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dead-ass mom

- Sat, 02 Oct 2021 08:37:16 EST 00KbcawF No.540771
File: 1633178236191.gif -(710303B / 693.66KB, 500x700) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. dead-ass mom
My mom killed herself a few weeks ago by driving her car down a hill 50 feet and crashing into a tree. I'm going to where that happened tomorrow to look at it. It's a few cities away and in a pretty rural area, but the car, her, and some of the surrounding area went up in flames, so it should not be too hard to identify.

I loved my mom and used to be very close to her, but both of my parents were extremely abusive and thinking and feeling things about all of this has been a mess. My dad hasn't even called, and I know he knows it happened. My friends were and are sympathetic, but they've tapered off on checking on me somewhat cause the novelty wore off and they have lives, I guess.

I'm used to experiencing just completely off the wall terrible things that go outright denied or unacknowledged. A few examples:
>my entire childhood--should have been CPSed out but never was, parent or parents should have been arrested but never were
>groomed by some dude from age 11 on, multiple adults knew and did nothing
>domestic violence that permanently injured me, but nobody cared or acknowledged it after I escaped, much less said anything despite knowing about it

A lot of stuff has seemed like a fever dream or another dimension or something, and this is feeling like that too. I'd only just started calling and receiving calls from my mom again this year after being estranged for a bit, and suddenly she's silent. I know she is dead and burned up unrecognizably but it seems like she's just temporarily not there, especially because some people aren't acting like anything happened. I guess I want to go make sure it did, and that it is serious. I just feel like I should.

A little worried, though, because I was already having an episode of way worse PTSD before she even died, and now my dreams are just stallionoo bananas full of violence and rape and then mom death shit. I hope this doesn't make it worse.
Nicholas Sangersudge - Sat, 02 Oct 2021 10:24:00 EST UjeA8Bfh No.540772 Reply
First off, let me start by saying that I'm sorry for your loss. No matter the relationship, losing your mother is never easy. I'm hopeful that you will recover.

It doesn't seem like your family or friends have provided you much comfort in these difficult times. It's important that you seek out help in those you trust. If you dont feel like speaking to anyone personally, We're always going to be here for you.

Speaking from personal experience, the lose of close family member can take time to process. It took me weeks to fully come to terms with it. it was well worth it, you come out a bigger person.

So try to take care of yourself in the next coming weeks.
Barnaby Bardman - Sat, 02 Oct 2021 10:32:02 EST Z4cbOu3g No.540773 Reply
>A little worried, though, because I was already having an episode of way worse PTSD
Can you bring someone with you?
Priscilla Himblehet - Sat, 02 Oct 2021 16:45:26 EST 5wguVm5g No.540774 Reply
finally somebody I relate with

Thanks for sharing, OP.
Martha Wezzlefetch - Sun, 03 Oct 2021 11:09:10 EST LQ4VvGPH No.540777 Reply
Sorry your mom died. I hope looking at the scorched earth gives you closure. From what you described maybe it's better that your dad hasn't called. Maybe it's time to put your past in the rearview mirror and focus on the rest of your life going forward. If you feel guilty doing that, don't because you don't owe them shit.
Emma Fanworth - Mon, 04 Oct 2021 01:44:14 EST 00KbcawF No.540781 Reply
1633326254622.jpg -(5817101B / 5.55MB, 3264x2448) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
Hey all. Thank you for commenting; I read them all. I went. It was the middle of absolutely nowhere. Terrified I wouldn't be able to find it, but I definitely did. 50 feet down a hillside, bits of the car I learned to drive in still there, scraps of burned paper with her name on it, blackened leaves on the surrounding trees.

Lay down in the ashes and read her Dhammapada aloud. Someone had left flowers there too. Apparently it was pretty bad.

Getting home was a bit of an ordeal, but the walk over there was gorgeous and I am relieved I found it. Good decision so far.
Phineas Gorrywell - Mon, 04 Oct 2021 11:43:42 EST 3V7G4B3r No.540785 Reply
closure is a myth made up by fritz pearls and based on no evidence and nothing to do with psychology or the human psychee

But aaaaaaaanyway glad you got something from it OP. Keep minding yourself and I hope you find support
William Brillylock - Mon, 04 Oct 2021 12:44:00 EST Z4cbOu3g No.540787 Reply
Wow you're unpleasant. Call it whatever you want, but don't @ me about it.
Edwin Trotshaw - Mon, 04 Oct 2021 20:07:05 EST nzUQUOyD No.540792 Reply

Lots of people have experienced what is known as closure. It's an actual thing that people really experience.
Matilda Nollylit - Mon, 04 Oct 2021 20:47:51 EST eKn66B7n No.540793 Reply
Hey learn some tact. Flexing your knowledge like that just makes you look like an ass while also making any condolonces look sort of ingenuine.

