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- Tue, 04 Aug 2020 00:13:04 EST ef9V5kqL No.535575
File: 1596514384665.jpg -(89007B / 86.92KB, 470x560) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Borderline girlfriend pic unrelated
So my ex?-girlfriend has borderline personality disorder. Basically when things are going well they feel dysphoric and lash out against the people they love, sometimes viciously. I know that sounds vauge but I've been stabbed, punched, had large glass jars thrown at my head, my bedroom door she punched through to get to me, she stole the family car, sliced my moms arm and the list goes on. I always protect her and do damage control because I don't think she knows the extent of the consiquences for this kind of shit. I also know she banks on me doing this. We were in recovery. I'm doing well and what I need to and she just wants to sit around all day and if I do anything at all that is not ashley-centric she can't stand it. Typing this shit you'd think there's no good at all but I love this chick, and she loves me. I see past all of this but I am starting to feel like I shouldn't be as much as I have and I don't know what to do. I also can't bring myself to trust her at all and I have a suspicion she's fucked around on me, although I guess it's not really that even though we agreed that we wouldn't do that if we spit up. I can't keep doing this, and I don't know how to shut off my feelings for her, she's been gone a month and want's to see me like badly and I keep flip flopping because it's cyclic, this pattern has got to stop and I don't know what to do, just the sex is fire enough to make me say fuck it. Right now I'm basically giving her an ultimatum to get help or I'm done. I need some help too, I don't know what to do. I have panic attacks getting on fb because I dread even seeing her texts half the time. Today she told me she was getting some dope to OD and kill herself because she can't keep doing this and can't stand being away from me. Everyone else that lives here decided she can't come around for fucks sake. What do /qq/?
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Scourge of the West - Tue, 04 Aug 2020 03:18:53 EST hPFdVrzr No.535577 Reply
>>535575
It doesn't matter if she's borderline or a psychopath or Bipolar or whatever. Bitch is nuts. SHE SLICED AT YOUR MOMS ARM. There's two endings for this we don't break up with her. She murders you or has you locked up in jail. It doesn't end well. But I love her! I'm sure there's some other terrible chick that can can fall in love with that's less stabby. But it sounds like your mind has that stupid fixation it doesn't allow you to see you to see you're better off alone. Buy a dog. Jesus
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James Dullerchutch - Tue, 04 Aug 2020 05:18:10 EST oz5WthSK No.535578 Reply
>>535575
You're in an abusive relationship. You're not gonna be completely satisfied or healthy in your life when there's so much danger around you. You should cut ties with any person who does that kind of stuff to you (or your mother, for that matter). Mental illness is not an excuse for committing crimes. When she assaults you or your mom she's basically a criminal. I know it's hard and I know you love her, but that's not enough. You should love yourself and your family much more than you love a person who attacks you and your family. It won't be easy to cut ties but in the long run it would be one of the best thing you've ever done in your entire life. You'll feel at peace. Love is not supposed to hurt you, trust me.
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Cedric Churryspear - Tue, 04 Aug 2020 07:54:39 EST zFzNA812 No.535579 Reply
She'll kill someone, or you. She's not been given or accepted any consequences for her behavior, and it will escalate. People around you will start getting hurt. You will become more and more isolated from friends and family as you defend your girlfriend and she attacks you.
User is currently banned from all boards
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Caroline Brucklefoot - Wed, 05 Aug 2020 12:48:04 EST m8gMi16v No.535591 Reply
>>535575
>I always protect her and do damage control because I don't think she knows the extent of the consiquences for this kind of shit. I also know she banks on me doing this.

I know you have good intentions, but that’s just enabling her behaviour. She will continue acting like she’s acting as long as she knows that she can without facing any real consequences. The more you protect her and forgive her, the more reinforced these behaviours will be, and the less reason she’ll have to change.

If you’re going to break up:
-deactivate facebook and all other social media for a couple of weeks
-break up with her over the phone or in a public place. somewhere where she will need to think twice about making a scene, or at least not be able to hurt you.
-when you break up with her TELL HER WHY. tell her point blank its because of all her behaviours and be specific about what the behaviours are. If she defends herself or tries to argue with you about it just reinforce that the reasons for her behavior don’t change what her behaviours were. Reinforce that she might not be able to control how she feels but she’s able to control how she responds to her feelings. reinforce that she cannot control other people’s behaviour but only her own.
  • tell her you’re blocking her number, then do it.
  • tell her that if she threatens to kill herself you won’t be responding and will just be calling 911. Then do that.
  • after the break up she will step up her bag of tricks and will do/say ANYTHING to try to get you to engage. do not engage with her if she contacts friends or family. only respond by calling 911 if needed. DO. NOT. ENGAGE.

