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Sentenced to jail time... again.

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- Sat, 30 May 2020 18:02:13 EST 3y+di+Hn No.534736
File: 1590876133857.jpg -(91193B / 89.06KB, 768x960) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Sentenced to jail time... again.
So, I ended up getting sentenced to a short jail sentence yesterday...
I've been to jail 3 times before, most of the time really short sentences ~3-5 days... My last sentence though, I started off in jail and after about a week, I got transferred to a state hospital and spent ~1 year 51/50'd in residential treatment facilities.
I've gotta check into jail in the beginning of September. It's going to be a short sentence, but I'm losing my mind at the anticipation of serving time. Haven't been allowed to drink or smoke for a year, and I really want to indulge, but at this current point in time the risks just don't seem worth it. I feel like my entire summer is fucked. I *may* have the opportunity to check into jail early and get all this shit over with-I qualify for house arrest, so there's a decent chance I'll be able to get it. While I know house arrest aint shit (and neither is a light jail sentence) I'm still fucking losing my mind over the concept of serving time. I'm claustrophobic and, combined with the other mental health issues I've got, this has made jail absolute fucking hell in the past.

In addition to all of that, I live with a parent and their SO right now, and coronavirus. They're super at risk and could easily die if they contract COVID, and I really don't want to get them sick. In addition, I am asthmatic and I also was recently hospitalized with a really bad case of pneumonia and would've died if I didn't go into the hospital & spent several weeks in the ICU. I still haven't recovered fully from the pneumonia yet... There was also a pretty big outbreak at the jail that I'll be serving time at, and it's been spreading like wildfire throughout my state.

I know this has to sound like bitching and moaning, but I am really concerned about going to fucking jail, man.

On the upsides: if I hadn't gotten sick, I'd actually still be serving time in jail right now on a much, much larger sentence, and I would've had to spend a minimum of ~3-5 years on probation, but I don't have to deal with any of that noise because of a kick ass attorney and pure fucking luck. Thank god I don't have to do probation after my upcoming jail sentence...

I found a couple of hotels that are offering month-month rentals right now, and even though its wayyyyyy out of my budget, I am considering trying to get a hotel to live in after I serve my jail sentence, as to avoid being a vector. Being broke is wayyyyyy better than losing my parent due to a stupid fucking jail sentence. Also, I'm figuring that if I do qualify for house arrest, and I can serve the time in a hotel room, I can just watch porn for a majority of the time, and it'll go by pretty damn quickly.

Any advice for coping with this? I've been having wicked fucking panic attacks because the anticipation is destroying me.
Also, does anyone have any good books they'd suggest that I could try to bring with me into jail to make the time go by quickly? I figure I'll try to bring the NA/AA big books, as I've always wanted to try and read through them, but I never had the discipline when I was in previous rehab stays... I definitely remember hearing speakers at AA/NA talk about how the big books completely transformed their experiences when they were locked up. I've tried to read the Bible, but that book was too damn boring.
>>
Sophie Dizzlebury - Sat, 30 May 2020 19:16:05 EST ocY0nHd9 No.534739 Reply
>>534736
I suggest Being and Nothingness and reconsidering your state of blind acceptance as the role of a criminal rather than a complete person.
>>
Lillian Shakelock - Sat, 30 May 2020 19:59:15 EST 3y+di+Hn No.534745 Reply
>>534739

>reconsidering your state of blind acceptance as the role of a criminal rather than a complete person.

Definitely not blindly accepting the role of a criminal...
Yeah, I have some mental health issues. Yeah, I use drugs sometimes. But that is all that I've done wrong. I made some mistakes and I have to do a little time because of it, but I certainly am not a criminal. I refuse to consider myself to be someone that is a burden on society. I'm a generally good person, I don't want to have any victims. I try not to consider myself a victim of circumstance either. When I was younger I had some issues with properly and safely dealing with psychosis and, now I've got to go to jail and think about things for a little while. Idk where you got the impression that I was blindly accepting the role of a criminal. I am certainly a complete person.

