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420chan is Getting Overhauled - Changelog/Bug Report/Request Thread (Updated April 10)
how do you smoke when youre an office normie Ignore Report Reply
Bigblunts Bongingford - Thu, 11 Apr 2019 20:40:13 EST ID:Fd5iafvG No.4920538
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>been unemployed for half a year
>havent smoked during that time because i didnt want a positive drug test to fuck up my chances of getting a job
>just wanted to get my life on track on general
>recently finally got a really good desk job
>they randomly drug test
>wanted to smoke to celebrate but didnt want to risk it
>dont want to give up smoking for good, but i'm worried i'll always be too anxious about it so it would just ruin it for me anyway
>was never even a heavy smoker in the first place, pretty much missed out on it when i was younger
anyone know this feel
Easty Beasty - Thu, 11 Apr 2019 22:18:01 EST ID:mb9Iylyd No.4920542 Ignore Report Reply
I was smoking heavily while working at my job at a gas station but now I switched to drinking so I can piss clean for a new job
What my friends told me was this thing called Certo you can buy at walmart, its like a fruit pectin you make jelly with, and what you do is the day before your test you put a packet in a bottle of gatorade and chug it, and then an hour before the test do the same with another packet.
Appartently how it works is it pushes the metabolites into your shit for a little while so youre not pissing it out. Idk if by random test your company just lets you walk in to work and they whisk you away but if you get a days notice at least then it should work.

Other than that I guess fake pee on you at all times. Bonus round for using it to pretend to piss yourself and go home early
Eliza Savingwot - Thu, 11 Apr 2019 22:20:10 EST ID:LAjRlUHN No.4920544 Ignore Report Reply
>office job
>random drug testing

What company even is this? I've never heard of an office job drug testing. Most jobs that drug test are labor jobs that just do it for insurance purposes.
Samuel Sacklebat - Thu, 11 Apr 2019 22:55:49 EST ID:M5quvStg No.4920546 Ignore Report Reply
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>anyone know this feel
Angus Dunderstone - Fri, 12 Apr 2019 04:01:23 EST ID:EweFRkXr No.4920558 Ignore Report Reply
Yall obviously never heard of the whizzinator 5000
Nicholas Nimblesten - Fri, 12 Apr 2019 04:15:59 EST ID:waZ5OJpP No.4920562 Ignore Report Reply
lol america
Silas Grae - Fri, 12 Apr 2019 05:21:56 EST ID:hSSYiyQS No.4920566 Ignore Report Reply
truly the land of the free
Archie Billingbury - Fri, 12 Apr 2019 06:01:40 EST ID:ZJyp4nlA No.4920567 Ignore Report Reply
Are you sure they actually drug test? My contract has a clause saying they can, but I've never heard of it happening in three years of working there.
David Bongman - Fri, 12 Apr 2019 07:27:03 EST ID:u8M18EWv No.4920568 Ignore Report Reply
I work in an office and have never been drug tested after the one test they gave me during onboarding.

And even that test was only just a dipstick test so it was so fucking easy to false neg it.
Hiffwe !BKmffWgROY - Fri, 12 Apr 2019 11:33:21 EST ID:JxdWtkTd No.4920570 Ignore Report Reply

As long as you dont give them an excuse to pissjar you, they cant, and if they do. Just quit citing irreconcilable differences. Mention no drugs. Just quit.

You are basically calling your employer an ass hat for even insinuating that you do drugs.
Clara Clonningford - Fri, 12 Apr 2019 15:22:17 EST ID:fk93eY07 No.4920573 Ignore Report Reply
Dude just blaze up, they only drug test you if you get injured for insurance purposes.
Fuck Cablingtark - Fri, 12 Apr 2019 19:57:53 EST ID:JDdeExXm No.4920578 Ignore Report Reply
I work with heavy equipment. Deaths are rare, but occasional. No drug tests, no steel toes, no regulations on anything I wear.

feels capitalist man
Anton Weirdfeatures - Sat, 13 Apr 2019 18:25:34 EST ID:AcikdTOx No.4920617 Ignore Report Reply
wow a pathetic castrated wageslave... your masters have no right to tell me what i consume in my private time.

if more men weren't castrated like you and just gave them the middle finger, how much money will they lose before surrender?
Reginald Bluntstein - Sat, 13 Apr 2019 19:43:58 EST ID:Imi3A/PF No.4920623 Ignore Report Reply
Mavis Fudgecurl - Sat, 13 Apr 2019 21:57:44 EST ID:3IiKY84b No.4920630 Ignore Report Reply
He's ott. But correct.
Link Shitrider - Sun, 14 Apr 2019 02:20:43 EST ID:3MUeW4sb No.4920640 Ignore Report Reply
Don't be a fag. If it's in your contract as a clause but you haven't seen them do it then the answer is they don't do it. Even if they test you what you say is this

>Oh I was at a party last night and there was some people in the same room smoking something that smelled weird?

This is your get out clause, they will re test in a week or so, drink loads of water and fast in the meantime and you will be clean
Lydia Hindertune - Sun, 14 Apr 2019 11:05:00 EST ID:4cEojFMB No.4920654 Ignore Report Reply
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Girl scout cookies
Cornelius Nevingpitch - Sun, 14 Apr 2019 12:03:24 EST ID:nRzX8TOC No.4920659 Ignore Report Reply
what a shit photo lol
Bigblunts Bongingford - Sun, 14 Apr 2019 15:17:46 EST ID:sNsqs3eC No.4920672 Ignore Report Reply
lol right? how drunk was this guy
Phor Twentee - Sun, 14 Apr 2019 15:26:59 EST ID:nj/44a2d No.4920673 Ignore Report Reply
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Where's your photo, bitch nigga? Yee, that's what I thot sun. Give up. Dabbin' on em' fo reelz. Pfft. SHOPPFFFTTTTTTTT

Anyways OP, most office places only say that as a psychological thing to scare you into not smoking. The catch is, they have no intention of wasting money on drug tests for ordinary employees who do their job fine. If you come in blitzed, reeking of weed and doing your job poorly then they'll probably slap a test your way and boot your ass out the door.

They don't want to lose good employees. Just do your job well, put forth a little more effort than is required of you, and nobody will likely even care that you get high after or even before work. I mean, if you can come in stoned and still do better than almost every other mofo in that building then that's impressive, and there's a fat chance they'll look the other way at your habit.

The place I started at half a year ago does a pre-employment drug test, but I heard that one of the newer guys straight up told HR that they're going to fail the drug test because they smoke weed because it's the only thing that keeps them sane, and they still got hired. Maybe that says something about how desperate my company can be for workers, but I know that a lot of people these days know that weed isn't the boogie man that the government used to make it out to be, and more places are willing to look the other way about it.
Betsy Buzzshaw - Mon, 15 Apr 2019 18:03:18 EST ID:Fd5iafvG No.4920717 Ignore Report Reply
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OP here. you guys are fucking right. what am i doing worrying like this. i'm more miserable living in constant fear than whatever unlikely consequence i'm fearing will make me.
i've had a lot of shitty luck in the past few years so i guess i'm always expecting the worst. but fuck it.
thanks for the perspective guys.
Alice Blublingspear - Mon, 15 Apr 2019 20:06:57 EST ID:5frts9pj No.4920722 Ignore Report Reply

After work every day and on the weekends. Just don't get drug tested

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