Leave these fields empty (spam trap):
Name
You can leave this blank to post anonymously, or you can create a Tripcode by using the format Name#Password
Comment
[i]Italic Text[/i]
[b]Bold Text[/b]
[spoiler]Spoiler Text[/spoiler]
>Highlight/Quote Text
[pre]Preformatted & Monospace Text[/pre]
[super]Superset Text[/super]
[sub]Subset Text[/sub]
1. Numbered lists become ordered lists
* Bulleted lists become unordered lists
File

Sandwich


RIP bedroom

Reply
- Tue, 30 Oct 2018 10:12:03 EST WbzGHLMz No.100937
File: 1540908723911.jpg -(63311B / 61.83KB, 530x530) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. RIP bedroom
My partner's libido is dead. I don't mean simply reduced or low, I mean actually fucking dead.

We've been together for eight years now. The first two or so were wild: loud, satisfying sex, multiple times per week (sometimes per day), often included ass play, rope, blindfolds, floggers, and other fun stuff. Now twice a month is frequent for us. In the rare event that it does happen it's because I initiated and it always ends up being dull vanilla shit and she's clearly not all that into it. I ask if she'd like to change things up to make things a little more interesting. "No, not right now."

I talked to her about it before a few months ago. I tried asking her what turns her on, what she fantasizes about, what kind of porn appeals to her, what she thinks about while masturbating (back then she still did this once in a while, not so much anymore), etc. What am I supposed to do when the literal only response I get to these questions are "I don't know" and "Nothing"? She finds sex kind of awkward to talk about.

I think I know what happened. First she got depressed. Medication actually helped that for a short while, but then her thyroid started acting up. Apparently hypothyroidism is a known libido murderer. Fuck.

It's especially frustrating because my libido has always been super high, and now that I've been working out for the past two months it's spun out of fucking control. I just want to fuck anything with some goddamn legs. I find myself looking at and thinking about other women. Constantly. Seriously it's become a distraction in my personal and professional life. Also, and this is not exactly my finest confession, on some days when she's not home I'm wasting hours on porn (sometimes I'm a little late for work because of it) resulting in a stiff shoulder and a dick that's beaten goddamn raw.

My friend tells me that low libido has never been a problem for her and that she's the one that has to initiate a bonedown with her fiance. I read articles and posts in support forums and shit and high libido women frustrated with their low libido partners is apparently super common. How the fuck did I get to be so unlucky?

Anyway I dunno where I want to go with this. I think I mostly wanted to rant at a place that isn't r/deadbedrooms because I don't really have an interest in getting a circlejerk account and also circlejerk sucks ass. Maybe get some advice even though I know it's going to be either "find a sex therapist" or "your sexually incompatible, get the fuck out now" or both. Has anyone else been in this situation?

Pic very unrelated (was a Pornhub image search for "horny girl")
>>
Phyllis Fanningwin - Wed, 31 Oct 2018 12:34:51 EST 3ipP30Tr No.100940 Reply
Twice a month isn't dead. Also, have you told her you've started thinking about fucking other people? She's got her shit going on but it doesn't seem like she knows how important this is to you. Have you looked into libido enhancers for women with thyroid problems?
>>
Simon Conninghall - Wed, 31 Oct 2018 18:02:31 EST R9K2iZj9 No.100941 Reply
What sex acts would you like to perform ln her that wouldn't require much or any participation on her part? Talk to her, let her know how difficult your need for release is making your life, but don't even mention the idea of other people.

It is also not enough that you let her know about your issues, you must also listen to what she has to say. Show concern for her needs and problems like you want her to show concern for yours; relationships require teamwork.
>>
Charlotte Blythehood - Wed, 31 Oct 2018 21:38:15 EST WbzGHLMz No.100942 Reply
I want to point out that I made this post at the peak of sexual frustration and part of me feels bad for writing it. None of what I wrote is necessarily a lie, but there is some hyperbole in there (I'm not CONSTANTLY fantasizing about other women to the point where my work performance is impacted, for example) because that's how I felt at the time. I spoke to her about it last night and feel much more grounded now.

>>100940
>Twice a month isn't dead.

I'm not only referring to the frequency. It's also that her heart isn't in it anymore when we do actually have sex. It's just duty sex.

>Also, have you told her you've started thinking about fucking other people?

Clarification: I'm not interested in actually pursuing this. Sorry if it was ambiguous! They're just thoughts that are preoccupying me more than usual. Even so, that wouldn't really be much news to her. We were both open to each other about including other people in our own sexual fantasies during our peak.

>She's got her shit going on but it doesn't seem like she knows how important this is to you.

