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Feel like the marriage/settling down train has left the station

- Thu, 13 Aug 2020 23:35:00 EST 0oEnimUC No.535725
File: 1597376100063.jpg -(22109B / 21.59KB, 612x459) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Feel like the marriage/settling down train has left the station
I'm 34 years old. I spent my 20's being a manwhore who fucked anything that moved and only had 2 serious girlfriends, and neither relationship last that long (only about a year each one). My body count is relatively high. I spent the ripest years of my life either awash in drugs and the company of loose women, in the mosh pit at punk or metal shows, or in the university library scouring over books for research.

I've also spent a lot of time traveling the world and moving around a good bit for grad school and teaching. Currently I'm in East Asia after a stint of living in NYC. I'm a ramblin' man, to quote Hank Williams (or the Allman Brothers). So while I've seen and experienced a lot of amazing things I never really established any "roots" anywhere.

Now I'm at the age where I kinda wanna settle down and get married but I feel like that train's already left the station. 90% of my friends back home in America are married or at least in permanent cohabitation with their partners, and I currently live in a culture where marrying young is a big deal. I feel like living my life as a free spirit finally came back to bite me in the ass and I'm gonna be lonely for the rest of my life as the dating pool progressively dries up.
Betsy Millerkore - Fri, 14 Aug 2020 00:01:00 EST m8gMi16v No.535726 Reply
Just wait, in the next few years loads of your friends will be getting divorced. just hop on any dating app right now and you’ll find divorced women to date lol. I know 3 women in their early 30s who are divorced with no kids. most of them just made the mistake of marrying too young and are totally dateable.
Hannah Fanninggold - Fri, 14 Aug 2020 00:14:43 EST 0oEnimUC No.535727 Reply
True, I have no problem dating a divorcee. Hell I wouldn't mind being a stepdad, I'm in a solid enough point in my life emotionally and financially to be a parent.

If I were to head back home to the States I wonder if I could swoop in on some of my friends after I split up. A lot of my woman friends who are married now fucked me back when we were younger so I'd probably have a chance, hahahaha. (I'm a scoundrel, I know...)
Meryuuna Lafette - Fri, 14 Aug 2020 05:42:46 EST WtrYFq80 No.535730 Reply
just wait.
Mombies with broken relationships are already around the corner to find another breadwinner.
Hannah Fanninggold - Fri, 14 Aug 2020 12:55:03 EST 0oEnimUC No.535732 Reply
What the fuck is a "mombie"? Sounds like some cringy redpill/pimp lingo.
Priscilla Gackleville - Fri, 14 Aug 2020 14:29:19 EST 3DgTp//Q No.535733 Reply
You can feel lonely in a marriage too, you know.
James Bagglekon - Fri, 14 Aug 2020 16:40:35 EST 3PmArBhe No.535735 Reply
To me it sounds like something that one would come up with if they felt neglected and didn’t have a good high school experience, as a way to inner catharsis where they feel justified in their alienation through their adversaries life choices.
Cedric Febberserk - Sat, 15 Aug 2020 00:54:52 EST 0oEnimUC No.535739 Reply
Oh fo sho. I mean I'm lonely but I know too many people with emotionally distant spouses/partners and I can see it wearing on them.

Probably a good hypothesis. Either way it sounds like a term that someone who ironically calls people "Chads and Stacys" and "normies" and "femoids" would use.
Doris Missleworth - Sat, 15 Aug 2020 02:20:18 EST MZ0lFLVU No.535741 Reply
I guess my point is, if you dont find someone you actually want to spend the rest of your life with, but just desperately looking for someone because you feel like you're running out of time, you're more likely to make a wrong decision.
My brother married at the age of 38 and had two healthy babies. You should keep an open mind but dont feel rushed into anything.
Cedric Febberserk - Sat, 15 Aug 2020 04:23:17 EST 0oEnimUC No.535742 Reply

Yeah, deep down inside I think I know that's what I really want out of life, i.e. to take my time until I meet the person who will actually make me happy.

It gets really annoying at family gatherings though cuz you can't say to your grandma or aunts n' uncles "I've been too busy on my hoe shit" when they ask why you haven't settled down yet. At least with my friends it's okay that they know I'm a manwhore.
Doris Missleworth - Sat, 15 Aug 2020 05:14:48 EST MZ0lFLVU No.535743 Reply
Tell me about it. I slept around a lot during my teen, and used to brag about it to all my friends. Fifteen years later and my friends still think of me as the slut in our group even though I calmed down a lot. You can't escape it but I hope it isn't an issue in wherever society you hail from.

