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Stayed in the sun too long

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- Wed, 05 Aug 2020 04:45:44 EST +Ye82DwW No.535581
File: 1596617144538.gif -(605459B / 591.27KB, 260x146) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Stayed in the sun too long
I enjoyed the outdoors too long. I went from the threshold of white strangers calling me "bud" and "bro" to "homeboy" and all the variations ("homes, homie, etc.) which I don't fucking say by the way, or "gangsta" which is a fun one.

I'm mixed and aware of how I present myself and how people perceive me. I try to dress really bright and non-urban, like if tommy vercetti fucked a chinese tourist and they mixed up clothes on the way out. In the places where my family still lives dressing like a gang member can get you beat up or killed, and that's just the shit the police will do to you, so I avoid it. I'm like jackie chan, I don't want trouble.

I just started a new job in retail and most of my bosses are hipster white girls 10 years younger than me. I go and am positive, put on my white voice and try to be as nice as possible and I still get little remarks like this. I'm not even angry anymore. I just want to lay down and die. It's never going to get better.

I lost my teen years due to bad parenting, bad surroundings and bad choices and had to play catch up. So many of the people around me did. The schools didn't prepare us for college and the handful of us that did get there were woefully underappreciated and had to play more catch up, this time not just with work but with 10s of thousands of dollars of our own money. My hands are bleeding from pulling on these fucking bootstraps and I'm trying to do it with a smile and their perception of me doesn't fucking change. I'm a 31 year old man and I have been bawling since I got out of work.

thank you for letting me vent my depressing miserable life here all these years.
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a retarded nobody from nowhere - Wed, 05 Aug 2020 04:47:51 EST +Ye82DwW No.535582 Reply
*under prepared not underappreciated

spellcheck is over appreciated, which auto corrects to two words. Gay.
/nb even though it's on the top of the page. I'll punch myself in the nuts as penance or something.
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Shitting Fandale - Wed, 05 Aug 2020 07:39:38 EST zcGokjf7 No.535583 Reply
When I don’t like the way someone I work with talks to me, I let them know. It doesn’t have to be a big deal.

I get that there’s no point in explaining to every stranger on the street who calls you homie. But damn are that many strangers just randomly waving and greeting you? At best someone at a cash register will greet me in public and I’ve been called everything from boss to amigo, neither of which I was.
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Eliza Forringspear - Wed, 05 Aug 2020 12:37:11 EST ZILHHPC6 No.535588 Reply
People just aren't that hung up on race, guy.
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Isabella Docklepud - Wed, 05 Aug 2020 16:02:46 EST +Ye82DwW No.535594 Reply
>>535588
first off thanks for calling me guy and not "muh nig".

Second, I'll believe this when they start talking mock jive and calo to the white guys or pocho mexicans.
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Isabella Docklepud - Wed, 05 Aug 2020 16:05:34 EST +Ye82DwW No.535595 Reply
>>535583
>When I don’t like the way someone I work with talks to me, I let them know. It doesn’t have to be a big deal.

Yes, because telling a white woman in her mid 20s that shes wrong for something she thinks makes her corky, hip and of the culture as someone that works under her isn't going to come back and bite me in the ass.

Oh well, I just got back from the doctor and have a lump on my thyroid so I won't have to deal with this shit much longer. Make sure they spell the words on my tombstone correctly.
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Frederick Croshshit - Wed, 05 Aug 2020 18:43:36 EST 1SSFeKJF No.535604 Reply
>>535595
You don't tell them you're wrong, you ask them nicely and say you'd appreciate it. If they're assholes they'll push back. If they're just people trying to do right by others and getting it wrong they'll change it. Benefit of the doubt and assuming the best intentions will help you deal. I mean it wont' stop hostile mini karens but it will mean that well meaning idiots (which is most people who aren't complete arseholes) will stay friendly.

Race and your relation to it is a big deal to you. But the way people talk to you will be a product of a lot of things including them. I have to admit I think varying how you address people by race is crazy but these people might be trying too hard. It's impossible to be "colourblind" because even the most well meaning person gets bombarded by a mix of hate, racial awareness, stereotypes, praise of breaking stereotypes, hot topic, denial of it, don't disciminate, do accept race matters and some just get overwhelmed or over compensate. It's a game no one can win. Unfortunately you're going to lose harder than most.

In this case you've made it clear that most of it is not hostile intent. It's not about people pushing you down but it seems more like you hate being reminded you're different. Maybe a large part of your problem is you're not at peace with who you are? Your past and your life are tangled up in this mess and maybe you need to look at dealing with those parts of your life. It seems like the misery isn't caused by others and their intentions but that it reminds of you of things that hurt you. Maybe you should address your past and how much that hurts? That will help. If you work hard and stick at it, and don't slave away somewhere you aren't appreciated in time your station in life will improve (don't be afraid to look for a new job while working if the current one is bullshit). It sounds like the reminder that you are unhappy with your life is the issue here not well intentioned awkwardness. I know you shouldn't have to tough out that shit, but it's clear regardless of your race you have real issues with your mental health and life and the increased sensitivity is a symptom of an issue that anyone should be looking to treat even if it didn't cause that symptom. You aren't happy with your life. That is the problem.
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Basil Grimfoot - Wed, 05 Aug 2020 22:18:32 EST mttQWkrO No.535613 Reply
Lmao as a white person I can't even put myself into the head space of calling a black person "homeboy" let alone "gangsta", at all, but especially someone that clearly isn't about it just because they're black, That's awful and I'm sorry you have to go through it, but I'm sorry that is also so fucking funny. I bet they're the kind of people who swear they can't be racist because they have a single black friend and have a BLM avi on twitter. That truly sucks though.

>In the places where my family still lives dressing like a gang member can get you beat up or killed

It might have to do with that though. It must be a thoroughly white bread area lls. I think in the city I live in that'd be more likely to happen to a white person who called a random black dude "gangsta". It's not really an excuse, but if there really hasn't been an opportunity for them to interact with black people they're probably ignorant in the true sense of the word and don't understand how much of a faux pas that is.
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Phyllis Hittingchedge - Wed, 05 Aug 2020 23:48:04 EST h9TTa2SX No.535616 Reply
Sorry you have to deal with that shit OP, it sounds incredibly annoying. I don't know what their intent is because I wasn't there. They're either trying extra super hard to be chummy with you and really fucking it up in the process, or it's a microaggression, or maybe both. Either way I can appreciate how it feels like shit to be "othered" all the time by everyone around you, and it sucks ass.

Are you usually white passing when you don't go into the sun? Do you have black friends that you can hang out with or biracial friends who might understand some of this shit and commiserate with you? When I'm tired of people making comments and not understanding my experience, I surround myself with other people who are like me and understand what I'm going through, which I find helps. You go from being "othered" to being together and being included/accepted/understood.
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Shitting Wurringfield - Thu, 06 Aug 2020 07:22:54 EST j4hxtyVz No.535621 Reply
>>535613
I want to pile onto this so bad.

If you're a white person and you're using black vernacular because you don't know any better, that's ignorance. If you're doing it on purpose it's bullheaded obvious racism.

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