Glad you've made strides to make peace with the situation OP and may your mother rest in peace.
David Figgleson - Tue, 05 Oct 2021 03:03:54 EST l/CEw8cP No.540795 Reply
1633417434069.png -(54631B / 53.35KB, 667x684) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
god damn dude. what a picture you posted. i'm sorry about what you posted, that's garbage.
i will offer a suggestion:

It's called Trauma Release Exercises. You can find this kind of info all over the web, but basically "trauma" isn't just mental, but also physical, as in it gets stored in our physical bodies. The above videos are a way to release it. Maybe give it a shot if it makes sense to you. Also buy crypto lolaol
Ian Mudgewater - Thu, 07 Oct 2021 05:09:23 EST 00KbcawF No.540822 Reply
Thanks. I need to start doing these on my own. My body is sort of shaky and fucked up right now.

by the way, do you need to talk, sweetheart?
Basil Buzzledare - Thu, 07 Oct 2021 23:53:48 EST O+Mfyrt3 No.540831 Reply
1633665228350.png -(646177B / 631.03KB, 1200x962) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
I'll suggest one more thing.
Generally, leave behind unnaturally stimulating activities. The above video is done by a guy who focuses on weightloss, but it's generally about unfucking your reward system. If you're the kind of person that has trouble with discipline, motivation, mood swings, this is basically the answer
Cedric Blunderkotch - Wed, 13 Oct 2021 05:32:18 EST 00KbcawF No.540907 Reply
Thank you for these. I'm have a chronic illness flare right now, and I haven't had a lot of spare time with all these new tasks that suddenly need to be done, and my brain feels like it's barely working anyway, so I haven't been doin much new ~trauma work~ or whatever.

life still continuing the ol conveyor belt, though. Found out some of what mom did to me (on top of the emotional abuse, neglect, etc) and I wrote off was actually child molestation. I thought it had plausible deniability but once I opened up, my sibling informed me it did not. had a hard time with that one. what an incredibly dumb gamble to take, thinking I would grow up and never figure it out and be extra traumatized and disgusted. I loved my mom so much, but how am I supposed to mourn someone who would do that to me? ]
Eugene Dazzlenodge - Wed, 13 Oct 2021 05:58:23 EST A1oTdL+G No.540908 Reply
You can mourn what's dead, including your own story that you told yourself all those years. That's dead now too, and you don't have to mourn very long. You can cut that attachment and move forward from it.
Molly Clicklemit - Thu, 14 Oct 2021 11:00:35 EST O+Mfyrt3 No.540913 Reply
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That's fucked. Yeah idk your situation but you're going to want to find a day or 3 to just.. chill. Don't be watching anything, no phone, nothing that will mess with you. I would even consider not eating, or at least not eating bullshit. Just lie in your bed, walk outside, be at peace with your thoughts. I think we go to these vices because of trauma because it takes you out of your life so to speak, and we can avoid whatever is going on with us. Feel the sadness and whatever. If you feel a need to then yelling or screaming is good, crying even better.
Consider some tones

And I think you should consider simply not having your mom in your life. Recognize what is good for you, and not just in a magazine cover article feature kind of way. If interacting with this person feels bad then that's your inner truth or knowing or whatever telling you that it is bad for you. You should consider getting away in a way that works for you, some kind of plan. I recently moved across the entire world (for many reasons) and I don't plan to see my family again-- I do not miss them and I don't plan to see them ever again. Sometimes that's how it is and you should roll with it if that's for you. "Obligations" are no good at all; you don't adjust yourself to make it feel right; it has to feel right and it either is or it isn't. In my experience the answer is already there and its up to you to properly discern your own self
Shitting Fiddlewill - Thu, 14 Oct 2021 12:15:23 EST jGbPc0WX No.540914 Reply
>And I think you should consider simply not having your mom in your life.
Oh please go on.
>Recognize what is good for you, and not just in a magazine cover article feature kind of way.
So you're suggesting there's no value in superficiality when you didn't even read the title of the thread?
>If interacting with this person feels bad then that's your inner truth or knowing or whatever telling you that it is bad for you. You should consider getting away in a way that works for you, some kind of plan.
Read the thread, samurai. She's dead.
Augustus Gagglestut - Fri, 15 Oct 2021 12:47:26 EST 00KbcawF No.540928 Reply
I know. I will feel better eventually. This is just a lot. I'm losing my childhood home like, this month, and I've had to be back there knee-deep in family stuff I haven't seen in years, and almost all our family's stuff is getting sold or thrown out bc nobody can store it, and I really value family history. I lost my mom in this way that's awful to think about, I feel like I lost my dad, I'll never get resolution of being horribly abused and seeing and experiencing so much violence. I was on the run most of my adult life.

the one good thing from all this is that I'm getting a cut of the money from selling the house. I've been homeless and broke so much I barely know what to do with it, though. I guess I'll get a new wheelchair and a car. Go see friends. I feel guilty about getting money because my mom used to tell me all the time as a kid that she was dying and that I'd probably love it if she died because I only wanted her money.

But I could use the money. I could like, be guaranteed shelter with that money.

Hey, thanks for suggesting I take a definite break. I have a lot of work I probably could be taking it easier on, but I haven't been. It's a project that my also recently dead friend wanted. but I think I might be too messed up to do it. and if she were here she would say the same thing. She'd say, you're sick and need a mental health break, fuck it man.

Well, I did get my mom out of my life. Or, I guess, she took care of that. Badum tss.

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