The case that has me going to jail is from 3 years ago, and I've spent a lot of time in psych wards either willingly or 51/50'd in order to improve my mental health situation for both personal reasons and in order to avoid the criminal justice system. Having legal problems is no way to go though life, son. I'm really looking forward to being out of the system so that I can have a stronger sense of freedom.
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Polly Sibblekat - Sun, 31 May 2020 21:05:34 EST 3y+di+Hn No.534759 Reply
>>534750
I’m a little nervous about describing the details of my case because I don’t want to get identified...

>>534751
Yeah it was totalfucking bullshit. I completed 2 years of diversion-I was asked to have a meeting with the diversion unit and I was living across the country at the time. I had my lawyer talk to them, but apparently that wasn’t enough... I got an email on thanksgiving. Stating that because I didn’t go back, my case got sent back to court (that was the response after I thanked my diversion counselor for being so helpful.)
I hired a super fucking expensive attorney at a high powered law firm (I think the total cost was $20,000-$30,000 for the case)

The judge personally attacked my attorney during the court Proceedings.
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Jenny Narryman - Mon, 01 Jun 2020 07:20:50 EST 4nEQ0RbW No.534770 Reply
>>534759
No matter what you did, I promise on the day you did it, dozens of people were also arrested under the exact same circumstances. Unless you did it in a batman suit or while citing satanic sources, what you did is not unique or significant in anyone's life but yours. Whereas you have to do something pretty egregious to get the police to actually notice you and do something, just tell us what you did because you're not special.
>>
Jack Seshson - Mon, 01 Jun 2020 07:21:51 EST LUAyeKAb No.534771 Reply
>>534736
>Any advice for coping with this?

not really. say thanks less often at store checkout, belch in public. maybe consider carrying around a spanner and loosen random bolts to shit not for any sort of loaded reason but becauselol. try to start fights with random people. that's how it works buddy.
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Jenny Narryman - Mon, 01 Jun 2020 07:37:36 EST 4nEQ0RbW No.534777 Reply
>>534771
Yes this. Never let go of anything. Express your rage constantly, outwardly, and make other people's lives worse. This is the path to happiness.

You idiot.
>>
Esther Blicklestat - Wed, 03 Jun 2020 06:38:21 EST 3y+di+Hn No.534802 Reply
1591180701005.jpg -(148853B / 145.36KB, 499x624) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
>>534771
Lol, yes, of course-the *make other people's days worse and miserable because I'm miserable* technique... LOL. Imma say no fucking thanks on that... One of the things I'm proud of is that I'm generally a really nice/pleasant person, especially with strangers-I don't want to make other people's lives fucking shitty because mine sucks sometimes.

I am actually having a really fucking hard time with my already present anger complex right now. I used to be a serious fucking rage addict, and I'm a little concerned because a lot of that is coming back right now.
I've been having a really fucking hard time sleeping, which fucking sucks and is lame...
But, my Dr. did give me a small script of ambien that I haven't been able to pick up yet due to bureaucratic fucking bullshit, but I should be able to cop it today. I'm really hoping that will help me sleep and maybe give me a little bit of relaxation/anxiety relief as I cannot get high right now, and I'm bouncing off the fucking walls in relation to anxiety and angst.

I'm getting pretty concerned that I won't be able to get house arrest, but I'm gonna try to submit my application soon, especially in hopes that I'll get an opportunity to serve my sentence early, as one of the things I am most annoyed with right now is the ridiculous wait I've got and the anticipation I've got to experience in regards to actually going in and serving time...