She knows it's very important to me, but it's probably difficult for her to fully appreciate. Sometimes I feel like it's describing the importance of food to someone who doesn't need to eat (Okay not really because you can still explain that using biochemistry. Maybe that's a bad analogy...)

>Have you looked into libido enhancers for women with thyroid problems?

She's making an appointment with her doctor about it. From what I understand most of these involve getting testosterone supplements? Unfortunately her testosterone numbers are actually already a little high for a woman.

>>100941
>What sex acts would you like to perform ln her that wouldn't require much or any participation on her part?

This came up the last time we talked about it. She started giving handies and blowjobs and sometimes (rarely) fucking for my sake, but it got stale quickly. When she's not really feeling it she doesn't exactly do a good job because she's half-assing, for lack of a better term. Also, and more importantly, if your partner isn't into it, then what's the point? I don't want her to have sex with me. I want her to desire having sex with me.

>It is also not enough that you let her know about your issues, you must also listen to what she has to say. Show concern for her needs and problems like you want her to show concern for yours; relationships require teamwork.

Yeah. She says that she feels like a part of her is missing. She feels frustrated too because she just... lost interest in sex and anything related to it. She said she often thinks back on when we first started having sex and really longing to feel that desire to explore pleasure and each other's bodies again. She misses reading erotica and getting horny from it. She misses masturbating to help her fall asleep at night. :(

We'll probably end up seeking couples counseling and/or a sex therapist. We want to make this work.
>>
Archie Brookson - Thu, 01 Nov 2018 03:13:07 EST N2DfvD2T No.100943 Reply
Fuck other girls and her peridically.ū
>>
Molly Dadgefotch - Thu, 01 Nov 2018 14:22:10 EST IgYo2jzl No.100945 Reply
>>100942
Not wanting sex at all is almost definitely a medical issue or mental illness. It's a symptom of something that needs treating (or she's on the wrong meds) so see a doctor, don't let this fall by the wayside. She's missing a part of life she enjoyed.

If she just didn't want sex with you that'd be a relationship issue. Couples therapy might help you if there's things you can do to turn her on but if nothing turns her on any more for real it's not going to do shit. Imagine this: you play catch with your friends regularly because you're actually in the room. One day your arms fall off. The solution is to get those arms reattached, not to find a coach to help your friends get better at catch.
>>
Hamilton Sannerson - Thu, 01 Nov 2018 17:55:47 EST 2ex+azH2 No.100946 Reply
>>100945

>Not wanting sex at all is almost definitely a medical issue or mental illness.

Nah, dude. It's completely normal for a person to stop having sex as often when it's always with the same person. Whenever a couple starts dating they fuck like rabbits for a couple of months, and then they slow down. By the two year mark I think once a week could be pretty normal. I don't even think I could imagine being with someone for eight years like the OP.

Anyone here tried voluntary celibacy?
>>
Priscilla Hattingdale - Fri, 02 Nov 2018 00:59:56 EST R9K2iZj9 No.100947 Reply
>>100942
Let's explore the issue from the other end. Have you thought about ways to lower your libido? You could experiment with small amounts of anti-androgens. I'm drinking spearmint tea for the anti-androgens, but there's also supplements and medications you could take if that's more your style.
>>
Ernest Crabblechitch - Fri, 02 Nov 2018 15:56:44 EST IgYo2jzl No.100948 Reply
>>100946
There's a big difference between not wanting sex at all and wanting it less.

Also couples whose sex lives die that quickly... well you don't have to imagine 8 years. Unless one or both are codependent or cheating (which means actually they want sex and have a sex drive) it won't last 8 years. Kids, not taking care of each other and taking each other for granted may kill your sex drive. OP sounds like he's trying and so either there's something up and switched off with his girlfriend or she's pulling a HUGE fast one with him.
>>
Polly Bishfane - Fri, 02 Nov 2018 18:03:09 EST UdDiSzow No.100949 Reply
>>100948
Have you been 8 years in relationship when you writing with that experience?
>>
!scyTheNg3k - Fri, 02 Nov 2018 23:45:25 EST axC9E8J3 No.100951 Reply
>I'm wasting hours on porn (sometimes I'm a little late for work because of it) resulting in a stiff shoulder and a dick that's beaten goddamn raw.
it takes you -that- long to get off?! (have you considered better porn? just for this, not your relationship!)
>but then her thyroid started acting up. Apparently hypothyroidism is a known libido murderer. Fuck.
did you, by any chance, stop eating iodized salt? also, how did you find out she has hypothyroidism? is hypothyroidism a self-diagnosed cause of fatness?
>it's probably difficult for her to fully appreciate. [...] She's making an appointment with her doctor about it.
she's literally going to the goddamn doctor because she wants to have sex with you. i classify that as caring a lot.

