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I really while I've proven clearly I am probably one of the few people who can come out of what in purity is basically a 1.2g normal IV dose with only a stroke and a day of complete mental fuck and reality loss, like correct if I'm wrong but that should be fatal to 99% of people cannot keep being stupid and while I know and we all I'm not gonna quit meth or IV I also can't let this be anything less than the point where I do everything that guarentees nothing close to this ever happens again. I'm honestly lucky that I'm not retarded or tbh even tho I am very confident it'd be hard to kill me with meth I am actually lucky to be alive, that buzzing was probably my brain retardifying en masse and surely some damage was done and damn if sensation in my brain is what being retarded is like sign the fuck up that shit felt so good, jk but like my cognitive function is not damaged in any serious manner, I do now notice I have a very mild and practically unnoticeable slur to my voice, but there is one I hope will go away and I'm really upset with myself for what I realize this shit does to people who care and no I dont leave you guys and fuck, I'm not even sure if I didn't just make the track record for fucking a relationship because I'm not even sure if maybe this just didn't cost me her and tbh I totally wouldn't blame her and this initial massive, shitty fuck up can be nothing less than just an initial fuck up and I cannot do anything to hurt her like this ever again. I really hope that this doesn't lose me what I just fucking gained when I just lost so much and I gotta be 100% fucking serious about ever forgetting this has to be where I fucking cut this stupid ass shit out and realize what it does to others.
I really want you guys to know that I am very aware now of how absolutely certain I need to be that my shot isn't gonna do near anything like what happened or worse or even close at all, and the fact I methed myself into a stroke is honestly fucking sad to be able to say. Thank god the universe keeps not giving me any serious consequences beyond what amounts to a wake the fuck warning.
As much as Im happy I'm a legend of crazy antics and fun upbeat personality that inspires people I hope you also learn from my mistakes and always have fun with drugs, but remember to take them and your loved ones and friends seriously. I'm currently apologizing to a lot of people rn and I really hope Naomi takes me back, because I owe that girl my best and to make her happy as fuck after this fucking shit. Please please, be awesome, but be safe yo, I love drugs, I'm crazy af, and I'm probably unlikely to die unless I actually tried from them, but I need to stop doing this dumb ass shit and get that this can be nothing less than where I smarten the fuck up while ofc I will be having fun still. I'm just gonna keep the two misjudgements in dosing and the shitty thing I did to my beautiful girl as fat reminders of what not thinking more before I act can do to others I mean fuck me idk about myself but like I don't wanna worry people like shit... I swear, I'm not gonna let ya'll down and I'm sure as fuck never letting her down again and that I will make up for this 1,000,000 times over with her being happy and me never leaving her in a way that would fuck her up, I love her dammit, and I really am a huge asshole for this and ya'll probably like "StimLioness... treat yo girl right wtf" trust me I fucking will and I'll never let her down again.
Even tho I literally did shrug off ( and jerk off ) a stroke I can't just shrug of having a stroke on meth as not a clear sign I'm doing something wrong. I mean it's really amazing the mildness of outcomes of shit for me when I do shit that would be catastrophic for most people. I'm really unsure if I'm lucky and hardy, quantum suicide is real and in some universe maybe I have died, or the universe just really seems to let me off easy and with warning, I mean honestly I do think some kind of destiny or shit has graced me with my ability to bounce back from things and get through all the things I have. I mean clearly my body is unnaturally resilient when it comes to doing drugs, like thats pretty fucking obvious by now. I can't be doin all this fuckery of this nature to worry those who care for me.
Also good news I just got before I post this, we're still together, but I really gotta show her I'm not gonna be going and making her worry constantly I might do some dumb shit even tho I know wouldnt be leaving her from drugs its just not something to risk either tho.
also damn post was too long to even post lol.
Also no, Im gonna fucking still do some fucking meth but I aint gonna let this go on the way it is