hell yeas

hey whats up while i do enjoy a good game of uno, i must admit my favorite number is in fact dos. for you see t's always been a fantasy of mine to be a sex slave for dos bears, male and female, pleasing the male when she's tired, and vice versa. Slowly sliding my lips up and down his thick shaft, tasting his pre-cum on my tongue. Once he's had enough of that, he rolls over onto his back, lifting me up as though I weighed nothing. Gently placing me on his cock, I guide him in, feeling him stretch me wide open. I moan with pleasure, feeling him fill me up. He growls softly, I feel it rumble deep in his chest, vibrating all the way down his body and through mine. He continues to lift me up and then pull me down. He's doing all the work for me, it feels so good, the warmth of the fur, his paws either side of my waist. He is in total control, I'm just nothing compared to his vast size and strength, but I have total trust in him, I know he won't hurt me. I feel the pace quicken, almost imperceptibly. I slowly stroke myself, feeling myself nearing the point of no return coming closer with every stroke. I can hear the growl getting louder now; he speeds up even more, forcing me further and further down onto his thick cock. If it wasn't for the fact I my body is releasing so many endorphines, I would probably be screaming in agony. Except I am panting and whining, just like a bitch, begging her mate to fill her up. His claws dig in deeper, the pain, its excsquisite. It sends me over the edge. My head goes back, I let out a short grunt, I feel my cock explode, covering his chest fur in my seed. I keep stroking, it looks as though I'm trying to rip my cock out. I let out another grunt, another torrent flows forth, then another and another. A drop lands on the beasts muzzle. He seems confused for a moment. That's what I think. He digs his paws in even harder now and slams me onto his cock, I feel his grumble turn into a roar. He's cumming, oh my god. I can feel in, filling me up. It's undescribable. He's mating with me, he's claimed me. I feel him slow, his cock still throbbing within me, it seems as though there's no more room for his cum. It's dripping out of me…

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For me to review UNO, it is a major conflict of interest, because Merle Robbins and I are brothers. His father says so. His wife believes this. Merle and I are just the best of friends, but when El Gordo calls my father Dad, and I call his Dad "Pops" and we delve into hours of passionate discussion about H.P. Lovecraft, Goya, Steve Ditko action, the movies and pussy… We can lose all track of time on planet Earth.

But having attended the World Premiere of UNO last night, one inescapable thought crossed my mind during the movie. 10 to 1…. I believe Merle Robbins eats pussy better than any man alive.

Watch his ‘HOUSE OF PAIN’ sequence in UNO. UNO is the tongue, mouth, fingers and lips of a lover. The Audience is the clit. Watch your audience. This is where Merle Robbins goes down on the audience. It starts with long licks with a nose bump on the joy button slowly. He smiles as he does this… Watching the audience begin to squirm, then he takes the audiences’ clit in his mouth and just licks it like crazy, the audience is ready, on that precipice, then calm. He backs off… long licks again, brings in a finger to massage a bit, licks from the bottom to the top… The audience is cooing… He has them, they want release. He acts like he’s going to give it to you, takes you right to the edge, the audiences’ backs arched, ready to cum…. Backs off pinching the nipples just so, his head bobbing up to say, "You like?" The audience shifts around needing release, he builds again… The pressure at a near boiling point… Each stroke and moment a hypersensitive place… Two fingers to the sweet spot, the audience is there… right there at that point… suddenly he’s relentless taking the audience through a rampage of orgasms… trying to get away, trying to escape… back back back, but he has you, and he’s never going to let you forget this moment, the audience was electric… Frenetically frothing… Merle hears them begging no more, when he decides to stop for a moment, there is that relaxed calm… The audience relaxes… labored breathing… a sated smile, WHEN SUDDENLY THE RELENTLESS BASTARD IS AT IT AGAIN!!!! You begin laughing, trying to push him away, but no… more pleasure, more joy, more fun… You can’t handle it, you start giggling and screaming… And it goes like this for quite some time, till at the end… The credits roll, the theater lights come up… You look at the screen, you realize you want that tongue again… You want that feeling again, and you watch it again and again, because damn he respects the clit!

Ok, maybe I take the metaphor too far… maybe… But I had two girls around me, Patch black and blued my right forearm with slaps and rabbit punches as though Merle was pounding the short hairs, and Saffron (not Vegas’) gripping my shoulder from behind like frickin Spock, leaning up to my ear to say, "You didn’t tell me this was pornography!!!!" To which I grab her hand, sniffed her fingers and said, "MMMm you’re fingers are wet… enjoy!"

Now you might feel all of this is inappropriate behavior on my part, but folks, at the Q&A afterwards, the second question came from a woman on the front row that asked Merle Robbins "Could you comment on the vaginal influence of the Reapers?"

