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Anger

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- Sat, 18 Jun 2022 18:46:27 EST 5rqO9Skc No.542975
File: 1655592387600.jpg -(62187B / 60.73KB, 500x502) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Anger
I feel lost. I'm not happy with myself after a recent outburst.

I allowed myself to just lash out basically. I ran my mouth. Made a scene. My best attempts to understand it don't really make much sense. I musta just blurred into a rage over fuck all really. Made a fool of myself. My aggression is a bit overkill though. Think nerd rage. Something embarassing. Then make it dangerous by tossing in a background of long term bodybuilding and teenage years filled with domestic abuse, alcoholic parents, bullying at several schools blablabla. I'm scared. The consequences of my behaviour made my girlfriend cry and feel insecure about stuff that she should feel safe about. Her trust in me is kinda screwed.

People have said my anger can be quite difficult. I had my first big rage at 17 when I tossed tables, bottles and attacked people. By 18 I would start shouting and simply not stop. By 19 I was told to calm down at hardcore shows and stuff cause I was getting into fights and not realising it. Then I had my first psychosis and calmed the fucked down. What's fucked is that 99% of the time I was a fairly chilled out guy.

Over the years I didn't have many incidents but the ones that did happen were pretty sharp, fast and heated. Popping over fairly small things that even symbolically didn't mean much. It was really just the overall direction of my emotions at the time.

I don't really know what to do. I'm 29. My family home and school experiences really predisposed me to aggressive and hostile responses. My mental health isn't great either as a Bipolar.

I want to show that I'll be at least trying to do something about this. For n ow I've just been staying stoned am2pm in the hope it kinda soothes that angry dog in me. But long term I can't really think of much beyond a therapist.

However I'd love to hear anything remotely relevant. There must be people here who have done whatever "The Work" is and can at least point me in the right direction to do my own.
>>
Nigel Doshmone - Sat, 18 Jun 2022 19:33:57 EST 5V5rPYC3 No.542976 Reply
I know I'm likely to get shit for it, but have you tried psychedelics? A decent (3.5ish gram) dose can do wonders for your psyche. Mushroom therapy.
>>
Cyril Choblinglin - Sun, 19 Jun 2022 08:06:01 EST 1E74mhx1 No.542977 Reply
>>542975
>My family home and school experiences really predisposed me to aggressive and hostile responses.
And you have to take ownership of your part of these responses or they won't stop. When you do this to people it gives you power and you need to start by not seeking power.
>>
Barnaby Blommerwill - Sun, 19 Jun 2022 12:55:17 EST 5rqO9Skc No.542979 Reply
>>542976

I haven't tried shrooms. LSD gave me nightmare trips. Truffles were uncomfortable.

Most psychedellics seem to bring out extremes of anxiety, paranoia, pain etc. I've had literal hallucinations of being murdered etc. It's not fun, dunno if it's my bag for "healing"

>>542977
Yeah I feel that, I'm trying to humble myself but these sentences are easy chat and study but put into practice in the heat of the moment.. idk man i thought i was smarter than my last outburst and it still happened.
>>
Phyllis Bledgeham - Mon, 20 Jun 2022 08:18:18 EST PM6P3L08 No.542983 Reply
>>542979
>but put into practice in the heat of the moment.. idk man i thought i was smarter
That's the problem, you're inside your own mind looking out. At least with your body there's a mirror, you can take off your shirt and know for a fact you look like shit, and you can put in the effort and work and get yourself back on point again. Doing that could take months of daily hard work but it's super easy to correlate effort with results with nothing but a scale and a mirror.

Your mind is not the same, there's no mirror through which you can see it. You can't see mental health progress (can't see it deteriorate either). You only need to block off the time, every day, as much as you can do as often as you can do it, and focus on mental strength training. Avoid doomscrolling and culture war bullshit the way fatties geting thin avoid twinkies and cakes.

