolved without referring to the other by offensive buzzwords or throwing a hissy fit. (And that's not even mentioning people who get physically violent, like how messed up do you have to be to act like that?)

If you live in an environment where that doesn't happen, I'm envious of you. Then again, you're on an image board so I doubt you're unfamiliar with people suddenly devolving a conversation into nothing but shit-flinging and name-calling. Don't you ever get tired of seeing that? "But it's been going on for decades!" Exactly my point. Are we really going to nurture an online culture like that? Because if anything, I want a vaccine for that 'poison' you're talking about. I don't hate talking to people or being social/productive, I just wish I could do it without having to dance around people's mood swings and trollfests. That's a reasonable thing to want, right?

We need more Mr. Rogers' and Bob Rosses, less Pewdiepies and Karens. And I've been trying to start with myself.
>>
Fuck Worthingridge - Sun, 07 Jun 2020 02:38:59 EST usehq5m4 No.534848 Reply
>>534842
>"But it's been going on for decades!"
Exactly everyone else's point.
We're not here to spoonfeed you. Take a look online and read a fucking book. If you actually had any PASSION for the subject you like you would have read everything you can get your hands on but instead you are here, shitposting. Fuck you, niglet.
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Hannah Dennerwork - Sun, 07 Jun 2020 03:19:29 EST ySK+6TA1 No.534849 Reply
>>534834
Your last two posts... they're understandable things to be upset with, but you realize that it's your exact problem that other people have that's causing them to blow up over the slightest offense, right? It's them carrying around this poison with them all day, regurgitating these perceived offenses and negative things they experience about or with others. It all festers and the pressure grows, and once someone inadvertently (or purposefully) accidentally pokes you, all of that gaseous poison under pressure vents out in an instant.

When that happens, there's typically no attempt to discover why somebody was poked in the first place, or why somebody exploded like that for no real reason. The one who explodes feels justified in exploding because they're projecting everything they feel about a generalized other or someone they know onto essentially everybody around them, and the person who did the poking feels unjustly exploded on and that just reinforces a negative reaction on their part.

Your lack of self-awareness when it comes to just how interconnected your own mental habits are with the problematic behavior you are distressed over is a major part of both the problem you've identified with others, and your own personal problem.

I mean, do you think you're alone in wanting to be able to just have a chill, calm conversation and interaction with somebody without having to tiptoe around people's sensibilities? This is a part of the human condition, and has been with us since the dawn of civilization. It's not a new problem, it's just a problem that the internet and social media tends to exacerbate in people. Everybody else is as tired of it as you are, and wishes what you do, but are choosing to handle it in different ways. Some just give up completely, others deal with it quietly, others just ignore it as best they can, others are understanding, etc.
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Hannah Dennerwork - Sun, 07 Jun 2020 03:25:24 EST ySK+6TA1 No.534850 Reply
>>534849
>do you think you're alone in wanting to be able to just have a chill, calm conversation and interaction with somebody without having to tiptoe around people's sensibilities
To go further, you're also not the only one who is entirely uncharitable when it comes to the effort you believe others put in to being decent human beings. A lot of the time you're catching people at vulnerable moments when they're interacting with strangers for just a moment out of the day.

It's natural to be so unforgiving of others, but that's exactly why, when it comes to this problem, this is such a self-fueling cycle. Granted, there are going to be some individuals who are legitimately trying to just be assholes, but a majority of people feel exactly the way you do, and that's how this problem has continued from the beginning of civilization until this very day.
>>
Fuck Worthingridge - Sun, 07 Jun 2020 03:42:01 EST usehq5m4 No.534852 Reply
>>534849
> Everybody else is as tired of it as you are,
not op but if thats the case, why is it so hard then?
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Hannah Dennerwork - Sun, 07 Jun 2020 06:17:35 EST ySK+6TA1 No.534855 Reply
>>534852
There's no easy answer. I'm not required to answer to be right, either.

>>534854
Not at all what I was saying, and the fact that's what you got out of that says a lot about you. I was essentially asking that guy to be more patient and understanding with everybody else, because they are exactly like he is. Social interaction isn't easy.

I mean, just look at your responses to me, you were completely off the mark and assumed I meant the most negative of messages that could've been interpreted from what I said. That is why it is so hard for people to have a calm, chill conversation. Despite only trying to get that guy (or you, if your ID simply changed) to be more understanding and forgiving of others, you've taken what I said to be some kind of attack on him or at least an attempt to blame others' behavior on him even though that is not at all what I was saying. This unwillingness to engage in conversations with others in good faith, as well as how easy it is to misunderstand each other is exactly why it's so hard to be decent to one another.
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Hannah Dennerwork - Sun, 07 Jun 2020 06:30:52 EST ySK+6TA1 No.534856 Reply
Seriously though, I hope you aren't who I was responding to, because I was trying to have an honest dialog with the guy about why it is people have such a hard time having level headed, open interactions with one another, and it's pretty much for the exact reason you demonstrated by misunderstanding me to the degree you did. It almost seems like you intentionally misunderstood me.