Merle looked like the wet chinned thigh splitter that he is and said, "You have to understand Make Up artists, they never get any pussy, so they are always creating it!"

ZACTLY!

Now lest you think this film is merely pornographic, and you seemingly are living in the delusion that that is a bad thing… It is not. Merle likes to pretend this movie is just there to make you go, "Whoa," but only a blind man can’t see Merle at work here.

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I've noticed that there don't seem to be any porno movies

that are made for guys like me.

All the porn I've come across

was targeted at beer-swilling sports bar dwelling alpha-males

Men who like their women stupid and submissive

Men who can only get it up for monosyllabic cock-hungry nymphos

with gargantuan breasts and a three-word vocabulary

Adult films are populated with these collagen-injected

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why would you need a three word vocabulary when the only word that matters is uno

>>28787
You can easily get more than just the core 3 by stuff you can find on google. You don't need the whole lot right away if any are missing. Its not like certain earlier editions where entire classes became obsolete or only worked with certain books.


I''ve bought most of them eventually (and probably wouldn't have without actually trying it first), but if you want to know it's good before you fork out what is quite a lot of money (even if you buy it cheap on Amazon) then I don't blame you at all. Sabotender (I have no idea what it is except a big pile of on line PDFs) has a few readable PDFs and there's always the usual methods.

https://rpg.rem.uz/Dungeons%20%26%20Dragons/D%26D%205th%20Edition/Core/

>>28789
Not even OP but holy fuck thank you

>>28732basically everything is blowing up for no reason and primarchs are back, shits rushed beyond belief, oh and there are super space marines just shoot me

tanks look more sci-fi-y which is cool

Failbaddon finally did something that mattered and now Cadia blew up and the Eye of Terror spread like Sasha Grey's asshole after an anal gangbang, bisecting the galaxy. Half the Imperium has been cut off from the Astronomicon, Warp travel is fucked, Tyranids ate (or came damn close to eating) Baal, a splinter group of Eldar resurrected a forgotten god of death, the aforementioned knife-ear splinter group healed and woke up Rowboat, Girlyman got a boner from the knife-ear and allied with them to skullfuck Abbadon back into the Warp, Mortarion showed up again to try to burn Ultramar but failed horribly, and - in general - life in the galaxy is still shit but now there are more daemons and all the xenos are even more uppity.

>>28735
Is that an IMPERIAL HOVERTANK? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH FUCKING AWESOME!

>>28741
its a super-heavy and had void shields

>>28736
Less eldar.
More daemons.
.........

>>28755
Have a default sequence of events is a good idea but beyond that you probably just need to map the major players, what they will try to do and the means they have to do it, their motivations and values will be enough for a smart DM to decide when they might switch sides or be won over. As you know players will always find a way to break things. If you have a good DM/GM they will then have to actually work out the likely outcome. Make sure you have the tools so DMs can wing it when the group not only sets up an anarcho syndicalist commune but does so having won the trust and respect of half the inquisition and a good chunk of the emperor's forces and then start trying (quite effectively) to figure out how to win the Rion over.

Assuming dark magic was involved there will have to be people trying to stop you from finding evidence. Initially they will be fairly mundane enemies but if the player start amassing proof then the users of dark magic will no longer have a reason to hide their nature from the players. So you'll need a mix of "mundane" enemies like mercenaries and assassins but also more sinister creatures. Warlocks and devils maybe, dark priests, cultists or is this dark magic even more alien?

You're also going to need to plan and detail how the inquisition and Church forces move. They will no doubt act if the players go turncoat. Perhaps the emperor is noble but took a dark path? Is he redeemable? Do the players need to take action to set him right? I guess he'll fight against forces from both sides but will have other allies.

I suppose the first place to investigate would be the site of the defeat of the witch so maybe you need remnants of her armies. Suspicious locals and those agents trying to hide the truth, maybe not always through violence either. Lots of opportunities for skill checks, puzzles and roleplay there.

I don't think at this point we can do more than ask questions but maybe that helps? When I read your post that's what I thought of.

>>28755
Okay. If I were playing, my entire goal would be to slit the emperor's throat in the name of the blood cults slain at the hands of the templars. Once the emperor is dead, well, actually, that's the end of your entire campaign so, sorry, got ahead of myself.
I would continually hunt the followers of this Ochre emperor, and if I die, there would be others to take my place.
#AssassinsOfTheBloodOfHayruneDarkfowl#

>>28784
What we can take from this is that meth heads will derail your campaign.

>>28548

>are meant to be made for fun.

>>28521

>I try to make balanced cards that follow the pie.