I'm in the same position as you. Family gathering are increasingly becoming more akward as the years pass us by, and it doesnt help the fact that literally everyone in my family is married with kids or expecting some soon. My grandmother passed away during the pandemic and she never got to see me married. I considered her feelings a lot when she was alive, but now that she has passed on, whatever she wanted out of my life mean very little to how much I miss her. People want whats best for you, and its good that people care about you to that extent. What they think is best for you doesnt matter all that much in the end.

You cant get married because someone else wants you to. All the challenges and the hurdles that you will have to overcome is entirely on you two alone.
Basil Babbledet - Sat, 15 Aug 2020 07:20:38 EST L2FV8Wg5 No.535744 Reply
>Family gathering are increasingly becoming more awkward
For whom? If people make you feel awkward, don't go.

Don't have a baby because you feel awkward. Don't have a baby because you feel like you should. Don't have a baby because it's time. Don't have a baby because someone else wants you to.

It's a hard, hard life for a child who isn't born on purpose into a positive home for the right reasons.
Betsy Fissledun - Sat, 15 Aug 2020 13:22:06 EST yyOfZufy No.535754 Reply
Bro my friend's dad got married at 36 to a 23 year old woman. Has a beautiful family of 5.
Esther Bunnergold - Sat, 15 Aug 2020 14:06:34 EST rm7hi7eY No.535756 Reply
1597514794246.png -(125172B / 122.24KB, 500x458) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
mombies, women whos only goal in life is to breed and to pressure others to breed too.
Their lifes have become empty husks, deep down they hate themselfes for what they have become but still want to appear as they created one of the biggest world-wonders.

Because their lifes turned so miserable with a partner whom they denied sex after and during pregnancy and gave their crotchfruit more attention than their marriage, most of them turn to single mombies.
Emma Battingsock - Sun, 16 Aug 2020 00:40:41 EST 0oEnimUC No.535761 Reply
Yeah, like I said I think I know deep down inside I shouldn't care what others think, but it gets annoying, especially because one of my grandmothers straight up told me "Time's running out for you, you're getting to a point in life where you might never find someone." She's kinda a judgmental bitch though, not gonna lie. Shouldn't let her get under my skin.

Oh, okay, so it IS in.cel lingo. Got it.
Beatrice Sissleham - Sun, 16 Aug 2020 08:31:35 EST mCO5Ri2O No.535763 Reply
1597581095055.jpg -(65237B / 63.71KB, 1440x1003) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.

says the single man who wouldn't even pull half of the weight to raise a kid.

lucky for you to not be a girl who gets bingoed by family, friends and coworkers.
Simon Duckwell - Sun, 16 Aug 2020 10:53:35 EST NmYXrgWM No.535765 Reply
LOL what's your point? I wouldn't pull half the weight of raising a kid, I wouldn't put any of the weight of raising a kid, I had a vasectomy. You think you're better than me? That's rich. And did you just use gender as a pejorative? Shame on you.
Reuben Huzzlehall - Sun, 16 Aug 2020 11:54:43 EST 1SSFeKJF No.535766 Reply
Your grandparents are thinking in terms of their generation. Their values are different. People do change with the times but it gets harder and harder the further removed they are, even if they keep incorporating new ideas they're doing it with an entirely different base. Things that were normal then to even a kind person can seem crazy now. My grandmother had a "negro" servant BOY during world war 2 when she was in the WRNs. She talked of him kindly, she missed him, I think she thought he was lovely even 50 years later but that she had a child servant doesn't seem crazy because he was black? That's insane. She was not a malicious hateful woman but a country bumpkin who grew up in buttfuck nowhere by the time we were in a place for society to openly question that sort of thing she was already losing her marbles. My grandad on my dad's side was a swordfish (naval biplane bomber, a swordfish, though not one of his was the one that fucked the bismarck) and it took him 50 years to let go of the "evil Japanese" propaganda (I remember them trying chinese for the first time 15 odd years ago and being deligned though). Again he was a good man. They both said things which changed my view on death, both were people who would say nothing at all if they had nothing nice to say, but they were wrong about things. Ironically they did all have their first children around 40 and they were all healthy.