Maybe you didn't, but it seems like you were determined to get a specific message out of my response that I hadn't actually communicated. The reason people have such a hard time opening themselves up to honest communication is because invariably, every time that happens, for one reason or another, they are misunderstood.

I put myself out there to give the guy a legitimate response to his questions to all of his questions, and what do I get for it? Someone completely misinterpreting what I said, interpreting it in a way that's so far from what was intended that I've honestly got no idea how it was managed. People are afraid of having this happen, and so they choose to engage with others in bad faith. Maybe that's exactly what you did, and you assumed I was trying to be a dickhead with my response, so you thought you'd be one back, but either way, that's the crux of the very problem I keep bringing up.

So let me ask you then:
>>534852
>not op but if thats the case, why is it so hard then?
So why is it so hard for you to engage with me in good faith? Why did you assume I was trying to blame the guy I was responding to for everybody he was interacting with being "shit"? Why did you choose to try and provoke me rather than engage with me in an honest discussion, so that we might better come to understand one another? You ought to be able to answer your own question here.
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Jarvis Feckleforth - Sun, 07 Jun 2020 08:49:05 EST Lny7/LNo No.534857 Reply
>>534848
You're exactly the problem, you stupid cunt. I hope you die.
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Martin Shakecocke - Sun, 07 Jun 2020 09:23:54 EST JXOrpgOI No.534858 Reply
>>534836
If someone spits in your face you should call the police. Why are you focused so hard on what morons think? That's on you. Nobody ruins your day, you ruin your day.
>>534842
Nothing is unique about this time period in that respect and if you find yourself unable to cope, then you need to change your outlook. Meanwhile, nobody's responsible for motivating you not to pop off in public and have adult tantrums so if that's what you want to do, do it. If you can't experience the slings and arrows that you describe, as you would any Saturday afternoon at a midwestern shopping mall, then you need to get some help to change your life, because what you're complaining about is normal and natural and has been here forever and will never, ever change. You must.
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Jarvis Feckleforth - Sun, 07 Jun 2020 10:25:37 EST Lny7/LNo No.534859 Reply
>>534858
>Can't we act like humans?
>No we've always been pieces of shit
>Go be a piece of shit too
You sad defeatist.
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Martin Shakecocke - Sun, 07 Jun 2020 10:32:57 EST JXOrpgOI No.534860 Reply
>>534859
What in the fuck? Nobody says you have to be a piece of shit. Just accept these things in your space and don't get all blasted angry about it.
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Hannah Dennerwork - Sun, 07 Jun 2020 10:47:28 EST ySK+6TA1 No.534861 Reply
>>534859
I don't think that's really what he was saying. To maybe a small degree that's what he meant, but your tendency to reduce somebody's argument down to such an oversimplified state such that it doesn't even really accurately reflect what they were saying any more is pretty much exactly what I've been saying in my last 4 posts is part of the reason people don't act civilized with one another. You aren't open to having an honest conversation with this guy to actually try and understand what he means, which means you've entered into this discussion in bad faith.

That, that right there is a major reason nobody is good to one another. It's not just difficulty understanding what others mean, but an unwillingness to understand it because it doesn't agree with our point of view. Just like the guy I was responding to in my last two posts, it shouldn't be a mystery to you why nobody can treat each other decently any more, because you're exactly as guilty as anybody else is in treating people poorly yourself. Sure, some people are trying harder to be dicks than others, but anybody that enters a conversation in bad faith, especially one they started themselves and claim to have started in good faith (asking a question you actually want answered, and being prepared for others with differing view points to respond and to actually consider what they have to say) is guilty of interacting with others in a way that propagates and reinforces the negative attitudes and behaviors of anybody that acts like a piece of shit and treats others like shit.

This guy didn't suggest that you go out and act like a piece of shit too because everybody else is doing it, he was saying that you need to quit letting the fact that so many people you encounter act like pieces of shit ruin your day and corrupt your view of basically anybody you might potentially interact with. You are so overly concerned with how you've been mistreated that to convince yourself of the narrative you've constructed about everyone else being a piece of shit nowadays, you falsely believe that most people are just pieces of shit nowadays, and that this didn't use to be the case. You are vastly overestimating how many people are straight up that shitty, and when somebody enters into a legitimate discourse with you over the subject and suggests your outlook might be the problem, you completely misinterpret what they say so that it just reinforces your narrative. You aren't willing to give people a chance any more, and this is exactly why people treat each other so badly. A majority of the people that you think purposefully go out of their way to be shitty aren't actually doing that, they're merely behaving in ways that confirm their biases and the narratives of their outlooks, and trying to protect their own feelings and sensibilities. It's just the same as what you are doing.

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