You know what behaviors you're doing are correlated with bad mental health but you consider yourself an exception because you're in your own blind spot. Same reason you can't see your own nose.
>>
Doris Seddlehutch - Mon, 20 Jun 2022 08:34:15 EST MfB/JhQ8 No.542985 Reply
>>542975
Let me give you a basic psychology lesson:

People will forgive everything but anger.

Once you understand that, and I mean REALLY understand that, then you will actually start to think before you act. Do you want to lose everything and everyone, because you are on the path to doing just that. Anger management courses or a therapist. The people you've hurt need to see that you're willing to do something.
>>
Doris Seddlehutch - Mon, 20 Jun 2022 08:48:48 EST MfB/JhQ8 No.542986 Reply
>>542975
Every single time you experience an episode of rage, it chips at your interpersonal relationships and your self-esteem. It is a progressive condition in that way, but it doesn't have to be. I can't personally tell you what "the work" is, but I can assure you that people will not forgive you simply because you're chill 99% of the time -- they will remember the 1% of the time that you're dangerous and impossible to reason with. Trust me, losing it once or twice a year is more than enough to push everyone in your life away. You need to be as honest if not more so with a therapist than you are on here. Say everything you've said here to someone with a license to practice. Don't lie or minimize your actions. Bring your significant other along with you to a session. There are probably things that she needs to say that she can't because she's afraid of you. A safe space in a therapists office would allow her to voice her concerns knowing that both you and her are safe. This is not easy to do OP. You need to do it.
>>
Phyllis Bledgeham - Mon, 20 Jun 2022 10:45:31 EST PM6P3L08 No.542987 Reply
>>542986
>they will remember the 1% of the time that you're dangerous and impossible to reason with
FOR EVER
>>
Doris Seddlehutch - Mon, 20 Jun 2022 13:22:07 EST MfB/JhQ8 No.542990 Reply
>>542987
If you have nothing productive add then I'd just keep your mouth shut.
>>
Augustus Grandbury - Tue, 21 Jun 2022 16:44:28 EST PXsur/N+ No.543001 Reply
>>542990
>lectures people on rage before having a ragie on the internet
nb
>>
Sidney Faddlebark - Wed, 22 Jun 2022 01:05:38 EST PXsur/N+ No.543009 Reply
>>543003
sorry you can't handle the fact you're wrong on the internet lol nb
>>
Martha Penningfick - Wed, 22 Jun 2022 11:09:28 EST MfB/JhQ8 No.543015 Reply
>>543009
dude, what am I even wrong about? do you think my advice to OP is incorrect? is there even such a thing as being incorrect? I snapped at someone who was twisting my advice into a death sentence, which i didn't intend, but shame on me, you guys crapping up the thread by pointing it out... shame on you? we're both guilty of not dropping it, so why is it so important that I'm more wrong than you are?
>>
Eric Bugenhagen - Wed, 22 Jun 2022 11:44:44 EST zKmfI809 No.543016 Reply
>>543015
>do you think my advice to OP is incorrect?
Yes.
Anybody even mentioning the word "therapy" is 100% always a government agent trying to destroy anons minds.
User is currently banned from all boards
>>
Martha Penningfick - Wed, 22 Jun 2022 11:55:28 EST MfB/JhQ8 No.543017 Reply
>>543016
Oh wow, so you're actively trying to damage the people who come to this board, huh?
>>
Caroline Greenbury - Wed, 22 Jun 2022 15:00:13 EST CMYbLWt4 No.543018 Reply
>>543016
... dude therapists are ordinary people, 95% of what they do is sit in a room with someone and listen to them and feel for them and care about what they are saying. the other 5% is teach some skills or tentatively offer what they think might be going on (which you are free to take or leave)