I'm just someone who plays magic and is interested in its design and development, especially as it relates to the color pie. I'm also interested in discussing these things. if you think blue should get a card that circumvents one of its greatest weaknesses, please explain why.

>>28549

>>28548 and >>28521

Not the same person.

>>28550
i know. i'm just pointing out that you were actually trying to make balanced cards and not "throwing random bullshit in the textbox".

DICKS EVERYWHERE

DICKS EVERYWHERE

>>28265

>TFW most female LARPers are either womanlets tagging along with their oversized boyfriend or hippie-esque grannies

The dream is dead.

Who is for some Monster Hunting?

>>27827
As a student practicing HEMA I am not allowed to LARP, I'd be disqualified for pretty much any method of striking. Historical European martial arts and the German Fechtbuchs focus on proper spear play, fencing, hand to hand, and wrestling amongst other great bits of knowledge. All of which would have me immediately disqualified if I tried to implement these tactics as there isn't much I'd be able to utilize without heavy physical contact such as thrusting or stabbing motions.

The rules in LARP prevent me from being able to wear my own suit of armor or utilize my training. I would have to "earn" the ability to wear the armor I paid for, and after several months of larping I could maybe wear my pauldrons and cuirass but still not my full set. Most of larping really sucks, but there are some good ones. I've seen some plastic lightsaber and Nerf gun battles themed after starwars where the "Sith" larp team will wear black hoodies and such to represent their faction and oppose the other normally clad folks representing Rebels and Jedi. They love to battle until their little plastic light sabers break.

The coolest I hear is in Europe where they have post apocalyptic themed LARP battles that utilize paintball guns and masks. You make your own fallout raider armor and go nuts with paintball guns playing in teams. Mock firefights in Mad Max raider gear would be more fun than getting banned because I decided to parry and thrust with a foam sword. The only other "larpers" like that I see often are the Military bros who show up in full gear to do airsoft or paintball as teams in the Desert and those can get pretty heated... No pun intended.

>>28751
I thoroughly enjoyed this post. It starts off and I'm thinking, "okay maybe this guy was wronger by a larper or something..." and finally when I make it to the end, I see what happened:

>getting banned because I decided to parry and thrust with a foam sword.

You fucked his shit up man, fuck them. Bitches don't know shit about my legitimate historically accurate larping, also known as historical reenactment.

I don't actually do that, or any thing outdoors.

>>27827
I was once arrested for LARPing.
No one likes Lief with a nife.
#KNIFEPARTY#

Tormented Soul, Dark Favor, Mark of the Vampire, Shadow Slice.

Pauper BS but fun.

I've been out of the loop since they announced Arena, because it seemed like it was going to replace MTGO and I didn't want to keep putting money into a depreciated format, but the new Brawl format has me intrigued. I want to build an Admiral Brass deck so bad.

I had such a sweet draft today with the new Dominaria set. I had a WB Deck with a bunch of removal, a few big threats and On Serra's Wings. That card can be nuts in the right situation. I even had a tragic poet to bring it (and the uncommon black sagas) back from the yard.

It's been over a decade since I last played Magic, but I recently got into the beta for MtG Arena. Still pretty limited set-wise, so I just went with my personal iconic theme: Artifacts. As many colourless lands and artifact creatures as I can shove in.

So far my favourite card is Howling Golem, the card draw really helps. Also I can't unhear the voice of Futurama's Nixon whenever I play it.

>ARRROOOOOOOO!

>>28117
I built a black/red/blue deck but, it's so powerful, that no one wants to play.

>>28739
Wasn't inquiring about your schoolgirl ERP sessions.

I'm DMing now for 3 players, 5e. A lot of fun. I've watched almost 40episodes of Critical Role so DMing is second nature by now.
It's going really well, I just grabbed some free adventures from DriveThruRPG and printed them.

First session they went to a large faming compound (Needle in a haystack adventure on DTRPG) and in classic beginner party fashion completely failed the quest and ended up burning the whole thing to the ground. Job well done.
They started the second session (yesterday) with burning it down and then hiked back to the town they started in 3 hours away. When they got there, I hadn't planned or prepped the town at all and just improvised the whole thing. Went really well.
After some gambling in the inn they set out again with the knowledge that bigger cities lie to the east where adventurers may find people in need of their help.
4 days journey east.
After the first day they make camp by the roadside at dark and it starts raining thru the night. The following morning a thick mist surrounds them and they can see maybe 10 feet ahead of them. One of the PCs spots a sign (the Lair of Largash the Lurid adventure, DTRPG) pointing to a small trail breaking off from the main road. They wonder if they should follow it but lean towards not doing so, so I tell one of the PCs that he sees a small shiny object on the ground a few feet up the trail.
Of course he walks over to pick it up. 1 silver! the other two wait at the road.
He sees another shining object a few feet further along the trail, he walks to pick it up, a ring!, another object further up, a scimitar!, now the other 2 follow him since they're about to loose sight of each other.
Further up the first PC sees a figure lying on the ground. They all walk up, it's a dead horse. As they start thinking about turning back WOOOSH, all the mist disappears and when they look around they notice the path and main road behind them are gone! all they see is a grass plain stretching to the horizon. There's only one way now... following the path to the Lair of Largash The Lurid!

