it isnt really that shocking to me since i have a laundry list of mental illnesses, but i've been doing research which has caused me to start questioning myself. sometimes, i get so paranoid that i think people (or one person in particular) is listening to my thoughts. and i try thinking very aggressive and rude things to "get them out". i think sometimes that people are talking about me, or somehow judging me, when there's literally no logical reason they would be. i see things that aren't real. nothing terribly vivid, just like bugs flying by, or balls of light or shadows in the corner of my eye. sometimes i think i hear people call my name when im alone in the house. or in one instance (which was paired with the most detailed visual hallucination i ever had), i heard a voice that sounded like nobody i knew shout at me saying " you fool ". what i saw was a gray humanoid peeking at me through a door. like a mix between a stereotypical alien & a draugr from skyrim. idk man. either its my ptsd making me go absolutely nuts or i have some kind of psychosis or schizoid shit going on. i guess only a professional could make that call but i don't think i even want to be diagnosed with it. even in this day and age where people are kinda being nicer about this stuff, i feel like being labelled as a psycho would just screw over my chances in just about everything. i just wanted to get all this stuff off my chest, sorry for rambling.
