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Need help passing a surprise test

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- Tue, 21 Jan 2020 17:01:03 EST EhNDJk+C No.4933541
File: 1579644063898.jpg -(60707B / 59.28KB, 1080x1030) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size. Need help passing a surprise test
I was informed today that I am being tested on Friday morning. I last smoked Monday night, about 8pm. This window of time is obviously not ideal and I have been a regular almost daily smoker. I cannot use synthetic piss, as I will have someone in the stall while I am peeing. I'm increasing my water and coffee intake, drinking this gross "slimming tea", taking B vitamins, will be getting some cardio today and tomorrow, maybe get some cranberry juice? I know this is unlikely to be enough...so what are good detox drinks to use rn? Female, 225lbs.
>>
Vannah Nevertoke - Tue, 21 Jan 2020 21:19:09 EST SbmWXSpK No.4933549 Reply
Start drinkin water, dawg

Night and day
>>
Alfred Catface - Tue, 21 Jan 2020 21:21:46 EST VKN7T1nb No.4933550 Reply
Eat rotten food and get sick OP
>>
Alfred Catface - Tue, 21 Jan 2020 21:35:54 EST VKN7T1nb No.4933551 Reply
>>4933550
If getting sick won't get you out of it, then you can try sleeping under multiple blankets, wearing layers all the time.
>>
Neil Strongweed - Tue, 21 Jan 2020 21:58:28 EST /F3OwPqg No.4933553 Reply
>Female, 225lbs.

If you are a regular stoner you have no hop of clearing it at that bodyfat percentage. The drug stores in your fat reserves.

Options:

-Consider disputing the test. Seek legal advice.
-Have a clean friend piss in a bottle the day of the test and then submit that as your own. Unless you're being tested by WADA this will suffice.
>>
Pipe Huffingmoar - Wed, 22 Jan 2020 03:44:19 EST CRxob9qk No.4933563 Reply
>>4933541
Place a clean piss bag in your vagina I doubt they will look that closely.
>>
Nell Sebberhatch - Wed, 22 Jan 2020 05:46:57 EST 8XtRXOMy No.4933566 Reply
>>4933563
This. My sister would put my clean piss inside a condom, tie it up, and place it inside herself for drug tests
>>
sad fool - Wed, 22 Jan 2020 19:30:12 EST EhNDJk+C No.4933587 Reply
>>4933551
>>4933550
Honestly yeah I'm just thinking of making myself sick. Empty stomach + high dose of adderall + pot of coffee = vomit frenzy

>>4933571
Yeah I'm a fat fuck American, there's a lot of us out there
>>
Prince Bubba - Thu, 23 Jan 2020 01:21:57 EST dL+TXUC0 No.4933601 Reply
1579760517961.png -(218985B / 213.85KB, 576x566) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
>>4933587
>225
>fat fuck
Bitch please. Shut your scrawny mouth before I sit on you.

Come back when you've got REAL mass. No scrawny bitches allowed.

BIG EVERYWHERE
>>
Mavis Fudgecurl - Thu, 23 Jan 2020 13:12:06 EST eCBjTHVy No.4933611 Reply
>>4933541
If you want the real answer, take 10 creatine pills 30 minutes before the test, drink a monster rehab for the b vitamins, and yeah drink a ton of actual cranberry juice not concentrate it wont work as well. The creatine regulates urine, the b vitamins help flush out anything that isnt urine and the canberry juice the same thing
>>
>>
Lo pan - Fri, 24 Jan 2020 17:17:53 EST Mp72bXSG No.4933650 Reply
>>4933541
I can't remember the name of the stuff but it's like a gelatin powder you eat a certain number of hours before and it works. It does something in your bladder and gives you like a 40 minute window of clean piss. Maybe someone else can elaborate
>>
Grizzly Brownball - Fri, 24 Jan 2020 21:36:23 EST AHZUnzad No.4933658 Reply
>>4933650
Fruit pectin, it definitely works but the 'pseudo'science I read years ago explaining why seemed so retarded that I highly doubt it's true. Something like it's temporarily coating your stomach lining with this gelatin pectin and the new water/vitamins that go through will not pick up fat(stored thc) metabolites while passing through until your body completely breaks down the gelatin.
>>
sad loser - Sun, 26 Jan 2020 03:43:47 EST EhNDJk+C No.4933707 Reply
I bought myself a few more days, got my appointment moved to Monday. I've failed both tests that I've taken at home. Might really be in trouble...feel like such a dumbass

>>4933650
>>4933658
I tried pectin and still failed
>>
Cornelius Mundlechat - Sun, 26 Jan 2020 10:14:02 EST ZVurJvZR No.4933711 Reply
>>4933707
youre fucked get a job in food service or dont smoke
User is currently banned from all boards
>>
Walter Seshpad - Sun, 26 Jan 2020 11:14:51 EST fB+WoXBz No.4933715 Reply
>>4933711
>Get a job in food service.
Lolol fuck that.

Just quit for two weeks, pass the drug test and smoke after work :))
>>
sad fool - Sun, 26 Jan 2020 19:27:48 EST EhNDJk+C No.4933731 Reply
1580084868562.jpg -(4313233B / 4.11MB, 4032x3024) Thumbnail displayed, click image for full size.
Alright folks this is what I got earlier. Trying it out tonight...just got back from the gym, even sat in the sauna because I really am that desperate to try anything. Thinking of also drinking certo/pectin with it to see if it helps at all, but I kinda doubt it when it didn't work on its own at all.

I think I ate too much beef and broccoli last night before the other detox drink, so I'm doing this on an empty stomach this time.

I don't think the odds are in my favor, but the risk for sneaking in fake piss are too high to fuck with when I'm going to be supervised.
>>
Drillerbob - Mon, 27 Jan 2020 13:09:44 EST pwA5SsNa No.4933773 Reply
>>4933541
Tell the people who's going to test you to fuck off and mind their own business, whatever substance you use in your own time shouldn't be their concern, that and get a baby bottle to put in your pants, a small one ofcourse. Fill it with clean piss from a bro who doesnt smoke or who ever is sober in your area. You can even pay someone to piss in the bottle for you.
>>
Basil Didgefadging - Wed, 29 Jan 2020 22:41:44 EST FBWBW9qC No.4933857 Reply
>>4933541
That shit ain't coming out of your system. Get a med card, or deal with your actions.


>>4933854
bug juice only costs 50 cents at most bodegas
>>
John Pickdock - Wed, 29 Jan 2020 22:45:29 EST yQMXKgQ4 No.4933858 Reply
>>4933541
legit i used quick fix fake urine. its like 70 bucks and it works. I used it at an off site lab where my employer sends applicants and it gave instant pass results. It actually has creatine and mimics the other properties of piss like specific gravity and pH.
>>
Aloucious McBreeze - Thu, 30 Jan 2020 07:41:29 EST lLTNr+y1 No.4933873 Reply
>>4933859
Who are you kidding, they don't actually mod for content here.

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