Two months ago, I had a great job in the capital city (I live in one of the shitty Balkan countries, they’re all the same). Then I had a huge fight with a neighbour over some bullshit, escalated to almost having charges pressed against me. Then I quit my job because I thought I was too good for it and that in a few weeks time I’d find another and a better apartment too. Now, it’s been two months. No income. Living with my parents in a rural backwater. I have no money. And no car. Even if I did, I have no friends here. All my friends are in the place where I spent the last 14 years. But now I am not there any I already feel them slipping away. They send a message here and there. But nobody has called me to ask how I’m doing or just talk to me. I am 32. No money, no job, no future whatsoever except sitting in one small room all day long. I am looking for a new job. But my only qualification is in a very narrow field and I am not qualified for anything else. I do get called after sending my CV a lot, but I never pass the tests and interviews. From the first day I came back home I knew I was going to die here. I feel it every day. Sometimes it’s so bad I can’t concentrate on anything else but that. I’m not sleeping right. The medication doesn’t really help. I have no hope and I think everything would be easier if I died. My family isn’t rich and me being here is a drain. There are practically no jobs around here except working in a supermarket. That’s not a solution because the pay is too low. I’d still be a drain on my parents. And being gay, if I stay here I’ll never again have any chance of a romantic life. I really think there’s no other way out of this than suicide. I don’t want to be a constant bother to everyone but my mental condition is so bad that’s unavoidable.
