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Incredibly low self worth

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- Sat, 14 May 2022 13:45:58 EST zHLfKhAl No.542803
File: 1652550358688.png -(343643B / 335.59KB, 1000x1000) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Incredibly low self worth
I have very little to no self worth and have been like this for a very very long time now. Over the past week I seemed to have an epiphany though as to why I am just as fucked up as I am though so let me explain.

I am a 27 year old trans woman who through a mixture of childhood sexual trauma and having a feminist mother who repeatedly told me that would never happen to a little boy has left me a little bit fucked in the head about my sexuality. For awhile now I have had the habit of sleeping around with guys for no real reason other than I feel my only worth is as a sex object.

This escalated recently when one of my hookups went sour and was raped which really sucks. Now I can't sleep around anymore because I am too damaged to have sex with anybody currently. I explained what happened to me to the cis women in my life hoping they would empathize with me and was met with very little support. It was either "I have been raped more than you" or "You can't get pregnant anyway". That's where it actually hit me. I can't get pregnant so there is no actual reason for anyone to empathize with me because me being raped doesn't do any harm to society at large.

Now atleast the women I am friends with online are more supportive and they have been a huge help but it feels like my self worth has been irreparably damaged at this point. In my head I believe that since I cannot get pregnant then my only use to someone is as a sex object. There is no reason for a guy to actually love me because of this, it would be a waste of their time. Not even going to go into how many guys I have dated who have actually dumped or ghosted me to replace me with a cis woman either.

Is there any way out of this hole of self loathing? I feel like I have dug myself a really big hole that I cannot escape from.
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Charles Mummleden - Sat, 14 May 2022 23:23:52 EST DMPOlzSV No.542807 Reply
1652585032824.jpg -(308082B / 300.86KB, 2800x2000) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
Hate to be an asshole about it, especially as a cis man, but sex is just a thing. I got touched in a bike shop, I've had bad sexual experiences otherwise, but you know what? It ain't a thing. There's always more immediate problems to focus on, and solving little problems will build into a greater understanding of the world and how to solve more and more problems. self-worth comes from confidence, and confidence comes from being a problem-solver.

Bad things happen to everybody. Some people get worse than others, but whatever. You can still live on. Learn from bad situations. That's not to say anything was your fault. But at the end of the day, other people fuck around. It could be up to you to let them know the true meaning of "finding out".

>my only use to someone is as a sex object.
Your "use" to others is irrelevant. Life may be about profit, but it's best to get paid for what you were going to do anyway. Whatever it is you're "useful" for is something you should enjoy, want to do, and can do well enough to profit from it. There's no sense reducing yourself to a series of holes. Yes, some people will only see you that way. I'd say "fuck them" but that could be misconstrued. You're not just a piece of ass. I can tell you're hurt, and it's not a good time for you to be pursuing relationships

>Is there any way out of this hole of self loathing?
A hobby that has clear, measurable, tangible results. Sewing, shooting, something like that. Shooting is a great one, it's a good way to take out anger and as ou get more accurate you can feel good about your own improvement. Joining your local Pink Pistols branch would also help with self-defence.
User is currently banned from all boards
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Henry Shittingstone - Tue, 24 May 2022 15:21:45 EST BCkUhSJ7 No.542863 Reply
>>542803
>have no self worth
>only worth is as a sex object
I'd say prolly begin with trying to realize that you don't need to be worth anything to have a worthwhile life. Whatever your "worth" would be, would differ completely depending on who you asked anyway. Done volunteering? Someone might think higher of you for it, most might not care, some might look down on you for it. Same same for every thing that can be judged.
Do things that make you happy, chase what seems like a good time to you.
You don't need to have done any kind of good deed or made someone feel a certain something to enjoy a good book or a delicious meal, and it won't be of any help either when you talk to somebody you're interested in getting to know.
If you base your self worth on what you're worth to other people you will never actually live your life, you'll live what you think makes someone else happy which it probably wont either. The ones you'll make happy are those who only care about themselves and won't give anything back. The ones that do care about you will be sad to see you waste your precious time on trying to please others at your own expense.

"I enjoy the company of this person / feeling of being here doing this thing, spending this moment of my life here feels worthwhile" is enough, and the most important detail.
A good thing to base (at least some of) your self worth on would be how good you are at putting yourself in those places.

Something to try that might help:
Imagine yourself saying all those things about how they are worthless and it would be a waste of time to love them, to a biological male who happens to be infertile for some reason. Their sperm is trash, so they as a person are also solely trash. Or a natty lady who happens to have a fucky unfixable uterus. Do you feel okay doing that? If not, why do you think that you should treat yourself in a completely different manner than other human beings? Why would you bully yourself?
User is currently banned from all boards
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Sophie Snodwell - Tue, 24 May 2022 20:27:05 EST K6sWG489 No.542866 Reply
A lot of people hate kids anyway
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Charles Bardville - Tue, 07 Jun 2022 00:32:10 EST PXsur/N+ No.542925 Reply
>It was either "I have been raped more than you" or "You can't get pregnant anyway". That's where it actually hit me. I can't get pregnant so there is no actual reason for anyone to empathize with me because me being raped doesn't do any harm to society at large.

Make better IRL friends. This shit is fucked and you shouldn't tolerate it or condone it in other people. If someone dead ass said that shit to me I'd ditch them on the spot and ditch them if I saw them treat other people like that too. If there's anything that life's taught me over the last few years it's that no friendship is so sacred you can't remove it if they start acting like abusive partners. And this is definitely abuse. Get rid of them and try again. I know it's hard, estrangement always hurts, but letting people like that linger on in your life will hurt worse in the end. Don't hurt yourself harder by refusing to let go.