honestly, it sounds like you might have made her a little insecure, which could impair her ability to enjoy sex, and that turns back on itself and makes her more insecure.

you can do things to help fix this. it's not a guarantee, but if you just try to regularly be physically affectionate and complimentary (i.e. say "you're pretty") without indicating you want sex, she might feel a little better about herself and enjoy masturbating again. it costs you nothing to try, anyway.

going to various kinds of therapy is a good solution but a slow and expensive one. maybe you can also convince her to exercise with you. maybe you just need to switch back to iodized salt. who knows?

oh, also:

> The first two or so were wild: loud, satisfying sex, multiple times per week (sometimes per day), often included ass play, rope, blindfolds, floggers, and other fun stuff. Now twice a month is frequent for us. [...] I tried asking her what turns her on, what she fantasizes about

it certainly sounds like you did all of these things before asking her what she likes. now that's a pretty egregious accusation so i'm sorry if i wrongly accused you of being really selfish and pushy in the early part of the relationship. but if that is the case, then some kind of atonement is probably in order.
>>
James Cruffingshit - Sat, 03 Nov 2018 03:19:07 EST UhbN9J3V No.100952 Reply
>>100951
>honestly, it sounds like you might have made her a little insecure, which could impair her ability to enjoy sex, and that turns back on itself and makes her more insecure.
This happened in my last relationship, and was basically just the last nail in the coffin for us.
It's so hard because you either let it go, and it won't come up because your partner is fine with it, or you bring it up and sound/feel needy which also sucks a lot, and your partner feels pressured which is (for most people) not the sexiest of feelings.

I hope it works out for you OP, but in my opinion don't listen to people who say to just get used to it, or that it's plenty or good enough. If it isn't working for you, then there's some kind of mismatch. There is no magic number for the amount of sex people should have in a relationship, but they must match somewhat and it sucks for everyone when it's a mismatch.
>>
Charles Cubberdock - Mon, 26 Nov 2018 02:36:10 EST Khiwkz6n No.100983 Reply
>>100951
What the fuck classifies as atonement? 10 minutes of praying to her effigy each morning? I hate this new wave where every nuance of a sexual relationship has to be dotted is and crossed ts to be consensual or enjoyable.

maybe I want to just eat out my wife until she yells into the pillow then fuck her like a dog in heat.


Anyway I havent had real sex with mine in hakf a year and it was when she was having her libido fueled by some black guy she was voice chat cybering on the side.


Maybe I'll kill her and myself, we'll see.

Good luck with your twice in a month. What a misery.
>>
!scyTheNg3k - Mon, 26 Nov 2018 22:11:26 EST axC9E8J3 No.100984 Reply
>>100983
if you push someone too hard and hurt them you need to fix it. it's not any different than if you break somebody's window. it's your fault, you pay for it.

checking whether someone actually wants to do something is not a technicality, it's common fucking sense. i'm not playing some stupid college leftist everything-is-rape game, i'm describing how people interact when they give a shit about each other. "consensual" is not a synonym for "fun" or "good", and it was never intended to be. stop getting your panties in a twist about being judged and learn to be actually good instead of just not bad.
>>
Ian Nibblefield - Thu, 29 Nov 2018 21:21:25 EST tIFxx/AY No.100996 Reply
>>100937
Tricky situation.
First let me address the "How did I get so unlucky" part. Dude come on, be a little bit more understanding. Your girl just went through depression, medication and thyroid problems. I'm sure she is not living the dream either.

Is my understanding that thyroid controls hormones, so yea. That, plus medication, not a good combo.

I suggest really talking to her, and choose your words carefully, since she had or has depression. You will only make the situation worse if you hurt her. Try to understand where she is coming from.

Now, this is up to her imo. You can't obligate someone into doing something for you. Is not healthy.
You should read about nutrition. And talk to her about it, that you've read and if she would like to try it out.
It's ok if you need to tell her, that you feel frustrated as well not only because you want to pound her, but because you miss her. Like i said, choose the right words.

Other than exercising. Eating clean is good for depression and thyroid issue. Some of the stuff that has worked for me, for libido, are incorporating cayenne pepper to my food, ginger, yogi tea, and maca powder (Macca powder tastes like shit, but you can put it in a juice with other veggies or fruits)

Hope this helps. Good luck.
>>
William Dartway - Tue, 11 Dec 2018 02:04:04 EST fQ0y4M2z No.101013 Reply
Sounds like she's fucking someone else.

Report Post
Reason
Note
Please be descriptive with report notes,
this helps staff resolve issues quicker.