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how to feel less empathy towards people i know feel none towards me

- Mon, 27 Jul 2020 10:08:39 EST mttQWkrO No.535451
File: 1595858919084.jpg -(65147B / 63.62KB, 929x525) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. how to feel less empathy towards people i know feel none towards me
i'm part of a visible minority in the US and recently for some reason... it's started to hit me pretty hard that a good 10-30% of the people i see on a daily basis have nothing but hate in their hearts for me and at the very least wish i didn't exist and at the worst actively fantasize about killing me. instead of feeling the righteous anger i should feel towards them, i end up feeling bad for them. i start to think about what a small, terrifying world they must live in and what it must be like to have your mind so preoccupied with such a pointless thing, i start to think about the opportunities to learn and grow that they never had, how insecure they must be knowing deep down, sometimes really deep down, that there are things they just don't get, they just aren't bright people and that fundamentally isn't their fault, but i know the feeling isn't mutual

i know this seems so holier-than-thou and there's no way i can make it not come off like that, but it is legitimately something that really bothers me. how do i stuff these feelings down and conjure up the hate towards these people that they deserve? i want to mercilessly ridicule them and maybe even worse without feeling a shred of remorse, i want to feel hatred that will drive action instead of empathy that fuels inaction, these people take advantage of the fact that the vast majority of us aren't such bigoted pieces of shit. i've turned the other cheek seventy times seven times and now i'm done.
Edwin Fillerworth - Mon, 27 Jul 2020 14:13:49 EST xnbHpIkH No.535454 Reply
1595873629378.jpg -(88839B / 86.76KB, 640x625) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
>how do i stuff these feelings down and conjure up the hate towards these people that they deserve?

Ask yourself why you want to do that. You're generalizing other peoples perception of you. If you're above that spiritually and emotionally, why would you want to lower yourself? If someone attacks you personally that's one thing, but there's no need to fight fire with fire. What's that going to solve? You would just be spreading more hate in the world. Try to focus on creating a ripple of love in the universe instead of a vacuum of shit. Feeling empathy for your enemies is a level of understanding most people will never reach.
Betsy Chopperfield - Mon, 27 Jul 2020 14:27:35 EST 1SSFeKJF No.535456 Reply
There is no simple answer OP because the truth is rarely simple.
Loud stupid people are over represented. I am sure that those sort of numbers do feel uncomfortable about you and some definitely would murder you if they could, but a lot, probably most of the 30% are in denial about their discomfort or rationalise it. They don't want to murder you, they just don't understand shit.

Honestly a lot of them have had opportunities to learn and grow but rejected them. The truth is that the human brain is wired to reject the truth, it takes repeating the truth 7 times to undo a lie, people respond to emotion, how their peers feel and stuff better than real arguments. I think those people who legitimately respond to facts even a bit only do it because they have this emotional drive to do so, they need. Also yeah, people like simple soundbites and memes over the facts. They are easier to digest. So it's really complicated.

Having said that don't hate more. The world does not need more hate. You should act in self interest or to better society, to make the world better. In your case this means fighting for yourself (within reason). The truth is that one of the main weapons the bad guys use against people like you is the small number of people who are just channeling hate. They would rather smack someone down for being wrong in the past then see someone learn and grow and that very small number of people are how they justify their shit. Don't be part of the problem. Hate is a big stupid simpleton response and you descend to their level. Also I'll square with you OP, I've been prone to all sorts of bigotry over the years and if people had just yelled at me I'd be entrenched further. I think no one is free from biases which hurt others, so the measure of someone is how they deal with that. Do they deny them? do they accept them but glorify them? Do they try to chip away at them and limit the damage they do?

If you want to change stuff fight to improve the people who will improve, and improve the system so it marginalises people who see their own faults and refuse to address them because hurting others through willful negligence is still bad

I also realise that that's a big ask. But if you're going to act to an end, don't do it for hate
Cedric Bublingwat - Mon, 27 Jul 2020 15:58:56 EST 74/lHxSF No.535457 Reply
10-30% of people have active syphilis
10-30% of people are criminals
10-30% of people are crippled by addiction
10-30% of people are currently experiencing an acute mental health crisis.

Why do you want to hate your identified group specifically? Because they say hurtful shit to you? So you want to learn to become more toxic in the world? First thing's first, get over yourself. They aren't talking to specifically you. You're not that important.

And why are you taking their words so personally that you're provoked to make fundamental philosophical change? Are you this reactive to positive things people say? Or constructive criticism?
Sidney Buddlesure - Mon, 27 Jul 2020 18:47:23 EST mttQWkrO No.535464 Reply
Yeah I generally agree actually, and tbh this was a bit of a regression following a couple bad experiences, I'm actually much better about this sort of thing than I used to be, one of the biggest breakthroughs i had is understanding better just how different our internal worlds are and that there's no way that anyone feels the "same way" that I do or anyone else does about anything because our consciousness emerges from an incomprehensibly complex process, there's no point in agonizing over what other people think because there's absolutely no way that I can even imagine what someone else feels about anything, i can only know and go off of what they communicate to me, I'm starting to think in general that only what can be said can be said to be "real" and that it can't matter what someone else is "really" feeling because there is no one single thing that exists which is that feeling

i mean in general i'm actually finding people are nicer than I expect them to be but I guess there's something really unnerving about the Schooln roulette of facing the (very, very slim in my area tbf) chance of violence and i feel like i'd be being a pushover or a c*ck if i didn't try to meet this to the best of my ability, i mean despite the fact that most jars give me a run for my money, which i think is where a lot of this comes from if i'm being honest because i know i'm legitimately pretty powerless