anyway if they doesn't want therapy they could try some anger management books
>>
Lydia Dudgeleck - Wed, 22 Jun 2022 15:15:38 EST zKmfI809 No.543022 Reply
>>543018
That's the entire problem. Instilling the idea that dwelling on your thoughts is somehow "helpful/ constructive".
The world is entirely physical. You cannot change anything by thinking. Stop thinking get to doing.
User is currently banned from all boards
>>
Charles Shittingfuck - Wed, 22 Jun 2022 17:02:43 EST 7KyFarmQ No.543028 Reply
>>543022
>The world is entirely physical. You cannot change anything by thinking. Stop thinking get to doing.
Then either thinking is something that never happens (so that "stop thinking" is meaningless advice) or thinking is something physical (so that "you cannot change anything by thinking" doesn't follow).
>>
Eric Bugenhagen - Thu, 23 Jun 2022 02:17:39 EST zKmfI809 No.543030 Reply
>>543028
Non-sequitur and delving into your own head-canon semantics.
You don't look smart and you don't sound smart lad.
User is currently banned from all boards
>>
Ebenezer Blackwater - Thu, 23 Jun 2022 06:02:21 EST jIFhuYV6 No.543031 Reply
>>543017
>>543015
Listen you need to reflect. Don't get into it with other users like this. Why do you come here? To argue?
>>
Ebenezer Blackwater - Thu, 23 Jun 2022 06:06:20 EST jIFhuYV6 No.543032 Reply
>>543022
>The world is entirely physical.
And your ability to interact with is 100% determined by your brain. "Just do it" is a slogan for shoes. Your mental health is a critical factor in your success in any situation. If you literally (as you say) have to stop thinking in order to get anything done then you are dealing with a serious psychological handicap.
>>
James Shittingfoot - Thu, 23 Jun 2022 06:30:04 EST zKmfI809 No.543036 Reply
>>543032
Your "mental health" is entirely dependent on external factors.
You cannot "fix yourself" by doing nothing.
Same way as you cannot fill your belly with food by not seeking out food.
User is currently banned from all boards
>>
Ebenezer Blackwater - Thu, 23 Jun 2022 07:25:38 EST jIFhuYV6 No.543037 Reply
>>543036
>Your "mental health" is entirely dependent on external factors.
Holy fuck.

You are inside your brain looking out. Literally. And you still believe this? How?
>>
Rebecca Menderridge - Thu, 23 Jun 2022 11:48:21 EST 7KyFarmQ No.543042 Reply
>>543015
>is there even such a thing as being incorrect?
Would it be incorrect to say that there is such a thing as being incorrect?
>>
James Shittingfoot - Thu, 23 Jun 2022 14:00:13 EST zKmfI809 No.543045 Reply
>>543037
I would like you to do an experiment to prove your theory:
Stop eating and drinking for 30 days. Post results.
>but it's not the same
Yes it is.
User is currently banned from all boards
>>
Edwin Buzzson - Thu, 23 Jun 2022 17:30:31 EST 5pNnKc5J No.543048 Reply
>>543045
You keep using that example. Good nutrition is as important to good physical health as good mental hygiene is to mental health, for sure. Are you also saying that the idea that your beliefs / emotions / reactions / other dimensions of your mental health are as autonomic or automatic as eating so you don't starve? You literally lack all homo sapien complexity?
>>
William Fanson - Thu, 23 Jun 2022 22:33:41 EST DMPOlzSV No.543053 Reply
bro just dont do anything bro just listen to this right wing podcast bro it' fix your life bro please just listen to this podcase its even on yourube bro please hes so muscular bro please listen to it
User is currently banned from all boards
>>
Eliza Worthingham - Thu, 23 Jun 2022 23:41:49 EST zKmfI809 No.543054 Reply
>>543048
>complexity
You have been confused by your malfunctioning brain into believing every random output it spews out.
Not everything it says is true, stop blindly believing it like an automaton.
It is only fit for solving real world physical problems, "mental problems" don't exist, as they are not solved "mentally" in the first place.
You can waste your time meditating and praying to the self-help Gods for them to save you and they won't ever come, but don't proselytize your sub-human drivel onto unsuspecting anons looking for REAL help.
User is currently banned from all boards
>>
Phineas Buzzwill - Fri, 24 Jun 2022 05:01:46 EST 5pNnKc5J No.543055 Reply
>>543054
>believing
You asserted a lack of complexity, stop fucking dancing around.
>>
Eliza Worthingham - Fri, 24 Jun 2022 05:17:53 EST zKmfI809 No.543056 Reply
>>543055
>believing
Self-help grift is a faith grift. You're a sucker.
>You asserted a lack of complexity
The world is exceedingly simple.
User is currently banned from all boards
>>
Eliza Worthingham - Fri, 24 Jun 2022 06:42:48 EST zKmfI809 No.543058 Reply
>>543057
You still have offered no solutions other than "sit on your ass and pretend to be happy OP. Trust in Tony Robbins plan :)"
User is currently banned from all boards
>>
Eliza Worthingham - Fri, 24 Jun 2022 06:58:46 EST zKmfI809 No.543060 Reply
>>543059
>Eat cabbage and meditate for an hour a day bro!
>Doing absolutely nothing towards your goals with totally help you achieve them bro!
Get real you cult brained retard.
User is currently banned from all boards
>>
John Pittingterk - Fri, 24 Jun 2022 07:49:09 EST TZfDBj+6 No.543061 Reply
>>543060
Meditation is definitively correlated with better mental health outcomes. Nutrition is primary medicine across all health dimensions.

