| >> | >>297520
Goddamn, how much concerta were they prescribing you/were you taking? For once thing, methylphenidate is pretty shit tier, but concerta particularly is shit tier even for methylphenidate. Taking large doses of it doesn't really work the way you'd expect.
Regardless, I usually go from taking 240mg Adderall a day for 4 or 5 days every month and I only deal with anything regarding withdrawal for about 2 or 3 days. For another 2 or 3 days I am a little weird and less motivated and still have decent mental fog, but the most that really happens to me is that for 2 daus I am so tired and relaxed at all times that if I am not actively doing something continuously then I tend to fall asleep within a few minutes, zone out a lot, and just generally have little energy and an overwhelming desire to sleep a big long sleep at all times. If I'm able to, I actually let myself sleep those first two days, where I rarely wake up for more than 30min-2 hours at a time before going right back to sleep until well into the second day or around the third day.
All I really do to cope with it is drink a bit more caffeine (go from maybe 400mg-600mg daily during the work week to 600mg-1g... rarely more like 1.2g) and just get through it the best I can. I mean, I do get depressed on the first day before going to sleep while coming down to the point you could say I'm suicidal... or rather, that I wish very much to die or that I would have already, but these thoughts don't ever last more than 1-3 days. I'm always conscious of that while experiencing them, so it's pretty easy to just let myself indulge in them a bit and then let them go and try to focus on other shit.
Actually, I'm kinda downplaying how intense the depression is sometimes, but I've had to deal with depression and other shit for well over 14 years now, and I've been doing this Addy binge over 4-7 days every month for the last 6 years so the length of the depression is very predictable. Sometimes I honestly enjoy feeling depressed to the point I legitimately wish I was dead and constantly cycle through all the thoughts of self-loathing (all the reasons I'm the most disgusting, pathetic piece of shit I know and how much I hate the things about myself that are that way). It always involves me go over the things I need to and desperately wish I'd improve upon and dwell on how I need to become a better person but never really seem to make any solid progress in that venture, or at least it's so slow or I hit so many snags and plateaus that I completely halt progress.
I mean, feeling bad and depressed in and of itself doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing. I tend to grow content with where I am and turn a blind eye to the flaws and issues I need to work on. I definitely go overboard when i get super depressed and self-loathing, but afterwards I'm able to form a more complete and accurate picture of where I am and what direct I need to be heading. Ultimately, it feels cathartic to feel so bad about myself because while I am feeling that way, it feels as though I've always been feeling this way about myself but I wouldn't open my mind or heart to these feelings or recognize that they exist, so to feel them so intensely and thoroughly while withdrawal from amphetamine almost feels like something that's been a long time coming. that it needed to happen, and that the process itself purifies my psyche in a way... like it reconciles distant thoughts, beliefs, and opinions I've had about myself and the world, my place in it, my behavior, etc. and reunifies/makes my psyche whole again once the cycle is complete. |
