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Opened up a can of whoop-ass on a friend without warning him

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- Sun, 31 May 2020 21:00:51 EST vXUdJx7V No.534758
File: 1590973251526.jpg -(6379B / 6.23KB, 300x168) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Opened up a can of whoop-ass on a friend without warning him
Okay so I have this friend who's enthusiastic af (not diagnosed but it's completely obvious because of how socially oblivious he is and his tendency to ramble about narrow, specific, sometimes nonsensical stuff without stopping, etc.)

Anyway, he does this thing where he likes to poke and tickle me (some others, but mostly me). He makes the "Ehhhh heheheheh" sound, wiggles his finger around, and jabs me with it. I've always had a habit of just either letting him do it or just pushing his hand away without saying anything. The couple of other people who he does it to have asked him to stop, with mixed results.

Well last night I finally snapped. I dunno what it was because I'm usually a very gentle person, and like I said I've always just kinda let him do it and never asked him to stop.... and I just punched him and slammed him to the ground and screamed "STOP DOING THAT! IT FUCKING PISSES ME OFF!" I dunno just after so long of taking it without ever asking him to politely stop finally burst out

Everyone who was there now thinks I'm an asshole even though they know that he has a habit of invading my personal space. They think I overreacted way too much and that I'm lucky he didn't press assault charges. Needless to say he's not talking to me and a few other people are limiting contact with me.

Am I an asshole for not giving him a verbal warning? Or was I in the right to finally stand up for myself after taking his invasion of my personal space like a bitch for so long?
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Eugene Pandlelat - Sun, 31 May 2020 21:10:06 EST Y5qQ6Egv No.534760 Reply
1590973806504.gif -(1637675B / 1.56MB, 350x254) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
Yeah that was uncalled for since you never even asked him to stop before and he wasn't threatening or hurting you.

You fucked up, and spectrum people tend to take that stuff pretty harsh because they value how close their relationships are above how many they have. Sounds like you may have meant something to him and now he probably thinks you hated him all along.
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Caroline Bonnerstun - Sun, 31 May 2020 23:51:17 EST Z8E/qob6 No.534762 Reply
1590983477506.gif -(700308B / 683.89KB, 500x281) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
Why are you friends with him in the first place you massive retard?
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Fucking Brillermeck - Mon, 01 Jun 2020 01:39:19 EST 3ScQQ4dj No.534763 Reply
the fact that you are asking if you were in the right tells me you have a severe case of enthusiasm
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Ian Dennernadge - Mon, 01 Jun 2020 01:53:37 EST wcqQCL4Z No.534764 Reply
>>534758

What a dick move. Your first born child is definitely coming out with down syndrome as a form of karmic retribution for this incident.
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Jenny Narryman - Mon, 01 Jun 2020 07:16:36 EST 4nEQ0RbW No.534768 Reply
>>534758
You're not an asshole because one outburst doesn't make anyone anything, but if you lost control of your anger over a predictable event of any sort then you need to regain control of yourself and apologize to your friends. You knew it was going to happen, you probably even practice these angry outbursts over and over in your head. This needs to stop and you need to learn to meet positivity with positivity no matter how obnoxious it is.
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Jack Seshson - Mon, 01 Jun 2020 07:19:21 EST LUAyeKAb No.534769 Reply
>>534758
fucker deserves it but just wait until he gets really buff though and smacks the jaw off your mouth
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Ian Cissleworth - Tue, 02 Jun 2020 11:15:00 EST 1SSFeKJF No.534791 Reply
>>534768
Well or at least tell the guy quietly before shouting. It does sound like OP knew it made him mad but never just said "stop, I actually really don't like it". It sounds like others have said no and he's backed off a bit. And there is telling him more firmly before exploding. And when you explode violence is never the answer.

I mean I've reacted like you did but not as an adult. You handled it like a child. You're not an asshole for one fuck up but you should think about how you handle shit like this in future.
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Albert Brummlehetch - Tue, 02 Jun 2020 17:46:55 EST qTml9FbR No.534793 Reply
Yes you sound like kind of an asshole because you essentially led him to believe that everything was perfectly fine and then flip out on him seemingly out of nowhere. You yourself stated that you'd never actually told him to stop, that he had no reason to believe that his actions were annoying you, and that he obviously has the 'tism, which largely excuses his actions anyways.

I think you just have trouble conveying your meanings and emotions with people, particularly when the outcome is potentially negative. You'd rather be annoyed by his actions than confront him and risk upsetting him, allowing it to build up to the point of no return. I'm sure that you, if anyone, noticed how much it bothered you, and that you were becoming increasingly agitated with him as time went on and it continued to happen. I had a lot of trouble in the past with avoiding situations because of the emotional strain of going through them, and it can build up inside of you as it wears you down, and you've got to have some way to relieve that pressure before the walls crack and your defenses come tumbling down.

No, I don't think you're a bad person. If anything I think you were so concerned about potentially offending him that you were avoiding telling him no, and in some great cosmic irony you're cast as the supreme asshole of the situation. I think it's mostly just a really good lesson from life not to avoid things. I hope that I don't have to tell you that you have to apologize very sincerely, not just to him but also to the people who witnessed it, and do so in a way that they can't deny your honesty. If you care to be friends with them at all, that is.