There's lots of ways to live a valid life. Some involve having kids raising them in such a way that have a good life that's a positive unto itself just for the joy they experience while also making the world better for others. But some don't involve kids. Of the ones that involve kids, doing it before you can provide a stable environment and if you don't want to raise a new life I think or "sheer fucking dumb luck you selfish cunt" are requirements.

Plenty of people marry too young or too quickly or both. Until you're in your early 20s you barely know yourself, and so it'd take a few years past that for someone to know you. People change anyway but it's prounced there. A lot of my friends are only just getting married in their 30s. There haven't been many kids yet and some won't have any.

Never do "what you feel you should". That's not what you should, and it's not what you want to. It's often not even what many people whose opinions you respect think. It's removed from both your own values and any people who you actually respect. It's just how societal pressure makes you think people feel. It's a reflection of a reflection. That's a good rule for just about anything. Do stuff because you know what you value and because that stuff aligns with your values. Maybe consider the input of individuals or groups who you respect but only to help you evaluate your values or what the effects are.
Polly Hunkincocke - Mon, 17 Aug 2020 14:28:01 EST 3AhMb0H9 No.535771 Reply
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do you have a steady income?
Do you have a job that gives you free-time in cases of "need it for family-matters"?
How can you justify producing kids in times of a global pandemic and a new cold-war?
Do you have a home thats big enough for at least 4 people?
Did you ever take care of children (not just babysit)?

Are you aware of the inherent risks pregnancy means for every woman?
Hedda Follerserk - Wed, 19 Aug 2020 01:00:24 EST Kcmn7NrE No.535774 Reply
You obviously dont have any children lol. It doesn't really work that way. You can have a kid in a recession, in a global pandemic, in a cold war, in a tent or mudhut, without a job, without any experience, without much free time. You make shitwork with kids. They really dont need much apart from food clothing and love.
Hedda Follerserk - Wed, 19 Aug 2020 01:01:27 EST Kcmn7NrE No.535775 Reply
Also how do you leave out the climate crisis/ mass extinction? That's the real reason not to reproduce.
Eliza Grandgold - Wed, 19 Aug 2020 03:46:06 EST nMX7vecr No.535778 Reply
yes, you CAN have a child without any second thoughts and the social and financial stability it needs.
It just makes you an egoistical asshole who doesn't care if his kid grows up happy, healthy and not starving.
Hedda Follerserk - Wed, 19 Aug 2020 08:51:56 EST Kcmn7NrE No.535779 Reply
Not at all. The best things in life are free (including the best foods) and people sell their lifeblood in pursuit of the upper middle class dream.

Those questions we not informative and more like do you tick the boxes for soccer dad 2.0? Soccer dad raises sad children.
Augustus Gicklehood - Wed, 19 Aug 2020 18:20:36 EST 1SSFeKJF No.535782 Reply
Money doesn't buy you happiness but it buys a whole lot of not sadness. You don't need to be wealthy to raise kids well but giving them stability and having the time and money to support them when they take up a hobby and make sure they can see their friends and stuff makes a huge difference. Not being stressed make a huge difference. And that's before stuff like not living somewhere violent and dangerous, shortages of food, etc.
Lillian Cuckleletch - Thu, 20 Aug 2020 02:21:13 EST Kcmn7NrE No.535786 Reply
Look guy I dont think you really understand my point but that's okay.
Henry Foppershaw - Thu, 20 Aug 2020 06:48:20 EST 1SSFeKJF No.535787 Reply
I understand your point and it's valid but it's also based on you deliberately taking one extreme/interpretation of another person's valid point. Not quite a strawman but definitely not a whole man.

It kind of feels like you're either defensive or pushing an anti capitalist agenda, which I have a lot of time for, but at the same time, growing up in poverty sucks if your parents are not 110% committed. Kids who get home from school and face the choice between laying on the floor and waiting for time to pass and getting into trouble grow up much sadder than soccer dad's kids.

If you are 110% committed and ready fine, but most parents aren't and that's actually also fine as long as they aren't already scraping by before the going gets tough.
Doris Billingstock - Thu, 20 Aug 2020 07:03:19 EST kK3rPTq0 No.535789 Reply
>They really dont need much apart from food clothing and love.
Yeah the world needs construction workers to shovel gravel in the tight spots. Poor people keep pumping out all these kids and it's been great, my costs have gone steadily down (theirs have gone up tho monkaS).
>Look guy I dont think you really understand my point
Hope you get mine.
Sidney Murdway - Thu, 20 Aug 2020 17:40:39 EST 5IakZhmE No.535792 Reply
Ah, yes - we're so moral and anti-materialistic. We clearly know what's really important in life.

