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im insecure and cant deal with shit that shouldnt matter and its going to destroy my relationship

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- Sat, 19 Sep 2020 19:41:10 EST mFWXT8u8 No.536204
File: 1600558870725.jpg -(113800B / 111.13KB, 467x700) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. im insecure and cant deal with shit that shouldnt matter and its going to destroy my relationship
ive been with my girlfriend for 9 months now. the 2 months before we got together she had sex with as many people as I have in my entire life.

I feel inadequate. How could I compare to that experience. How do I feel special? I know who some of the guys are. They are thinner than me. Better looking than me. Bigger dicks.

The first night we actually met was when she was at the same venue as me to see one of the guys she had dated/hooked up with. She barely remembers me and had no feelings for me after that night. We didn't get together until awhile later.

My mind just circles on all these thoughts. How can I be special to her? How can I get over these feelings. My anxiety is so high sometimes over this. I hate it. It makes me hate the concept of sex.

She has never had an orgasm before, not solo, with others, not with me. She has told me before that no one else ever learned how to touch her the way she likes. She said I get her as close as she can get herself. When it feels like the the spot she thinks an orgasm should be, she just goes numb, and then "resets" and has no more sexual desire. She says I'm the only person she has ever enjoyed penetration with. Feels like a lie since why else would she have had sex with so many people if she didnt like it...?

I want these thoughts to stop so I can not fuck up an otherwise great relationship
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Edward Puckleridge - Sat, 19 Sep 2020 22:40:49 EST VZaU/8aj No.536207 Reply
>>536204
You gotta be the girlfriend you wish you had. It can be painful to bear this burden alone. There were sometimes I would literally just walk around, crying, saying to myself "You're a really awesome dude. I love you. You're special. You're beautiful. You're doing great things and you're upholding your values." etcetera etcetera.

It's important for us all to be able to be there for ourselves, when no one else will. This is especially important in relationships. She will respect you more when she notices that your emotional well-being is completely independent and your own. That you're not using her to make you feel good about yourself.
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Edward Puckleridge - Sat, 19 Sep 2020 22:42:24 EST VZaU/8aj No.536208 Reply
>>536204
So basically, Answer those fucking questions that are bothering you. Out loud. Decide what the answers are. Use your will. Support yourself. Be a friend.
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Lydia Drillyfuck - Sat, 19 Sep 2020 23:59:01 EST m8gMi16v No.536209 Reply
>Feels like a lie since why else would she have had sex with so many people if she didnt like it...?
Obligation sex. Sex just to feel desired. "I guess this is what we're supposed to do now" sex. I dunno. Lots of dumb reasons to have sex.

I have a girl friend who is a lesbian, but for like three years I knew her she exclusively dated men, lived with men, fucked men, even had casual hookups with men. Didn't enjoy it but did it because it was part of the heteronormative experience I guess. Then she realized she was gay.
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Lydia Drillyfuck - Sun, 20 Sep 2020 00:00:29 EST m8gMi16v No.536210 Reply
also OP your pic is very.... pedoy.
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Cornelius Smallway - Sun, 20 Sep 2020 10:23:34 EST 74/lHxSF No.536215 Reply
>>536204
>I feel inadequate.
And that's why you post fake stories on advice boards, to validate yourself.
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Oliver Siddlestone - Sun, 20 Sep 2020 11:40:16 EST 1SSFeKJF No.536217 Reply
>>536204
Grow up OP.

Okay so I was entirely wretched for the first part of my adulthood and my girlfriend who is several years younger lost her virginity before I did. She has had more partners than I by a large margin and because I simply try not to be a piece of shit, try to pleasure her and pay attention to what she does I am the best. I do not feel insecure. If anything I feel proud that I am better than so many men with relatively little experience. It did make me realise how low the bar is. Barring huge unusual issues (you've not mentioned any), a guy who is trying not to be shit and making progress is already top quartile, probably top decile. But the point is you beat them.

I stand atop a pile of lesser men, some more athletic, handsome, bigger dicked, kinkier (not that I am deficient in this area but I'm not stunningly beautiful, horselike etc) but none of them have shit on me because I make effort, I learn, I see what works, I refine it, I talk to her before and after. If you want to make an impression just focus on being the best lay you can for her and you'll blow the others away. Most people are terrible partners and many people are terrible at picking someone who will make them happy. To beat the competition just focus on being as good as you can and pleasing her and not them. She churned through these worthless fuckbois and stuck with you.

Unless she's literally your first then you must know that every time you fall in love is special and different in it's own way.