It's still what I felt when I wrote it but I don't feel it as strongly anymore

>Are you this reactive to positive things people say?

tbh yes but not nearly as much as i used to be, probably down to BPD but most of the time subconsciously I'm either the best person or the worst person in the world, I've gotten much better at managing it though and through DBT and Lamictal it's almost like I'm just a regular crazy bitch and not someone who drifts in and out of psych wards.
Matilda Geblinglock - Mon, 27 Jul 2020 22:40:10 EST JFqzZM+C No.535470 Reply
I don't know, 30% of *everyone* sure sounds like a lot of people. Have you ever considered that you might be projecting a bit here? How well do you really know all of those people? Surely not on a deeply personal level.
Sidney Crinkinwater - Thu, 30 Jul 2020 09:47:16 EST TtXni/Rr No.535521 Reply
How to feel less empathy... woot?Empathy is good. How do I deal with the feelings caused by empathy is a much more important question, because honey, if you can't deal with other people's feelings i bet you 1000 dollars you also can't deal with your own.
Isabella Dimbledock - Thu, 30 Jul 2020 10:05:53 EST NmYXrgWM No.535522 Reply
Not wanting to deal with other people's rage against minorities doesn't mean that you don't want to "deal with other people's feelings" honey. Not wanting to deal with that kind of shit is a pretty universal feeling, unless you've never experienced it.
Frederick Chollycocke - Fri, 31 Jul 2020 00:59:06 EST jiw04y5M No.535528 Reply
I am sorry that people are horrible, its crazy to me that people are so awful towards other HUMAN BEINGS
Clara Chammerhitch - Fri, 31 Jul 2020 02:14:44 EST mttQWkrO No.535529 Reply
tbh i go back and forth on how much i actually care, like i said this was just right after a couple negative experiences, but in general i do kind of think it's funny that the dude serving me my Wendy's could want to string me up on a light post but will still smile at me and ask me as cordially as ever if I want a receipt, because he knows he can't do shit, and then go home and mald on /pol/. There's just the rare chance of someone who isn't a pussy putting their retarded beliefs where their mouth is and going out and doing a hate crime. I think psychologically that being an ever-present threat fucks with a person, but at this point I kind of know where I can and can't go and that sort of thing.
Rebecca Suttinghig - Fri, 31 Jul 2020 03:11:51 EST K1PY+jOS No.535530 Reply
Why would you want to be stupid? Wisdom is hard.
Frederick Foblingsut - Fri, 31 Jul 2020 09:39:06 EST UCVl/O8b No.535533 Reply
If you know what you're supposed to do and deliberately do the opposite, how does that qualify as ignorance? You aren't choosing ignorance, you're choosing to participate. You aren't ignorant, you're choosing to be a bad person. There's a massive difference between an ignorant person and you.
Eliza Grimville - Sun, 02 Aug 2020 00:23:53 EST 0DOizHVp No.535554 Reply

fuck em, focus on you, selffulness isnt selfishness, it's not even a word thats how far out of the concept of taking care of numero uno is in our goddamn society.

if you wouldn't have them at your dinner table they aren't to be concerned for beyond the glass panel my friend.

I should know this all too well, I run a parking lot as my day job.

people are fuckmeat.

just deal and go home.

remember that most of the population's mind is a closed, consumerist husk, directed by piety and mindless self indulgence.

My priorities in life are Food and water for me, my lovely pets, and my common law girlfriend.

when it comes down to it, you can my shit, my liberty and my identity away with a few choice words. but you'll never take away my humanity.

Never let your humanity get in the way of your well being though.
please read into this gentleman and take what you will at your own value.

Alice Sebbleshit - Sun, 02 Aug 2020 08:54:16 EST s0jfgpr4 No.535556 Reply
>how do i stuff these feelings down and conjure up the hate towards these people that they deserve?
Why the false dichotomy? Why are being empathetic toward them and being hateful towards them the only two options?

It sounds like you've recognized that you've got a problem with being empathetic with others to a degree that goes beyond what's healthy for you. Doing the very opposite of what you're doing and doing what they are is just as unhealthy for you, if not more so. Instead, why not train yourself to effectively be an asshole when it's necessary to prevent others from walking all over you, but only to the degree that is necessary to cause more conflict? Rather, if it results in more conflict, that can be okay, but if the conflict escalates and leads to spiraling into something unhealthy for you, and possibly even puts you in harm's way, then you should think about what you're doing more tactically. Realistically, if there is ever a point where you lose control over your actions and emotions, and you let your feelings get the better of you, then you are in danger of donig something really stupid. Again, it's not always a bad thing to temporarily lose control, it can sometimes be beneficial, and can help you learn about yourself and how you handle being in those types of social situations, so don't take what I'm saying the wrong way.