OK, now you get real.
>>
Eliza Worthingham - Fri, 24 Jun 2022 08:03:48 EST zKmfI809 No.543062 Reply
>>543061
>B-but it's good for you :)))
Does it actually achieve any of OPs ends?
No? Then why are you telling him to waste his time on tertiary activities?
Drinking water is "good for you". Why didn't you post that yet?
User is currently banned from all boards
>>
John Pittingterk - Fri, 24 Jun 2022 08:09:25 EST TZfDBj+6 No.543063 Reply
>>543062
>Does it actually achieve any of OPs ends?
I just said better mental health outcomes.

Insisting you're right and insulting everyone makes you look weak. Strong positions don't require this desperate of a defense.
>>
Eliza Worthingham - Fri, 24 Jun 2022 08:16:11 EST zKmfI809 No.543064 Reply
>>543063
>Strong positions don't require this desperate of a defense.
Ad hominem.
I AM right. You grifters have ruined many anons lives and families. You need to go.
Practice your impotence alone and stop poisoning unsuspecting kids minds.
User is currently banned from all boards
>>
Eliza Worthingham - Fri, 24 Jun 2022 08:24:09 EST zKmfI809 No.543066 Reply
>>543065
That's all it boils down to. These people have nothing to back up their faith with, but insults on your character. They are vermin of the lowest order.
If you want to waste more of your life - go ahead and meditate yourself into a delusional stupor.
User is currently banned from all boards
>>
Angus Sumblewill - Fri, 24 Jun 2022 09:50:24 EST 67JhVSUT No.543067 Reply
>>543066
It’s sad that people like you are so dead set on wallowing in their own misery that you can’t help but miss the forest for the trees. I hope you’re able to work through your own demons someday because the human experience can be so beautiful if you let it.
>>
Eliza Worthingham - Fri, 24 Jun 2022 09:53:34 EST zKmfI809 No.543068 Reply
>>543067
Clueless and vain.
My life turned from dread to glory the second I realized that all this rosy self-help faggotry was the reason for all my failings in the first place.
Greed Lust Wrath are virtues.
User is currently banned from all boards
>>
John Pittingterk - Fri, 24 Jun 2022 10:23:42 EST TZfDBj+6 No.543070 Reply
>>543068
Of course you feel good when you portray your worst, lowest effort qualities as your best qualities and all your friends celebrate. That's what people do on those websites you love. Why not go find one?
>>
OP - Tue, 28 Jun 2022 14:40:54 EST 5rqO9Skc No.543117 Reply
1656441654744.jpg -(471402B / 460.35KB, 1600x900) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
this thread went a bit crazy

my only update is i have booked an appointment with a therapist online for a consultation

thanks
>>
Sidney Winningwill - Wed, 29 Jun 2022 17:19:49 EST AlNuAaWO No.543125 Reply
Try constructive anger.

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