What the other guy said about loving yourself is true too. Be excellent in terms of your own values and strengths. That actually ties into what I'm saying about the low bar. A lot of guys don't. You do that and you'll be even better. If there's something you are insecure about and want to be better why not work on it? Lift weights and eat better if you think your body could be improved do it for you. That said make sure you're doing it for you. I got into the shape I am in (which is ripped plus loose skin, oh well) my girlfriend loves my arms and I like that, but I do it because I want to be a guy who keeps himself sexy for whoever he's with, not just for her. Though I am hoping it'll be her for a long time.

Also get therapy for your anxiety if it's a problem in other areas. Again do it for you but it will help with the relationship. If you're anxious you risk both going off over nothing (big risk) and chalking real issues up to anxiety (smaller risk) if you understand and can mostly manage it, your anxiety won't do either as much.
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Lillian Pagglesurk - Sun, 20 Sep 2020 14:53:58 EST J6gMcYqk No.536221 Reply
Comparing yourself to others will only lead to more anxiety

Focus on what you can do today instead of on the past.

Consider going to couples therapy, does your gf know you feel this way?
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Walter Clinnerwin - Tue, 22 Sep 2020 23:19:45 EST /a0EWK+P No.536253 Reply
And you didn't leave her because?

You should leave her, there are billions of women in the world and you're with the one that fucked billions of guys
User is currently banned from all boards
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Betsy Fanson - Wed, 23 Sep 2020 12:44:00 EST zFOSul5+ No.536263 Reply
>>536253
I'm not sure if this is a joke. I'm just reaching out for help dealing with the anxiety this causes me. I don't want to leave her.
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Matilda Fonningshit - Wed, 23 Sep 2020 13:20:35 EST 1SSFeKJF No.536264 Reply
>>536263
I'm not sure either. That guy is either bad at comic timing or just a bitter insecure loser. Or maybe an ex who is upset you fuck her better.
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David Gadgetark - Wed, 23 Sep 2020 13:58:39 EST 1FMOVAQ5 No.536265 Reply
>>536263
I would just try being open with her about it, and make it clear to her that you're putting in a real effort to find out how to understand her and her body/what gets her off and trying to improve. I think her seeing and recognizing your motivation and desire to be better and the effort you are putting in will go a long way for not just bringing you two closer emotionally, but actually getting her off. Not only will you eventually just improve with time naturally from the effort, but I think the knowledge you care that much and are trying that hard is probably going to be a turn on... might be enough on its own to help keep her from getting close to climax but then just going numb instead.
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George Duffingdeg - Wed, 23 Sep 2020 23:39:39 EST MLL+pwyx No.536266 Reply
Eh girls have sex for validation. It's silly to think that you're not special when she only chose to date you for 9 months.

You gotta take away her control for that orgasm though. Shes in her head so you gotta tie her up or hold her down when shes close and that should help set her over the edge.
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Augustus Pittworth - Thu, 24 Sep 2020 03:16:00 EST 6gpt5FtC No.536267 Reply
>>536266
There's a few reasons the orgasm may happen. But yeah she's in her head and she is stopping it. She gets close then gets anxiety about it and shuts down. Maybe she's an anxious about cumming for OP as he is about her. A bit of kink or whatever might work but it's worth making sure she's on board with that.
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George Duffingdeg - Thu, 24 Sep 2020 10:17:41 EST MLL+pwyx No.536268 Reply
>>536267
Yeah it was implied that it's got to be consensual, but also non consensual seeming enough for her to get off on it. If that's a head fuck, yes it is haha. My mind couldn't comprehend that shit for ages.
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Augustus Pittworth - Thu, 24 Sep 2020 11:54:45 EST 6gpt5FtC No.536269 Reply
>>536268
Don't get me wrong, the first time I made my partner orgasm was after she told me she liked it rough and to pin her so we were going at it and I just pinned her arms and she realised how much stronger I was and she was pinned and just came. It absolutely could be be a solution. But it could also absolutely could be not it. Definitely worth asking.

I think there's a lot of possible explanations but I think her feeling the pressure to perform is definitely one of the most likely and this is one possible solution to that. I mean not having control could remove the pressure. Then again I had anxiety issues with a previous partner and she just told me it would be fine and she knew I'd be okay and it worked. Though we also did a lot of stuff to stack the odds in my favour like not fucking at 1am when I was tired, her putting the condom on (it goes from fiddling with a wrapper to her touching my junk) and it built my confidence up enough. So it's something to discuss and try various things, but also make sure she doesn't feel pressure, there's no time limit, you're not going anywhere.

If OP manages that he'll be a double winner. Better fuck and also more considerate. That sort of shit is worth more than infinite shitty lays with shitty people.
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Graham Paffingshaw - Thu, 08 Oct 2020 02:57:35 EST /a0EWK+P No.536366 Reply
>>536262
God willing...

>>536263
It really isn't a joke. You'd feel great if you found someone better... If you want to stay with her and avoid anxiety, try heroin
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