It'd be nice to get an opportunity to be able to sit in a park/at a lake and have a few cold ones while listening to some kid rock or some bullshit this summer. It feels like it's been long overdue since I've had to deal with being locked up/legal issues for the last couple of summers.

regarding the two cases that I've got:
I had some psychosis issues-I heard one of my neighbors raping someone in the apartment I was living in... I got raped/molested a couple of times at a Montessori school when I was a little fucking kid, and so it gave me a pretty damn big trigger there, hearing a girl sobbing and pleading for someone to stop/help... This led to me believing that my neighbors were trafficking/killing people in their apartment-I went to a store and tried to get the store clerk to help me call cops/someone, they wouldn't let me use their phone-I was scared for them and scared that I was going to get killed or something, and made a dash for the phone... Feel guilt for it, man.

The worst one happened a few days later, where I was getting to be full on schizophrenic/psychotic... Thought I had people pursuing me after what had already gone down- and I thought my moms neighbor was killing people in her apartment-thought I'd try to save them. Derped out hardcore on that one...

Being on diversion fucking sucked. Got into an altercation and got fucking captured-didn't have a fucking knife or anything like that to protect myself, got raped by 5 people at gunpoint. Shit was fucking lame. Couple of months later, got raped at gunpoint again-but I didn't give a fuck if that dude shot the gun he had pointed at my head and bit the fuck out of his dick. There was blood everywhere. My only regret there was that I didn't have a fucking knife with me because I was trying to be a good little boy... I would've loved to cut that guys dick off so I could keep it as a fucking trophy around my neck... Fuck you, Ragtop.*Ragtop* is the pseudonym the rapist uses when he does his shitty fucking graffiti I'm a firmlol, no pun intendedbeliever that, if you can't use a toollol, pun intended properly, you shouldn't have one.

One of the reasons I'm a little concerned about going to jail is that, if I get raped while I was there, I'd probably fucking kill my rapist by repeatedly bashing their fucking head onto the concrete floor in the jail-and I don't want to get any charges for that kind of shit, but I like to think violent rape it's a little less common in county jails than it is in the federal prisons.

I really fucking love the look on someones face when they are being a dick/assailant, and then, *unexpectedly* everything goes very, very wrong for them and they because seriously fucking injured. The look of fear and surprise in that context is absolutely fucking priceless. Fighting back/holding your own: Feelsgoodman... But when it's a kind/innocent person being hurt, or an animal, it really, really bothers me.
>>
Nicholas Pittfoot - Wed, 03 Jun 2020 15:05:33 EST 3ScQQ4dj No.534806 Reply
>>534802
sounds like you deserve jail
or at least a psychiatric hospital
>>
George Grandville - Wed, 03 Jun 2020 18:39:41 EST 5CmzjCid No.534807 Reply
>>534802
>Lol, yes, of course-the *make other people's days worse and miserable because I'm miserable* technique... LOL. Imma say no fucking thanks on that... One of the things I'm proud of is that I'm generally a really nice/pleasant person, especially with strangers-I don't want to make other people's lives fucking shitty because mine sucks sometimes.
>
>I am actually having a really fucking hard time with my already present anger complex right now. I used to be a serious fucking rage addict
>I really fucking love the look on someones face when they are being a dick/assailant, and then, *unexpectedly* everything goes very, very wrong for them and they because seriously fucking injured.
You need inpatient help man... You need to learn how to live without these feelings.
>>
Caroline Sissleham - Sun, 07 Jun 2020 02:24:54 EST 3y+di+Hn No.534847 Reply
>>534806
Yeah the wording of that one part of my post may be a little off... I spent much of my life as the helpless victim of bullying and assault. A couple of years ago, I started standing up for myself and also fighting back in lieu of being a helpless victim in terms of taking a beating & getting robbed/raped. I used to just lie there and take it, and, now, realizing that that mentality could easily lead to me getting killed in one of those kinds of situations, I decided to defend myself in moments of violence, which was very satisfying to be able to defend myself-that post might've kinda sounded like I genuinely like hurting people and I really don't.

