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my brain is broken

- Thu, 28 Oct 2021 12:00:42 EST xPdP3vIU No.540995
File: 1635436842869.jpg -(68901B / 67.29KB, 833x533) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. my brain is broken
it isnt really that shocking to me since i have a laundry list of mental illnesses, but i've been doing research which has caused me to start questioning myself. sometimes, i get so paranoid that i think people (or one person in particular) is listening to my thoughts. and i try thinking very aggressive and rude things to "get them out".

i think sometimes that people are talking about me, or somehow judging me, when there's literally no logical reason they would be. i see things that aren't real. nothing terribly vivid, just like bugs flying by, or balls of light or shadows in the corner of my eye. sometimes i think i hear people call my name when im alone in the house. or in one instance (which was paired with the most detailed visual hallucination i ever had), i heard a voice that sounded like nobody i knew shout at me saying "you fool". what i saw was a gray humanoid peeking at me through a door. like a mix between a stereotypical alien & a draugr from skyrim.

idk man. either its my ptsd making me go absolutely nuts or i have some kind of psychosis or schizoid shit going on. i guess only a professional could make that call but i don't think i even want to be diagnosed with it. even in this day and age where people are kinda being nicer about this stuff, i feel like being labelled as a psycho would just screw over my chances in just about everything. i just wanted to get all this stuff off my chest, sorry for rambling.
Wesley Wucklebadge - Thu, 28 Oct 2021 12:27:59 EST +x7I2//V No.540996 Reply
>i think sometimes that people are talking about me, or somehow judging me, when there's literally no logical reason they would be
What do you do for enjoyment? What kind of media do you consume? I'm asking this to determine what kind of thoughts are hammering your brain, either internal or external, deliberate or otherwise.

I promise you that you internalize judgment because you are consuming judgmental messages constantly. I used to have that voice constantly telling me that I'm worthless or useless or doing the wrong thing, but it was always from my brother and my father. I can't tell you how much it affected me, to the point where I was judging myself negatively and critically all the time - and you just can't do that and get through life.
Lydia Blallydodge - Thu, 28 Oct 2021 22:03:30 EST aW4ht26v No.540997 Reply
What's your drug usage like??

I have the same paranoia about people talking about me and have heard plenty of auditory hallucinations about it including everyone at a shopping centre talking about me and yeah once I stopped smoking weed every day it went away.

If you treat the underlying anxiety as well it helps across the board so I recommend quitting booze and caffeine too. Yeah I know that's rough but if you treat social anxiety with alcohol you need to take away that security blanket and know that you can just rock up sober and be fine in any social situation.

The get out of my brain shit is weird, and so are the hallucinations but they aren't just from schizophrenia. PTSD, depression and anxiety can cause psychosis. If you find that you are having arguments with parts of your personality though I recommend Internal Family Systems.

The only reason I'm not leaning towards schizophrenia etc is because you have awareness and generally lack of awareness or questioning of the crazy shit is schizophrenia. That's great news bro.

I'm just a crazy guy that works with crazy people though. If it's really bad go see a doctor although you might get antipsychotics. They can be helpful to let you relax and recover if the ride is too much.

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