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Cornwall doesn't make sense

- Sun, 07 Apr 2019 09:27:33 EST YZA9KiwK No.89827
File: 1554643653182.png -(5918B / 5.78KB, 2000x1333) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Cornwall doesn't make sense
This is a topic for the discussion of the mysteries of Cornwall. I have some theories which I Intend to share but I'm afraid I cannot answer every question that has been posed to me by my experiences with Cornwall. I know Cornwall is a real place and some of the things we are told are true but I feel a deeper more sinister truth lies within it's rural beauty. For some reason, the true nature of Cornwall is hidden from outsiders and we are instead lead in circles around its antiquarian villages, eerie valleys and the alien rock of it's coastline.

Lets start with the "facts" about this County, I am going to look into a lot of these in more detail but if you don't known Cornwall you need some context.

Cornwall is the most South Westerly part of the Great British mainland, it has a mild climate and it's geology is markedly different from the rest of the country (this difference starts just the other side of the Devon/Cornwall Border). It shares a single land border with Devon to the North East. Cornwall has several small and medium towns but only one actual city sits right on the border and this technically resides within Devon. Cornwall is mostly rural but has a thriving tourist industry, this however is not enough to stop it being one of the poorest regions in the UK and the poorest in the South. The infrastructure in Cornwall is particularly terrible and there are few fast roads, slow internet and so on. Cornwall was once a kingdom called Kernow in the local variation of gaelic. However even this is problematic because gaelic itself is suspect. For of all the speakers I've known (all thanks to the internet) none have ever been able to do more than insult and swear in it. Po mo thoin! Cornwall is known for it's natural beauty and geography that simply doesn't exist elsewhere in the UK (or much of Europe), Pasties, Clotted Cream, seaside resorts and Cider. I feel that many of these seemingly wholesome items have a truth which lies partially within the shadows however.

The one city on its border is Plymouth. It is actually divided by the River Tamar with "Saltash" sitting on the Cornwall side. I have explored on foot quite extensively, I can assure you that given the scrunity I've given only one thing has stood out as being ingenuine. Plymouth's local population includes a allegedly ubiquitous group known as "Janners". They and their unique (even by local standards) accents are much spoken about (and shunned) by the locals of Cornwall and Devon but I have not seen (or heard) one in person.

You're reading this for conspiracies so here's why Cornwall doesn't make sense.


Cornwall is a big county. Go look at a map. But yet I can tell you for certain it absolutely is not. In Bodmin moor the highest point is called Brown Willy, this is the highest part of Cornwall and it disrupts the airflow nearby affecting rain and creating a microclimate known as "the Brown Willy effect".


You cannot access Brown Willy easily and need to trek across the moors to get there. It is advised you do not do so, this rough terrain is inhospitable and sometimes people get lost and die there. Or so we are told. As a result no one explores the moors beyond the most accessible regions within sight of the winding roads that lead there. I have not been to Brown Willy and cannot substantiate any facts about it. I have been to the neighbouring peak "Rough Tor" and you can see both coasts of Cornwall from there. I in truth is is simply a pile of boulders on a small hill but somehow you can see both sides of Cornwall (provided you can get past the sheep). This seems odd and it hints at our first mystery.


This is Rough Tor as viewed from near the bottom. The river should confirm that this is the case.

>Cornwall isn't as big as they tell you.
Anyone who has been to Cornwall will tell you that the roads are bad, hard traveling. If something is 2 miles away as the crow flies it's 5 miles by car and that will take 45 minutes, 30 in a local drives you. This doesn't make sense but anyone who's been there will agree. It's like you're going round and round in circles or winding around needlessly a lot of the time and within a couple of minutes of the journey you will lose any sense of direction. Another thing you'll notice is other tourists, 4x4s without mud, family saloons. The locals you meet all drive muddy 10 year old vehicles chosen either to be tiny and cheap to run or to carry a large load, but when out and about you will fail to encounter many such vehicles, just families navigating the labyrinthine crow haunted side roads of this ancient country.