If you’re going to stay together:
  • couples counselling is basically mandatory
  • set explicit boundaries about behaviour and outline what your specific responses to said behaviour will be. Then FOLLOW THROUGH. if you dont follow through you might as well not do it at all.

Either way:
  • call 911 if she makes threats to kill herself, regardless of whether you think she means it. serious threats, even empty ones, require a serious response.
  • call 911 if she’s attacking you or your family or being super aggressive.
  • talk to a therapist on your own if you can.


I know calling the cops is less than ideal. but if she continues to have no consequences then she’ll just keep doing it. or if she’s attacking you, if you can manage just getting her physically out of the house and locking her out that works too, although she may destroy your shit outside.
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Caroline Brucklefoot - Wed, 05 Aug 2020 13:54:32 EST m8gMi16v No.535592 Reply
>>535591
I forgot to mention. When you talk about things with her, validate her feelings and use “I statements “ (google it) but still be firm

For instance,

“I understand that you feel xyz and have been through a lot, but I feel ____ when you ____”

“I understand that you’re really struggling right now, but I feel incredibly stressed out when you yell at me and fight with my family And friends. I can’t continue living with this kind of stress, which means that I need to leave, or you need to stop yelling at me and fighting with my family and friends”
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Scourgeofthewest - Wed, 05 Aug 2020 21:20:06 EST XS0TAG53 No.535610 Reply
1596676806600.jpg -(37656B / 36.77KB, 509x485) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
>>535592
I think you might be giving him false hope. She stabs people. She has a knife. They don't. At what point is enough enough? When does she go to far? If she stabbed your mom to death would you pay for the lawyer? Would you go visit her?

Your right that a big part of the problem is him. But this is beyond correctable. Stop trying to shove a square peg into a round hole. It's not going to work. Cut your losses before she chops off your dick.
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Phyllis Hittingchedge - Wed, 05 Aug 2020 22:04:06 EST h9TTa2SX No.535611 Reply
>>535610
Huh? I never blamed it on him, this is just advice on how to deal with her.
I agree he should probably break up with her but that's not how people work. a lot of the time people in horrible dynamics like this stay together on and off for years and years. I've seent it
so if he does stay, which there is a good chance he might despite what anybody else says, i want to at least help him be somewhat equipped for that too.
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Phyllis Hittingchedge - Wed, 05 Aug 2020 22:05:35 EST h9TTa2SX No.535612 Reply
>>535611
well to be fair I did say he is enabling her, which he is. but that was it, mate.
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Scourge of the West - Thu, 06 Aug 2020 00:11:18 EST HZm1KLNh No.535618 Reply
1596687078346.jpg -(260432B / 254.33KB, 1020x1199) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
>>535612
Yeah. Can't argue with "but I love her!" He's just got to know when when to Dodge. I have a friend in real life going through a very similar situation and he's not listening either. Did not mean to take that out on you. You're good. My bad.
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Sophie Fubbernet - Thu, 06 Aug 2020 00:52:29 EST m8gMi16v No.535619 Reply
>>535618
Thanks friendo. also have a friend irl in the same situation. They get so close to leaving and then bail last minute, it sucks to see. Their partner keeps escalating shit every time they come close to leaving too and it just gets worse.
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Shitting Wurringfield - Thu, 06 Aug 2020 07:42:25 EST j4hxtyVz No.535622 Reply
>>535610
>I think you might be giving him false hope. She stabs people. She has a knife.
Qft
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Charlotte Gabbleford - Fri, 07 Aug 2020 12:31:46 EST TtXni/Rr No.535640 Reply
dude is there any way to get her treatment? A weekly DBT skills group plus any personal therapist, regardless of modality, so long as she likes them (at least to begin with) will fix all this shit eventually, loads of evidence.

You are right not to trust her, she is very very unwell, she needs help, not a boyfriend .


Also never give anyone an ultimatum, especially someone with BPD, most relationship problems come from insecurity, fear, lack of trust, but with BPD it's that times 1000... what could make someone less trustful and more insecure than an ultimatum? If you want to break up break up, if you want to stay together (do not stay together) stay together, but don't ultimatum people. Whether you decide to break up or stay together tell her she needs to get help or she is going to die. 10% of borderlines attempt suicide, 1 in 10, that is huge. The whole population has a 1 in 10,000 chance of dying by suicide and she has a ONE IN TEN chance. She. Needs. Help.

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