>>534769

Can you explain why the person deserved to be physically assaulted over it? Why so quick to violent thoughts? And the satisfaction of the irony in violence in the imagined future encounter? The person that the OP is referring to clearly believed that they were having a positive interaction with the OP, not being intentionally malicious, and you think it ordinarily acceptable to respond to that with unannounced violence? Not only is it an overreaction and a representation of your inner self, but it will likely also mentally and emotionally scar the other person for years to come for them to be responded to so harshly for something which they saw as a friendly interaction.
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William Duzzlewill - Wed, 03 Jun 2020 00:15:59 EST bD2WkeRa No.534795 Reply
OP here

>>534793
I did apologize to him and we had a long talk and he basically said the same thing to me. He said that he knows that the person that attacked him that night "wasn't you" and that he still trusts me but he thinks he, myself, and a few people that were there that night need to maybe meet up and have a sit-down and talk it over more deeply. An intervention of sorts.

He's known me for a long time (15 years) and he knows the story of my upbringing of being abused by a psychotic drug addict father who was prone to violent explosions out of nowhere (or for fun... yeah, my dad would sometimes beat me for his own entertainment). It was also a household where addressing problems resulted in beatings. I've also been in 2 romantic relationships where bringing up problems resulted in screaming matches or my partner throwing things at me.

Yes, I've been working on it through therapy for years, but I do still struggle with a pattern:

1) person does/says something I don't like
2) person either continually does it or I ruminate over it for months and months at a time
3) I say nothing about it, never address the problem
4) Then one day I finally blow up at the person and cut off contact with them, telling them I'm sick of them pushing me around and walking all over me

It hurts that I keep pushing people away that I sometimes regret later doing so to, but I always rationalize it as me "finally growing a backbone" or "quitting being a pushover" or "finally standing up for myself."

It's just frightening that this is the first time it's escalated to physical violence, especially toward someone who is essentially my brother-from-another-mother. But at least we've agreed to have a series of discussions about it as we rebuild from it.
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Walter Divinghune - Wed, 03 Jun 2020 06:16:59 EST 7J8o2xTW No.534801 Reply
>>534795
I guess you know this in your head but you need to full absorb it that
>finally growing a backbone
Means braving the fear you face (understandably) of bringing up problems. Remember to bring them up as "I don't like this" rather than "this is bad" because it doesn't make it an attack on them but anyone who cares will sitll try to resolve it. "I find this deeply uncomfortable, please can you stop?" etc. Doing it without the shield of aggression and facing the fear that you haven't burned the bridge and they can still come over it.

If someone shouts at you or shuts you down repeatedly then you are justified in cutting them out. Just walk away. Some people need time to process criticism I know I often take a few hours to days but I also don't respond with yelling. disagreements happen, and that's normal, but in a healthy relationship both people should be looking to understand each other's position as well as clarifying their own. My girlfriend finds that I'm not verbally affectionate alright normally because I'm physically demonstrative and do fuss about her and support the things she does more than her family, but right now we can't see each other after lockdown. So I'm trying to increase my effort to express things verbally and "talk like a boyfriend" but also to make sure she understands that I'm no storybook romantic because I prefer actions to words. So she is trying to be patient and I'm trying harder. When she first brought it up my reaction was just to state all the stuff I do, but I stopped and put myself in her shoes before responding.

Again to understand with your rational mind but a bit hard to assimilate emotionally. I guess that's something to focus on with your therapist. If it's not progressed far maybe they need to try different routines? I mean you can't expect to be cured but if you're not noticing significant difference over the years maybe you need to change the treatment, ie different therapeutic approaches?
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John Senderwell - Wed, 03 Jun 2020 09:54:50 EST +M3uPd5u No.534803 Reply
>>534801
This is good advice and you're right, I think I'm gonna be straight with my therapist that the way we've been working on this hasn't made any progress.

Today actually kinda was emotional cuz I was talking on the phone with my buddy whose ass I beat and he said that this has to be a wake-up call.

He said that he's never told me this, but he says he knows a few people that I personally hate with all my heart and soul (or at least have a vendetta against) that still like me and even look up to me and wish I would've called them out or would give them a chance to apologize.

That really hit me: my buddy straight-up said there are people who I literally hate and would love to see dead that care for me, admire me, and love me. That's a reality check that's stuck with me the whole day. I need to do some serious soul-searching because this means I've burned a whole lot of bridges over shit that could've been smoothed over.
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Barnaby Turveyfield - Wed, 03 Jun 2020 10:39:53 EST aiYqYlKv No.534804 Reply
>>534795
Mindfulness
Your thoughts are like books in a library. Sometimes they get left out. You don't have to read every single one you see cover to cover, just put it back on the shelf. You don't owe those memories any priority.
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Graham Broffingtidge - Thu, 04 Jun 2020 04:14:57 EST 1SSFeKJF No.534811 Reply
>>534803
Yeah, don't get me wrong you may always be a bit like that and progress is gradual but therapy shouldn't be something you do forever and just doing it means it's okay. It's a medical treatment, if you had a physical injury the physio would be checking results and slowly working towards re ablement over the weeks and months. New exercises, checking for improvement. I've had counselling and physio and neither completely cured me but both gave me enough strength to manage my problem and live normally and both took months. Both did involve work outside the sessions though as well. Make sure you do that.

It might take you longer but if something doesn't change at all over several months it's probably not happening through that course of treatment. That you feel confident you can tell your therapist (and remember to do it calmly not explosively or dramatically) that you need a new approach bodes well for being able to solve it with the current one.
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Edwin Brangerhut - Thu, 04 Jun 2020 16:36:34 EST jnas4L6T No.534816 Reply
you're definitely a baboon. the fact you feel some pride in your actions is the worst part.
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Molly Nabberfod - Thu, 04 Jun 2020 16:45:48 EST hCe8LxqZ No.534818 Reply
>>534816
Haha you fuck

Gonna go out and make people feel bad hahaha
Make em feel like SHIT

ON
THE
INTERNET

haha oh shit man you gotta get a hobby, holy christ you gotta get a girlfriend or something woooooow

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