>>534807
Yeah I really do agree that I need some more inpatient help-even though I've spent at least %10 of my adult life in inpatient psych wards, I could definitely stand to come back for another psych ward session. I am hoping I'll be able to serve my time with an ankle monitor while in a psych ward in lieu of serving time in jail. I think this would be the best and most effective way to deal with the charges I am facing. I really do want to learn to live with all of this. There was a period of time where I did feel much more normal in terms of the anger and whatnot, but these last couple of days have certainly made that more prevalent in my life than it was. I've been trying hard not to get pissed off about my situation... I'm taking steps when I can to try to rid of these feelings. I'm taking medications for my anxiety that also help me a little bit with my aggravation right now. For the most part, I'm just anxious, but two or three days ago, when you posted, I was certainly angry-but I am definitely not the kind of person that takes their anger out on anyone else, or themselves. I've worked hard to do so-when I was in my early 20's and late teens, I used to take some of my aggression out on furniture and walls... Had to patch a few holes in the walls and I ended up getting a plate on my hand from a furniture/frustraton related incident about 5 years ago, and I haven't hit anything since. (Exception: Concrete wall in the county jail)
>>
Phineas Pollerstock - Mon, 08 Jun 2020 22:11:55 EST SdJf/BwH No.534879 Reply
>>534847
Why do you think getting angry will get you what you want in a situation though? Who modeled that behavior for you? My dad didn't know how to negotiate, he knew how to escalate until weaker people backed down. He tried to apply that in his family and his life to disastrous results.
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Shitting Peppermork - Sun, 14 Jun 2020 19:57:05 EST 3y+di+Hn No.534930 Reply
1592179025398.jpg -(30267B / 29.56KB, 463x371) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
>>534879
I don't think it will get me what I want-I've just struggled with anger for the majority of my life. There wasn't anyone in my family that also suffered from anger problems, but I know my grandpa (that I never met) did suffer from some real serious anger problems. He was a drill sergeant and raised my dad accordingly. (But my dad, while intense, was never a rageaholic or anything like that) I've heard stories of my grandpa getting into bar fights when my dad was a kid, and putting the other dude in a coma, so I'm wondering if some of my problems with anger skipped a generation...
I know it's counter productive, I've already had to have surgery due to letting my anger out on inanimate objects and getting some pretty bad breaks for it. I've had to lose security deposits due to holes in walls, it really leads nowhere, but it's just part of my nature. I have a feeling part of it is stemmed from getting raped/molested by a staff member of the preschool that I went to...

But I am working on chilling out more, and my Dr. gave me a Klonopin script to get me through the next couple of weeks while I am anticipating jail, and that has really helped keep me calm, even though I know I font want to have to rely on medications to keep myself from being pissed AF all the time.

I am making sure that I don't take my frustration out on my loved ones, because that is very unfair.

In addition, I've just ordered a few bhuddist (sp?) texts as I feel that they will help me come to terms with things-and I'll be allowed to bring religious texts into the jail, so I will have some help coming to terms with things while I am locked up. I'm hoping I'll be able to bring in some AA/NA texts, and some bhuddist texts so that I'll be able to improve myself while I am incarcerated.

But yeah, I know that anger is almost always counter productive, unless I'm in a situation that warrants violence due to an immediate threat to my safety.
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Emma Sinderpock - Sun, 14 Jun 2020 20:15:30 EST BS2w/HZ0 No.534931 Reply
>>534930
Kids don't necessarily repeat the same behavior, they just try to get the same results in more or less the same way. As adults sometimes we have to realize that eating shit is a part of life, and if that's the worst that happens, then life is good.
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Matilda Bollysudge - Fri, 19 Jun 2020 10:53:40 EST LUAyeKAb No.534959 Reply
>>534802
>One of the things I'm proud of is that I'm generally a really nice/pleasant person, especially with strangers-I don't want to make other people's lives fucking shitty because mine sucks sometimes.
yeah i am nice too but only when it is consequential that way i end up having better morals than everybody else

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