Also fuck this
>>542807 guy

Upholding the grand standard of /qq/ being a horrible place in general

---

You probably have some traumatic complexes that need to be resolved. Childhood sexual abuse and maladaptive caregivers are not things to be taken lightly. I'm not going to recommend you find a provider or anything to that end because I'm sure you've already heard it all before, but you should do some serious self-work on these lingering background traumas before starting another relationship with anybody.

"In my head I believe that since I cannot get pregnant then my only use to someone is as a sex object"

This is the result of having horrible friends like the above examples in the first place. Friends who treat something as serious as getting raped with a cold shoulder don't deserve to be friends with anybody at all, especially if they knew you had background sexual abuse as a child in the first place, like what the fuck. Life's already hard enough for trans people as is without a support network that won't actually support you in your darkest hour.

In addition, you should definitely quit hookup culture. Maybe not permanently but for the foreseeable future. Abusers have a sixth sense for victims. They lurk hookup apps and communities waiting for people to hurt. Don't give them the opportunity. When you're strong and capable you can go back to that world, but for right now, it's definitely off the table. Especially if you're having thoughts like "I cannot get pregnant, therefore my only use to someone is as a sex object". The last thing you should do is treat yourself like a sex object.

Finally, spread the word about this person if you can. It would be entirely understandable if you won't go to the authorities but a rapist is a rapist and a rapist will almost surely strike again if they know they've gotten away with it. Don't let him get away scot free. Tell people around you, make call-out posts, do anything to get his name permanently associated with the word 'rapist'. If not for you, then for the sake of his future victims.
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James Sabbledet - Tue, 21 Jun 2022 21:09:58 EST DMPOlzSV No.543004 Reply
1655860198424.jpg -(53579B / 52.32KB, 628x417) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
>>542925
>Also fuck this guy
I can't believe you'd just discount my stories of abuse and denounce advice to move on from ideals of self worth defined in sexual terms.
User is currently banned from all boards
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Walter Pittspear - Wed, 22 Jun 2022 07:23:55 EST VRUsk50P No.543014 Reply
>>543004
Wow this fake outrage is really fucking old. Try a different personality.
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George Dartwell - Sun, 26 Jun 2022 04:01:11 EST zKmfI809 No.543085 Reply
Get a wife.
That is it.
Everyone else is bullshitting you.
User is currently banned from all boards
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Awe' God !!5CyVGVbI - Sun, 26 Jun 2022 11:45:48 EST NIApEyYJ No.543088 Reply
>>542803
many of the beliefs you have expressed here are not facts, but your opinions which you are free to choose to change which is really just a decision away. but tl;dr you feel that way, because you have a load of whacky beliefs here.

> There is no reason for a guy to actually love me because of this
and many others. I'm not even sure if you genuinely believe this bullshit or are just fishing for others consoling and reassuring you that that indeed is complete crap. But you shouldn't rely on others for that and furthermore you do actually believe at least some of it, otherwise you wouldn't feel bad about any of these circumstances and would frame them completely different.
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Awe' God !!5CyVGVbI - Sun, 26 Jun 2022 12:05:03 EST NIApEyYJ No.543094 Reply
The initial point was that it was opinion. But it's also the case that those opinions make any logical sense if you are really negative and twisted to boot.

To believe my quote for example you would have to believe that you don't have any beautiful qualities as a person, as a friend, as any other of 100 roles you can have with and for others. People should believe in themselves more, love themselves more and it will be reflected that way to them from the outside as well - more. It's a self fulfilling prophecy.

Also make your own thread about your problems instead of trying to exacerbate the ones others are reaching out for, by dumping your shit in their threads. Unless you feel exactly like OP in which case my insight and advice remains the same for you as the OP.
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Fanny Niblingson - Mon, 27 Jun 2022 06:34:01 EST kitiQZ/d No.543103 Reply
1656326041741.png -(75490B / 73.72KB, 500x671) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
Hi OP. my way of coping with despair about trans status + other parts of me are:

>find other trans people who I think are cool and who I can relate to. People who have been treated terribly and told terrible things similar to me but who are very obviously attractive, smart, talented people. If they're close to me in demographic so much the better. book characters even.

>fashion. clothes, haircuts, piercings, etc, that make me like my body.

>Kate Bornstein's book on not killing yourself

>checking in with other trans people about it, or cis people if I need validation from cis people. anyone who's comfortable being asked if I am an actual human being, a tool, an animal, etc.

I understand how it is to feel you're total scum and I'd give examples to prove that, but it seems like that would hurt you, so I won't. But believe me, I don't think your problems will be solved with a nice jacket. However, these are the things that let me cling to a little gasp of humanity for a second. that get me through a hard night.
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Ebenezer Mogglestodge - Mon, 27 Jun 2022 09:44:01 EST JCJWEODU No.543104 Reply
>>542803
unironically lock yourself in your room for 3 whole days with no stimulation. dont eat, dont watch anything, just let all the crazy out

youll feel better
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Fuck Bredgenere - Mon, 27 Jun 2022 20:37:45 EST 5rqO9Skc No.543111 Reply
>>543104

or cause damage that really doesn't need done

there are far safer, slightly slower but just as effective ways of still getting that same hit of realisation

at least thats what i think

idk man, unironically lock yourself in a bathtub for 3 hours with no light on or something and you will definitely feel better
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Fuck Bredgenere - Tue, 28 Jun 2022 14:38:48 EST 5rqO9Skc No.543115 Reply
>>543114

It's not the body I'm concerned about amigo - it's the mind.

Not everyone is built for the Alan Watts esq experiences.

I'm bipolar, your advice would lead me to psychosis. Cynics would say that just means I've got some inferior psyche/spirit or whatever but I'm telling you i'm not that fucking stupid or fucked up.

Some people's brains are rigged to go mad. I have to stay away from closed eye meditation for this reason too.
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