I guess what's at the core of my message is that you shouldn't irrationally choose to do something all the way one way or the other. You should always try and remain mindful and aware of what you are doing, and the effect it's going to have on you and others. That said, it's really a judgment call when it comes to how much of an asshole you should be. But if you ever find yourself spewing hate out of legitimate hatred for somebody or something, then you need to take a step back and reflect on what it is you hate about them and why it is you hate that. Just because on the surface it appears that you choose to engage in similar behaviors as the people who do things you can't stand, your reason for doing them should always be different. If you find yourself doing the same thing for the same reasons, then honestly you should probably just shut the fuck up about it because you're part of the problem and perpetuating the existence of these kinds of people and their behaviors... by being one of them. That's how I choose to look at how I view and treat others myself, anyway. I've had to tell myself to shut the fuck up and back off many times, because I was going to become something I couldn't tolerate.

You've got a distinct advantage over these individuals: self-consciousness, self-awareness. You are capable of seeing past what is in front of you and recognizing that there is far more to what's going on than what is actually going on. Nothing is as it seems. These people are ignorant, they're psychologically unstable, they're miserable, they're hateful and bigoted. In some sense, you see your own self-consciousness as a burden, and consequently have a tendency to assume that these people are blissful in their ignorance... but if you even stop to think about that for a second, we both already know about them what I already said: these people are miserable. There is no bliss to be had in ignorance. Awareness and self-consciousness can indeed pose its own burden and suffering on you, but without it you just become miserable in other ways. The only path to free yourself of misery is to transcend it. There are times where we also must fall on purpose, to lower ourselves (be an asshole on purpose), but it should always be a temporary action, employed thoughtfully to protect our own health and the health of those we care about... whether that be physically, emotionally, or socially. If an animal corners you or somebody you care about, and they don't leave you an option for escape or you encounter them regularly, then you are forced to act as they do in defense. Sometimes offense is the best defense, but if you're ever just on the offensive for its own sake, then you've not acted as they do, but become as they are... at which point, you are now essentially an unthinking animal or robot/automaton, purely reacting to everything you encounter without reflecting, care, or reason. You are now the thing you hate, and you've got no right to hate them without also hating yourself (which, if we're honest, doesn't it seem a lot like these people actually do hate themselves and/or their lives, they way they go about lashing out at others all the time out of fear and malice? Its meta as all fuck, and a never-ending, self-fueling vicious cycle).

All in all, do yourself a favor and don't choose to become like them, because in the end you're not just hurting others, but hurting yourself. Nothing good comes from acting like a fear and hate-fueled bigot. It just fucks things up for everybody. Anybody that knows and encounters you is worse for it, including your own friends, family, and community.
Alice Sebbleshit - Sun, 02 Aug 2020 09:03:30 EST s0jfgpr4 No.535557 Reply
Ignorance only seems that way. It's always more of a burden than knowledge, self-consciousness, and wisdom. The weight of them is something you choose to bear, but the weight of fear, malice, hatred, and ignorance are not. The person carrying the load of those things might not be aware of the impact it's having on their life or the lives of the people around them, but the effects of that weight are felt just the same. By voluntarily choosing to bear the weight of mindfulness, self-consciousness, and knowledge, you are acutely aware of the burden they place on you, but the weight of everything you've left behind stops having such a ridiculous negative impact on the lives of you and everybody around you.

I guess what I'm saying is, the weight of knowledge and self-consciousness is one you choose to bear alone, but the weight of ignorance, fear, and malice are a weight that everyone collectively bears in equal measure. In other words, you are forcing others to bear the weight of that ignorance with you, and in the end both of you could very well be crushed by it. If everyone actually opted for knowledge, self-consciousness, wisdom, and personal responsibility, then it would no longer really feel like much of a burden at all without the additional weight everybody else's ignorance and whatnot is forcing on to you.
Alice Lighthood - Sun, 02 Aug 2020 09:09:19 EST osfQv4vp No.535558 Reply
>"He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man." - Samuel Johnson
Wesley Clashfuck - Mon, 03 Aug 2020 10:08:49 EST j4hxtyVz No.535568 Reply
>"He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man by putting the burden of his internal struggle on other folks."
Yes, doing this makes you less of a man, it makes you a child.
Henry Trotstone - Mon, 03 Aug 2020 19:12:22 EST jnas4L6T No.535570 Reply

that's clearly the implied message of the quote, smart guy
Jenny Mopperbury - Tue, 04 Aug 2020 02:50:19 EST mttQWkrO No.535576 Reply
Damn that's all it takes? I agree with everyone here I dunno why I made this thread
Polly Boshwill - Tue, 04 Aug 2020 16:18:43 EST 1SSFeKJF No.535580 Reply
It sounded like you needed to blow of steam and regain your perspective.

Pretty sure the quote is also lampooning the behavior rather than lauding it.
Jarvis Gockleson - Wed, 05 Aug 2020 17:18:26 EST mttQWkrO No.535600 Reply
Nah I know that I was getting at something else lol, but you're right I did just need to get some perspective

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