And luckily they took the bait with the trinkets since I had no plans if they hadn't. But then again. I could have improved the town an…

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>>28771
To be honest, if players don't at least try to take your hints they're being shits. As a DM you bust your balls to prep shit and if they just choose to ignore it they're being contrarian. Even if they try to follow your leads they will get lost a bit. Be careful not to punish them for cooperating with you or each other. Or at least if you do make it a lot of fun. Sounds like you're doing that. And yeah, quantum dungeons are a useful tool. I mean don't negate all player decisions but don't be afraid to give them a couple of chances.

I've been DMing 18 months now. I think I could be a better actor/story teller but my players seem to have fun. So far they've managed a few small derails I didn't entirely expect them to take but that's part of the fun. If they're entirely predictable then it's boring for me too. But they don't completely ignore the plot.

I actually need to start prepping new content because they've been in a desert for 3 levels and are about to head home.

I'm also about to start something west marches style (so I can be a player too got a halfing bard chef lined up) but I think I can take it easy on prep for that. This month I'm going to write stuff for the long running group.

>>28772
I found some fun green text stories on red dit dnd pages

>be me
>be newish DM
>party be; goody 2shoes half-elf fighter, human barbarian, blind human rogue-monk
>rogue get's information that a rich noble is staying at a nearby inn
>rogue a shit. heist.jpg
>rogue and barbarian convince nobles they are street performers
>get invited to schmooze and booze with the noble
>rogue breaks out the cocaine scarface.mp3
>party pooper fighter breaks in with guards to tell the noble the rogue is a dangerous
>noble is too stoned to care
>later at the end of the night blind rogue sets off a smoke bomb with a bunch of fireworks
>rogue has homebrewed daredevil blindsense

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>>28773
Best anecdote I saw was some guy who played with a rogue who had a cloak of billowing. Every combat first turn he'd use his bonus action to make his cloak billow. Surrounded by enemies and need to cunning action? Billow. Shit hitting the fan and I should hide? Billow.

He died. But at least he died with his style.

Made 202k out of 22k in fake money in poker.

>>28725
They managed it though I think they were within 1 action of TPK due to the dragon collapsing the ceiling. It ended with the rogue putting the dragon to sleep while it burrowed into the roof of it's cave to bring it down, and then spider climbing up to the roof to execute it. I made him roll the HP sleep put together and it was extremely dramatic but the dragon had 1hp left so I knew he'd won. I just wanted him to feel the drama (though figuring out how to get it dead without waking it while it was in the ceiling was an issue). The actual damage of the dragon wasn't too horrific but they attacked it in a cave made of glass 100 feet under the desert and it could dig. The paladin did take the biggest hits as usual though.

Recently bought two Gwent decks (Nilfgaard and Northern Realms) after loving playing it on Witcher 3. Has anyone else played and enjoyed it? From what I've heard and seen it hasn't really gotten that popular...

>>28743

I loved Gwent in TW3. Just the right balance of simplicity and depth for a card game, in my opinion. Unfortunately it seems they're trying to retire the original formula and push the new standalone Gwent game.

And personally, I absolutely hated the standalone. Way too many changes and the pay-to-win elements are insane (and all too common with digital card games like this). Played maybe 5 matches with the starter decks and couldn't even win a single match against the AI, because they decided all starter decks had to be bare bones, wholly noncompetitive dogshit. Awful game, really disappointed in CDPR tbh.

So I wouldn't hold out hope on original Gwent getting very popular when they're trying their damnedest to replace it with the digital skinner box P2W standalone trainwreck.

About to be playing some YGOPRO. Trying to make a Horus deck work in today's game.

>>28762
Looks pretty neat, I can't really tell from the image quality but it looks like a dice/probability logic game, seems complicated and difficult but I'd definitely play it.
Good find man, for only $2!

DICKS EVERYWHERE

>>28763
heres some better pics

>>28763

Looks almost like a IRL Endorfun played with dice.

>>28646
When giant spiders and goblins come wreck your shit, you already have a crypt dug out.

Awoooooo

>>27673

DICKS EVERYWHERE

DICKS EVERYWHERE