After one such 30 minute drive for 5 miles driven by a local lady we climbed rough tor in a few minutes and could see Plymouth and to the coast near Bude on the other side of the hill. Now this lady leads me to another thread that hints at this shocking truth. I knew her well and met many of her friends and family. Everyone in Cornwall is from near Launceston. They always say "from" but then live in a village 20 minutes drive away. And they, or their parents drink at the Rising Sun inn. I've been to the cities and a few tourist trap towns but anyone I've ever met from Cornwall outside Cornwall said the same thing, their parents drink at this inn. I've met many such people, in my office one of my coworkers lives with a lady who comes "from" that same town. I have only been permitted to view the Rising Sun from the outside (though I passed it on many occasions). The Rising sun is not an enormous pub, it's a little local place in a post card picturesque village, tidied and maintained to perfection by caretakers who remained unseen in all my visits. I have been to Launceston and it is a small dreary town with a few basic shops and houses which lean over the narrow spaces between them. I do not recall seeing many locals, those not working as shopkeepers simply scurried away from me and my guide as I passed.

Either the county itself defies normal laws of mathemetics and physics or we are simply led around it in circles and winding paths to hide its true scale. Either we are led through a more circuitous route than any housed in this reality, or simply lied to. Now the more inclined to problem solving among you may enquire "Why not just follow the coasts?". When you do, you find that the journey is smooth and you pass from point A to B quickly, however also that the roads rarely stay on the coast for long. Again perhaps if we could drive this coast we would see how short the coastline is. The image of Cornwall is mostly little villages dotting picturesque, expansive moors (which we should avoid) and a few tourist traps on the coast. Who would want to visit an "historic" little cluster of amenities on a small rocky outcropping a few miles wide? Why can you see both cities from the top of a pile of rocks even on a miserable grey day?

I have a lot more but I do not want too many Cornish eyes apon me if no one cares for the truth.
Phineas Blemmleville - Wed, 01 May 2019 19:00:52 EST /A3RUutT No.90062 Reply
I care, please tell us more if you're still around here.
Alice Fanforth - Thu, 02 May 2019 14:35:18 EST MVNmJhbQ No.90071 Reply
Why care about Cornwall? It's the Kentucky of the U.K.
James Bellerridge - Fri, 05 Jul 2019 19:57:03 EST viaMOYFv No.90470 Reply
Why did he leave us with these words?
Martha Goodwell - Sat, 06 Jul 2019 15:44:42 EST f+Z+iTM6 No.90472 Reply
Hi OP, nice shameless self dump, I would say bump but you turned it into a dump
Lillian Pummerway - Sat, 24 Aug 2019 15:54:49 EST GCd3pZUn No.90712 Reply
1566676489975.jpg -(146525B / 143.09KB, 1050x681) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
Stargazy Pie is some sort of nefarious Cornish ritual with inscrutable intentions.

What are those fish really looking at, Truro? Eh? WHAT ARE THEY LOOKING AT
Isabella Wunnernare - Wed, 04 Sep 2019 01:22:58 EST Y3JLjqtp No.90783 Reply
I know I wouldn't want to live anywhere where the people are so drunk they put live fish in a pie, alternatively they could have just been trying to keep them alive because those celts think fish breath pie just because their 500+ kilo mums do
Martin Backleshaw - Wed, 11 Sep 2019 09:04:55 EST K+BTgB+Y No.90884 Reply

They’re the most retarded people I have ever talked to how about you stop sympathizing with losers who seek validation but can according to psychology even validate their beliefs to me. It’s illegal what they’re doing and they have no legal right to do any of this. They’re idiots I’m going to press charges on and sue. I know the law and talked to lawyers who said their actions were illegal. They’re simply self interested sociopaths who only destroy and are not acceptable in society. I would right more about this but there is so much to explain about their inferiority that I don’t have time to detail it and may never fully remember it thanks to their barbaric actions. I am a humble Christian and always have been, they lie about everything and will try to use my name to create success like a parasite. Idiots which are small cigs who never understood me.
Nathaniel Worthingson - Sun, 15 Sep 2019 15:56:57 EST eUk2AHKw No.90904 Reply
The black and white represents the black ore of tin smelted into white metal. The alchemy of the druids and the trade of the precious metals with the Phoenecians is an important part of the mystery of Kernow.

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