Never mind if the kid eats pasta every day. Never mind if they get teased at school for wearing clothes from the thrift shop. Never mind if that love never ONCE makes us stop and think that maybe - just maybe - they won't enjoy this lifestyle.

They're here - that's what's REALLY important. We get to play mommy now.
Barnaby Cuffingville - Fri, 21 Aug 2020 02:16:06 EST Kcmn7NrE No.535795 Reply
I was just trying to point out the cultural bias at play. If you ask some people about kids they say of course you need sons to take over the farm. It's a given. In western middle class culture it is a given that you need the box in the suburbs with the new gadgets so that the rich pricks dont tease your kids or whatever. But that is opting in to a belief system. A very flawed one.

The poor people you may be thinking of may buy McDonalds instead of a bag of rice. Maybe they smoke and drink. That's a mindset. A defeatist one. The rich people I know have the same fucking mindset though. They have 2 mortgages, work 60 hrs a week and steal from the government. They need to drink and take speed on the weekends same as the poor. And they are woefully equipped to raise emotionally responsible children the same as the gutter trash that everyone is so afraid of becoming.

If you have the right mindset you can have a kid in the wilderness and if you have the wrong mindset you will raise a psychopath who has everything in the world.

So if you are committed as you say you dont need to tick the boxes. If you arent committed, dont have a kid. We dont need more humans.

That's what I'm saying. I do get annoyed by the general attitudes of middle class people to be honest. That's my bad. But I dont think it's a straw man to point out that these guys make a whole bunch of assumptions.

For example, the life expectancy actually rises in a recession. It also stresses people out too on top of that. So dont be fucking stressed. Choose a better lifestyle. Live a long life full of the best shit
Isabella Nonnertirk - Fri, 21 Aug 2020 07:02:28 EST bgawptzK No.535798 Reply
It is a tragedy for children to be born into poverty and live on the edges of it. I have mountains of data to support this. Look around, it's the only social commentary that is universally true everywhere. It's got nothing /at all/ to do with individual poor people making bad choices, HARDSHIP IS CORRELATED WITH POVERTY. You're saying it's not. People understand you but you can be demonstrated to be wrong by anyone.
Hannah Suvingdock - Mon, 24 Aug 2020 05:46:31 EST Kcmn7NrE No.535826 Reply
Not at all. I'm saying that a determined father who is poor is better than a middle class or rich father that is a father for the sake of it. It is not enough to have a bit of free time and have enough money so that the kid has the new shit. It's not enough. Having 4 bedrooms isnt the right question. Being poor also doesn't mean that you live in squalor and shouldn't breed. That's elitist bullshit.
Hannah Suvingdock - Mon, 24 Aug 2020 05:56:17 EST Kcmn7NrE No.535827 Reply
Maybe you guys are american where you dont get universal healthcare and your poor die from treatable conditions all the time. Is that it? And its fucking cold. I was in the northern hemisphere once and came across a homeless person that had frozen solid. Fucking savages.
James Snodwater - Wed, 26 Aug 2020 06:03:47 EST Td/+OTTF No.535829 Reply
Children need education, constant attention, for you to wake up in the middle of the night and comfort them. That's only the bare minimum to be considered legally responsible.

Also if you want to be a good parent you'll also need to support their hobbies, dreams and goals, buy them toys, discipline bad behaviour, reward good, guide them to live a good life, give them an allowance to help them once they reach adulthood.

I think you're confusing children with dogs.
Cyril Grandman - Wed, 26 Aug 2020 08:20:55 EST LhLHuuXU No.535834 Reply
You're justifying people having kids who don't have the resources to support them.
Albert Sundlelock - Thu, 27 Aug 2020 22:31:15 EST 7WoF1Co9 No.535853 Reply
OP here, haven't checked the? thread in the while but dang.

I should have clarified: having kids isn't what I feel pressured about, it's the pressure to finally quit being on my hoe shit and get married/a serious life partner. But
both made some good points that make me feel a little better about the situation.

Still, like I said, hard to be at family gatherings and your grandma or aunts ask "So are you seeing anyone right now?" and you can't reply with "No but a cute undergrad sat on my face last night!"

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